I sat in a side room of the mansion, more exhausted than I’d ever been. My eyes ached. My head felt light. Honestly, I wanted to just leave. I wanted to, but I couldn’t just say ‘hey, you got shot and all but I gonna go home now’. I mean, I guess I could. There was just something else keeping me there.

I hadn’t been paid for my services yet.

“You okay, Ryley?” Violetta poked her head in my direction. “You look kind of… tired.” Yeah, you fucking think? Seriously, for someone that was always worried about people’s feelings, she sure was oblivious to mine.

“What? You’re not?” I gave her a glare. “Are you forgetting we just completed two trials back to back in less than 24 hours?”

“Of course I didn’t forget, silly!” Violetta slapped my arm like it was her favorite thing to do. “That’s exactly why I’m so awake. We just saved lives! Isn’t that exciting?” She slapped me again. “Isn’t it? Huh?” Yeah. I was definitely making that arm assault law.

“Exciting,” I said. “The Count was shot. What a rush.” Oops. I would usually keep sarcasm like that to myself, but my lack of sleep was interfering with my filter.

“Hey! I’m not saying that… I’m really worried, you know.” Violetta pouted. “Especially about Hadria. She must be terrified that Nair did something like this.”

We both sat quietly for a moment. I wasn’t crazy about the Count, but that didn’t mean I wanted him dead. And of course, there was the thing that Nair said to me before he disintegrated. That I ‘didn’t know who I was dealing with’. He was right. I didn’t. Despite all my detective work, I had no idea why he tried to murder his employer. Maybe I never would.

The sound of the door sliding open snapped me back to attention. I looked up to see a perfectly shaved head poke into the room.

“Oh!” Violetta perked up. “Mr. Koln.”

Koln stood in the doorway, his body almost too big to fit all the way through. He lingered there for a moment before finally coming all the way in. “The Count… will see you now,” his deep voice droned.

“…Seriously?” It hadn’t even been an hour since he took a bullet in the stomach. The Count was hardcore as fuck.

Koln nodded. “Yes.”

“Yay, he’s alive!” Violetta clapped her hands. “Hadria must be so happy!”

Koln nodded again. “Yes.” He really had a way with words.

“Well…” I stood up, stretching out my back until I heard a satisfying crack. “If he’s ready to see us, then lead the way.”

“Wait…” Koln’s eyes dropped to the floor. “Before that… I think I owe you an apology. I’m… sorry.”

“Uhh… what?” I mean, yeah, he did, but it was still strange seeing someone big enough to break you in half act like a kid apologizing to their science teacher for setting their lab coat on fire with a Bunsen burner by accident. Not that I had ever done anything that oddly specific before, of course.

“Even though you were just trying to help me... I spit in your face over and over again.” Koln looked up, his face just as stone-like as ever. “Why did you go so far to prove it wasn’t me?”

Ugh, this was exactly the kind of question I didn’t want to answer. What was I supposed to say? That I’m a shining beacon of justice? That I’ve made it my life’s mission to stand up for those who need help? I really didn’t want to start spouting noble bullshit that I would have to keep to later.

“It pissed me off that things didn’t add up,” I sighed. “You just happened to be on the right side of the truth this time. That’s all.” Wow, that was edgy. Not as badass as I hoped.

“I see.” Koln’s eyes locked with mine. “Well I’m a man that repays his debts, and I owe you a great one.”

“…Cool.”

Koln’s awkwardly intimate stare showed no signs of stopping. “Thank you. You saved my life.”

Oh great. I was about to say some sappy shit. Shit I’d probably have to be reminded of constantly for as long as I was in this dumb world. Shit I’d be better off just keeping to myself.

Despite knowing all this, my mouth decided to open anyway.

“If you really want to thank someone… Thank Violetta.” I poked my assistant on the shoulder. “She’s the one that put all her faith into you, even when you pushed her away. If it weren’t for her speech, I probably wouldn’t have kept trying to prove you innocent.”

“Ryley…” Violetta put her hands up on her cheeks, looking up at me like I was an adorable fluffy animal. “We’re… We’re having a moment!”

“Excuse me…?”

“This is the sweet moment where we go from partners to being friends that respect each other and trust each other with our lives, silly!” She threw her hands forward and latched onto my arms, shaking me back and forth. “This is adorable!”

Oh god, what had I done?

Before I could invent a time machine to promptly undo this horror, Koln spoke up again.

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“You’re right,” he said. “I owe a huge debt to Violetta as well. Thank you for everything.” He lowered his head.

“Ohmygosh!” Violetta let me go, causing me to almost fall over. “So this is what it’s like to be a lawyer. What a sense of satisfaction… What a sense of… um… satisfaction!” Wow. She really had a way with words too. Also, did Minzfel appoint her to lawyer status while I wasn’t looking or something?

“Alright, alright.” I rubbed my aching head. “Yes, you owe us or whatever. Well guess what? You can immediately repay us by showing us to the Count. Like, right now.”

“But our moment…” Violetta whined.

“Count. Now.”

“Of course.” Koln slid the door back open. “Follow me.”

I got out of that room as fast as my legs would let me and followed Koln down the hallway. Violetta moped quietly behind, our moment apparently ruined or whatever. It didn’t take long for us to reach the hall where the Count’s office was. It was loud with a huge crowd of vampires gathered just outside the open doorway, clamoring to look inside.

“Of course you’re okay, boss!” one of them yelled. “You’re tough as nails.” A disembodied raspy laugh echoed back in return.

“He was a coward shootin’ the Count and dusting himself like that,” another said. “With that much garlic, he was always plannin’ on runnin’. A coward through and through.” The crowd grunted in what I could only assume was agreement.

“Don’t worry, Count,” one in the back piped up. “I’m writing Nair out of all my fanfiction tonight. You won’t ever have to read about that traitor again.” Uhh…

“Outta the way,” Koln’s voice boomed. “Ryley and Violetta are coming through.” It fell silent, and all their tough-guy faces turned to me. They couldn’t seriously still be trying to intimidate me, right? I knew about their fanfiction. They knew I knew about their fanfiction. The threatening act was pretty much a lost cause now.

The vamps backed down the hall to make space for us. When we got up to the door, Koln motioned us in and closed the door behind us.

“Hello again, Mr. Allard. Ms. Violetta.” The Count smiled broadly. He was sitting at his desk alone, bandages wrapped around his shirtless torso. “Please, take a seat. Make yourself at home.”

“You look like you’re doing very well.” Violetta sat down, craning her neck to glance around the room. “Where are Hadria and Ms. Ceai?”

“I asked them to give us a moment to talk,” he said. “I promised you information, and I’m a man of my word.” Good, at least he didn’t forget.

“You look pretty good for someone that was just shot less than an hour ago.” I sat down in front of his desk too. “Is that a vampire thing?”

“No, nothing like that.” The Count waved his hand dismissively. “Being shot is something that comes with the territory, so to speak. This isn’t my first time. Besides…” He pointed to a glass filled with red liquid. “I drink so much blood, I could stand to lose some.”

“Well, uh, good…” I tried to find the best way to get to the reason I was here. “Tell me why you have that name plate in front of your house.” I suppose that was a pretty good way to do it, but probably not the most tactful.

“Once again, you’re straight to the point, Mr. Allard.” The Count let out a dry laugh. “I don’t dislike that quality.”

I decided to take an educated guess to get the ball rolling. “You got it from the queen, right?”

The Count sighed, leaning back in his black leather chair. “That’s right. How did you know?”

“Lucky guess.” The queen was so obviously human that it hurt.

“Well, to be honest, there’s not much to tell,” the Count continued. “My family was very close to the queen while she was… still with us. She did a lot to help the vampires.” I remembered Hadria saying something about that.

“She was a wonderful queen,” Violetta mumbled to herself. Just had to get some royal ass kissing in before the night was through I guess.

“Ashley… the Queen, I mean…” the Count continued in an unusually clear voice. “She was always writing weird characters in a little notebook she carried around with her. She was from a village in the mountains, far away. I guess they had their own way of writing things there.”

Yep. So obviously human that it hurt.

“In any case, my wife liked the way it looked,” the Count said. “We asked her to make a name plaque for us. We’ve kept it up ever since.”

“I see…” Violetta crossed her arms, tilting her head to the side. “That explains everything…”

“What explains everything?” I asked.

“Ryley, you have amnesia!” Violetta suddenly gasped. “You must be from the same hornless horny folk village the queen came from!”

Kill me.

“No,” I said. “Stop thinking.”

Violetta winced. “S-Sorry…”

I turned back to the Count. “Did the queen ever tell you how to get to, uh, her ‘small village in the mountains’?”

The Count shook his head. “Unfortunately, no. I never asked her about it.”

Well fuck. All I had managed to do was confirm that the queen had a super lazy cover story for where she came from. No, wait. That wasn’t all.

“Do you know where that notebook might be?” I leaned forward. “The one with all the weird writing, I mean.”

“Hmm…” He rubbed his chin. “Hooks might still have it, I suppose. You’d have to ask him.”

Finally, I had something concrete. I just needed to convince the king to let me read it, assuming he hadn’t burned it along with her body or something.

“Well thanks for telling me what you know,” I said. “I’d love to stay and chat… but I’d really like to go pass out now.”

“I’m very tired too…” Violetta hung her head. “We should probably head home for the night.”

I moved to stand up, but the Count spoke again.

“W-Wait…” The Count’s voice was shaking. He paused, lifted up his glass, and took a drink. “I… do have one last thing I’d like to discuss with you.”

“Uhh… What is it?”

“It’s just that… after the queen died, I… slipped into old ways, I suppose. I haven’t exactly… been keeping on the straight and narrow.”

Yeah, no shit.

The Count took another swig of plasma. “But these past few months... I’ve been thinking. It might be time for me to wash my hands of all this.”

I stifled a yawn. “What made you think that?”

“I lead a dangerous life, Mr. Allard. There are any number of demons that might want me dead.” He pointed down at his bandages. “I’ve always considered myself a cautious man, but you can see where that got me. This… isn’t the environment I want Hadria to grow up in. My daughter already lost her eye. If things continue like this… she could lose a lot more.”

“Then quit.” I shrugged. I assumed it wasn’t as simple as that, but I didn’t really care. I was too drained to put any more energy into feeling sympathetic.

“Mr. Allard…” The Count looked up at me. “I have a request for you.”

Oh no.

“Before the trial tonight, I had never seen Hadria so excited. So full of energy.”

No.

“When she looked back at me from her table and smiled…” Tears streaked down the Count’s rough cheeks. “I knew that this wasn’t the life for her.” He got up from his chair and walked around to the side of his desk.

No. Absolutely not.

“That’s why I beg of you…” He got down on his hands and knees, lowering his head to the floor. “Please take Hadria on as a member of the law squad!”

Goddamn it.

“Oh my goodness!” A fountain of tears poured from Violetta’s eyes. “Of course we will!”

“H-Hold on a second,” I stammered. “I never said…”

The door slid open behind me.

“Awww yeaaaah!” Hadria screamed. “I’m a real Lyili now!”

“Thank you, Mr. Allard!” The Count sobbed. “Thank you so much!”

Violetta put her hand on mine. “Isn’t this great, Ryley?”

I needed to find that notebook.

I needed to find that notebook and get out of here now.