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Screw magic, I'm using a gun!
Chapter 14: Guess who's back just to ruin the vibe?

Chapter 14: Guess who's back just to ruin the vibe?

“Where’s the magic swordsman?” One of the golden knights said after I got back to the tavern. How did they know who I was even though I’m not wearing my armour? Did Sam reveal how I look without my armour so that I couldn’t just sneak out? Of course he would do that.

“She went back into the dungeon. She’s suicidal enough to grind it without us.” I said. It was a plausible yet unfalsifiable claim. None of these knights were brave enough to try guarding the area directly next to the dungeon pillar as even one necromancer going out for a five minute walk to get some fresh air would kill them without even struggling.

“W-What? You damn adventurers have too much ambition. Did she at least accept our offer yet?” I shook my head slowly in response and walked past the knight only to see Christian and the knight captain having arm wrestle. While I couldn’t determine how much effort the captain was putting in thanks to his gold and silver armour, I could see Christian’s entire arm shake as his muscles and skin slowly got tougher and tougher.

“They’ve been perfectly still for half an hour! When is something entertaining gonna happen?” One of the golden knights inside said. Before I could move next to the crowd of adventurers and golden knights watching both of them, I got pulled away and into a white void where I started hearing slow clapping.

“Well, well, well.” It was the Revifier. I instantly recognised her the moment she spoke. I turned around to face her in her full glory and saw her next to Sam. She was actually wearing clothes this time. She wore a long, elegant white dress that looked beyond regal. It’s sheer aura was intoxicating, making my body age faster.

My thoughts were interrupted by the choir of thunder that erupted across the dimension. Right as I was about to get hit by one, it swerved out of the way but still made me feel the pain. Most of the lighting landed far away from me, yet I still felt each bolt as if it hit me directly. The Revifier chuckled, then whispered softly into Sam’s ears before letting him leave the dimension.

“Good grief.” Right as he left, the thunder stopped, and I collapsed to the floor. “Look, I know you like being honest, but how could you ruin my day by debunking one of my lies? I don’t blame you too much though, Sam is a prick, even compared to most reincarnators.” She slowly lifted me up by my chin and tapped me on the nose to reverse my ageing and damage.

“Why am I still here? Can’t you send me back since I've been ‘punished’.” She sighed as I said that, and then looked straight into my soul again just to remind me the Coming Quiet isn’t here to save me this time.

“Well, I just want to congratulate you on not only beating the hardest dungeon on earth, but on doing it without having the powers of a reincarnator. Most people would jump at the opportunity to accept the powers I’m offering, yet you remain steadfast, and never call upon my help despite my blessing clearly being your best asset.” She said to try and ease my doubts of her motives, or to try and get me to ask the right questions so she can offer me whatever pact she thinks will secure her control over me.

“Ok… can I go now?” I say before she starts chuckling.

“No. Not yet. And you won’t want to either after hearing my offer.” I rolled my eyes as she spoke. She tilted her head in response as an act meant to be perceived as playful confusion. “Why the long face, dear? Look, I know that raven of un-change spoiled your opinion of me, but I’ve come here with only benevolent intentions. I’ve got the solution to your little blackmail problem.” My eyes widened as if on instinct. I should’ve kept my poker face intact to not give away any information to that manipulator, but it felt like both my own body and an unseen force were making me be honest around her.

“W-What? How do you know?” She kept circling me, inspecting all the tiny movements of my body and face, as if she was looking straight into my mind.

“I’m a goddess, silly. If I want to know something, I will. I take it that your little adventuring buddy is using my precious conqueror of worlds to threaten you? You know… I could just tell him you’re off limits. He’s under my employment after all. All that you would need to give me is your loyalty to my cause. Not me, but the idea of me, the idea of change.” She was reframing it. Loyalty to her and to her concept are the same. If I empower change, I empower her… probably.

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“No.” She frowned at my simple answer and pulled me up to her level as she started levitating.

“But why? I am offering you something that wouldn’t impede your freedom. You would have more freedom if you accepted my offer! I have been nothing but kind to you yet you believe a god that sees you as a necessary evil to destroy me as the truthful one? Why won’t you look past your delusion and embrace your destiny of… whatever you want to do after I free you.” Her anger started melting her own dimension as pits of white magma pooled right below me.

“Those are the terms, but every contract has its conditions doesn’t it? You're doing this because you fear what my alignment will mean for you.” She raised her eyebrow, but then laughed maniacally. Her dimension cracked and reformed itself back into its normal state as she calmed down.

“Wow, bravo. You have made an omniscient goddess genuinely laugh. As a reward, I’ll confirm your little theory, you overconfident brat. I am afraid, but not for myself. You see, if neither me or the Coming Quiet win the war, we will fight each other one on one. You want to know what that means for the rest of reality? Total and complete destruction.” She took a long pause, and breathed out a puff of white fire in frustration as she saw my expression not changing.

“But that doesn’t matter to you! You only care that I, however manipulative I may be, am the enemy. Oh, I’m sorry I choose to not use my omniscience every minute of everyday, and didn’t know you’re so attached to your weaponry that you would rather doom the world than use a bow. Go back to your dimension and stew over your wrong decision, and when you realise I’m right, call my name, and I shall rescue you. Don’t forget you have a very special fan that would love nothing but to love you if you turned to my side.” She forced me into reality and into the seat right in front of the arm wrestle.

The two combatants didn’t get distracted, while the crowd just looked at me in bewilderment thanks to me looking like I’ve just teleported there. I acted casual, as if it was perfectly normal, and expected the knights to think this was just another one of my many powers.

“Not bad kid! Nobody lasted longer than a minute against me, yet here you are standing for… How long has it been?” Said the captain. A golden knight got pushed in front of the rest of the crowd as they stared in horror at the shaking table and the two absolute units in front of them.

“Uhm… T-Three hours sir!” Huh… Time manipulation sure sucked right? I missed two hours of the most exhilarating battle of the century. From what I could tell, the two haven't even moved at all. The kinetic energy of their clash was going directly into the table and thus the floor. Now that I mentioned it, the building was shaking a little bit.

“Can both of you stop holding back?” I said. The crowd, which was mostly silent, immediately got angry and shouted at me for daring to insult their new champions before Chrisitan stopped them with a swipe of his hand.

“No, the lad’s right. We’d need to do it outside if we don't want to destroy the building.” I motioned over a couple knights and all of us together lifted their chairs and the table and then smashed through the wall so they could go outside without interrupting their match.

The air itself rushed away from them as the chunks of sand so dense they might as well have been stones broke up back into a fine layer of sand. As the air refilled the vacuum, the sand was picked up along with it, as a dust storm surrounded both of them and the electricity produced by the small particles along with the wind manifested itself as visible lightning.

“What did I miss– WHAT THE FUCK!?” Sam came back from god knows where and watched as the two of them pushed against each other. He tried running past me, presumably to stop them, but I wasn’t about to let this catboy ruin the only interesting event the knights will witness for a couple days. It makes me almost forget that they’re threatening to kill civilians… hold on!

“Sam, I’m going to need you to evacuate everyone while the knights are distracted by their brawl. You can take the credit and everything.” I whispered to Sam. He quickly nodded and ran past the knights. Christian was making slow, incremental progress as the captain tried overwhelming the immovable object that was Chrisitian.

And now… we waited.