Dear Journal,

Well, I’m pretty sure I’m grounded for like again, which I feel like my mom does every few days at this point, but it’s never actually for life. She’s got to adjust her punishments, I think.

Anyway, this time I was grounded because I said I was going to make the trip back to the power plant to shower, but my mom said that I needed some sort of an escort at the very least, and I said that maybe Bryce could go with so that we could have a girls trip! But Bryce still isn’t a big fan of being outside with all the bodies, which I kind of get, but I also know that she’s also a big fan of the power plant, so I told her that we could just say that we were going to the power plant for a shower, but then when we got there, we could just stay. But I didn’t know my mom was in the kitchen when I said that, so she heard every word. So long story short, instead of going to the power plant, now I’m never allowed to leave the coffee shop again, which seems like an extreme punishment. Can you really fault me for wanting an actual bed and a shower?? Apparently, my mom can.

I mean, it’s not the fault of the coffee shop that the power plant is just nicer. Don’t get me wrong, I love the coffee shop, and since the end of the world, it’s really started to feel like home. But seven people living in a coffee shop, with no shower or real way to wash clothes or any additional source of food other than what we steal from burned down buildings..it’s just too much sometimes. At least at the power plant, if I couldn’t get my own room, I could at least use someone’s shower and sleep on an actual couch. And I might be able to sleep more than three feet from someone else! Plus, since the fires didn’t really seem to affect the land that was right by the river, I might even be able to plant a little garden once the spring hits, so we could actually get some vegetables that aren’t out of a sketchy can! I suppose it would depend on if we could find seeds somewhere, but that doesn’t seem that hard. And I really miss lettuce.

The thing is that, while I don’t really want to run away because I think it might break the last thread that’s keeping my mom from going completely off the deep end, I alsowas somewhat serious about my question to Bryce. I’d rather we would all go and live there, of course, but I don’t think there’s going to be any convincing my mom of that. Or at least I don’t think I can convince her, but maybe Ben can?

Also, by the way, my mom’s relationship with Ben (which, oh my god, so gross) has basically been confirmed at this point. Like when we got back to the coffee shop, my mom was having a little breakdown because of some reason that I can’t keep up with anymore, and Ben pulled her aside into a giant bear hug until she calmed down. And that’s just not something you would do to someone you’re not dating! If they were in high school, that would have been the talk of the entire student body for days!

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But I think Ben wants us all to move to the power plant, too. Like, when we were leaving, he actually looked kind of sad, like he was really hoping that seeing the building would be enough to make my mom want to say. Which, to that, I say he obviously doesn’t know my mom as well as he thinks he does, then, if he thinks something like that would be enough to change her mind. Once her mind is made up, it practically takes a life-changing experience to change it, which the power plant was really nice, but I don’t know if I’d count it as life changing. Maybe it would be if they had actually hot showers.

I think I might try to catch Ben on his own if my mom ever leaves him alone for a few minutes, just so I can see if he’s actually interested in us all making the move. Maybe he has a better idea of how to get Mr. Williams and Hattie there, too, because after having biked and walked that distance, I don’t know if my stretcher idea would work. Or, at the very least, I don’t know if it would work unless we wanted to move them over the course of a week. It was hard enough making a spot for the five of us to sleep for one night, though, so I can’t imagine having to do it for a week straight, especially with old people involved. It’d probably take all of us to even get them off the ground in the morning. But if we can get the adults involved in brainstorming ideas, I’m sure we can get something figured out. They’ve had more practice dealing with old people than we do, after all.

I just hope that we can get my mom to change her mind soon, though. If not to let us move there, I at least hope that she changes her mind and lets us go there for showers, because it’s only been a few days and my hair is already starting to bug me again. It’s not nearly as bad as before, but it’s definitely lost a lot of its cleanness. And yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have suggested staying that the power plant right away, but how was I supposed to know that my mom would react so badly to that?? I mean, I’m basically an adult, and even before the end of the world, we always talked about how soon I’d have to start making adult decisions for myself. Granted, I think she was talking more about whether or not I was going to go to college rather than which apocalyptic safe house I was going to live in, but still, is that not an adult decision that I should be making by myself?

When she’s calmed down a bit and seems less mad, maybe I’ll ask if Jared and I can at least go and start clearing out the bodies on the path to the safe house. She likes Jared, so I think she’d be more willing to let me go out with him, plus it’d be helpful because it would make the trip to the power plant way faster. We tried to steer around the bodies and debris last time, but there’s too many for us to be able to do that for long, so we had to give up the bikes pretty quickly, but if we could bike there, we might even be able to go between the two places in a couple of hours, which would be great! And if it’s less dangerous to get between the two places, then maybe my mom would freak out less when I dared to suggest that I wanted to go over there. I guess we’ll find out when I ask her, but frankly, with as crazy as she’s been acting lately, my hope for her to have a normal reaction is pretty low.

Love,

Kayla