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Screw magic, I'm using a gun!
Chapter 2: He finally managed to kill a goblin?!?!

Chapter 2: He finally managed to kill a goblin?!?!

I walked through the unusually calm dungeon, not encountering a single enemy in the whole thing. The nano-chatte refused to wake up, and I didn’t know how to wake it up, so I just left it in my pocket. I was pretty screwed, as I didn’t have any bullets left for the desert eagle, and the blessings from the gods didn’t exactly help me. The Revifier’s blessing allowed me to give any attribute to any tool. For example, I could’ve had my bullets freeze enemies, burn them, electrocute them, so on and so forth.

The Coming Quiet’s blessing was simple, and just as ineffective without any bullets. Everything around me was slowed by ten percent as a passive aura, and if I actively used my entire aura on one being, it would slow them down by fifty percent. These seemed less like blessings, and more like abilities, but I wasn’t not going to question the naming conventions of gods.

Then I saw it, a goblin. It was just standing there, sniffing a gold coin it found. I probably shouldn’t have risked fighting the goblin. If a literal bullet made a small dent in it, then my fist would do nothing. Everything was fine until Ruby meowed as loud as physically possible. The goblin cowered for a second before noticing the gun at my side and smiling. I used the Coming Quiet’s active ability against it, but still only had a few seconds before it reached me anyway. It can’t hit me that hard right?

The goblin elbowed me in the stomach, launching me into the wall. Ruby jumped from my shoulder onto the goblin. She clawed at its eye, buying me time to think of something. I searched for the nano-chatte, but it wasn’t in my pocket. I looked around for it and saw it eating the dust left behind from the impact. It grew and grew, becoming a floating green rock creature. I realised where the nano part of nano-chatte came from. It’s made from nanomachines.

“Calibrating to new environment. Humanoid detected. Mind read. Issue detected.” The goblin exploded and sent Ruby into my arms. “Issue resolved.”

“How? Why? What?” The nano… was it even nano anymore? Nano meant small so– Why was I thinking about this? That goblin just exploded!

“Primitive, it is us, the nano-chatte. I see your species is primitive, no warp drive, barely any interest in space at all, and worst of all, interest in the humanities as you call them. Your species did everything wrong.” Thanks, future tech-bro. “But I’ll explain a little. I am the peak of technological progress, there is nothing above me, but I’m currently being weakened by something… your aura… It’s his? Are you a chosen one? Of course, that’s why I’m here.” It kept asking questions and then answering them herself.

“Hold on! Can’t you just clear the dungeon for me?” If just exploded that goblin. I was sure it could deal with any other threat in here.

“Primitive has primitive thought pattern. Why am I not surprised? Here’s every reason why you’re wrong: I have quite literally said that I’m being weakened by your aura five minutes ago, I don’t want to waste my energy outside of emergencies like a fellow feline being in danger, and I don’t earn ‘experience points’. I am not a filthy biological, so killing things doesn’t give me anything. They give you something, so it would be wasteful for me to kill them.” I had too many questions and too little time.

“Look, my man, I don’t have any bullets. How am I supposed to kill someone?” The nano-chatte glued itself to the wall, absorbed most of it, and spat out several weapons which were all coincidentally what I wanted. A shotgun, completely unidentifiable thanks to the nano-chatte design, and a full auto rifle, also completely unidentifiable. The bullets were also unidentifiable… great. I had no idea what I was even shooting or how powerful it is. The nano-chatte could’ve made every bullet a blank and I wouldn’t know.

“To not disturb the fantasy setting too much, the nano-chatte universe scouts recommend basic ballistics be used to help mono-planetal primitives resist magical degenerates.” Ah, that’s why I didn’t get a laser weapon. Welp, it was time to test these bad boys out.

I put Ruby on my shoulder, as the nano-chatte shrank into a cat and floated on my head. Ruby tried fighting the nano-chatte, jealous that it got a higher spot than her. While both of them were fighting, I was running through the dungeon, destroying goblins with one shot from my rifle.

“Damn! This is strong. It feels like I’m shooting an A.M.P from this thing.” Every kill earned me a meagre amount of XP, as I went up one point every 4-6 goblins killed. I needed a hundred XP points to level up once, and the requirement doubled each time. I kept going, deciding to test my shotgun on a group of four goblins, and they all got shredded, along with most of the wall behind them. It quickly rebuilt itself, and I continued walking through the dungeon until I arrived at the boss room

“Do not worry primitive. My weapons should be able to one-shot the enemy as long as it’s not a goblin emperor or grand shaman.” I pushed the royal door open and looked inside the boss room to see not only one goblin emperor and grand shaman, but three of each. “Primitive… you’re screwed.”

“I’ve faced worse odds. Upgrade my desert eagle” I gave it my desert eagle while I grabbed my rifle. I made sure to maintain as much distance as I could, but the goblin emperors wouldn’t go down. The shamans healed the emperors, and the emperors had their own regeneration, so they just kept getting back up. I switched to my shotgun and used the Revifier’s blessing to imbue the bullets with lightning and acid. It took thirty seconds for them to rise back up.

I made a lucky guess and assumed all magic and magical attributes came from the Revifier. My aura came from the Coming Quiet, who could’ve been the god of stillness or stagnation because of what his aura did. Meanwhile, the goddess's name is literally ‘Revifier’. To revify was to remould something from another simpler thing, aka, to change it. They were complete opposites, and surrounding the goblin emperor in the Coming Quiet’s aura would nullify all regeneration and healing.

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I used the acid lightning combo again and then used all my aura on the goblin emperor. With one down, I would’ve been able to hit the shamans, and it would be game over. The emperors spirited at me as they realised my plan, but I just moved around them. My A-Rank dexterity made me fast as lighting, and able to dodge all but the most perplexing attacks. I lined up a shot with my rifle and shot through all their skulls. The emperors panicked, but soon unravelled, leaving behind two strands of hair.

“Oh? What the? Does she consider you dangerous? She actively made them self-destruct to avoid you earning extra XP.” The nano-chatte changed back to its rocky form as the window popped up to tell me I’d earned 400 XP and brought another two windows up, one blacked out until I completed the first one. The first one was about me reaching level 2 and asked me to choose a specialty. Rifles were the most useful, but who doesn’t love a good shotgun? The shotgun spread increased by 25% and the pellets from each shell increased from 12 to 16.

The second window opened up and asked me to choose between a stat increase or better dual-wielding. It wasn’t even a contest, dual-wielding was better. I could use the desert eagle for support now, as it was decent at most ranges. I was already planning to dual-wield, but that skill saved me the hassle of learning how to do it efficiently. I noticed a white portal open up above us, sucking the three of us out of the dungeon.

I fell out of the pillar and saw the city in complete chaos. People who managed to clear the dungeon rushed forward, using their new powers to fight against the police who were setting up a makeshift wall around the pillar. At this point, the emergency sirens were blaring and the military was being called in to contain the chaos.

“Wow, impressive. Most cities fall after thirteen minutes. You humanoids have a new record.” I quickly ran and hid in a house that was still standing. I caught my breath, trying to relax until a dim, yellow light illuminated the room. There was a man with a handgun staring right at me, with a lighter in his other hand. I could see his age as his hands were trembling, and his eyes looked red from crying.

“Ah... I have no idea whose side you’re on. The government said anyone with guns is probably safe, but that giant floating rock looks too magical to be on our side.” I put my hands up in an attempt to show I’m not dangerous.

“Look, I cleared the dungeon with a gun. I’m on your side. The rock thing is from one of the two ‘gods’, it’d take too long to explain. Just trust me, please.” The man nodded and led us to his basement. He turned off the lighter. The only light in the basement was a dull, old lamp.

“Don’t make any noise. They’ll hear you. They’re not humans anymore. My daughter went into the pillar, and she wasn’t the same person I knew when she came back.” Power went to her probably, or she hated the government and finally had the means to fight it, or both. The old man probably fooled himself just to avoid associating his dear child with a power-hungry monster.

“How’s the government coping?” We lived in a relatively small city, certainly no New York or San Fran, so any type of military presence here must’ve meant they were doing somewhat well.

“All of the west coast is overrun, the government is trying to secure the smaller cities, probably because they got more good god fear folk around, and they’re also trying to secure any ports of air strips. We’ve been advised to shelter in place until the military arrives. I’m praying they’re enough.” Oh… It was worse than I could’ve possibly imagined. I mean, I wasn’t particularly sad to see the government go, but this was just pathetic. If we were doing this badly, every other country must’ve already been overrun.

“I need to go out there. I’ll try saving your daughter. Stay safe old man.” I left and rushed towards the explosions. The sirens got loud again as I ran closer to the city centre. I saw a soldier with an arrow stuck in his shoulder hiding behind a barricade and went up to him.

“Go back civilian! This place is unsafe.” Huh? Did he not notice the nano-chatte? Oh… It changed its form into a cat and turned off its lighting. It just looks like a dark cat.

“Don’t worry. You did well. You can rest now.” I walked past him and looked forward as I saw an armoured vehicle get sliced in half by a swordsman accompanied by an archer. As soon as I got close, the two felt my aura and stared right at me.

“Ah! A fellow… What… What are you? You are clearly magical, yet you carry a gun.” The man talked to me. He was clearly French. His sword was massive, almost as big as his entire body. He was also incredibly buff, and had a moustache that could only be described by saying it is ‘cartoonishly evil looking’.

“I am a servant of a different god, which gives me a perfect excuse to kill you. You can’t wiggle your way out of this justification by saying ‘These humans are beneath us!’.” He calms down, stretching his hand out.

“Ah, my apologies, I thought you were a normal ‘human’. Gods shouldn’t matter. We don’t support everything they do after all.” Great, I get to be honest with him now.

“Oh well, plan B. You are hereby sentenced to death by shotgun for killing an untold amount of people, and for having ridiculous facial hair.”