“The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn’t still be a farmer” – WR (Time and place unknown)

I had been under the Hog’s Inn for I don’t know how long, at least two days according to the waste I was leaving at the corner of my little prison. Hog still hung from his chains and his faced lulled from side to side with a big smile on his face and the only light that shone on us came from the little candle that hung next to the door.

I had my hands tied behind my back and my ankles where clamped together, you see know how difficult it was for me to go to the bathroom. I heard the door open once again and our captor made her way down the stairs very sensually as she changed her appearance once again from voluptuous blonde to elegant brunette. “Good morning little pets!” Hog mumbled something that sounded happy under the weight of his chains, I nodded towards the goddess.

“How’s my snake been treating you?” I looked towards the snake that know clung from Hog’s left leg and shrugged. The goddess seemed angry at my mute responses “Talk to me slave, I asked you a question.”

I sighed inwardly and answered “Goddess it’s not very pleasant being bit by the snake, my friend Hog might not be immune to snake poison and that’s why he is smiling like a retard over there in his corner, but I’ve been bitten many times before and it is just annoying now.”

I had been yelling for Shadow or even Loki the last few days but I never got an answer from them, every time I yelled the vapid snake would come and bite me somewhere, up until know it had only bitten my arms and legs, but I worried if I kept yelling my manhood would be at stake.

The goddess pouted a little “Stupid Farmers and immunity to poisons, I will have to bring a Wolf to break this fool.”

I interrupted her trail of thought “I’m sorry goddess I don’t think that will work, Loki already brought one and I have no sheep, only pigs and olive trees.”

The goddess fumed at the name of Loki “Did you just say Loki mortal?”

I hesitated before answering “Yes, ma’am he left me a huge Wolf and I called him Shadow and he also pops up from time to time to screw my fields up, I don’t necessarily like him. For the record he seems kind of queer.”

The goddess gave a wonderful laugh that, had I not been tied down in a cellar with a mumbling idiot, would have made me happy to hear.

“He is not queer mortal, he is just eccentric, and I am actually his wife.”

That last word she said with disdain, and if I was confused before I was baffled now.

“So you aren’t very happy with him are you?” I sent the hook, line and sinker and hopefully she would bite.

What came next I did not expect we sat there for what felt like days and she told me her whole life story and mind you never once did the bitch reveal her name. My trees where probably dying but every night I shouted to Loki to take care of them, Loki could probably kill me with one blow but how much fear can you have of a god when you are tied down by another god in a cellar? The elegant woman was always angry at my interruption when I shouted “Loki take care of my trees and pigs!!!” but I only got a slap on the face every time I did that, worth it if you ask me.

“So you are trying to tell me that for eons you stood next to Loki with a bowl trying to catch every drop of venom from a snake that fell on his body while he was tied down by the guts of his son?”

The goddess looked at me remembering fond memories “Yes, Farmer, those were some of the best days of my life.”

I was confused at her answers but to each his own. “Well, I am kind of surprised his married, I found him to be interested in other pursuits if you ask me.”

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“Well he once fucked a horse.”

If dumbfounded had a look it was the one on my face at that instance.

“But he was the mare at the time, he actually gave birth to Sleipnir, have you seen a big eight legged horse going around?”

I shook my head, I wasn’t sure if I did it to answer the question about the horse or to negate the idea of Loki being fucked by a horse.

“Enough talk mortal, your punishment for desiring me is due.”

I was sad to hear this news. She produced a whip from thin air and started whipping me all over, I had welts from the nights before and they kept opening up as she hit me.

Once before I had passed out, and the exhaustion of hearing her whole story had decreased my stamina considerably, I know I shouted a couple of times.

“You see mortal, if you weren’t immune to the poison of my snake you would be smiling at the pain like Hog over there, I find no pleasure in seeing you suffer without a smile.”

For once I wanted to speak and tell her to shove her whip up her ass but words failed me. I was lying face down on the floor hurting for myself, my trees and my pigs but at the moment there was nothing I could do about it. It seemed the woman was tired for today.

“I will be returning tomorrow” she said my way as she went up the stairs and transformed again to the beautiful blonde. Every time she transformed I could see her naked for a fraction of a second, so I smiled a little, one had to take the good things with the bad.

This sequence of events transpired for almost twenty waste deposits on the corner of our little prison, Hog didn’t talk much for he was always in a venom induced trance, but I didn’t really care for we almost never spoke.

My conversations with the goddess became less interesting with time and my shouts to Loki and Shadow were never answered, I was losing hope but seeing the goddess naked from time to time kept me hanging by a thread. The life of a farmer is a lonely one.

The snake seemed like an intelligent animal because it stopped biting me when it figured it’s poison didn’t affect me, I would like to think we became kind of friends by the end of my stay in the cellar of the inn but it would be a few months more before I ever got out. I have no recollection of time now but Hog eventually died, probably an overdose of poison. The goddess reprimanded the snake and I could see the snake was sad, don’t ask me how I know this but we’d gotten to know each other well. The snake had helped me clean the cellar of poop and piss by moving it all to a drainage pipe at the far corner of the room, and for some time day by day we just sat there looking at the door waiting for the goddess to show up.

For what seemed like a year, but probably wasn’t, the goddess opened the door once again and as usual she called to us “Good morning little pets!”

I enjoyed her transformation process and smiled towards the snake, even if it didn’t understand me I felt it had to know what all men know without having to speak when there is a hot woman around.

“Hello goddess we are here waiting for your wonderful company” my straight face was very good so I hope she didn’t see through my sarcasm.

“As it should be mortal, as it should be!” I was losing patience by now and for some reason not knowing her name made it even worse so I took what little of my courage I had left and asked “Goddess I’ve been in this cellar for some time know, I think me and the snake are now friends, I call it Snowplow, but I don’t know your name, shit you don’t even know mine!”

The goddess frowned for a second “I don’t like the name Snowplow for my snake”

I sighed “Well if you would tell me it’s real name I wouldn’t have to give everything shitty names now would I?”

Exasperated I turned to the snake “Right Snowploooowww!?”

The snake hissed in confirmation.

The goddess stood up quite angry and slapped me in the face, she wasn’t as strong as her whip and getting slapped by her hands wasn’t actually so bad.

“You insolent mortal, if you want my name you should tell me yours first!”

I swear I saw her blushing, I stood up with my tied ankles and wrists, not as easy as it sounds. “My name is Kami, I am an olive farmer and I raise pigs”

I could see the woman was taller than me but not by much she lowered her eyes towards me “My name is Sigyn and I am Loki’s wife, I like bondage and poison play.”

For some reason this felt like a first date. I think I even blushed a little. As the awkward silence grew Snowplow decided to intervene with a hiss.

I came back from my reverie “Well…nice to meet you!”

Sigyn gave me a small demure smile totally out of context with her “I’m a nasty goddess” look and commanded me to the floor. She whipped me again that night but I was sure the whipping felt lighter. As she left and transformed into the voluptuous blonde I wished she would have stayed as the elegant brunette. Next to me Snowplow hissed. The snake was right, I was starting to like the crazy goddess.