A derelict drawbridge spanned the canal, cracked tarmac continuing in a thin line into the eastern and western horizons. A collection of huts made of sandstone and scrap metal clustered around the bridge, light from torch fires illuminating the nigh pitch-black night.
Mark pulled over a few minutes from the village’s outskirts and looked back at Horan. “Alright, you’re gonna stay here for now. We can’t have the giant glowy-eyed immortal drawing attention to us.”
Horan got up a little. “Why? I can just shapeshift to look more like a human. Look.” With a soft ‘Whoosh’, Horan shrunk to a measly six feet tall and his features smoothed over to become less exaggerated. While his left eye was still missing, his right had morphed from looking like it was made of luminescent lapis lazuli to a normal human one, with a calm, blizzard-blue iris.
Mark puzzled at Horan. “Wait, why didn’t you use it all those times when it would have been useful? Like when you needed to fit in the car?”
Horan raised one hand and opened his mouth. “I… I had a lot on my mind, okay?!”
Mark burst out laughing. “Wait, have you been cramped into the back of my car because you forgot you could shapeshift?”
Horan shifted around so that he was sitting normally in the back right seat. “I haven’t used it in a while, now shut up before you get socked!”
Mark calmed himself down. “Alright, are there any other superpowers you forgot you had, or is that it?”
Horan growled softly. “I can fly, control the weather, turn into a human (as is normal), turn into a falcon, the eye I still have glows (as is normal), and I know a spell or two. There. That’s it. Now stop making fun of me.”
“From what I’ve seen, those powers are a lot less impressive in practice.”
Horan waved Mark off. “At least I have powers. Now let me come with you, I look like a human and everything.”
Mark frowned condescendingly. “Mmm, no.”
Horan threw his hands up in the air, which banged against the car roof. “C’mon- Ow. Why not? I don’t wanna stay in here, it smells like human!”
Mark began to take his two pistols and a few spare clips out of the glove box. “Because in every high-stakes situation I’ve seen you involved with, you have shown yourself to be short-sighted, gullible, reckless and in general hopelessly incompetent at defending yourself in open combat.”
Horan looked down. “Well, you didn’t need to be so blunt about it.”
Mark continued. “There are most likely enemy forces guarding the bridge since it’s a strategic chokepoint, and I don’t want the merchandise damaged. Now stay here.”
“Your soldier is showing.”
“What? Oh. Shut up about that.” Mark got out of the car and started walking towards the village.
-
About a dozen people were camped outside the town, huddling around small fires to stave off the frigid cold of the desert night. Many of the people had carts of miscellaneous goods with them. Canned food, water, and other supplies. Two demons stood guard by the entrance of the town, closely watching the camped merchants.
Mark walked up to the two demons, keeping his guns stowed and trying to look as nonthreatening as possible. “Hey there, demons. It’s me, a random stranger, heh heh. How much to cross?”
The demon on the left looked Mark up and down and huffed. “Half-pound of gold per ten people. If it’s just you, that’s a twentieth-pound.”
The demon of the right held up a scale.
“Wait, not water? I have water, can’t I pay with that?”
“No,” declared the right demon. “Lord Thel, new sovereign of these lands, has reinstated gold as the currency of the land. If you want to cross, give us gold.”
Mark began to raise his voice, but subdued himself. “But nobody has gold! It’s worthless these days! Nobody will be able to cross!”
“Sounds like a you problem,” The demon on the left waved Mark off. “You can go back to your caravan, now. We’re done.”
-
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
“I need your blood,” said Mark, leaning through the open car window.
Horan, face buried into the backseat polyester, slowly raised his head to look at Mark. “What?”
“They’re charging gold to let people cross. I don’t have gold. Your blood is gold. I need your blood.”
Horan lowered his face back into the him-shaped indentation in the seat. “Find gold somewhere else. I’m off limits. I’ve seen that medal of yours, just give them that.”
“Oh, come on!” Mark opened the door and leaned over Horan. “Just let me give you a papercut or something, you have plenty of blood to spare! I thought you had to do what I told you!”
Horan got up and scooched to the far seat from Mark. “Since I’m actually able to say no, there’s probably a clause in the contract about direct bodily harm, so that’s convenient.”
“And your earrings?”
Horan cupped his hands over his ears. “These are painted copper, I don’t wear jewellery made of the same stuff as my blood. You’re not touching me, human. Last time I checked, you just want to cross the channel to sell me into slavery sooner. That’s not something I want to speed up. This is your adventure, and you’re the one who’s going to solve this problem.”
“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO WANTED US TO GO TO THE GREEKS!” Seethed Mark, groping at Horan’s arm. “Do you want to get rid of Thel or not?”
“I’m in no hurry,” shrugged Horan, pulling away from Mark’s grasp. “He’ll only try to kill me if he finds me. You, on the other hand, need a new employer before you run out of water. I can just wait here until you die or give up, then continue my own quest by myself.”
Mark stepped away from the car, burying his head in his hands. “At this rate, I should just get rid of you. No amount of luxury is worth this torment.” He sighed and turned back to the town. “I’ll see if I can scrounge something up with the people here. If you feel like not being a pain, you know who to talk to.”
“I’ll keep it in mind,” called Horan as Mark began walking back to the encamped merchants.
Horan pulled the door closed and lounged back. He looked at the food and water in the back. He picked at the tag on the seatbelt. He checked his new human form in the pull-down window. He opened the sunroof and looked at the landscape.
With the moon and stars being blocked by the blanket of clouds, the nearby village was the only visible light source within the bounds of the horizon. Horan looked at the village for about a minute, then groaned and got out of the car. He didn’t have anything better to do than deal with the current obstacle, and the human had removed his restriction to the car. But this problem was getting solved Horan style.
Strolling to the human village, he saw two fish-like demons guarding the bridge. As he approached, they crossed their spears and blocked his path. “Toll first,” grunted the one on the left as the other lifted his scale.
“Hey now,” said Horan, lifting his arms. “I’m not here to bother you or anything, I know you just wanna do your jobs.”
“Oh, do you?” muttered the one on the right, lowering the scale.
“Of course! But I can tell already that that’s not the best way to do things here. It’s a cold night, and I mean really cold. Seriously, wow. So don’t you two fine folks want to just head back to your barracks and call it a night?
“Eh, we’re just the night shift. The day team swap with us whenever we think the sun has come up. If we ‘call it a night’, we’ll be abandoning our post. And Captain Rong doesn’t like people who abandon their posts.”
The other demon shuddered in response to the first’s explanation.
Horan thought for a moment. “Hm. Okay. But, look at all those vagrants camped outside. They’re gonna run out of supplies eventually, and then they’ll start mooching from this here town you’re protecting. Wouldn’t your boss like it a lot better if you just moved them along?”
“Yeah, right. We get it, you just want to move your caravan along. But our bridge needs to make money somehow. How about you just find someone to trade with on this continent? Can’t be that hard.”
“Ah! But wait! There’s an easy solution to kill two birds with one stone. You can let those schmucks through for free now, but when they want to get home, you charge ‘em double! That way, they’ll be even more motivated to get home, and they’re more likely to pay up. I heard that’s what the guards are doing at that way cooler bridge up north, you know the one.”
The demon on the right shifted nervously. “Well, I don’t-“
“Also, the merchants might get violent if you block them for too long. Hum- Us. You know how it is. Rar.” He wiggled his fingers menacingly.
“Yeah, fine. I don’t wanna deal with that.” The two demons walked towards where the merchants were camped. “Alright humans, we’re giving you a one-time pass over the bridge, free of charge. Get across before we change our minds.”
Enthusiastically, the merchants packed up and hurried across the bridge into Asia. The two guards, proudly patting each other on the back, were startled by the slamming of the door of one of the biggest buildings in the village. Villagers, who had come out of their homes to find out what the commotion had been about, all scurried back into their huts.
A colossal bull demon, almost twelve feet tall, stepped through the large wooden doorway leading to the barracks. Looking like walking wall of fur, muscle and metal, the demon was clad in heavy plate armour on his torso and legs, leaving his massive arms exposed. Gripping his crude battle-axe, he stared furiously at the two demons.
“What. Did. You. Two. DO?!” bellowed the demon, his voice like a small avalanche.
“Uh, uh, I-we… It wasn’t us! That human did it, Captain Rong, sir!” the demons pointed to where Horan had been standing thirty seconds earlier. However, the only thing in that general vicinity was a small, black bird.
Rong growled viciously. “You let the subjects pass for free, and you have the nerve to try and fool me about it? It’s time I teach you a lesson about incompetent soldiers around these parts.”
“S-sir, please, we already saw what you did to-“
“Shut up and stop ruining my threatening one-liners. Now I’m happy to kill you.”