“There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, being rolled over by a pack mule, and old age.” BB paraphrasing

We continued on our trip east and I got to know the party even better, Samuela was not the little frail lady I thought her to be, Alfar who I thought was the leader of the party was actually just a very big guard, Cora was an unhappy queen with a tendency of omitting important information and Drógar was Drógar.

The other members of the party I didn’t get to know very well because… well because I didn’t want to. The blind lady seemed nice but if experienced had showed me anything during this trip was that not everything was as it seemed.

I remembered my trip coming from the East to the North and nothing had changed in the landscape, the trees were a little bit older and the fields were already barren because of the winter months. The big change was on the towns that greeted us on the way to Azuma, the people were mostly dead or close to starving. Small fires kept the population warm as they cowered at the presence of our company.

I turned to Drógar who was the only sane person in the group according to me and asked him “What is going on here?”

Drógar flipped his daggers in the air and surveyed the landscape “Like I told you farmer, the gods have been on a rampage across the world, some try to help the people, but there are not enough gods to fix the destruction brought by the others.”

He stopped and pointed with his dagger to a small house with three people trying to mend a door. “You see that?” he asked me.

I nodded.

“It took a god less than a second to destroy that house, and it will take those three people half a year to rebuild it. It is easier to destroy than to mend.” I looked at the rogue with new eyes.

“Since when did you become so eloquent?” I asked him

He gave me a roguish smile “What else did you expect from a prince?” I smirked at his answer and kept walking with the party.

We never stayed in the towns for fear of angering the people in it and having to kill innocents. Jealousy could spur people to make stupid decisions and seeing our group of travelers thriving in the desolation of the town would probably make them attack us for food or some other thing.

From what I’d heard from Filio and his daughters, Azuma was one of the last strongholds standing defending themselves from the gods. There was an internal war within the ranks of the gods and each faction tried to gain a foothold on specific locations so as to have a better position once the war began.

That made me shiver inside, I looked at the devastation that surrounded us and thought that if the war hadn’t yet started, what would happen if it ever began.

I shook of the feeling of unease that invaded me, but it returned immediately when I heard. “Ku Kuuuuuuuu!” I turned to see where the noise was coming from and yelled to the group. “Hide! Loki is coming!” The group had no time to move and they were frozen to the ground next to me.

Boom! Out of nowhere the giant body of Loki appeared before me. Mist rose from the ground and little icicles appeared next to my feet and the feet of my companions, they could only move their eyeballs.

“Hellooooo my little farmer…” he greeted me as he caressed my face with his long nails “Why hasn’t your hair grown back Kami? You looked so much better with hair.” I swung his hand away from my face and put my staff in front of me as a shield and called upon fire to warm myself.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, why do you always treat me bad Kami?” The eyes of the god blazed and he appeared instantly in front of me, I jumped back and put my staff in front of me again.

Loki gave me a surprised smile “I didn’t know you could move that fast, little Kami. I heard from a little birdy that you have an olive with you. Is this true Kami?” He circled around me like a lion stalking his prey.

I decided not to answer and followed him around as he kept circling me. “Kami, why aren’t you answering me?” he pouted. I shivered inside at his pouting face. “Fenrir, says he misses you, he actually liked you, but you’ve chosen to follow Prometheus and his ilk so I have no choice but to kill you.”

I was taken aback by his words “What do you mean I’ve decided to follow Prometheus? I have never seen that guy. As a matter of fact I don’t like any of you, specially that guy named Jesus. Going around telling people when to fuck and not to fuck.”

Loki stopped circling me and seemed genuinely confused “I don’t understand… then why have you been fighting us all this time? We are trying to stop the coming of Jesus, we should be on the same side!”

 I looked at him exasperated “What are you talking about you destroyed my olive fields!! The only thing I’m fighting for is my fucking olive fields! By the way you also killed my pigs!”

Understanding dawned on the effeminate god and he started circling me again talking to himself “So you aren’t trying to bring forth Jesus, you are just trying to plant your olives. But we can’t let you plant your olives or else, others who do want to bring back that hippie god will take advantage of it. This is something we’ll have to talk in the council, the farmer is a capable magician and it would be a waste to kill him for wanting to farm, he would make a great slave. But then again, he can’t farm olives, he could maybe farm something else?”

Loki decided to finish his monologue to himself and asked me “Would you be willing to give me your last olive and farm something else?”

The question hung in the air heavily and I knew this answer would change the course of my life forever.

Would I be willing to farm something else, this question implied a lot, the gods would stop harassing me and I would be free of this quest, I would probably be able to negotiate a big piece of land and nobody would bother me. Yes the world would be gone to shit and lots of people would die, but it wouldn’t be me.

My companions were still frozen by Loki and I could see their eyeballs talking to me.

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Samuela’s eyes were saying “Say yes and I’ll kill you hairless peasant!” I looked directly at her and told her. “That attitude won’t help your cause princess!”

Alfar’s eyes were saying “Do as my princess commands or I’ll kill you!” I looked directly at him and told him “Repeating what your princess said won’t help either!”

Cora’s eyes were saying “Be a man you spineless farmer, protect what is yours!” I looked directly at her and told her. “I am protecting what is mine! Farming!”

Drógar’s eyes were rolling around in his head mocking me. I gave him the finger.

The other party that had joined us had pleading eyes. None of this was helping me make a decision. So I decided to dig deeper.

I told Loki “Let’s say I’m considering your proposal… what would I be able to farm?” The god thought for a moment. “How about broccoli?”

I gawked at the idea “Broccoli, fuck that, what else?” The god was clearly losing his patience.

“Look here mortal, I am giving you a chance to survive and you are squabbling about broccoli?” He showered me with pain as cold sweeped all over my body and I called upon fire again to warm me.

I was getting angry at everyone threating me, the only sensible people were Filio and his daughters.

“Do you think this is an easy decision? On the one hand I have you, the asshole who destroyed my fields and who held me in captivity for almost a year, on the other hand I have Jesus and his barbaric views! I think you can understand when I say I’m in a lose-lose situation here!”

Loki sighed “Why do all farmers have to be so difficult?...Time is up, you were going to die either way!”

I grabbed my staff and yelled for fire, my body burned and the onslaught of ice that showered me melted away at my touch. I moved forward and attacked Loki with my staff, it had been years since I’d last used it and it felt sloppy in my hands. He grabbed it and yanked it from my grasp, unluckily for me my grip was rather strong so I was carried in the air and thrown ten meters away still holding my staff. I stood up and gathered the flames in the palm of my hands and sent them flying towards the god.

“Why do you fight farmer? You will die either way.” Loki approached me and froze my feet to the ground, he started pounding my head and body with blows that felt like boulders, I tried my best to breathe through the onslaught but I couldn’t.

I passed out on my feet.

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“Hello again!” came the unusually happy voice of the flaming bush. “Back so soon?”

I oriented myself in the void and sighed in resignation “What the fuck am I doing here again?”

The flaming bush pondered the question for a second and answered me “I have no idea, I can’t see much from inside the void, I can only feel your life force. What were you up to outside?”

I strained to remember and I recalled what was happening “I am fighting Loki outside.” The flaming bush answered annoyed “And what are you doing about it?”

“What do you mean what am I doing about it, I am here talking to you aren’t I, I’m probably dead already.”

The flaming bush corrected me “You are not dead, if you’d be dead I’d know.”

“And how would you know? Do you live inside me or something?” The bush pondered the question. “No I don’t think I live inside you but every time you call upon fire I am within you.”

“So if I am not dead, what is happening outside?” The bush flamed up a little, I think I was annoying him

“Didn’t I tell you I don’t know, I can’t see!” The bush started burning brighter and I could see outside the void again. My body was lying on the floor and Cora was trying to revive me, Samuela was healing the rest of the group and the blind woman was crying. I didn’t know blind people could cry.

“So what now?” I asked the bush. If a bush could shrug it probably did and answered me “I don’t know.”

I looked at the flaming bush annoyed “You really are a useless bush!”

The flaming bush took offense at that “And you are a useless wielder, when are you going to start using fire properly?”

It was true, I hadn’t called upon fire in the last eleven years and now I was doing it daily.

“This was not my choice! I was happy being a farmer, why the hell do I have to learn again what I’ve forced myself to forget?”

“Stop whining and man up! Like I told you the last time you came here. Burn it all and start a new!”

I was reluctant to listen to the bush, but he had a point. “You sound just like Cora”

“Who’s Cora?” I shook my head in resignation. “No one bush.” I looked around to see if there was a door to leave this place but I found none.

“So how do I leave the void?...Wait don’t tell me…you don’t know!” If a bush could give the finger it was probably doing it right now.

I remembered the last time I was here and I decided to yell for fire, it burned me, but it didn’t matter I could feel myself reappearing on the other side.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Stop that you stupid farmer!!!” I could hear Cora yelling. I opened my eyes and saw I had burned a huge hole where I was lying.

“Don’t be such a baby it is only fire!” I told the woman rolling on the floor.

She stood up and asked me “How are you not dead?!” I had no answer for that because I myself didn’t know. I gave her a small shrug and asked them what had happened.

Drógar answered for the group “Loki froze us all and then you started fighting him, when you tried to call upon fire he trapped you to the ground and suffocated you. You should be dead. Loki left after he checked your pulse, he stole your olive.”

I closed my eyes and felt anger that I hadn’t felt in eleven years my last olive had been stolen and I’d been left for dead.

I thought about what had happened in the void and I turned to Samuela to ask “I need to learn how to use my magic again.” For the first time I saw Samuela’s genuine smile, she came close to me and touched my arm.

“Does this mean you are joining our side of the fight!?” She asked me with genuine enthusiasm.

I shook my head “I’m on no one’s side, but if my choices help your side then so be it. I am only here to bring back my olive farm, and next time I want to burn the shit out of Loki” I could sense her disappointment through our mental link

“You fucking farmer, how can you get my hopes up so quickly and then bring them down, I was even thinking of letting you touch me! No fucking for you ever!!”

I sighed at her outburst “Whatever woman, but my path follows yours now.” I looked up at the sky and shouted “Come out you little winged freaks! Hermes, Turm!!”

Fire was gathering all over my body and my hairless state was becoming kind of permanent “Why the fuck did you not help us when Loki arrived!?” The two gods appeared out of thin air and Hermes stammered “We are just me-me-messenger Gods, there is nothing we can do against Loki.” I shook my head in disgust. “Where did he take my olive!?”

The gods looked at each other with renounced faces “He has already destroyed it.” I felt part of my soul crumble as I heard these words.

“But…” my heart felt a glimmer of hope as the god with big feet continued “there is another party guided by Mercury, they also have an olive farmer with them and more than one seed from what he’s told us. They will be arriving at Azuma tomorrow. We’ve already contacted them. They will be waiting for you.”

I smiled, there was still hope for my fields.

I hugged Samuela with all my might and kissed her square on the lips. This won me a kick from Cora and a menacing look from Alfar, oddly enough no mental berating’s came from the mute woman.

Lara the blind woman interrupted us all “Turm tells me we have little time to catch the other group, we should be leaving soon.”

For the first time since this trip began I was glad we were going east.