They had been walking for several hours. Morale was sinking by the minute. Boyd was unused to receiving system messages so it had been a shock when the first message pulsed through his head. Boyd recoiled in shock. The entire team stopped.
SYSTEM UPDATE: Team Angwar’s Annihilating Amperage is the first to descend to Level 2.
“Shit.” Salia swore.
“What does that thing mean?” Boyd asked.
“It means we are falling behind,” Fleon said angrily.
“What does ‘descend’ mean?” Boyd asked.
“In this case ‘descend’ means they have advanced to the next Level of the Maze. It isn’t necessarily a descension, The Maze isn’t a downward moving dungeon. Descend is just the common term for advancement. It also means that because you are unbearably slow, we are falling behind. In contrast, Angwar the shit-licking prick from Martaswen, already has gathered at least a few Mana and has descended. That means they already found Nodes, tapped them, and are likely days ahead of us. This is solely because of you and your incompetence,” Salia said.
Boyd hung his head. “Sorry, but I mean, what can I do? I haven’t done any of this before. If ya’ll just get me to the exit then I am gone for good and you can catch up.”
Fleon grunted, “Indeed. We needed you to get in. Now we need you out, or we need to abandon you. I am not sure which yet. Regardless, if groups are moving this quickly then Portcullis will be largely empty by the time we arrive.”
“What’s Portcullis?”
“A town. It matters not. We need to start gathering Mana Nodes from the wild. Let’s find some Gorpling camps or whatever is nearby.”
“Wait, I got questions first!” Boyd exclaimed
“No one cares for your babbling Human,” Jellybean Jenkins responded. “Let’s go kill some Gorplings.”
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The Gorpling camp teemed with activity. At the center, Boyd saw his first Mana Node. It was a large glowing blue stone that sparkled even in the light.
“Wait, you want me to do what?”
Jellybean Jenkins licked his lips. “Go forth and kick that wire with your pathetic foot. It will trigger the ambush. Then we feast on bloated corpses of the fetid Gorp.”
Boyd looked at a Gorpling. His best estimate of the definition of Gorpling would be a cross between a goblin and a pile of sentient trash. It had a big round green head, and then it was sort of random bits and pieces of things that approximated a body. They were different in shape and color but obviously were the same thing if you looked around the camp, as Boyd had never seen anything quite as ugly as the group before him. If you peppered goblin heads onto the average trash barge, you’d get something pretty equivalent to a Gorpling camp. After a few seconds of staring, information poured into him.
SYSTEM: Gorpling Warrior, Rank 3: Gorplings come in many different flavors, but most of them fall into the category of “Warrior” although a better classification might be “Not Important Enough for Other Work.” Gorplings are Decomposers by nature. They find biomass and form a Gorplair on top of it. That biomass is consumed and used to spit out more Gorplings. This process is mediated by the Gorpling Queen, which is a fancy way of saying “Larger pile of sentient trash.” The one thing Gorplings love more than anything is Mana, so Gorplairs are commonly found near small Mana Nodes as larger Nodes are almost always claimed by larger and more dangerous foes. They aren’t fast, or smart, or strong, but they stink like shit and they will definitely kill you if you don’t kill them first. Slaying a Gorpling is the Adventurer equivalent of graduating Elementary school. If you’re worried about accomplishing this task, you probably shouldn’t be here.
The Gorpling oozed and paced around a nearby Mana Node. “Why isn’t it doing anything? Can’t it see us? I mean it looked right at me. I can see it.”
The Combatants laughed.
“First ambush, huh?” Salia said.
“What do you mean Friend Boyd?” Fleon asked
“I mean this is pretty simple. Why are we triggering an ambush?”
“Because it’s an ambush. It has to be triggered or it won’t activate,” Fleon muttered in a condescending tone.
Boyd thought for a minute. “This isn’t an ambush though. All of you know where the Gorplings are right now. Look here team, point to the Gorp things.”
Fleon, Salia, and Jellybean Jenkins all simultaneously pointed in the same direction. Gmol, incapable of pointing, made an arrow in the rune on his stomach.
“Right, so instead of stepping on the rope, just go up there and kill them. Salia you can literally fly up there, shove them out of the trees and we can collect our loot and continue on.”
Salia was non-plussed, “Right, but it’s an ambush.”
“I don’t understand how I have 2 intelligence and you have 1,000. This ain’t that hard. Just go fly up there and fuck them up and bring me back a ring and we’ll go along our merry way.”
Salia started to stutter, “I think I understand but at what point in your plan do we trigger the ambush?”
Fleon rose a hand, “I think what Sir Boyd is trying to say is that we will trigger the ambush and then Salia can handle the Gorplings in the trees. Jellybean Jenkins and I will handle the ground assault that comes from over the hill. Gmol will provide healing and support and protect Boyd from harm from the Gorphounds that emerge from the holes in the ground after we trigger the ambush.”
The team nodded in agreement while Boyd shook his head. “No. Fuck no. What? Just don’t trigger the fucking ambush. Go kill them. Right now. No ambush.”
“I do not understand,” Salia said.
Gmol’s stomach displayed a question mark.
Jellybean Jenkins gave a wicked smile. “I admire your treachery. This plan is diabolical indeed. I savor the malicious intent of your ill wishes. You will initiate the ambush and then we will kill every Gorpling in this camp before the ambush is successful. Tonight I will fill my belly with the blood of this Gorpling clan.”
Boyd stared at him blankly, “No. New plan. Can someone tell me what happens if I go up in that tree and push that Glob thing off its post.”
Fleon laughed, “There are no Globs here, thank Ioer. These are Gorplings. Sir Boyd, I appreciate your willingness to fight, but after we initiate the ambush, you will be lucky to survive if you try this. You should just let Salia handle the tree Gorplings as we initially planned.”
The Gorplings in the trees remained motionless, staring at the string littered across the path that would trigger the ambush.
Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
"Alright, fuck it. Everyone stay here. Don’t move. Seriously, don’t fucking move. No one has listened to me yet, so do me this one favor and don’t fucking move. I want all of you to count to 100 out loud. That’s what Momma made me do.”
The four Combatants looked at Fleon who said, “1, 2, 3…”
Boyd snuck off towards the Gorpling camp. He realized he was substantially stronger than he used to be. Tree climbing was something he actually had some practice at too. He identified the closest Gorpling that was at a level he felt he could get to and then started up the tree. It would’ve taken him two or three minutes back on Earth, but his newfound increases in strength allowed him to do this in about 20 seconds. He was listening to the other members of his Foray count and they were already up to around 42.
The Gorpling still hadn’t moved or even looked his direction as he made it up the tree. He still wasn’t sure his plan would work, but it was worth a try. He slowly snuck up behind it and then he did what came natural and kicked it in the ass as hard as he could. The Gorpling went flailing through the limbs until it eventually plopped onto the hard ground below them, bleeding profusely from a head wound, whereupon it quickly died.
The scrolling lines on the bottom of Boyd’s screen lit up again.
You have gained 1 experience.
SYSTEM: You have unlocked an Achievement: Killer! You killed something. You took its life. It was alive and had feelings. Now it’s dead. This is your first time killing something sentient on Zenith. Congratulations. By the definition of almost every society in history you have committed an atrocity. You gain 10 bonus experience. Bonus experience isn’t affected by party rules fortunately for you so congrats on actually getting more than 1 experience.
SYSTEM: You have unlocked an Achievement: Cold Blooded Killer! You murdered something sentient without it even knowing you were there. Very sneaky! And cowardly! You gain 50 bonus experience.
SYSTEM: You have unlocked an Achievement: From Such Great Heights! You killed something by shoving it off a cliff or a ledge or some other high surface. This is one of the cheapest ways to kill something, but not exactly impressive. This is how suburban housewives get rid of abusive husbands during family trips to the Grand Canyon, not how warriors do battle. This achievement is kind of rare since most people don’t fight like a lil’ bitch so you get a bunch of bonus experience He briefly thought about the messages. It certainly wasn’t the first time he’d killed something. Deer, quail, squirrels, cardinals, coyotes, etc… Growing up in rural Oklahoma, hunting and fishing were a part of life. Somehow this felt different though? He couldn’t put his finger on it, but killing animals and killing the Gorpling didn’t feel the same. He didn’t have time to dwell on it though. Boyd quickly bolted down the tree and dashed back to the group as the other Combatants hit 97 in their counts. Jellybean Jenkins had stopped counting and was now frothing at the mouth. He was pacing and ready to attack. Boyd yelled ahead, “Stop. Don’t move.”
When Fleon hit 100, Jellybean Jenkins bolted but Boyd stood in front of him with hands out. “Jellybean, stop!” Jellybean was ready to bound past him so Boyd did what he did with his own dogs back in Oklahoma. “Heel Boy! Be a Good Boy, ok?!” Jellybean came to a crashing halt.
“What did you say?” Jellybean Jenkins asked.
“I said be a Good Boy? Ya know, like ‘Good Boy Jellybean!’”
Jellybean Jenkins began to wag his tail briskly, but Boyd hardly noticed. He raced towards the others as Jellybean Jenkins watched him.
“See! See!! Look, I just shoved that dude out of the tree and killed him. Nothing happened. Nothing. Do you get it now?”
Fleon pondered the situation, “Yes, excellent. After we initiate the ambush there will be one less Gorpling to deal with. Let us commence.”
Boyd was flabbergasted, “Salia, you are smart. You made that Iron Man Bird Thing. Please tell me you get this.”
Salia laughed, “If you think I am going to thank you for killing a single Gorpling then you are mistaken. Now go set off the ambush so I can finish the rest of them. Whelp, nevermind, looks like Jellybean Jenkins is already heading that way. Good. This was boring.”
Jellybean Jenkins loped forward, half biped form and half wolf form, until he crossed the thin piece of wire that initiated the ambush. Three Gorplings plunged down from the trees holding their spears straight down. Jellybean Jenkins jumped backwards and then slashed forwards, removing the heads of all three Gorplings in the process. Salia was already high in the air. A dozen tiny flying hummingbirds erupted from her soldiers and shot through the trees. They emerged from the other side covered in blood before returning to Salia’s shoulder.
The Gorphounds emerged from the ground and started to attack Jellybean Jenkins. He let forth a bellowing roar and they cowered before him, urinating in the dirt. They showed their yellow smoldering bellies to him one by one. Jellybean Jenkins executed each of them and adorned himself in their entrails as he walked the grounds. Boyd was reminded of the time his Momma bought him a candy rope that he wore like a necklace. In contrast to his candy necklace, Jellybean Jenkins chewed the material slowly, stopping only to spit out remnant feces as he hacked and slashed his way through more Gorplings.
A horde of close to twenty Gorplings poured out of the two nearby cave mouths, but were rapidly buried alive when the rocks above the cave came crumbling down. Gorpjuices flowed out from under the rocks confirming the fatalities. Gmol was glowing brown at the moment and Boyd assumed this meant that the recent cave-in was likely his doing. Fleon marched slowly through the field of battle stabbing half-heartedly at any remaining Gorplings. He marched towards the nearby Mana Node and Tapped it when he reached it.
Boyd had gained a bunch of experience during this period, despite again having done very little.
SYSTEM: Your Foray has tapped 1 Mana Node.
Boyd mostly watched as Gmol set about planting slime mold spores on all the corpses. His process was always the same, and he never missed a corpse.
He realized that the others had a bit of a point with regards to his approach. Given the fact this encounter was essentially child’s play to them, it was probably faster to just initiate the ambush and mop everything up and then go tag the Node. At the same time, they seemed completely incapable of understanding that they didn’t have to do the encounter. It was almost like this whole thing was scripted and they couldn’t leave the script. If that was the case, then why was he the only person who acted sane in this place?
“It’s not scripted. That’s not the right way of thinking of it.”
Boyd looked around trying to figure out who was talking to him.
“Sit down. So you don’t get a concussion.”
Boyd looked around again. “What?”
Then he crumpled over.
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He was back in the white room with Zina, the World War 2 Nurse, but this time she was dressed more like a high powered executive in a smart business suit. She was beautiful, but once again, not in the way that made Boyd think about wanting to fuck her. Then he realized he was definitely thinking about how much he wanted to fuck her, but in a more respectful and polite way. She was commanding and competent. She spoke with gravitas. Boyd, unused to powerful women, was confused by her presence as she bridged a gap between authoritative and sexy he had not experienced before.
She sat at a large desk stacked with papers and furiously typed at her computer. “Sorry for the impromptu meeting. I do hope you braced for the impact. I actually didn’t stop to check. Next time, just sit down quickly if I ask you. I don’t have a lot of patience for these sorts of things.”
“What….the….fuck is happening?” Boyd asked.
"I need to explain a few things quickly to you. First of all, you made a large mistake just a few minutes ago. I cannot tell you exactly what it was due to your unique status, but please think hard about the last few minutes and do not do that thing that you shouldn’t have done again. You will deeply regret it.”
"Killing the Gorpling? Or not setting off the ambush? Do we really have to set off the ambush? Why?”
She moved past his question, “Your companions are going to see the world very different from you. They have very different goals from us. You’ll need them as you are not capable of doing what needs to be done by yourself, but please be aware that your unique skillset will offer routes to success that will only be perceptible to you and you alone. I cannot explain this further currently, but because of our unique little bond, you may find your worldview is very unconventional compared to many of the other Combatants. Please feel free to express yourself as needed. Do you understand what I mean?”
"Not really?”
She looked up from her desk and glared at him hard.
“Next, you need to ask Fleon about Multiclassing. You have no hope of getting anywhere in your current state. I cannot explain it to you as that would be viewed as cheating but there is no reason he can’t.”
“Ask him about what?”
“Multiclassing.”
“What’s that?”
“I just told you that I can’t tell you and you need to ask Fleon. This is too close already to breaking… Nevermind. Just ask Fleon.”
“Ask Fleon what again?”
“God dammit, are you really that dumb?”
“What? How dumb?”
"Alright, I can’t do this. Looks like I am going to have to fix a few things so we can speak more openly. Back you go.”
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A splatter of drool hit Boyd in the face. Jellybean Jenkin’s foul, hot dog breath permeated Boyd’s nose. Jellybean Jenkins shouted at the group, “It isn’t dead. A shame. Now is not the time for sleeping Human. Awake. We must go.”
The Foray was already walking towards Portcullis. Boyd stood up to join them.