Chapter 24: Conflicted
The soft patter of wood chips hitting the ground replaced the otherwise silent atmosphere of the room. Short and long strokes like the tearing of wrapping paper accompanied the cutting motions as Joseph whittled another triangular token to its proper size, it eventually being laid onto the small but growing pile of other such items on the table. A soft knock on the door distracted him and caused the dulling ironwood knife to slip into his finger.
With a hiss of pain he called out towards the door. “It’s unlocked!”
It opened quietly as a large black-furred Lilhun entered the room with a slight limp. The left arm was no longer splinted but still seemed stiff despite it healing remarkably well. “Am i interrupting?” Jax asked, trepidation on his face. The slightly accented English was met with a raised eyebrow as Joseph nursed his wound.
“No, no. Cut myself. Blade’s dull so it never got very deep.” He explained, shaking his hand to express the lack of severity. “You sync’d up? That was faster than i expected.”
Jax seemed apprehensive, nodding when asked the question. “It is of great assistance when everyone is speaking the same language and you are offered constant translations, apparently.” Joseph’s eyes moved to the corner of his vision as he considered it.
“Yeah. I can see that.” He refocused on the new guest. “What’s up?”
Jax cycled a breath, still squarely in the doorway with one hand on the knob. “would it be acceptable if i were to spend some time in here? Everyone else is busy or gone out and I am...” He gestured to himself and the still healing injuries. Joseph had to stop him previously when he tried to make himself useful, so showing that level of restraint despite the reduced limp was appreciated.
Joseph snorted a laugh, turning away from the door and grabbing the last of the knifes he had prepared while waving him in. “Sure, feel free to chill on the bed. I’m just making markers.”
Jax grunted in affirmation, closing the door behind him and laying onto the offered furniture. Joseph waited to see where Jax wanted this interaction to go, but after a few minutes of silence he resumed cutting out a different shape of token. He managed another two until Jax spoke up.
“Grand Hunter, I would like-”
Joseph pierced the air with a growled buzzer imitation. “Drop the title. You guys are free to use it for ceremony but I’m not listening to you if you try to use it otherwise.” He glared over his shoulder in mild annoyance that fell flat as he was facing Jax’s blind side. A pang of guilt hit him as the dulled eye stared at the ceiling, one arm resting across his chest.
“Right, my apologies.” Jax apologized, taking another deep breath. “Joseph, how does a relationship without a bond function?”
Joseph flinched, barely adjusting his hand to avoid another cut. A useless glance of confusion landed on the unaware before he adjusted his grip on the piece he was working on. “Is this about Harrow?”
Jax’s silence marked his hesitation to confirm the subject of the question, eliciting Joseph to lay his tools down and pivot in his chair. He considered calling the answer that Jax left unspoken into the light, but decided to just humour him for now.
“It’s... It’s an exercise in observation, i guess.” He started, leaning his back against the table. Jax adjusted his head so that his good eye could see him. “You listen to what they have to say, see how they respond to things. You talk to them and ask questions. Eventually, a lot of the emotional guesswork becomes little more than remembering how they reacted previously. You give them food that they shown fondness of, gifts that they may have mentioned in passing. You go to places that made their eyes light up when they were told about it. Hug them when they seem down, smile with them when they’re excited.”
Jax seemed thoughtful, his gaze leading into space. He spoke after a few seconds, words carefully chosen. “You have been in such relations before?”
Joseph was caught off guard by the question before recalling that, for the most part, Lilhuns were expected to group with others they understood on an instinctual level if possible. Even their friends would have their emotions obvious, assuming they were riled up enough. He nodded, shifting in his seat as he tried to skirt around the uncomfortable line of questioning. “Yeah, a few. A girlfriend here and there. A wife, though that’s long since over now.” He winced at the dredging up of the memory.
Jax either knew what a ‘wife’ was or correctly assumed it was a more involved affair, nodding at the answer he was given. He shifted to his side, carefully adjusting his recently released arm out of the way. “And how is it? Compared to having a partner that is bonded where you are not?”
Joseph gave a questioning tilt of his head, connecting the dots slowly until his brows shot up. “Oh, right. Your nose. I forgot i... yeah.” He rubbed his neck with diverted eyes. “Sorry about that.”
Jax shook his head lightly with closed eyes. “That is beyond us now. Apologies have been given.”
Joseph retained the guilty expression before answering. “I’m not in a relationship with a bonded. Not... Not in that way, anyway. I told you guys as much when the whole ‘selection’ bit came up.” Jax responded by waving his hand to shoo the contention away and coax him into answering the question. “It’s not much different, in all honestly. I don’t know what Pan feels as much as you guys don’t. I just pay attention to what i can. You’d be better off asking her for details.” He admitted.
“I am asking this of you because i want to know what it is like for you to be on the receiving end.” Jax clarified, frowning slightly with a hint of remorse.
“Right...” Joseph rubbed his eyes with loose fists to ease the strain that had piled up. “Well... I guess it’s nice.”
“Just nice?”
Joseph rocked his head in uncertainty as he tried to quantify his opinion. “It’s like talking to someone who has known you for a very long time. They see the subtle dips in your tone, the tired look in your eyes that most would miss. They’d be the first to know what you like in a store because they caught a split second glace at a particular item. They know when you’ve had a rough day and when you’re simply enjoying a quiet moment. It’s like you condensed decades of intimacy into a single sense.” He listed slowly, some examples poking at long discarded memories.
“But you are unable reciprocate those decades in such a short time.” Jax disputed, his voice still even although carrying concern.
Joseph shrugged a single shoulder, conceding the point. “No, but that’s where you put in the effort. If you care about those you want to be close to, especially those you want to be with, then it’s important to care about how they perceive the world. Like Harrow,” He raised a hand with a flat palm. “Her ear twitches when i mention working on new developments and I know from interactions after that she really enjoys brainstorming out solutions to issues and looks forward to it. Her tail flicks slightly whenever she thinks of whatever we’re eating later. She seemed pretty down while she was tending to you, but she has a bit of a spring in her step since you two started pursuing things seriously. She’ll tug at her top when she’s nervous or paw down the fur on her thigh. That sort of thing.”
Jax raised an eyebrow. “You have been watching her quite often?”
“Not really.” Joseph shrugged. “I just try to pay attention. It helps around the base when i can get a read on how everyone is feeling to an extent. If Tel is walking around with her hands behind her back, then i know that she’s about to cause trouble, for instance. Nalah likes to lean on stuff and watch everyone when she’s bored and Sahari is busy, Pan places her hands in front of her when she’s being studious, and you twitch your tail when you’re anxious.”
Jax’s tail complied before being quickly wrangled by it’s owner. Joseph shot him a smug look and continued.
“Mama will often hang out in the baths after a long day. Violet almost vibrates while she waits for Pan to finish things before a spar in her anticipation... It’s just taking the time to show people you care and seeing how they respond to things. Observation and speculation.” He counted the last two out on his left hand, swinging it out towards Jax as he concluded. “Which brings us back to my question. Is this about Harrow?”
“It is not, though i will remember your advice for later if it is needed.” Jax denied. He looked as if there was an actual answer he wanted to give but had decided against it. He redirected the conversation instead. “Are you certain you wish to forgo the selections?”
Joseph frowned at the avoided additional answer, crossing his arms over his chest. “Yes.”
“You need not abstain for my benefit,” He added. “Matters of the pack are not synonymous with matters of the heart.”
“Are you asking me to have sex with your girlfriend?” Joseph asked, his tone incredulous. “Because i said it before, I’m not abusing power. Telling someone to do that kind of thing purely because i was told that I’m in charge fits that bill. Now, if that’s something you’re both into, then i won’t judge. But it’s a bit different to proposition me for a three-way than to tell me to force myself on someone.”
“So if i asked you to join our bedding, you would?” Jax asked, only betraying his snark at the end. Joseph kicked him in the shin, careful not to strike any sore spots.
“Fuck off.” Joseph cracked a smile. Jax broke his act and laughed.
“Had to.” He managed between chuckles, straightening his assaulted leg away from the edge of the bed. His expression grew a bit darker, but the appropriate amount of levity was given for it to remain somewhat light. “Joseph?”
He hummed questioningly in response.
“Am i useful?”
Joseph lost the grin and replaced it with a confused squint. “Yes? You’ve allowed me to adjust plans a few times to cover spots i missed. Blind spots in defences that would have ended poorly being a major contribution.”
Jax shook his head. “That is merely imparting my experiences. Other than the consultations, i hold little value.”
He fought the instinct to scowl or punch his shoulder in disapproval. “You’ve been a great contribution to the pack, Jax. Harrow’s much easier to talk to now that you’re back up and moving and I’m pretty sure Sahari is going through something but she won’t talk to me about it. I’d wager you have a better shot at figuring it out than i do.” He grumbled. “Other than that, I’ll need help training everyone when we start production on bows and arrows, whenever that gets done.”
“Bows and arrows?” Jax questioned with a blank look.
“Yeah. Is that a translation error? Stick with some string shooting a pointy stick real far?” Joseph mimed the actions.
Jax gave a half shrug.
“You know, the answer to the question of ‘how to i stab that guy way over there when I’m over here?’”
More silent questioning.
Joseph’s face grew more concerned. “You guys developed close combat weaponry, yeah? Swords, spears, daggers... All the hand held pointy and sharp bits. Some blunt objects for fun?” He received an unsettled nod but the confused expression remained. “So you guys obviously noticed how big of an advantage it was to poke holes in people without being physically next to them, right?”
Jax nodded again, gesturing for him to get to the point.
“So the next step up is things like catapults, slings, bows... Basically, shit to send pointy or heavy things quickly and at range.” He surmised.
Jax shook his head slowly. “We developed guns before those were valid options.”
Joseph’s jaw hit the floor. “You developed explosively propelled projectiles before you bothered with other methods? How the hell did that happen?”
“I was never interested in the history and it never came up much outside of specialist occupations. We had melee arms and then someone discovered a rough mixture that made a loud noise and they stuffed it into a tube. Early firearms came shortly before they bothered with anything else since it worked so well.” Jax explained with a shrug. “After that we developed plasma weaponry and kept kinetics to ship armaments.”
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Joseph cradled his head in his hands. “God damn it.”
“What?”
“This is going to take so much testing...” He groaned. “I don’t know the first thing to look for in a well made bow. I know recurve bows are better than not, i think, but i couldn’t tell you how each shape impacts things. That’s excluding the experimenting that’s going to be needed for the string. Compound bows are a thing, so are crossbows, but we lack metal to make them work right. Ironwood is great but it just isn’t going to cut it there... Jax, I’m borrowing your girlfriend.” The chuckle dug his face off his palms. “Shut up.”
“Why not just specialize in close combat? Melee weapons are easier to design.” Jax offered. Joseph shook his head.
“We’ll do some eventually, sure. But the bows are to help with hunting larger game. We got lucky with that one... deer.. thing... but if we wanted to make the other wildlife valid targets, we need to take them out without them ever knowing we were around. They’re too skittish. I thought the squirrels were bad but they got nothing on the things the girls notice from time to time.” Joseph ran his hands through his hair, frowning when his bangs landed in his eyes. “Remind me to ask Mama to cut my hair or something... Probably need to shave too. I feel like a mountain man.”
Jax ignored the hair comments, choosing to respond to the main topic. “Then we devote more time to stalking our prey.”
“Nope.” Joseph shot the idea down instantly. “We have too few people to waste the time on it. I take it you guys are ambush predators?” Jax nodded. “Well that isn’t going to fly here. Sure, you could hold up in a tree for half a day and hope something comes close, but with how twitchy the animals here are? You’d just be wasting time and manpower.”
“I take it your people did not ambush?” He asked with curiosity.
Joseph bit back a sigh. He had to answer this question quite often on the ship and had long since grown tired of it. “I’m keeping this short. No, but we did on occasion. Mostly just walked things to death. No, I’m not explaining. Point being; We need a method of hunting that doesn’t require reading material to pass the time.”
“And your ‘bows’ would remedy that.” Jax implied the question.
“It’s basically a non-explosive gun made from materials we have access to. Issue is picking out which ones and how to process them. We can probably get something simple up-and-running in a few days, but it’s kinda useless if it’s more efficient to just fucking... stab them. Or throw shit.” He explained with a weak example toss. Jax started laughing far louder than Joseph’s crass language would deserve. “What?”
“This is why you are our Grand Hunter.” Jax chortled.
“Because I’m constantly getting blindsided?” He deadpanned.
“No,” Jax waved off the suggestion. “Though that is amusing in its own right.”
“I’m glad my troubles bring you such joy.” He replied dryly.
“They do.” The admittance was met with a single outstretched finger that Jax ignored. “It is because you always consider how things could fail and try to act accordingly.”
“I was put in charge because I’m pessimistic?”
“You were put in charge because you think your plans through. Sahari had a habit of simply choosing whatever seemed best at the time. Not a terrible methodology but one that is prone to catastrophic failure when things do not work out.”
Joseph rolled his eyes before a thought crossed his mind. “Did Sahari ever take advantage of the whole ‘selection’ shtick?”
Jax stiffened at the question, his expression one of conflict. “No. She was not a true Grand Huntress, just a contractual one. Such position does not hold the same power.”
Joseph cocked an eyebrow. “What’s the difference?”
“Her position was one of promise; She would be placed in charge until we could be entrusted to someone more qualified in a safer situation. Your leadership is absolute,” he explained.
“So what happens if a bigger and better pack comes into the picture? What if you guys get a way home?” The questions were only bearing some of the hesitation that Joseph tried to strip from it.
“Then we report our allegiance to the other pack or inform our people, which ever is applicable.” Jax stated simply.
“So, if you guys could go home... Let’s say within a week, for the sake of argument. You’d just... what? Tell them you’re in a pack? ‘Thanks for the offer but we have a thing going on here’?”
“We would ask if you would like to relocate with us.”
“And if i said no?”
“Then we would continue as we are until we are told otherwise.”
Joseph glared scrupulously. “That’s assuming i commanded you to stay with me, i take it. I’m not.”
Jax closed his eyes. “We have vowed ourselves to you. Our den is where you make it.”
“That sounds a lot like the whole ‘servitude’ thing i said i didn’t want.” Joseph warned.
“Family, Joseph.” Jax got out of the bed, stretching as he made his way to the door. “You asked for family. Let us be it. Let us show our sincerity through our actions.” He stepped through the doorway, holding it half closed behind him. “and take the females up on their advances, it does not take scent to know you’re not opposed to it.”
A thud sounded out as a woven pillow collided with the hastily closed door. Joseph huffed with annoyance before calling out. “Jax.”
The door opened a sliver. A single yellow eye looked at him.
“About... Earlier. Sahari. I really am worried about her.” He looked at the ground. “Think you could talk to her for me? Help me figure out what’s riding her? She’s been avoiding me and I feel kind of useless...”
Jax remained silent for a moment, his eye following Joseph’s downward. “It will be done, Grand Hunter.”
A second pillow slammed against the door.
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“Halite.” Nalah confirmed while poking at the white mineral in the cave. The light breeze drew the moisture of her breath towards the entrance where the powdered snow danced around Harrow’s legs.
“Tel’s been whining about the lack of salt, so that should help.” Harrow commented, scratching at the plank of wood being held on one arm and supported against her chest. “I thought it formed near oceans and whatnot. Seems pretty...” She looked around at the forest. “Dry. All things considered.”
Nalah stood up, examining the reddish stone around while trying to avoid tripping on the stalagmites. “Best guess is the meadow used to be the ocean floor however long ago.” She scraped at the stone with her claw and frowned when it wouldn’t chip. “I’m thinking there’s a lot of metal worked into the ground. Seems like most of the rock I’m seeing could be iron deposits. It’s going to be a pain to get enough to work with though.”
Harrow paused her scratching to look at her. “I guess this is what Joseph meant when he said your skills would be useful.”
“All i told him is that i studied habitation.” She shrugged with the statement. The course did cover some basics in identifying aspects of the environment but wasn’t very specific with each detail. She had taken it along with other courses to assist in whichever operation Sahari would be sent to.
Nalah pouted while remembering how much it cost her in bribes to get the information in the first place. Finding out where a specific soldier would be deployed and which division they were assigned to had ended up needing more people than she would have liked. That’s ignoring the included cost of investigators to find her in the first place. Getting assigned to the same of both practically drained her accounts. Not that her currency would get her very far here.
Making her way out of the slums was a challenge all on its own, but she was driven. She worked through many sectors and often did so back-to-back for suns at a time to save up all she could. All for the dream of buying them a nice little cottage on some off-world and starting a small den with her saviour. Her night studies were surprisingly the most difficult addition to her work load. Many areas needed to be covered for a general habitation specialist and such diversified study only got her the barest of qualifications. Luckily, the barest was all that was required for the specific deployment that was funded by scraps and rage against their new found enemies. Sure, she might be light-years from the planet she was ready to set up on, but some things are more universal than others.
When Joseph pulled her aside and asked what she was good at, she was worried that her lack of evident qualifications would be met with penalty. That worry was swiftly replaced with a dumbfounded expression as her new Grand Hunter grabbed her firmly and gave her a single yet powerful shake when she listed her generalization. Sanitation, basic geological surveying, settlement planning, and several other fields that were necessary to get a base running may have been part of her course but each was just a shallow puddle compared to the ocean’s depth contained in the research the specialists that she would be assisting held. Of course, he didn’t seem to mind that her application carried such breadth yet was so surface level. No, he celebrated it instead, much to her confusion.
That led to a long winded conversation that covered many areas that he had been planning but desired an extra opinion on validating. Every passing moment he spoke, Nalah questioned if she was even needed. When she eventually expressed her discontent at her apparent ‘necessity’ he merely gripped her again and told her that he could kiss her for how helpful she could be. A statement he quickly retracted when she mentioned that she would oblige should he request it.
Sure, her heart belong to another, and sure, it belong to one whom not give her their own, but she would be happy just being a part of whatever made them happy.
Harrow lowered her tablet of wood, tucking it under her arm. “Well, that covers the cave area. We have one more and then we’re done for the day.”
Nalah glanced at her and smirked. “Done sharpening your claw?”
“I told you, Joseph asked me to map the area.” Harrow protested, waving for her to hurry up. “Until the first test batch of ink is done, this is what we need to do.”
Nalah walked briskly to join Harrow’s side, slowing her gait to match the pace set by the shorter. Since Harrow rested at, in Joseph’s words, ‘about eight inches shorter’ than Nalah, her normal stride would outpace her quickly. Joseph was a bit shorter than herself if she were to stand at attention but otherwise was a bit taller. Jax rested taller than him by a fair margin and would dwarf the human were he to stand straight. The comparison would irk many males but Joseph seemed to appreciate that he ‘wasn’t the only one reaching for the top shelf anymore’, whatever that meant.
Harrow fidgeted with her top, adjusting the strap as it was apparently pinching her fur. “Has Joseph approached you since we mentioned his right?”
Nalah glanced down at her. “The mate selection?”
“Yeah...”
She turned her gaze forward. “No, not yet anyway. Why?”
Harrow shifted the tablet to her other arm, holding the now free one out to halt their progress. “We’re mapping from here to over there.” She pointed to the two landmarks and propped the wood up against her chest. “He hasn’t approached me or Jax about abstaining temporarily, which is odd. He just kind of ran off muttering about needing a drink and declaring that we’re going to develop alcohol.”
Nalah laughed, walking forward to see if she could find anything that would be worthy of documentation. “I thought you would be happy that he hasn’t.” Harrow flinched, her eyes shifted away while a foot kicked up some snow.
“Well, yes, but i expected... something... He has looked enough for me to believe I’m not undesirable to him. I’m worried i may have done something to upset him.”
Nalah waited for her to make her way over so she could examine and record the next section. “I think he would be very forward with you if you were to upset him in any capacity. Plus, you would be able to smell it if it offended him enough to earn his ire.”
Harrow stiffened for a moment before running a claw through the hairs that gave her the brilliantly neutral orange color. “Is it my fur? I know Tel’s coat is as short as mine but he seems much more receptive to her. Pan has longer and fuller fur, which he seems to like.”
“You’re over-complicating things. He is a male that suppresses his desires.” Nalah chided her. “He tried not to stare when we were bare, to varying degrees of success.” She finished with a chuckle.
“He still steals glances at Sahari and Pan though.” Harrow pointed out. “That being said, he seems to try to avoid Tel sometimes...” Harrow placed her paw to her lips in an unconscious theft of Joseph’s mannerism.
“No male is perfect, Harrow. He is quite involved with Pan, even if he refuses to indulge, and Tel seems to be succeeding in her attempts to wear him down. Sahari is a beauty of her own calibre, it is expected that he find her fetching. I would be remiss if my Grand Hunter were to dismiss that.” She stated confidently.
Harrow seemed to accept the answer after a lingering look, returning to her scratching before pausing and turning her attention to her. “What about you? Does he look?”
Nalah shrugged. “I wouldn’t know, i don’t much care either way. Either he requests my presence or he does not. It hardly matters.” Harrow’s expression darkened.
“You could request to be omitted... You don’t seem to want a position of power and i can only imagine what you...” She clamped a paw over her mouth.
Nalah glared at her for a moment before sighing. “I take it Jax gave you a condensed version?” Harrow looked guiltily back at her tablet. “Joseph is not like... that. I feel no disgust in the idea of joining him should he request it. That being said, i hold little faith he will.”
The curious tilt of a head accompanied the uncertain question. “How can you be so sure?”
Nalah took a deep breath, walking to the next point in the area while Harrow tentatively marked the wooden board. “He is hurt. He must heal before he takes those things into serious consideration.” She turned to face her. “Are you disappointed that he has not asked for your company?”
Harrow faltered with her work, eventually lowering the tablet. “Well, no. Not really. I just asked him to wait, but when he didn’t even consider it, i worry that he finds me inadequate. We don’t have an established hierarchy or anything and i worry about my position, is all. If i am unable to support my bond when things get going enough for it to matter, then i have failed. I can put my best foot forward all i like to instill my usefulness, but i can’t change my appearance.” She motioned to her body limply. “I’d just like to know that i won’t be tossed out because i don’t match his tastes.”
“Or,” Nalah pointed at her. “He finds you plenty attractive but your relationship with Jax has ‘removed’ you from his consideration.”
Harrow deflated at the words. “Then what am i supposed to do?”
“Nothing.” Nalah stated flatly.
“Nothing?” Harrow asked in frustration.
“Nothing.” She confirmed. “Joseph will make no advances unless requested, if my assessment of him is correct, and he will not judge your position based on his desire. I imagine it would take a great level of persuasion and a bit of force to encourage him to bed you, should you desire.”
Harrow screwed up her face in confusion. “So i got worried for no reason?”
“Unless you wished him to bed you, yes.” She nodded before allowing her head to tilt. “Do you?”
Nalah could smell the embarrassment and chuckled at Harrow’s fidgeting. “It’s not funny!”
“Of course it is. You have two males you would consider bringing to bed but both are either injured or refuse to advance. Only one of which you intend to mark as your own.” She remarked coyly.
“As if you’re immune to your wants. I’ve watched you stare at Sahari with heat in your eyes.” Harrow snipped, instantly flinching once she caught what she had said. Nalah froze for a moment, her eyes pained. “I’m sorry, i didn’t mean to suggest anythingandiwasgettingalittletooflusteredbutthatdoesn’texcusemesayingthatiknowitwasrudeto-” Nalah stopped her with a paw and a forlorn expression.
“What i feel is irrelevant, Harrow. Her heart lay trapped elsewhere and is now conflicted with another.” She spoke softly. “I know the turmoil she feels and that it greatly exceeds what i alone can heal.”
Harrow’s eyes widened as she separated herself from the paw. “Nalah, have you bonded with Sahari?” Nalah flinched as if struck. Harrow took that to mean she had guessed correctly. “Since when!? How did you notice? Why haven’t you told her?”
Nalah shook her head. “I’ve know for a long time Harrow... I wanted to tell her for a long time. I did all i could to be by her side but...” She tightened her paw into a fist. “She is closed off. It is a paradise that is not mine to access and it is her responsibility to use the key she has found but denies.”
“But...” Harrow spoke quietly. “What key does she need?”
Nalah closed her eyes and refused to answer.
“Nalah, she’s my friend. If you love her and have bonded then you should be doing everything you can to help her. What does she need?” Harrow pleaded with agitation in her voice. Nalah trembled and fought with herself before speaking.
“She is lost over the Grand Hunter.” The words were utters with ire. “She denies what she had founded with him. What i could never achieve. She has bonded to him yet fights it and denies herself more.”
Harrow stood frozen in shock, words whispered from her lips. “What do we do?”
Nalah looked away to hide the pain in her eyes. “Nothing. It is a battle she must fight with herself.”
The question came after a long silence when the idle scratching ceased. “What about you?”
The question struck her odd. “What about me?”
Harrow played with the tablet. “What about what you want? You said you wouldn’t mind Joseph’s company. If Sahari shares the sentiment then it wouldn’t be a stretch for you to share in the connection. Wouldn’t that be what you want?”
Nalah stared at the ground doubtfully.
“Pan had bonded to him and she’s like a whole other person... What if we force the issue? Sahari could come to terms with things, you could confess your feelings, and if all goes well, the den could be a proper den instead of just a place we stay...” Harrow whispered, glancing at her every so often.
“Harrow... Why do i get the feeling that there is more to what you’re saying?”
“I just...” Her voice faded for a moment. “I just wanted to know what it was like. A proper den. Den-mothers and den-fathers. I wanted to... be a part of that...” She shook her head rapidly. “Forget i said anything, it’s stupid.”
Nalah wrapped the orange Lilhun in a tight embrace as a harsh sorrow and deep trauma lay bare before her. “It’s not stupid, Harrow. I think that’s a good idea.”
“... Really?” The voice came muffled from Nalah’s chest.
“She needs help. If this is what helps her, i would be devastated if i ignored it because of my own convictions.”
Harrow quietly nuzzled into her. “Do we tell Joseph about her?”
Nalah snorted a laugh, the gentleness beating out her previous hopelessness. “No, we’ll let him figure it out himself.”