Chapter 62: Late Night Stories
“Give up?”
Pan shook her head, feelingly slightly frustrated by her bond noticing what she had not yet again. It was nice that he asked if she would like to accompany him on his walk around the settlement, but knowing that there were several of the Blades trying to ‘kill’ her had put a slight sour taste to her mood. Not because Joseph had permitted the exercise, but because of how poorly she seemed to be doing in her task of finding them.
Even with his amusement easing her own nerves, the lack of his alertness to boost her own—likely due to how routine it was for him to be watched by them—left it all on her to locate them before an arbitrary amount of time passed.
Her mate pointed to a shadow cast by one of the dens, the quill marking a ‘success’ having been placed before the Blade had left to attend to other tasks. Pan deflated as he gathered the fourth quill of the sun.
“I fear I am not suitable for such duties.”
Joseph walked back, placing the marker into a pocket of his coat as he wrapped her in his arms and placed a kiss upon her forehead, nuzzling her reassuringly as he spoke. “It takes time.”
She warmed inside as she allowed the affections to spread through her, her eyes slowly looking up to him. “I wish to be of use sooner.”
“You are plenty helpful,” he affirmed, giving her a gentle squeeze before releasing her and continuing his patrol. She reached out to grab his paw as they walked, his delayed smile eliciting her own as she enjoyed his pleasant surprise.
“How is your language lessons progressing?”
“Violet is doing alright,” he commented with a tint of pride. “It’s still limited to pretty broken English, one or two words at a time, but she’s coming along.”
She smiled, pride in their kit amplified by his own. “She is learning quickly, that much is commendable, but I was referring to your own lessons.”
Joseph flinched, slowing to look at her with hesitation. “Already?”
She tilted her head at his tone. “Was it a secret?”
He sighed, drooping his head in defeat. “Supposed to be.”
Pan felt her ears lower in guilt. “Apologies, Violet seemed so excited to share.”
He snorted, shaking his head and correcting his posture. “Not great, if I’m honest. A lot of the sounds you guys are built for are hard to reproduce. Jax is trying his best, but...”
She looped her arm around his to cuddle into him as they continued walking at an unhurried pace. “I suppose there may differences with our anatomy. Your language was difficult to become accustomed to as well, if only for how aspirated some syllables are.”
She felt her face flush, Joseph’s thoughts likely heading into a strange direction for a moment before it was replaced with a genuine curiosity. “Can I ask you a weird question?”
She hummed in assent.
“Can I see your throat?”
Pan looked at him blankly, an ear flicked in mild confusion. He held up a paw.
“Not for anything weird, just figured asking you wouldn’t end up with suggestive comments thrown at me for the next week. I want to confirm something.”
She felt the befuddlement form on her expression, though she tentatively agreed. He looked around for a moment before forcing a shot of air from his nose.
“First; find the Blade. I don’t want Tel getting any ideas.”
Pan scanned the area for a place one would hide, but didn’t see anything particularly out of place or useful. The buildings all allowed a fairly well-lit line of sight, and the construction some space away was occupied by Nalah and the Atmo. She watch her kit pass a strut to a worker, the Lilhun smiling as they received it from her.
It brought the Paw great joy to see the whole pack openly accepting the newly-dubbed ‘Queen’ as an affable interaction to be had, though she supposed Violet’s polite language that both Joseph and herself insisted she use had presented herself as such. Although nothing had changed within the den when everyone learned of the insectoid race’s demise, there was the subtlest increase in vigilance amongst the Heads when the young Atmo was around. It made the surrogate blood-mother ease to know that all were more than accepting of her kit.
She felt a blunt claw poke her cheek, the touch distancing her from her observations.
“Dead,” he commented slyly, pointing to the construction behind her where a quill was placed into the free-standing frame some height up.
“Ah.” An embarrassment reached her face, the ignorance of not checking directly above her proving folly. “Apologies.”
He scratched at her ears, the sensation welcome and soothing. “It’s fine. Scarlet has started getting annoyed with me finding her, so she’s been practising.”
“The Blade whom guards you?”
He shrugged, his lack of investment in the topic evident. “I guess. I asked her name after, but Tel said that they are just ‘Blades’ until they do something notable enough to deserve to be called otherwise.”
“Yet you still call her ‘Scarlet’?”
“She’s around enough that I need to call her something,” he defended his decision loosely, not particularly minding Pan’s inquiry as he checked around the area again. “Okay, here.”
She allowed him to pull her out of sight for a moment, staring passively as she wondered what he might learn from her form. He dragged his claws up her neck, pressing in occasionally to feel for something she knew not. He focused around the higher section below her jaw, an inquisitive expression tinting his regard.
“No adam’s apple. Huh.”
The unfamiliar term gave her pause. “Pardon?”
“Cartilage to protect the vocal chords,” he explained plainly, redoubling his force against her throat as he used a free paw to point to a subtle protrusion on his own. “Mine’s here.”
She nodded, finding the process of learning about her mate enjoyable, even if the topic was a bit strange. “And I do not have such?”
“Not from what I can feel, but it might be a positional thing.” He ran his claws from under her jaw to her clavicle, sending a small shiver down her spine that she ignored due to circumstance. “It could be longer, higher or lower in the structure, or absent entirely. I’m not much for biology, so I can’t really say.”
She used the moment he spent contemplating something to speak. “Why would this be of interest to you?”
“Hmm? Oh. Because I’m curious if your vocal chords are different, or if it’s just the way we use our mouths and throat to speak that is tripping me up.”
She nodded, finally seeing the connection between his idle inspection and the reasoning behind it. His next question gave her pause, however.
“How low can you vocalize?”
She considered, not entirely sure what he meant. He thought for a second before demonstrating by wincing as his voice grew deep, a cough being given as the attempt irritated his throat.
Pan tilted her head, not entirely sure what he may gain from her attempting such, but wishing to be of assistance in any way she could. “I can try if you would like.”
A further cough and a raised thumb confirmed his agreement, though it was quickly replaced by wide eyes as she obliged. “Jesus.” He blinked a few times as a smirk formed on his face. “Do you go that low often in your language?”
“Not typically.” She fell bashful, unsure why he seemed so amused and impressed by her performance. “There is little reason to.”
“Go high.”
Pan paused, but did as asked anyway, now that she knew what he meant. She quickly reached a limit while remaining at a sensible volume, an observation she added when her mate covered an ear with his paw.
“Ow. Is everyone like you?” He wiggled the paw to his head until the mild discomfort settled.
“I don’t think I am special,” she admitted, remembering performances that some had held around her town.
“Okay. Fuck that’s sharp.” The Human shook his head. “So, either you guys have really versatile vocal chords, or possibly more sets. I don’t think it will really change much of what I can do as far as speaking the language, but it does mean that death metal fans the world over will lose their collective shit when one of you pick up a career in music.”
Pan chuckled, covering her mouth with her wrist.
“One last check, if it’s okay. You can say no.”
“There exists little I would not allow you to do to this form I have dedicated to your name,” she replied earnestly, folding her paws over her lap. Something about her words caused him to avert his eyes, her cheeks getting warm in response and drawing another bout of amusement from her.
“I wanted to see if there was a structural difference inside that might make some things easier or harder.”
She allowed him to guide her head as he peered where he desired, the air slowly drying her muzzle. After an additional shot of bonded embarrassment from him considering something, he released her and exhaled.
“Nothing I can spot, but it’s not something I know much about. No uvula though, so that’s neat.”
She nodded, knowing what that was due to him complaining when one of Sahari’s furs found its way to his one moon. “Will it be too difficult for you to learn?”
His expression warmed as he looked at her, the soothing feeling of his affections easing her worry. “I’ll bitch and whine the whole time, but it’s looking like there won’t be anything I physically can’t copy. Mostly just shit that will take some getting used to. Also, god dammit.”
She felt his annoyance before she could surmise the reason for it, following his gaze after he took a moment to place the source of whatever caught his attention. A Blade stood casually in the window of a den, blending in with the comings and goings of the pack around them until they conceded that they had been found by her, though the lack of any particular method to mark the occasion proved that Joseph was the sole reason for it.
“I’m not going to hear the end of this,” he mumbled into a paw, his shoulders sagged. “Does Tel know I’m learning?”
Pan thought for a moment before shaking her head. “I believe she would have mentioned it by now.”
“Well... shit.” He rubbed his face before visibly giving up. “Fuck it. Just tell her I was comparing for a reason I wouldn’t tell you, if she asks. I’d rather her get ideas than ruin the surprise.”
She frowned, but agreed anyway. If he would like to learn this and keep it a secret, she found no harm in abiding by his wishes, though she wondered what he thought Tel would find to tease him over. Knowing what she did about the female, it was hard to say what exactly she might comment on.
“Want to go say ‘hi’ to Violet before I need to have my lessons with her?”
Pan felt her face brighten instantly. “I would like nothing more.”
He smirked, pulling her in for a kiss before they headed towards the almost completed bathhouse.
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Nalah walked up from her side, providing a welcome distraction from the complaints that could still be heard as the few security members rounded the edge of the wall for their second lap. Though it had been some time since he has done it, Joseph managed quite a few for little reason than because he wanted to. Sahari herself doubted she could keep up, but in a straight sprint there was little competition.
“Have you ran them to death yet?” the blond-furred female prodded, standing almost shoulder-to-shoulder with the ex-Grand Huntress. Sahari nudged her with her elbow, but chuckled all the same.
“I believe Jax intended to do so, but he is off to assist Violet with her lessons.”
“Ah... I’m not sure if that is worse or preferable for them,” Nalah joked, a claw tapping her chin. Sahari doubled down on the shove, offsetting the laughing planner.
“Careful. I may make yourself do as such if you keep this up.”
“Well, I suppose I would do as you ask.”
The black-furred female clapped a paw onto her shoulder. “If you are wise, that is.”
Nalah smirked, her easy-going presence helping to subdue the slight worry that ate at Sahari’s mind. The female glanced at her. “Something the matter?”
“Nothing of consequence.”
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
“Sahari.” Nalah shifted her weight to one foot and frowned at her.
She sighed as her arm dropped, glaring at one of the runners who thought her too distracted to notice them slacking off. Noticing her building ire, they picked back up the pace. “I simply worry that I may never be a specialist in my own right. Perhaps I could ease his burdens if I was.”
“You are to command those whom are expected to support the other fields.”
“And yet I find myself of little tasks.”
Nalah grabbed her paw within her own, applying a firm but gentle pressure. “We both know that he sees far beyond what we are now.”
“Perhaps,” she allowed with a breath, part of her lingering on the comfort she was gaining from the insubstantial touch upon her claws, “but I am barely more than a burden as I am.”
Nalah doubled up on her paw holding, restraining Sahari’s free arm at the wrist. “You escorted him across many moons and ensured his safety. Don’t think lightly of what he trusted you to accomplish.”
A chuffed laugh escaped her. “I may have received more from that journey than I provided.”
The planner slid her grip down, both paws mirrored in their comfortable entrapment. “You are the one who placed so much trust within him so as to place us under him. Has that changed?”
The black-furred female broke eye contact, failing to pull her paws free, though not trying harder to succeed. “Nalah, you are irreplaceable to the pack. Yet I am merely a sub-par replacement for Jax when he is otherwise occupied.”
“You allow our operations to continue when they would otherwise cease.”
“Is that not something one such as Mi’low or Volta could accomplish?”
Nalah shook her head, stepping slightly closer with worry in her eyes. “None could replace you. It is the one thing I believe to my core.”
Sahari’s heart skipped, a silent torrent of determination coalesced with her hesitation. “I must return to my work.”
She noticed the crestfallen look upon Nalah’s face as she walked away, but fought the sting it imparted upon her. A quiet apology was given to the Grand Hunter for his efforts in consoling her over the conflicting emotions she experienced, but she wanted to feel worthy of any she might pursue. To be deserving of the efforts.
As she was, Sahari felt there was few worse cruelty than to hinder Nalah with the affections that she may not return, but she also felt that there was more for her to reclaim before she may offer a place within her to the female.
Nalah’s touch could be seen all over the settlement as the one whom designed and assigned placement for every building. The occasional mining efforts to secure rock-salt and trace metals were also overseen by her when her supervision elsewhere was not paramount. Both were proving to enrich every aspect of their lives by supporting every member in one way or another. Yet Sahari could do little more than supplement another Head whom also ensured their safety.
She would need to grip her placement with an iron paw.
Then... Then she would feel confident in her wish.
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Harrow bumped the door to the hub open with her hip, her tail holding it for the moment needed for her to pass the threshold. Her arms hurt, her paws stung, and she had a renewed hatred for springs. As much as Joseph complained about having to set the components by himself, it was a matter of necessity. A point that the throbbing in her knuckles agreed with wholly.
Her annoyed expression lightened as Jax’s amusement fed her otherwise sparse enjoyment of the sun so far, a raised brow was directed at the table he occupied next to Joseph and Violet. Without much desire to return to smacking her claws on high-velocity ironwood, she wandered over and allowed her mate’s mood to improve her own.
The Grand Hunter glanced at her as he inspected Violet’s writing, though the Lilhun script would likely be as indecipherable for him now as it had always been—unless he had taken a sudden interest in it. Given how vehemently he claimed it to hurt his eyes, that was unlikely.
She looked to her bond, Jax passively offering a correction to a character that the den-kit had made a mistake on. If it wasn’t for the entertainment he was gaining by the second, she might have assumed him passively attending to his task.
Something was up.
“Joe, can you come help me with the springs?” she asked, prodding to see what might be going on without her knowledge. The Human leaned back in his chair, shaking his paw for a moment.
“Can it wait? My knuckles are still sore and I don’t want to mess them up any more than I have.”
Her tail flicked. “Fine, but I’m hanging out here until mine stop reminding me of what I did to them.”
Jax’s amusement peaked, the smirk that should have been on his face worn on her own instead. Joseph gazed out the window, focusing on Atrox and Mama in the process of scorching the surface of a collection of bones they had gathered and worked on for a while now.
“Up to you. We’re not doing much besides helping Vi.” He pointed out the window. “What are they doing?”
Harrow shrugged, ignoring her bond’s influence to answer the question. “Atrox says it’s ‘for beauty’, but we don’t really know the specifics. Mama seems happy to work with him, so Pan figured it was harmless.”
The Grand Hunter gave a contemplative hum before lightly rolling his eyes. “Whatever works, I guess. Though, I’m surprised that Mama ended up with him as a friend.”
“I’m not,” she countered lazily, slowly eyeing the group to parse what they were hiding. “Mama spent all her free time sculpting anyway. Makes sense to me that an artist would be the sort of company she kept.”
Joseph tilted his head to acknowledge the point. “Fair.”
“So what are you hiding?”
The male flinched. Almost imperceptibly so, but Harrow had spent enough time around him to pick up on it by now. “Which thing?”
She smirked, snorting in her boosted amusement thanks to her mate. “A male of many secrets, are we?”
He was stopped in his retort by Violet switching tablets, showing him what looked to be a practise set for his language. He pointed out a small correction and praised her before opening his mouth to speak to Jax, a glance in her direction stalling the words. Something clicked when Jax broke his passive exterior to chuckle.
“You’re learning Lilhun.”
“Why do I bother?” He threw up his paws dramatically, letting his head roll back in his exasperation.
She bounced in her chair and pointed at him triumphantly, smacking her knuckle against the table while she was blinded by her small victory. The laughter from the Human as she nursed her paw failed to wipe the grin from her face. “Why are you hiding it?”
Jax leaned back in his chair as he provided the answer for him. “He wished to surprise his mates. Though, Pan seemed to have been informed by their kit before he succeeded.”
Violet deflated slightly, scratching two lines on a spare tablet and displaying it. [Sorry]
Joseph pet her head, a warm smile given to the young one. “It’s okay. I forgot to ask you to keep it to yourself.”
Harrow exhaled the question she had when she noticed that one of the lines matched the script that populated the terminal, the den-kit writing her speech in both languages for the benefit of all attending. The orange-furred female chewed her cheek in thought.
“Teach me too.”
The Grand Hunter blinked, his expression flat until he processed what she had asked of him. “What? You want to learn how to write English?”
She nodded, thinking it was an obvious thing to request. “If I want to use the terminal and make any modifications, I need to be able to read it.”
He raised a finger to argue, lowering it as he fumbled to find a point in which to defend. “Don’t tell Tel and I’ll give you lessons when I’m free.”
“Can’t do it when you’re like this?”
The male shook his head. “It’d just invite everyone else around. Plus, I spend most of this trying to make the sounds you guys decided to use. I don’t know what inspired the guy who made the language, but he hated throats.”
Harrow giggled, resting her elbows on the table and winking at the Human. “I suppose we may convene for some private time on occasion.”
Jax saw his opportunity. “I know not if I should be pleased you have accepted our suggestions, or hurt for not being included.”
Joseph provided two raised claws on opposite paws. “Fuck both of you.”
Harrow nodded. “That’s the suggestion, yes.”
The long sigh that escaped him made the teasing evermore enjoyable, her tail curling around her mate’s as they ribbed their friend.
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She stayed behind after the others split off to continue their duties for the sun, Joseph leaving her with a set of tablets that Violet used to practise her letters. They were fairly straight-forward, as far as script went, but the combinations of two alphabets based on capitalization was a bit tricky to memorize.
It was fun. Harrow enjoyed figuring out whatever she could get her paws on, enough so that there were rules put in place to stop her from doing it whenever she was stationed somewhere long enough, but this was sufficiently benign in that she wouldn’t ruin anything if she forgot how a part went because it wasn’t interesting enough to care.
The exit doors clicked open, Tel entering with a sweeping gaze that turned into a frown when Joseph was nowhere to be seen. The orange-furred female only spared the new occupant a moment of her attentions, the task in paw much more relevant to her desires.
The issue arose when she got too excited and decided to move on to the more basic words, once she was confident she had memorized the letters individually. The Grand Hunter would answer any questions she had later about the phonetics involved, but for now, she wanted to at least recognize some of the information displayed on the terminal, if not understand it.
Her paw knocked over the inkwell she had brought out so that she may use each tablet longer, it being more space efficient than scratching like the den-kit did. The deep almost-black purple instantly stained her fur, drawing a long sigh with its discovery. It wasn’t impossible to wash out, but it was a tedious endeavour and would leave her fur stiff and uncomfortable until she did so.
With a push off the table and a small reminder to apologize as she asked if Volta could manage the new mess, she started towards the baths to soak off the infernal concoction she had created and subsequently suffered at the paws of, passing by the grey-furred female who was watching with an odd amount of interest as opposed to amusement like Harrow figured would be the case.
“A word, Harrow?”
Tel pulled her aside while she was on her way, the long sun of fighting the solution Joseph had provided leaving her wanting a long soak to enjoy the warmth, the ink just being a good enough excuse to spend longer in the water. With a look of confusion and curiosity winning over her desire to be freed from the mess she made, they entered the female’s personal room, though it remained barren as she had yet to spend a moon within it and didn’t have any possessions that she felt would be better housed inside.
The cook closed the door behind her, the expression provided passive yet appraising. “I have two requests of you.”
Harrow raised a brow at the female, the usual distance she kept making times when they conversed alone nearly non-existent. “Can it wait until I get this off.” She gestured to the stain, the fur involved sticky and drying by the moment.
Tel eyed it. “That is one request, actually. I would like several small containers full that ink.”
“You want inkwells?”
“I would like something that bursts upon impact,” she corrected with the slightest hint of a smile under her otherwise blank visage. “I have use for such.”
The Head placed a claw to her lips, switching before she committed to dirtying her mouth with ink. “Best I can think of is to use those leaves and a small bit of pressed moss to seal it.”
“How soon might you provide some?”
She frowned, but figured it wouldn’t be the end of the world if she humoured the female’s request. “I’m not sure. A sun or two?”
Tel hummed, accepting the answer with a curt nod and an extended paw holding a set of very thin sheets of oak. “My second request is that you manufacture this in secret. I understand that this may be very time consuming, but I wish it made for him.”
Harrow accepted the sheets, examining them as best she could without staining them. At a glance, it seemed to be schematics for... “And you want me to make this for Joe?”
In a rare display of something other than boredom or mischief, Tel seemed almost warm as she broke eye contact. “I would like to impart upon a small token of my affections. I am afraid there is no other I would trust to manufacture it.”
A blink was returned. Of all the reasons she could have given, Harrow wasn’t expecting such a... pure motive. The sudden faith being placed in her abilities gave her pause as well. “Why only me?”
Tel huffed a laugh. “You are the only one whom studied his craft under him.” The female’s expression grew somewhat grateful. “And you are dear to him, so I believe he would appreciate your involvement.”
Harrow cycled a breath as her mind gained traction. “That’s... surprisingly sweet of you.”
“I am more than an alluring form.” She winked, exiting the room first and leaving Harrow to reconsider her opinion of the Blade.
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Nalah sat in the hub, the moon high in the sky signifying the lack of waking pack members to intrude on her ruminations in the dim light. Or it would, were it not for the Grand Hunter tiredly wandering towards the facilities while wearing only pants. He paused, rubbing his eyes lazily before noticing her properly.
“Hey Nalah, I was wondering where you went.”
She took a drink of her water, wondering if the alcohol they had in stock would be a better alternative. “Here I am.”
He frowned, walking over and pulling a chair to sit alongside her at the table. “Something on your mind?”
A false smile was donned to ease his mind, the Human having a tendency to worry. “Merely lost in my own thoughts.”
He nodded, though didn’t seem convinced. “Sahari?”
The moment hesitation proved his assumption correct, the male resting his paw on her shoulder.
“What happened?”
She shook her head. “Sahari believes herself unworthy.”
“Of?”
Nalah gestured to the den, settling the paw in Joseph’s direction. “What you have provided. She sees not your grander plan for her.”
The male scratched at his neck, the uncertainty on his face evident. “I’m not sure I’d call it a ‘grand plan’, but she’s going to be vital once we get more people going.”
The stiff smile as her point was proven did little to ease the lingering regret for not being able to reassure the one she loved. “She does not believe her use will be of such importance.”
He shrugged, at a loss for what to add. “All I know is that we need someone to organize people who have too much free time. Sahari knows a bit about everything that goes on here, so she’s the best option to point people to where they’re needed.”
“Yet our members are all gainfully engaged.”
“For now,” he corrected with a mild disappointment. “Once we start getting servants, Atmo, and vagabonds like Volta, we’ll be up to our tits in people who won’t know what to make of everything. Sahari’s the one who rallied you fuck-nuts into doing something productive. Can’t see why she’d do worse with more.”
Nalah smirked, his faith in the female bringing a small joy to her otherwise dour mood. She allowed the comfortable silence, feeling something underneath it that she decided to address. “And what of your wakefulness?”
The Human cycled a breath, the exhale drawn out over as long as possible. “Noticed one of my fluffy-fucks was missing?”
She maintained the disbelieving expression as she side-eyed him. “Find yourself overwhelmed?”
A snort escaped him. “I guess.”
“Tel?”
The Grand Hunter rested an arm on the table, his head lazily placed against a fist. “Well, kinda. I don’t know. It’s all a bit much at times.”
Nalah gave a dry chuckle. “I am aware of the experience.”
“Sahari’s... She’ll come around,” he offered, a genuine faith placed into his words. “Worst comes to worst, I’ll lock her in a room with you.”
She smiled slightly at the exhausted grin of the male, a worry and insecurity twisted into a question. “How did you meet your mate?”
“I met Pan, and Tel, when you guys came around,” he answered with a raised brow, a tone to his voice suggesting he was purposely avoiding the other interpretation. The genuine look of hopeful need in her expression had him exhale from his nose. “Why do you want to know about Emma?”
A wry smirk grew on her face. “You know of my story.”
He have a flat shake of his head. “Nope. Never asked. You guys tell me what you want to, as far as that goes.”
The warmth reached her eyes as she gazed at him, everything about how he held himself stating how obvious it was for him to allow them their privacy. “I think I would like to tell you, if you would listen.”
“If you want to-”
“But,” the female interjected somewhat playfully. “I wish to know.”
He pursed his lips, the thin line barely visible in the dark hub. A few moments passed, him eventually closing his eyes with a sigh. “I went to a party, just a couple of work friends gathering at someone’s house, and I slept with someone I really shouldn’t have after drinking more than was a good idea.”
She raised a brow, the answer short and far less involved than she was expecting. “You bedded her at a gathering?”
“No,” he corrected, a tint of humour and longing in his voice. “I slept with the boss’ daughter. Emma was the one who offered to put in a word for me at the company she worked at when the ‘big man’ found out. Turns out, her brother was at the party, and watched the woman spend most of the night trying to get me in the sheets. When the boss pushed ahead an automation order to invalidate my position, he asked Emma if she could help.”
Nalah nodded, offering her water when his throat seemed to run dry. He accepted with a nod, taking a sip before continuing.
“It really wasn’t more than that, at first. She asked if I wanted to go to dinner to talk about the first couple days, just to keep up with how I was doing. Then again after that. Eventually it wasn’t just to talk about the office, but to talk about ourselves. What we thought of things... What we wanted for our future.”
She reached out to rub his back as the healing wound was exposed to air, his pain numbed but present. He gave her a weak smile for her efforts.
“Her eyes were this brilliant green, a sharp twinkle to them that spoke to that ingrained curiosity with the world. It felt like I was being appraised, though not in an uncomfortable way. Kinda like she seen something she liked, she just wanted to know more with every conversation. The attention was nice, at the time.” His expression fell darker. “They stopped lighting up when they looked at me after the first few months of trying for a kid. We both had decent jobs, and had gotten a nice apartment in a good part of town... close to schools.”
The planner didn’t want to mention the damp trail that fell down his cheek as he relived his scars, but the lost look within his eyes reminded her of her own. She rested a paw on his lap in solidarity, though he didn’t acknowledge it openly.
“When everything fell through, we were planning on going on a cruise. Stars, seas, whatever. Just get away from life for a bit while we worked out what to do next. I was fine with adopting. She wasn’t. The procedures that might work were either too expensive or would need a donor. That didn’t sit right with either of us.” He brushed aside some of the fur on his head that had grown slightly too long to be ignored. “I picked up shifts. A lot of them, just so we could have the best rooms for whatever we were going to do. So that she wouldn’t have to worry about a single thing besides us. I came back from a double shift to an empty apartment and a divorce agreement with her name already signed.”
He blinked a few times, glancing back up to her.
“I lost everything, I think, when our mutual friends sided with her. No one would talk it out with me, even just let me vent for a bit. No, I was left to stew in it. The inadequacy. The self-deprecation. The... The internalization that something I had always wanted would never be mine, and it caused me to lose the only other thing I held dear. That I wasn’t good enough.”
She abandoned the semblance of distance they were keeping and pulled him in loosely with her arm, a desire to be there for the male that had overlooked her wild jealousy for the fearful lashing-out that it was. “You have gained more, I would like to believe. Violet has chosen to be your kit, and you have two females who, I am fairly certain, would eliminate every member outside of your pack should they draw your ire.”
Joseph swallowed heavily, nodding as a wet laugh sounded from her side. “I don’t know if I’m cut out for any of this. Violet deserves better, and I can’t really wrap my head around the concept of Pan and Tel just... accepting everything. It keeps feeling like something will just... snap, and I won’t be able to fix it. All of this scares me, I guess.”
She soaked in his words, knowing that he had always held little faith within himself. Regardless of her prior assumptions, the male whom was accepting her comfort was one who found himself in an utterly alien situation, in every sense, all alone. He had no kin in which to share his troubles, just those who sought leadership from him, and the cracks were starting to show with each new worry.
“Joseph, would you like to hear how I ended up here?”
He sniffled, a slight breakdown of his walls hastily rectified as he focused on her. “You don’t need to tell me. I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t have unloaded anything like that.”
She felt the slight warmth below the sting in her eyes as she shook her head. “I know much about being fearful of what may come each sun. I know much about fearing what happened the ones before. I think I would like you to know.”
He chewed his cheek, hesitantly nodding after a moment.
She took a breath, and started from the moment she was abducted, sparing no details from the Human who listened quietly without judgment. The marks, the induced haze, the fragments of what she had done to escape the agony. Sahari saving her as an afterthought, and the years of crawling her way to a respectable position just to pursue her.
She knew not for how long she spoke, just that he was there and attentive. By the time she was done, he had shifted from reticent to simply silent, her words percolating within his mind. Failing to find words, he embraced her firmly, drawing Nalah to her feet after what felt like lifetimes of two wounded souls sharing a moment of solace.
“I think we should get back to bed, yeah?” he offered, gesturing towards the dorm wing. She smiled weakly.
“Planning on adding another to your collection?”
He didn’t even flinch, his head shaking softly. “I think we could both use the cuddle pile now.”
A quiet chuckle was given to his earnest yet tired contemplation. The thought of Sahari embracing her, even within the context of rest, soothed the somewhat raw experience of regaling him her tale.
She nodded, following behind him as they retired properly for the moon, only a brief consideration in the warmth her paw felt as it remained within his.
It felt right. It was not the stilled yearning of having Sahari’s within her own, but a comforting reassurance that another knew of her past and felt little more than pride in knowing that they had offered her something to ease the subtle festering it had left within her.
It was acceptance, the feeling of belonging gained from a being that was so far removed from herself within the greater cosmos, and it lent her to placing even more faith within the male whom held so much more than he was aware within his paws.
Sahari had chosen this male to guide them, to be their future, and although he seemed burdened by such a designation, he carried not regret, but worry that he may not meet their expectations. It drew a small smile from the blond-furred female.
He had surpassed them long ago.