The last few hours of travel were silent, yet one could still cut the tension with a pair of kindergartner’s craft scissors. Horan was crammed into the backseat, so preoccupied with thinking about what he was about to do to Thel to notice the discomfort. Mark looked back at Horan in the rear-view mirror every few minutes, making sure he wasn’t hallucinating.
After Horan had settled on ripping out Thel’s lying tongue as a suitable form of punishment, he finally noticed Mark staring at him from the mirror. He quietly sighed and shifted his weight so that the seatbelt anchor didn’t dig into his back as much.
“Yes, I’m real. I’ve spent the last 5,000 years making sure. Don’t worry, plenty of humans have had the same general reaction.”
Mark looked back to the road. “So wait, have you done this a lot? Coming to the… human realm or whatever?”
“Not really these days, no. Deus has been enforcing a bit of a ‘hands-off’ policy for a while, making sure nobody goes and messes up his perfect little ant farm.”
“Am I supposed to know who Deus is supposed to be, or is it a Primus thing? Whatever that means.” Mark enquired.
Horan sighed patronizingly. “Right, yeah. This is why I’ve been pushing for making you humans learn about us in schools. If we did that, I wouldn’t have to explain this to every human I come across. Primoi are… I guess you could call us manifestations of human achievement. Every time humans come together to form a new civilization, a new batch of us spring into existence. For me, it was ancient Egypt. For Deus, it was Rome. As you can guess, that makes him kind of a big deal. And boy, did he let us know it.”
It took a few seconds for Mark’s brain to process everything that the giant hot guy crammed into the back of his stolen SUV had just said. “So, why? Do Primuses-“
“Primoi.”
Mark gritted his teeth. “Do Primoi actually do anything? Because it sounds like you would be able to manage a lot.”
Horan paused for a moment. “Well… no. Way back when, we used to get up to all kinds of hijinks, messing with humans. But as it turns out, Deus took a liking to all of you, so he decided to ban interaction with you. Because he’s boring.”
Mark checked the horizon for landmarks. “Right, sure. Real shame. And this Palace of the Primoi you have, where’s that?”
Horan, rather miffed that the subject had been changed, obliged. “Eh, it’s just an extradimensional space that exists within and around the pyramids. My dad made it. It’s far more impressive than anything you humans have built, but there’s not much of an outside to look at, unfortunately. If you were wondering whether you chauffeuring me back there will get you inside, think again. I can get there quite easily by myself, I just needed time to heal my wounds. You know what? I’m feeling pretty healthy by now. Stop the car, this is where I get off.”
Mark panicked internally slightly. “No, we’re pretty close. I’ll just take you the rest of the way and-“
“Too late!” declared Horan as he opened the car door and hopped out, floating slightly off the ground to avoid a crash-landing onto the sand. He looked around, found the Nile, and started heading north. As he flew, Mark got over the confusion of watching the guy suddenly start floating and pulled up next to him.
“Hey, uh, your highness, Cairo’s still a few hours from here, you’ll get, um, sunburned! And it’s best to save your strength for when you’re there!”
Horan sped up, pulling ahead. “Don’t you worry your pretty little human head about it. I can make it there in half the time as your vehicle, and I don’t even need to break a sweat!” He floated into a more relaxed position, stretching from his time spent in the car. “You can go back to finding food and water until you die, I’ve got the situation handled.”
Mark pushed further down on the accelerator, matching speed with Horan. “Seriously, I should stick with you until we get there. I have guns and I know how to use them, you can use the backup!”
Horan scowled and straightened up, continuing to accelerate through the air. He was now visibly straining. “Listen. This isn’t your problem. I’m dealing with Thel myself, I don’t need some human slowing me do-“
An unnoticed rock caught the bottom of Horan’s foot. He pitched forward, tumbling through the sand. Mark brought the car to a halt next to the sand-covered heap that was the ancient Primus Horan.
Horan got up and brushed the sand off him, looking around perplexed. “What was that? Why was I so much slower?” He gazed off into the distance for a few seconds before smacking his left eye, or the socket where it would be. He turned to look at Mark. “Human, did I do any glowy stuff when I landed? Did you see anything like that?”
Mark leaned out of the car window. “Uh, yeah? Is that relevant to all this?”
Horan growled. “You shush. I guess I must have unconsciously burned out some of my own soul so that I didn’t, well, die. Now that I think about it, I feel like I’m only operating at, like, two-thirds capacity. I don’t know, my guess might be off.”
Mark grinned and patted the car’s rear door. “Well, if you can’t beat my ride, my offer still stands.”
Horan scoffed and began continuing north on foot. “Please. I’ve spent more than enough time in there. I can just go the rest of the way myself, even if it’s slower.” He picked himself back off the ground and continued flying north at a more leisurely pace.
Mark groaned and got out of the car. “Look, there are slavers around these parts. Dumb slavers. They’re gonna see you from a mile away with how tall you are, they’re gonna see your glowing eye and think you’re some kind of monster. And they’re going to shoot you. With guns. You say you’re immortal, but are you bulletproof?”
Horan kept going. “I don’t care. You’re just making things up so you can spend more time with me. Well, it’s not working! I am a strong, independent eternal superbeing and I don’t need to be taxied around by an unwashed human peasant.”
“You’re being ridiculous! I’ve been around these parts for years and I can tell you for a fact that you aren’t going to make it to Cairo on foot.”
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
Horan stopped and turned back around to face the car. “Oh yeah? And what makes you think they won’t just see that giant brown box and go after it? Hmm? Didn’t think of that, did ya?”
Mark started walking towards Horan. “I said I’ve been around here for years. People in these parts know I’m not a target, and they know that this car doesn’t contain a target. If you ride with me to Cairo, you’ll be safer and you’ll get there faster. You’re just not coming with me out of pettiness!”
Horan looked at the car, looked north, and glared at Mark as he trudged back to the car and packed himself into the backseat. “You win this one, but don’t expect me to shower you with praise or anything.”
Satisfied, Mark got back into the driver’s seat. “Alright, chauffeur to an immortal glowy-eye guy. Can I get it in writing that you won’t stab me and take my car the rest of the way yourself?”
Horan shifted upwards into as close of a sitting position as he could come without his head bumping into the roof. “I wouldn’t worry about that. I’m the ruler of my Domain, a few more rules of the universe apply to me compared to most other people. I can’t tell a lie and my word is our bond, spoken or otherwise. I’m not going to betray you, and now that I’ve said that, I can’t betray you. Simple.”
“And how do I know you’re not lying about not being able to lie?”
“Because I’m incapable of telling a lie, try to pay attention next time I speak.”
Mark sighed. “Okay then. We can probably make it back to Cairo in the next hour, so we can be rid of each other soon.”
“That’s good to hear. The sooner I can get out of this garbage human realm and back to my palace, the better.”
Mark turned the key in the ignition, but before he could get going, Horan perked up. “Wait,” he pointed ahead. “Who’s that?”
Mark peered ahead but could only see clouds and sand. “Who’s who?”
Horan facepalmed. “Stupid human senses. There’s a guy heading towards us.”
Horan climbed back out of the car and, in a brief pulse of blue light, conjured a sword into his outstretched hand. Puzzled, Mark followed him out. “Wait, since when could you do that?”
Horan shrugged. “Since always, I guess. Weapon summoning is pretty basic magic.”
Mark threw his arms up in the air. “Now there’s magic? What, can you travel through time as well?”
Horan waved him off. “No. Most likely not. Go get your gun, this guy’s armed.”
As Mark opened up the glove compartment, Horan kept his eye on the stranger. They looked Chinese, with an equine head and decked out in full plate armour and carrying a halberd. Ah, the High Emperor must have heard of what Thel had done and sent one of his soldiers to help Horan retake his throne. That was nice of him.
The new arrival, now noticeable as a seeming hybrid between a horse and a person, landed in front of Horan as Mark pulled his rifle out of the car. The creature cleared his throat and began an obviously scripted speech. “This land is now under the authority of… Wait. You aren’t human, are you?”
Horan sneered. “Obviously. Look, tell the Emperor I’m grateful for the backup. I found a driver out here to take me back to my palace, but I don’t- Hang on, did you say something about authority?”
The creature looked confused. “Erm, yes? Why are you out here? You’re supposed to be back in Cairo.”
Before Horan could question him further, Mark stepped in, gripping his gun. “Hey, who are you supposed to be? Are you with this Horan guy?”
Horan looked back. “Oh, don’t worry. The High Emperor sent this guy to help me get rid of Thel.”
The creature kept looking at Horan, his expression becoming even more confused. “What does the High Emperor have to do with this? I’m just here to tell you that Lord Thel owns this land.”
Horan’s expression dropped near-instantly. “…Did you just say Lord Thel? Like, Thel, the super evil red guy? Looks like me but bald and red?”
The creature tentatively nodded. “Y-yes, that Thel. Are you also an Egyptian, then?”
Horan shifted his grip on his sword. “Looks like the guy got himself some minions. Listen here, kid. I’m letting you walk away from this business right now, because pretty soon that Thel guy isn’t going to be able to pay you much. That throne is mine, he’s a pretender, and I’m taking it back.”
Recognition began to dawn on the creature’s face. “Oh! You’re that nephew of his he said he would get rid of! I thought he meant he would ki-“
Horan raised his sword. “He hasn’t gotten rid of anything. Now get out of my way or I’ll tear you to shreds.”
The creature stepped back and pointed his halberd up at Horan. “Be careful. I can probably get something out of bringing you back alive, and we demons are nothing to laugh at.”
“Oh, is that what you are? listen, I know you little demons aren’t a threat. My cousin Sanret ran with a few of you back in the 800’s, I know your deal.”
“I don’t care what you know about us, I can still beat you in a fight.”
“Well, guess it’s time to test that theory.” Horan lunged at the demon with his sword, who parried the blow and leapt back. Horan pulled his arm back and made a throwing motion. A rush of wind and ripple of air emitted from his hand at the release point of the throw, which surged towards the demon and knocked him back. The demon stumbled backward and fell over.
Horan looked back at Mark, smugly tossing his sword aside and readying his hands in an aggressive pose. “Wind powers. Pretty cool, right? Well, watch thi-“
Horan was cut short as the blunt side of the demon’s halberd was swung against the side of his head. Horan fell to the ground with a grunt. The demon levelled his halberd at Horan’s throat. “Killing you is going to be bad for both of us, so just give up now.” Mark hesitantly raised his rifle.
Horan smirked and slapped the ground with both hands. A large cloud of sand and dust was kicked up, obscuring Horan and everything within ten feet of him. Horan rolled to the side and got up as the demon coughed and spat sand out of his mouth. Horan swung where the coughing came from and missed, but as he moved forward with the punch, his leg caught on the demon’s knee, and he tripped and fell face-first back into the sand.
He tried to get back up, but was pushed back down by a heavy boot landing on his neck. The dust cloud parted to reveal the demon standing on top of Horan victoriously, boot digging into the back of his neck.
“Alright,” panted the demon. “You’ve been beaten, and now you’re going to come with me back to-“
A short burst of gunfire knocked the demon clean off of Horan. Horan got up unsteadily and saw Mark holding up the smoking barrel of his rifle. On the opposite side of Horan lay the demon, his upper body punctured with multiple bullet holes.
As Horan nudged the body of the demon with his foot, Mark lowered his gun. “You’d think he would have paid more attention to the guy with the assault rifle.”
Horan finished his inspection and backed away from the expanding pool of blood. “Yeah, he’s dead. There are probably more back at the palace, I expect Thel is holding the rest of my subjects captive. Also, I think I have a concussion. You are not going to mention this encounter to anyone.”
The two got back into a car. As Mark put his gun back into the glove box, he looked at Horan expectantly as the Primus pushed himself into the back. Horan saw Mark glaring at him, looked around, and said slowly, “What?”
“There’s a common courtesy one does when someone saves their life. You know, some means of verbally expressing your gratitude towards your saviour.” He gestured expectantly at Horan.
“Hm? Oh, sure, cool.” Horan went back to rubbing his bruised head.
“Rachid better make this worth my while,” grumbled Mark as he turned the ignition and continued the trip.