Violetta and I took off running. We passed by a few food stands manned by some of the least ‘man’-like demons I had seen so far. A little concerning, but not enough to ruin my appetite.

“That way! That way!” someone yelled. I had no idea what ‘that way’ was supposed to mean, but this was a single road, so there was pretty much only one way to go. We kept running.

Finally, we spotted a small figure in a light green Victorian-style peacoat weaving through the crowd away from us. He was carrying a big sack over his shoulder covered in dark stains. Stains I could recognize anywhere. Barbeque sauce.

My god, I was hungry.

“Get him, Violetta! Taking stuff without paying for it is a crime,” I yelled, realizing I was a lot more out of shape than I thought I was. “F-Fly and scoop him up!”

“Fly?” Violetta replied. “Succubi can’t fly, silly!”

“Then what the hell are those wings for!?”

“I don’t know… We’re just born with them.” Great. So succubi were basically ostriches.

We were starting to lose him. “Can’t you use your fireball on him or something then?”

“I could hit someone!” Cool. Best assistant.

The small figure took advantage of our hesitation, jumping on top of one of the stand’s wooden roofs and then leaping up to the roof of one of the smaller buildings. I stopped.

“Someone… stop… that green jacket…” I heaved, covered in sweat. I had intended to look badass doing this, but this was proving to be more work than it was worth.

Then, a voice came from my side. “Allow me, Sir Allard.”

Lyili sprinted past me, leaping up the same way the thief went. What the hell was she doing here? I doubted that we’d meet with her by chance in a city this big. Whatever. She could take care of it.

“Ryley, what should we do?” Violetta was still panicking.

“Food.” I was realizing I wasn’t as invested as I thought I was.

“But… I thought you said that this is a crime…” Violetta scratched one of her horns. “Shouldn’t we talk to the man over there?”

God damn it, I just had to open my big mouth. “Alright, fine,” I sighed. Maybe he still had some of his barbeque left.

We walked back to the stand the screaming had come from. “Thank goodness you’re back,” a voice came from behind the counter.

I looked down to see where the voice had come from. All I could see was a pig. Like, not even a pig standing on two feet or something. Just a pig. That’s it.

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

“Are you okay, sir?” Violetta asked.

The pig looked up at us. “And who might you two be?”

Violetta clenched her fists, stars bursting in her eyes. “We work for the king’s new lawing and trialing and those sorts of things division.” Nailed it, Violetta. “Don’t worry, we’re here to help you.”

“Uhh…” I narrowed my eyes. “Is this… uh, are you the owner of this stand?”

“That’s right,” the pig’s voice sounded like how people talked on the news, all the words over pronounced with perfect emphasis on syllables. I mean, I knew I had technically seen strange things, but… yeah. “That hoodlum took everything. How am I supposed to sell my 8 hour smoked pork belly and spider barbeque sandwiches if someone steals all my 8 hour smoked pork belly and spider barbeque sandwiches?”

Pork belly? Assuming pork came from the same place it came from in the human world, this was kind of fucked up. Also, spiders? Was it sprinkled in spiders? Was it… spider meat? I shuddered. How fucking big were the spiders here? If they were big enough to have bellies, I would need to employ Violetta’s fire abilities on a regular basis.

“Ryley, ask him some questions.” Violetta shook my shoulder, oblivious to my inner cannibalism/potentially giant spider turmoil. “You know, like you did with me. Ask him if he noticed anything strange! Maybe someone hit their leg on the inside of their stand!”

“I appreciate the enthusiasm…” I didn’t. “But this isn’t exactly like the murder case, Violetta.”

“Ask him if there was a bloody knife!” Violetta was too excited to listen to what I was saying. Or too dumb. I would leave that decision up to the experts. I was one such expert. She was dumb.

“What happened?” I asked. Masterful question.

“This is the third time in the last week.” The pig put its hoofs up on the counter to see us better. Kind of cute, but mostly weird given that I expected him to say ‘more at 11’ at the end of all of his sentences. “He takes food from the stands and escapes. I’m not sure what kind of magic he’s using, but it’s not right.”

Violetta nodded vigorously. “It’s underhanded using magic for that, isn’t it Ryley?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” I said. Just then, something landed on top of my head, covering my face. “What the hell?” I pulled it off and looked down into my hands. A green pea coat.

“There you are.” Lyili did her runway model walk up to me. “Your jacket, Sir Allard.”

“I asked you to catch the thief…”

Lyili straightened up, crossing her arms. “False. Your words were ‘stop that green jacket’.”

“Yeah, stop the one wearing the green jacket, not stop the green jacket itself,” I snapped. Why did I have to get myself mixed up in this? Why did I have to go and try to look cool in front of Suza? “Whatever. What are you doing here anyway?”

“I most definitely have not been following you,” Lyili said, making me think she had definitely been following me. “I came here because I needed a… post-trial snack.” Yeah, okay.

I turned back to the food stall. “Were you able to see his face?”

“I’m afraid not,” pig anchor said. “He hides his face with a mask and he’s too fast for any of us to catch. Before we know it, he disappears like some kind of… phantom.”

“Just to make sure, phantoms aren’t some kind of demon are they?” I asked. If I didn’t ask these questions, no one would.

“Of course not,” Lyili scoffed. “I hardly took you for someone that believes in something as foolish as the supernatural, Sir Allard.”

This was coming from someone that lived in a world populated with actual goddamn demons. Blob monsters? Magic fireballs? Of course. Ghosts? No, of course not you fucking superstitious fuck.

Yeah, I got a little on edge when I was hungry.

“A phantom!” Violetta suddenly yelled like an idiot. “A thief that disappears like a phantom… So he’s a...”

I sighed. “A phantom thief?”

“What?” Violetta looked confused. “I was going to say dine-and-dasher.”

Oh. Well… Okay. More like a dash-and-diner though.

“Well anyway, let’s just get to the house,” I said.

“Yes, run along.” Lyili shooed me. “It’s not like I’ll be following you.”

“…Alright.”

“You’re not hungry?” Violetta asked.

“No.” The whole ‘spider belly’ thing was kind of a food turn off.

I stopped in the courtyard on the way back, but Suza was already gone. It was probably for the best. My chase scene wasn’t exactly a success.