Dear Journal,

Hansen has basically left me alone since we got back from our run to the coffee shop, which is really kind of annoying. Like, you hold my hand on the way there, and then refuse to talk to me afterward? What the fuck?

Maybe he just thought I needed some space after seeing what had actually happened there. And maybe I did need some space. Going back to the coffee shop had kind of ruined me for like a day - the first day we got back, I showered, and then I actually just went to my mom’s room and waited for her to get back. She never did come back to her room, though, so I assume she just stayed the night with Ben. But I fell asleep on her bed, waiting for her, which while kind of depressing, I think that was the best night’s sleep that I have gotten since the end of the world. Like, they may not have been the most comfortable beds of all time, but compared to the floor, it was amazing!

But I cried enough that day while I was waiting for her that I’m totally over it now, and I went to go tell Hansen that, but he’s nowhere to be found. I hope he didn’t go out to scavenge without me - I kind of thought we were partners in all of that now, but maybe his dad thinks otherwise.

But anyway, since I couldn’t find Hansen everywhere, and my mom was busy with Ben, and even Jared was busy hanging out with Bryce, I went to the next best place - to do what Hansen asked me and go talk to Garrett.

He was out by the front door as usual - I don’t know if the dude like ever sleeps or what, but it seems like he’s always out there, watching just to make sure nobody comes in. If Hansen hadn’t said that he didn’t like a lot of the people in the power plant, I would have thought he was like super protective of them. But I went out and I brought him one of the muffins that Bryce had made from a mix we brought back and a bottle of water, because I don’t know if there’s a better way to get to talk to someone than to bring them a snack.

I went out and handed him the snacks and Garrett just looked at me and was like “why the hell are you bringing me food?” Which to me seemed kind of rude because like, just because I hadn’t talked to him before didn’t mean I couldn’t care enough to bring him a snack, you know? But I told him that Hansen said that we should talk and he just sighed and was like “yeah, Hansen always wants me to talk to people that I don’t want to,” which I don’t know if that was a dig at me or if he was just annoyed at being at the power plant, but either way, it was super rude, and I immediately asked myself what Hansen had gotten me into.

The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

But I’m super stubborn, so instead of leaving, I was just like “so you were in cross country, right?” and Garrett looked a little more interested in talking about that. So I asked him what he did with cross country, and he said that was a stupid question because everyone in cross country just runs, but I was like “okay, but how was I supposed to know that?” and he was like “Well, if you popular kids had ever gotten your heads out of each other’s asses, maybe you’d have realized it.” Which I realize was supposed to be an insult, but I was more like “oh my god, you knew me at school? That’s so cool!” And he was like “yeah, of course I knew you, didn’t everybody??” And I had to explain that no, not everybody did, like I don’t think Hansen knew me at all, because I was like friends with the people in school who were really popular, but I didn’t really go out of my way to be popular, you know? Which he just shrugged at, and I said that I wish I had gotten a chance to see one of his cross country games before the world ended. He laughed at that for some reason, but after that, he seemed like he was at least kind of happier to be talking to me. Maybe not as happy as if I had just left him alone, but at least he wasn’t giving me death glares out of the corner of his eyes anymore, which was a start.

So I asked him why he was always outside when the inside of the power plant was so nice, and he was like, the inside might be nice, but the people aren’t. And I was like “what do you mean? Like everyone I talked to has been super sweet to me except for you,” which he laughed at again. And then he was like “yeah, but right now you’re new and they want something from you. When they’re over that and they’ve gotten everything they want, you’ll see that they’re all bitches in there.” And I asked them what they wanted from me, because it’s not like I really had anything to give - like I could totally understand them wanting my mom here, because even if she’s a bit off the deep end right now, she’s still a complete badass. But I’m just a girl who was sometimes a barista, but it’s not like making coffee is really that hard because most people around here don’t even want anything other than black coffee. And he shrugged and said that they didn’t tell him anything because he didn’t like them, but they probably just wanted us to join them and thought they had to be super nice to do it.

They were probably right about that - if we had first met them and they’d been total dickbags, I wouldn’t have wanted to come back at all, not even for a shower. But so far, everyone seemed pretty cool other than being a little weird, and who wasn’t a little weird anymore? So I just shrugged and was like “well, when they all start being bitchy toward up, maybe you’ll let me stand out here and guard with you.” Because really, even though I could still taste the ash in the air every time I took a breath, there was something nice about being outside of the bunker, away from everyone else. The slight water coming off the river even made it kind of cool, and the building shaded against the sun, so it was way better than just walking through the remains of the city.

Garrett nodded at that and told me that I was welcome out there anytime, and it felt like I had passed some sort of a test or something. I was so happy that I could have hugged him, had he still not been standing with his arms across his chest, looking at me wearily. So I guess he didn’t trust me yet or whatever, but there was enough muffin mix to change that!

Don’t get me wrong - I still miss Hansen. But if he’s going to totally ignore me, at least Jared isn’t my only option for someone to hang out with, right?

Love,

Kayla