Horan spun the end of the window crank, bored out of his currently human-sized skull. It was two days since they had crossed the canal, and at since then Horan had done absolutely nothing besides stay in the car while Mark scavenged for supplies.
Horan sat up and leaned between the seats. “Hey, can I come with you for the next stop? I wanna do something.”
Without taking his eyes off the road, Mark pulled a pencil out of the cup holder and made a tally on a sticky note stuck to the inside of the sun visor. “Oh hey, that’s ten times you’ve asked me that! We should celebrate this historic occasion. How about you hold the round number by not asking me again?”
Horan leaned back. “You know, I’d stop asking if you actually let me do it. Just let me find a book or something and I won’t die of boredom. I haven’t checked in on human literature in a while, how’s that Stevenson guy doing?”
“I don’t know who that is, but they’re probably dead.”
“Yeah, that tracks. Wait, no, back to the subject.”
“No.”
“Please?”
“Absolutely not.”
“I won’t stop nagging you until you say yes.”
“Ugh, fine. The next place we stop at, you can stretch your legs a little. But after that, you’re staying in the car and won’t whine to me about it anymore. Understood?”
“Loud and clear.” Horan contentedly lounged back in the seat.
After a few minutes, Mark looked back at him in the rear view mirror. “Hey, put your seatbelt on.”
Horan snorted. “What are you, my mom? We’re in the middle of the desert, there’s nothing to hit. Heck, we can probably get rid of the safety stuff. You could fit more guns inside the airbag spot!”
“Tempting, but no. Now buckle up.”
“Or wh-“ Horan was cut off by Mark abruptly stopping the car, causing Horan to roll off the backseat and onto the floor with a surprised grunt. Mark chuckled a little.
Horan lifted his arm off his face. “Glad to see my suffering gives you joy. Don’t tell me you stopped just for that.”
“Nah, we just arrived somewhere. Sign out front calls it Arraba.” Mark pulled out his rifle, slung it over his shoulder and got out after stuffing his pockets with spare magazines.
Horan stepped out of the car and immediately collapsed. “Ugh… legs… can’t move… cramps…”
Mark looked back. “Oh, stop being a baby. I’m gonna see if I trade for some food. Don’t do anything that draws attention to you in any way, understand? Enjoy your little moment of freedom.”
He walked towards the town while Horan tenderly stretched his legs. Townspeople looked at Mark with mild apprehension, then at Horan with confused pity.
By the time Horan got enough feeling in his legs to walk in a normal manner, Mark had already disappeared into the building that looked the most like a store. Horan walked into town and started looking around.
The town was built from a pre-existing settlement, with rough concrete buildings holding melancholy civilians. Most people out in the street gave Horan a wide berth, eyeing him as if he was holding a knife.
After about a minute of walking, Horan noticed a building that caught his interest. Most signage on inhabited buildings was either in disrepair or somehow covered up. However, the building labelled ‘Arraba Police Department’ had a noticeably fresher coat of paint on it. This gave Horan an idea.
Horan walked inside the building, and yes, it was still a police station. A bored-looking woman sitting behind a run-down desk had cuffed the two ends of a pair of handcuffs together and was sliding the two loops against one another rhythmically.
Horan spoke before the woman noticed him. “Uh, hey there. This the local law enforcement?”
The woman leaned back. “That’s me. What brings you here, person I don’t know?”
Horan looked around the room, which was empty save for the desk and a door at the back. “Well, you can call me a bit of a wandering do-gooder. I-“
Horan was interrupting by the woman’s barely-contained laughter. Shaking slightly, she unlocked the handcuffs she was holding and put them back down on the desk. “Ah, that’s a good one. But seriously, why are you here?”
Horan paused, silently indignant. “I am serious. I’m trying to… Do you have, like, some criminals you need someone to catch, or…?”
“Oh, you’re a bounty hunter!”
“…Sure, let’s go with that. So, any bounties that need hunting?”
The woman pulled out a stained sheet of note paper. “Well, there’s obviously Horan, if the guy’s even real. We have a couple small-time bandits nearby who try to pick off caravans. I’d recommend those, since the only other one around here is Black Iman. I don’t think he’s exactly in your league.”
Horan started at the mention of his own name. “Hey now, what’s this about that Horan guy? Why, uh, why’s he got a bounty?”
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The woman pulled out a notebook. “Oh right, it’s probably been a while since you’ve seen civilization. You know the deal with Thel?”
Horan nodded slowly. “And by deal, you mean that thing where he’s conquering the entire planet?”
“Yeah, that deal. Anyway, he put out a dead-or-alive bounty on some guy called Horan. Says he’ll grant ‘one boon of your wishes’ to whoever brings the guy in. So, uh, be on the lookout for a massive guy with one glowing eye. Because at this point, why not?”
Horan took a tiny step back towards the door. “Uh huh, I’ll keep that one in mind. Didn’t you say something about a guy who’s out of my league?”
The woman flipped back in the notebook. “Black Iman? Yeah, he’s this ‘immortal spirit’, his words, who’s been terrorizing the town for a few months. Oh, right, I forgot to mention, we have an immortal spirit around these parts. Doesn’t just end with everyone vanishing around these parts. Anyway, Iman stepped up his game once Thel showed up, which you probably do know. But seriously, don’t go after him. You’re just some guy who doesn’t even have a gun, and Iman is a shapeshifting wind spirit. You will die, and we won’t mourn you.”
Horan thought for a few seconds. “Well, Miss… Mrs.? What should I…”
“Rayyan.”
“Well then, Rayyan, I think I might have a plan.”
“Don’t they all.”
“Hey now, have a little faith. How about, if you help me with my little plan, I let you in on a little secret?”
-
Mark passed the merchant a few bottles of water in exchange for a plastic bag filled with canned fruits. As he stepped out of the building, checking the cans to make sure they were properly sealed, Horan strode up to him, holding his arms behind his back innocently.
“Hey there, pal! How goes the grocery shopping?”
Mark placed the last can back inside the bag. “It’s done, thankfully. Now, back to the car.”
Horan held up a hand. “Ah, but wait! I have some interesting news for you.”
“Can it wait?”
“Nope.”
“Ugh.” Mark stepped between two buildings and motioned for Horan to follow.
Once the two were out of clear view, Mark leaned against a wall and looked at Horan expectantly. “Spill it.”
Horan awkwardly attempted to mimic Mark’s lean, hitting the back of his human head against the wall. “So, it turns out, there’s this small-time Primus or something terrorizing the town, probably a runaway from one of the Asian Domains.”
“My interest is going somewhere else very quickly.”
“Hey, hey, hear me out. We’re probably not too popular after that incident with the canal, and there’s a bounty on my head, s-“
“How much is the bounty?”
“Very little, money-wise. But, if we can take out this guy, I think his name is Iman, we can win back some public favour! People will think we’re heroes again!”
“And why would I at all care about whether or not I’m a hero? Honestly, I might be willing to do it if the bounty’s good. How much does the job pay?”
Horan winced slightly. “Right, yeah. About that…”
“Of course there’s an ‘about that’. I shouldn’t even be surprised at this point.”
“Yeah, well, uh… So, to convince the sheriff that I could handle the job, I did reveal my true form to her.”
“Horan...”
“Heh, okay, so you know how I said a little earlier that there’s a bounty on my head?”
“Oh no.”
“Yeah, so, now I need to deal with the other bounty, for free, or else they take me back to Thel.”
“This is why I want you to stay in the car, Horan,” growled Mark through gritted teeth.
“Yeah, I get that now.”
“Only now?!”
“Yeah…”
Mark ran his hands over his face. “Fine. We’ll skip town. I already got what I need, so let’s just keep going and hope they don’t send anyone after us.”
Horan shifted his weight off of the wall slightly. “That is something we could do. Or…”
Horan pulled out his arm from behind his back, revealing it to be attached to a handcuff. Before Mark could react, Horan grabbed the other end of the cuff and closed it around Mark’s wrist.
For a good moment, Mark just stared at his cuffed arm, his expression completely blank. After a slightly concerning amount of time, he looked back up at Horan.
“Hilarious. A real gut-buster. Now take them off.”
“I can’t.”
“…What?”
Horan grinned in equal parts amusement, terror and regret. “The sheriff I mentioned earlier has the keys. I figured you would say no, so I prepared the cuffs and told the sheriff not to let us out until we do the job.”
“How is it that every time I think you’ve done the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of, you manage to do something even dumber?”
“It’s one of my talents.”
“It was a rhetorical question, now shut up and let me think.”
Mark paced back and forth for a few seconds, lifting Horan’s arm slightly whenever he moved away. After some thought, he looked back at Horan.
“Well, fighting someone with this kind of handicap is suicide, and we can’t possibly travel long distance like this. So, either we find someone who can cut us out of these, or I turn in the bounty on you.”
“Please don’t.”
“Yeah, I can absolutely find a better deal somewhere else. So, let’s go see if this place has a blacksmith or something.”
“You’re missing the obvious solution here, you know.”
“The obvious solution is getting rid of you now and letting Thel take over the world. It seems like a safer bet at this point.”
“Yeah, or we could actually deal with the bounty. From the guy’s description, he doesn’t sound to bad. It sounds like he basically has the same powers as me, and you have a gun.”
“Give me one single reason why doing that is better than just cutting us free and running.”
“Because nobody would want to free two strangers handcuffed to each other without asking questions?”
“…Yeah, you’re right.”
Mark trudged over to the police building. “Let’s get more intel on the bounty. Also, you’re my bullet shield.”