Dear Journal,

I told you I was going to figure out something to help with running away, and I think I’ve succeeded in that! I was trying to figure it out, when I realized - you know how those tie blankets used to be so popular? You know, the ones where you took two pieces of fabric and then made a bunch of knots along the side to tie the two pieces together? Well, I grabbed the top sheet off my mom’s bed, because who actually uses those anyway? And I made a bunch of little rips along the sides, and then I tied those all together really tight, and I made a large sack! I showed my mom when she got back, and she said that she wasn’t sure it would hold for some of the heavier things, but for stuff like clothes and some of the lighter foods, it would work perfectly!

I told Garrett about it the next day when we were sitting by the door together, and by the next day, he’d gotten his and Hansen’s top sheets as well, so I made two extra bags that night. They’re not the easiest to carry, but considering we can’t just go to the store and buy backpacks or anything, they’ll work for now. Plus, if we do end up finding better bags along the way, then we even have some additional fabric in case we need it for something!

I tried looking for some thread and a needle the other day when my mom and I were in the living room, because they have all these boxes with small little items, and I was thinking that maybe we could fashion some of the throw blankets into a jacket or something so that we could wear it instead of having to carry it with us, but I couldn’t find any, and the one that I tried to prototype by tying it with knots didn’t work out super well. I’ve still been wearing it around, though - it might be kind of bulky, but at least it’s sort of new clothes in a way! And even better, Rex saw it and didn’t question a thing!

We’ve all been going to breakfast at the same time, because without fail, Rex is always there waiting for me. He’s only come to the room one other time at least, but I think he thinks it’s so innocent for him to be coming to breakfast at the same thing. After that first time he tried to come at night, though, everything he does gives me the creeps. But I’ve been trying to chat with him and act like everything is normal, because that way, it’s easier for my mom and Ben to sneak away extra food.

I’ve been trying to catch Bryce, but she and Jared have been hiding off somewhere that I can’t find most of the time. But I did manage to catch them one day when Bryce was in the kitchen to make more muffins. I asked her if my mom had talked to them recently, and she was like “oh no, I haven’t heard from your mom, but Jared talked to Hansen” and gave me kind of a knowing look that let me know that she knew what was going on. I had to fight down the jealousy that she was able to talk to Hansen, because after my mom and Ben had started staying in their room, I hadn’t really been able to talk to him at all, which kind of makes sense because if everyone started flooding into the same room if would look super suspicious, but I still miss him. But I was glad that those two were going to be coming with anyway, because if they didn’t, I would have super worried about Bryce when we were gone.

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Anyway, I asked her if she’d been able to grab some extra food since she was usually the one who worked in the kitchen the most. And she just laughed and was like “oh yeah, I’d been taking a couple of small snacks back to my room in case I get tired at night,” but then held her finger to her lips to shush me before I could respond. Which I guess makes sense, because we didn’t want Rex to come and find out that we’d been sneaking food out of the kitchen for some reason, but I also didn’t think he’d really think too much about us teenagers grabbing extra food. He’d been a coach with a teenage son, after all, and I’ve seen how much those guys can eat.

But anyway, aside from making blankets and occasionally sneaking food out, I haven’t been allowed to help that much. One night when we were in our room, my mom explained that I’m not being allowed to help not because I wouldn’t be useful, but because Rex had such a strong interest in me that if I started doing stuff, it would probably draw his attention more than anything. In fact, she kind of hinted that the thing that would be the most helpful was if I distracted Rex while the others did stuff, which I’ve been trying to do. It’s kind of a hard line to walk, though, because I don’t want to risk him trying to come back to the room at night again since we’ve started gathering food there (right now it’s all hidden in the closet, but I don’t know how long that will be able to last). But I’ve been trying to chat more with him when we’re at breakfast and stuff.

It’s really hard, because I want nothing more than to throw my coffee into his face for being such a creep, but instead I have to laugh and try my best to act like he’s as interesting to me as Hansen is. And let’s face it, Hansen is at least cool, so Rex would never live up to that, whether he was like twice my age or not.

I haven’t heard anything about when we’re leaving - I know I’ve had to hang around my mom a lot more during the day recently because Garrett had been off doing runs, trying to decide which house was the best one for us to be staying in for the time being, so there’s a part of me that thinks that it can’t be that long until we leave. I think between all of us, we’ve smuggled enough to last us for a couple of weeks, which doesn’t sound like that long really, but as soon as we get out of Rex’s usual range, I don’t think we’ll have any problems with finding new stuff. Hell, even if we’re still in his range, you know he’s not great at finding things. There’s probably plenty of food hidden just under a small layer of ash.

I am definitely going to miss the showers at the power plant, though. I did grab some extra soap and shampoo and stick it in my bag, but unless we happen to find running water, it won’t do that much good. But still, it’s better than nothing, I suppose. Until that time, I’m going to start taking a couple of showers a day, just to get my fill for now. It probably won’t help in the long term, but at least it’s something to do while I wait.

Love,

Kayla