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Oh Arceus, I'm a Pokemon! Now What?
Ch. 8 - We Will (Not) Rock You

Ch. 8 - We Will (Not) Rock You

The Rustboro Pokémon Trainers’ Center was adjacent to the pokémon center itself, taking over the upper floor of the latter and expanding its capabilities beyond just caring for pokémon to adding in various physical therapy, support and hosting facilities. Some pokécenters had dedicated trading floors or battle arenas, but Rustboro’s Pokémon Trainers' Center contented itself with top notch lodging and catering.

“Good morning! We’re here to be your caterers for this breakfast experience!” said a man wearing quite thick glasses and a hairnet that barely constrained his purple bangs. Ed yawned, then smiled up at the caterers. There were four of them in total, one of them rather short, another medium-sized much as the first, and the last one was rather... blue, but who was Ed to judge?

“What’ve you got for us?” he asked, gesturing to himself and his pokémon who were waiting beside him with their own little trays.

“Ask us and we’ll tell you!” said the other medium-sized caterer, this one obviously a woman. She too had a hairnet on, her magenta hair tied back in a severe ponytail. She peered down her half-moon spectacles at him imperiously, before gesturing. “Prepare for eggs!”

“And make them scrambled!” added the first.

“To feed our customers and prevent starvation!” stated the second.

“We fill your plate with good nutrition!” was the continuation

“To denounce the folly of skipping breakfast!” the woman triumphantly intoned

“Team Roquette extends our catering to the poké-masses!” This benediction was replete with all four of them striking a pose.

“This doesn’t even rhyme!” said the shortest.

“Wob-buffet!” said the blue one.

Ed blinked at the four caterers behind the large spread of decidedly tasty looking food, then shrugged and began to dig into the breakfast buffet. There were indeed eggs, and even various sausages and beans in the Galar style. There were mushrooms, berries, poffins, rolls and even poké-puffs and a large assortment of blocks! For the pokémon, there were whole plates of different types of rolls, chewwies, sticks and kibble. And then there were the drinks — coffee, moomoo milk, apom juice, the works.

“Wow guys, this looks delicious!” Ed said, mouth watering. “You’re doing a great job here, it must be difficult, feeding so many trainers and their pokémon.”

“Oh no, not at all! Not when you’re used to a greedy mor-urk!”

Ed looked up as one of the white-apron clad chefs accidentally hit the first in the stomach with a spatula.

“Aaah-hahaha, sorry Ja-, er, Jerry.”

“Quite alright, Je-mima, yes, Jemima.”

“You know,” Ed said idly, as he filled his plate with food, “I’ve seen you guys before.” He stared at them, the hairnet of Jemima still straining against her huge ponytail, beginning to tear. The smallest of the four seemed to be short enough to have trouble serving at the larger stations, but it probably made him the ideal height for the Pokémon stations. Sensible. “Have you been on pokévision? Or the Great Galarian Bake-Off?”

“Oh, yes, all the time!” answered Jerry instantly, beaming so wide it seemed his face might crack.

“Wow! And you traveled all the way to Hoenn! I’m honored! See you guys later, we’ll be back for lunch!”

“Have fun! Enjoy your brat, er, breakfast, meowth meowth!”

“What nice people,” Ed mumbled to himself, as he sneaked an early sausage into his mouth with his fingers as he walked to a table.

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“Sissy?” I asked, once enough of the hangriness had passed — I didn’t know if it was a pokémon thing or if I’d been this way before, but don’t get between an eevee and her food — for both of us to make talking possible. “I hear Ed and Becca talking about the gym?”

“That’s right, We’ve already battled here but Ed’s going for his first badge.”

“I’m... I'm really nervous about it,” I said finally, not sure how to approach things and not able to meet the mawile’s gaze. “Maybe the rest of you don’t see this as that big a deal, I mean, you’ve all been pokémon much longer than me, and Barb.” I’d forgotten about Barb, but she seemed to be taking the whole ‘being a nidoran’ thing a lot better than I had at first. Maybe it’s because her brain wasn’t turned into Kalosian cheese. “I’m not... really a good fighter? I just... I just brute force it, and I’m not that much of a brute.”

“Oh, Uxie, you really don’t... hmm, let me think.” Sissy pondered for a bit, idly chewing some more pokéblocks. “You’ve watched a pokémon battle before, right?”

“I must have, but I don’t remember.” I did vaguely remember seeing bouts on the television, but they were distant, muted, and didn’t really explain what would be my side of things. “I remember fighting you guys!” I said brightly. Sissy snorted — such a classic ‘big sister’ move, but that’s what she was — before rolling her eyes.

“You did alright, even though you lost,” Tully said. “It’s not good enough for a gym battle though. You can use special moves, I know you can, but I guess you don’t really know what they are?” Tully asked.

“That’s about right,” I agreed, nodding my head, though I then shook it. “I don’t really know how they work. It’s like this... I get this feeling inside, like there’s a heater that gets turned on, or an engine, and the energy from it just bubbles up and out.”

“Tully said you have at least one very special move,” said Sissy, breaking back into the conversation. “Humans call it ‘Mimic’. One day you might be able to perfect it to copy cat. It’s quite powerful. You can use it to copy other 'mons special moves, so it’s the most useful for us to know you’ve got the practical part down. Next time we spar, you need to pull it out, alright?”

“I can try,” I said noncommittally.

“I’ve seen you use Bite, which is a very basic attack, and I’ve also seen you use Agility, which is a basic status enhancer. Really they’re both the same kind of thing. You take that energy from inside you, and you push it out into your body. That’s what us pokémon can do that humans can’t. Mostly. Kind of.” Sissy grinned. It was disconcerting, even though I knew she meant it in a friendly manner.

“Kind of?” I asked, head tilted.

“There are humans who can use Aura and Psychic, and then there’s whatever that potion was that turned that trainer into a pikachu... I don’t know what that was about at all, maybe it’s a human move? But if you can become a pokémon, you can do pokémon moves.”

“I believe,” said Chompy, interrupting, “that this is where I come in.”

Sissy looked at the seviper, who was usually quiet, then the mawile nodded, shrugged and went back to eating.

“Lux, we all have energy inside of usss, an infinite supply of it, but by itself it does nothing. How good we are at calling it forth, using it, that’sss what shows the difference between how strong pokémon are. Trainers think inside of little boxes, and it helps them tell us how best to fight. We take their ordersss because they see the whole battle and plan their strategies with things we can’t, turning what would a fight for our lives into a sssport. We take their orders and we make them our own, and we use their ideas of the moves we learn to fight with, but those moves come from usss, even when we learn them from sssome pokémon else.”

“I think I see what you mean,” I replied. The blade-tailed Pokémon was imposing; raw power and drive barely constrained by a deceptively docile demeanor. For all Sissy worried me for what she hid, the seviper intimidated me with her sheer presence. Her unblinking gaze as she watched me told me she understood this.

“Do you know why I am ssso powerful?” Chompy added, quietly.

I shook my head, taking in the roughly four meter creature’s form; whatever her last meal had been had all but vanished into the thick, muscular coils over night. The seviper was a monster of a pokémon, large even for her kind. It was pokémon like this that scared trainers off, and probably made more than a few go missing.

“It’sss because Becca traded for me. She did not know that I was not as powerful as she thought, so I become as powerful as she believed. Thisss is what humansss do. They shape the world, and we ussse it, and it is why it is rare in the wild for pokémon to be powerful, but common for trainers to have powerful pokémon. Even -- especially -- with one gifted to them from a stranger, they will no longer fear the tall grass.

“You have sssomething within you, Lux; it isss often simply called your ‘core’. It cannot be ssseen, touched, smelled or tasssted, but it isss there. Lisssten to it, ussse it, and you will grow strong in The Pact.”

I nodded, slowly. “I think I get it. I’ve felt this... core, before. I didn’t know what it was. I still don’t. But I’ll try.”

“A-and w-we keep forgetting th-that,” added Bart. “W-we don’t know what you don’t know. But we’re learning.”

“Speaking of learning,” I asked, pointedly looking at Chompy, “what is The Pact?”

“You are ssstill not ready. But maybe sssoon.”

“I’ll just get somebody else to tell me,” I grumbled under my breath.

“No, you won’t,” said the seviper smugly.

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Lux rode on Ed’s shoulder as the two trainers surfed the market crowds in downtown Rustboro, having completed some shopping in various back alley markets. The weather was again wonderful and all of Ed’s and Becca’s pokémon were out enjoying it.

“You know, I’d tell you to let her walk, but with how easily she gets into trouble, it’s probably best you don’t," Becca good-naturedly grumped about the shoulder-riding eevee.

“Oh she was just being a helpful soul yesterday,” rebuffed Ed. “And besides, everyone else has their pokémon like this. Well okay, not everyone-everyone, but lots of folks. Anyway, tell me more about Roxanne. I assume that’s why you’ve been hiding your purchases from me.” He paused for a moment, “it’s not cheating to ask, is it?”

“Nah, anyone serious about getting their gym badges plays to their strengths, and that always includes understanding your opponent. She’s a rock-type gym leader, generally seen as the first gym of the league, she’ll give beginners like you and me an easier time of things. That’s not to say she can’t bring the pain, but the idea of the circuit is to build up to being worthy to rock the competition, haha! If you come back with say... four badges, or even seven, you’ll meet her real team and she’ll pull out more or even all the stops. Still, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take her seriously, if you just think you’re going to waltz in, she’ll stomp you.”

“I’m nervous,” said Ed. “I’m taking her seriously alright. I’ve never done this before.”

“You want to try again later?”

“What?”

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

“You could catch another pokémon, one of the regional starters maybe, one that’s good against Rock types?”

“I... maybe? What do I have now?”

“So... rock types; they’re weak against fighting, steel, grass, water and ground,” said Becca, thoughtfully. “Your best chance is going to be Ziggy, I think. He's a bad match-up, but has some good moves he can learn. Tully’s pretty much right out unless you want to play the long game, Guy is going to be alright but not great because he can avoid so many moves, Lux is going to be alright too maybe and Barb might be a stealth monster if she can learn a few tricks. Honestly though, ordinarily you wouldn’t stand a chance without more training because your team is just not good for Rock, but I have some gifts to help. You’re going to teach your pokémon some special moves thanks... to these.”

Becca reached into her bag and pulled out some Technical Machines. Ed had heard of them, even seen some of them for sale, but he’d never actually held any before now. They were weighty, and impressive. Shaped like miniature, if somewhat girthy, computer disks, they were a collection of memory crystals and compute hardware that contained within them the collected mental patterns of mastered moves, distilled from dozens of Pokémon, all catalogued together so that they could be passed onto compatible subjects.

“Plug these babies into a pokéball e-reader and your pokémon will learn a new skill just. Like. That.” Becca snapped her fingers as Ed whistled, sifting through them.

“There’s Dig in here, and Iron Tail! Oh, dude, even Surf! Where did you find that?”

“I have my ways. Sadly whilst I don’t have it, if we can find somebody able to teach Barb to Double Kick, then you might yet just get your first badge. I won’t give you Cut because I think I'll let you earn that one. I’m only letting you borrow Surf because you need it.”

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I watched as the pokéball e-reader lit up, a whirring noise growing in volume and pitch as the program prepared to load. The e-reader was a strange, roughly square-based device with a pokéball dimple in the middle of it, much like the healing machines at the pokécenters. At the start, the ball rested in the dimple, but as it was activated the ball gently lifted up a few inches before a set of whirling, glowing concentric rings of blue light surrounded -- this case -- Ziggy’s ball and then exploded into motes of dancing light, that moments later flickered out.

When the zigzagoon emerged, he looked shell-shocked. “What a rush. I... I know how to Surf! With Iron Tail, I’m gonna kick all kinds of behind!”

“Just like that?” I asked, suspiciously.

“Arceus’ golden plates, you gotta try it!” the zigzagoon said, shaking himself out.

“Good job, baby,” crooned Barb. Ziggy lumbered over to her and rubbed his head against her flank, carefully. The nidoran had already been through to learn Dig herself, and now Ziggy had been ‘honed’ or whatever the poké-word was. I was still not sold on the whole deal, not that my feelings were taken much into account.

“[Come on, Lux, just the one for you, girl, you’re going to learn how to Dig too!]”

“Wait!” I wailed, kicking my little legs as Ed picked me up and fished around for my luxury ball, “I don’t want to learn Dig! I’ll forget something else!”

“That’s not really the way it works, sister,” said Tully, who was rather grumpy at being left out of the special treatment, “You’re just going to get something new you’re good at.”

“But I’m not really an eevee! I’m a-” The last of my complaints were cut off as the return beam enveloped my body, and I found myself back in my luxury lair.

“Welcome back Lux.

Alert: Technical Machine incoming.

Security scan result: compatible eidetic code, ‘Dig’ detected.

Launching Virtual Avatar.

Commencing Training Simulation.”

There was a flash of light, and a collection of floating blue lights coalesced into a see-through eevee. It looked me up and down, unimpressed.

“A brief flicker of sentience and I get this. Ah, well. Now listen up,” the glowing blue eevee said to me, prowling around my shocked form, “we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. And the easy way’s a lot easier on both of us,” it said.

“But-but-but I-I’m not an eevee a-and I-”

“Dubwools butt, eevees learn to Dig. I can see we’re gonna do this the hard way.” The eevee raised a paw, drawing back. I flinched. “Haha, made you flinch. There is no hard way. Boop!” And the eevee patted me on the head. Suddenly I was a thousand miles underground, scrabbling with all four paws as I moved mountains. Within me was the power of the earth itself, tectonic plates grinding against each other. I was the spirit of Groudon itself, of Regigigas. Around the forces gathered into my muscles, the very earth itself shifted from my might. I was a tunnelling, boring machine as I swam through the bedrock, rising up to surge my way through loam and then exploding into sunlight. I breathed heavily, letting the forced vision fade, before I looked up. I hadn’t moved, the electric blue eevee’s paw was still falling to the ground from where it had tapped my head moments ago. It straightened up.

“Ah, she likes it. Now, your turn. Gather your core, summon your life-force, your power, that surging, pulsating source of energy deep inside you, and push it into your paws, out through your claws... and dig! Dig like your life depended on it!”

At the ghostly eevee’s words, I felt a flicker of... something, deep inside, the way I had before when I’d been fighting the onix, when I’d been sparring with Bart, when I’d successfully used his own Dig to follow him, but this time it was different, as if it were an actual part of me, rather than an echo of the power I felt from other pokémon. I felt as if I owned it, as if I generated it, gave birth to it. I remembered doing it, even though I’d never done it before, but I knew how. Using Dig wasn’t just scrabbling with my paws in the dirt, although I could fake that somewhat, it was something more. And now that something was lodged inside my head and in my... well, my core, as the other eevee and my team-mates had said. I emerged again into the virtual sunlight of my luxury ball's virtual environment, not even having realized I’d Dug in the first place, to find the ghostly eevee reverting back to motes of light... and then Ed was pulling me back out.

“How was it?” Tully asked, slightly concerned.

“It was... wow. I... I know how to Dig.” My head was still spinning, but it felt good.

“I think it’s time we made sure the lessons stuck,” said Sissy, squaring off against me. Becca looked down, a questioning look on her face. “Remember, I want to see Mimic!” the mawile added.

“[You want to go up against Lux, girl? Alright, Ed, what do you say? Some sparring before the main event? Let’s have a friendly so nothing major gets busted. If you can win against me, you’ll probably win against Roxanne. I'll do what Roxanne will; I’ll use two pokémon, I won’t be withdrawing until you’ve knocked them out. You get my two pokémon down, you win. You can freely switch, alright?]”

“[Alright,]” Ed said, nodding slowly. “[that’s what Roxanne will do, right?]”

“[Right. I can’t really match her style, but come on Sissy and Shadow, I choose you two!]”

A nearby trainer stopped, conferred with both Ed and Becca, then stepped up to referee. Raising one hand, she called out, “[This will be a friendly match between Ed of Mauville and Becca of Rustboro. Becca takes the handicap of: two pokémon, no substitutions. Upon withdrawal, said pokémon is declared unable to battle. Ready? Then... battle! Start!]”

“[Shadow, Shock Wave, wake ‘em up! Then Quick Attack!]”

“[Lux, Dig! Hit ‘em from below!]”

I dived underground, channelling the feeling in my core as I’d been taught, and pulled myself underground as the crackling wave of energy passed harmlessly overhead. I could hear Shadow’s paws on the ground above, and I tunnelled up to headbutt him in the gut, throwing the electrike into the air.

“[Quickly, Shock Wave!]” called Becca, giving no mercy. A wave of lightning sparked from Shadow’s mouth to arc across the field, up through my nose, along my head and back, to ground itself through my paws. I stumbled as my muscles all locked up, sliding along the pitch. I stumbled to my paws as Ed gave me another order.

“[Lux! Agility! Growl and Tackle him!]”

Summoning power from within, I channelled it into my legs, feeling them recover and strengthen. I threw myself forwards, snarling as I went for Shadow’s throat. He flinched as I bowled him over.

“[That’s it! Get him!]” Ed shouted, too excited to give a clear order. It didn’t matter, I drew in a deep breath, searched for the echo of what Shadow had done to me, then spat it back at him as I bit him. As my teeth connected, a surge of electricity shot through the both of us, and I came off worse. Lesson learned, I reasoned, as consciousness returned and I picked myself up off the battleground; I wasn’t quite able to pull off a ranged electric attack by biting. I shook my head, dazed. Shadow was injured, but otherwise unfazed. Ed beat a tactical retreat.

“[Lux, Return! Barb, out you come! Dig!]”

“[Go for a Quick Attack!]” Becca cried, but it was too late, as Ed pulled me back inside my ball and released Barb at what was more than likely just incredibly lucky timing. Barb burst out from the ball, stabbing Shadow in the stomach. The electrike rolled over and over, got shakily to his paws, and then stumbled to three.

“[Push through, Shadow! Bite her!]”

“[Barb! Poison sting him! Then try to Double Kick!]”

Shadow lunged for Barb, but as his teeth fastened around the nidoran, she twisted, fluffed out her quills, and the electrike got another mouthful of poison. He collapsed, shivering, as it took hold. Twisting her body up, the nidoran slammed both her hind paws into the electrike just as she’d been shown by a trainer only too happy to show off his own pokémon’s prowess. It wasn’t perfect, but the impact knocked the last breath out of Shadow’s body and he collapsed in a heap.

“[That’s it, well done Shadow, come back for a rest. I promise I’ll get you fixed up right after this.]” Becca whispered to Shadow’s ball.

“[Competitor’s Electrike is unable to battle! Competitor Becca has one pokémon left!]”

“[Barb, are you alright to battle?]” Ed asked.

“I... I think so, boss!” the nidoran replied. “Cheer for me, baby,” she cried, glancing at where Ziggy was watching from the sidelines. “Sissy’s the big arcanine, and on my first real bout!”

“[Try a horn attack, Barb, stab her, poison her, wear her down!]”

“[Alright Sissy, show her what you’ve got! Then show her you mean it!]”

Sissy leaped into battle, screaming a war-cry that had Barb flinching back in astonishment. The double-mouthed pokémon then opened her vicious, backwards-facing set of jaws and Crunched madly at the nidoran, before shaking her from side to side and throwing her down, where Barb rolled to a stop before clambering back to her paws.

Shaking her head to clear it, Barb pawed the ground like a tauros, then charged, head-butting the mawile hard with her horn, tossing Sissy into the air as she thundered past. Barb may not have been the largest Pokémon in the pack yet, but she was feisty.

“[She’s a tough one, Ed, be proud. I think I need to step up my game! Sissy, fairy wind!]”

Sissy’s eyes glowed as she spun in a complicated dance, using her hand-like forepaws as if she were conducting an orchestra... and suddenly that orchestra swelled into being, lifting and throwing the little blue poison pin pokémon around like she was a drifloon in a hurricane. She was given no quarter, and the poor little pokémon was left battered, bruised and more than a little dazed by the time the move was over.

“[That’s enough for one day, Barb, time for a rest I think. Ziggy, time to try out your new moves! Surf’s up!]”

“[Sissy you can take it, Iron Defense!]”

“[This would be a lot more effective against Roxanne,]” laughed Ed, whooping with excitement, as from somewhere the zigzagoon summoned a wave of water. It seemed as if the zigzagoon inhaled, and then from seemingly nowhere and everywhere, a wave of water emerged, boiling out of the ground and air, to wash across the battlefield, as if every water main, stream and river had overflowed all at once.

“[Sissy! Tell me everything's okay!]” Becca called at the bedraggled, sodden lump that was her pokémon. Slowly, the deceiver pokémon pulled herself to her feet, sniffling, choking and sobbing as she attempted to deal with being half drowned. Ziggy stumbled, cowering back, he hadn’t really meant to do that much damage to--

“[Now! Sucker Punch!]” Becca leaped for joy, whooping back, as she ordered her pokémon to attack.

Sissy straightened up with a vicious grin on both her muzzles as she leaped straight into a closed-fist punch to the side of Ziggy’s head, before she followed it up with a vicious one-two left-right punch in the zigzagoon’s kidneys.

“[Ziggy, I know you can do more, but I’m switching it up. Come back, Lux, your turn again!]”

I’d been watching the match at varying speeds from inside my ball, keeping an eye on how Sissy fought. She was quite dangerous if one got close and let her get her jaws on you and even had some danger to her at range if you were slow. So I didn’t bother letting her get a paw in. As I leaped out of the ball, I scooped a paw down, grabbing a pawful of dirt and sand, and I flung it at my opponent.

“[Hit her with your agility, Lux! You’re faster than she is!]”

I certainly was now. I nipped in and out, harrying her with teeth and claws, before another of those vicious one-two punches caught me whilst I thought Sissy was staggering. As I rolled to a stop, I gave her such a mournful look that she lowered her fists, just for a moment. It was long enough, as I disappeared below ground, to once more rise up and headbutt her in the guts.

I didn't give her the chance to trick me the same way, I wasn’t going to let her have the satisfaction, and whilst she’d hit me with her fists, I didn’t have any. What I did have though was a set of hind paws that were pretty powerful. It wasn’t a Double Kick, but I did sucker her in with a faked limp before letting her have it with both barrels as it were.

She rolled to a stop and shook her head as I just barrelled in and slammed my head into her again, following it up with a vicious claw and tail swipe that slammed her across the battlefield. I saw stars from the headbutt, but she didn’t get up.

“[Becca’s mawile is unable to battle! Becca has no pokémon left, the victor is Ed from Mauvile!]”

There was a smattering of applause before the two trainers recalled all their pokémon and gave up the field to others waiting their turn.

“[Nice one, Ed! I knew you could do it. Now we just have to work out how to get your team to full strength against Roxanne.]”

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“I’m not the world’s best trainer,” said Becca later, as they relaxed on a picnic blanket. “In fact I think I’m pretty terrible. My entire team is mostly offense, I need to fix that. I’ve got three badges, but unless I really up my game I’ll not get more. I’ve really relied on Chompy to pull me through most serious matches; she’s a big girl, but she can’t steamroll an entire gym by herself just yet, and shouldn't even if she could.”

“I think you’re doing alright,” Ed said. “You’re teaching me a lot.”

“No I’m not,” Becca laughed, nudging her friend with her shoulder as they sat together in the park, eating some sandwiches as their pokémon shared some snacks. “Not really, just the basics, and badly at that.”

“That’s all you should be doing really,” Ed replied. “It’s my job to catch my own Pokémon and to teach them how to fight, or maybe learn how they fight so they can teach me how to win? Sometimes I wonder if I’m the most important part of my team or the least, you know? They’re the ones down there in the ring, I’m just sitting at the back telling them what to do.”

“That’s the thing though,” said Becca through a mouthful of egg and cress sandwich, “without you, they won’t know how to respond, it’ll turn from a tactical battle to just a scrap, and any half-way competent fighting team will absolutely hammer a trainer and their Pokémon that just flail about.”

Ed thought about that as he ate a jelly donut. “I don’t know. Maybe I can win this. Can I try again?”

“Of course? If you do lose though, you’ll find out what your weakness is and then we can work on that, right?”

Ed nodded. “Right. Let’s do this thing.”

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