Ch. 36 - Before the Fall

I padded my way down the wide Fiore streets, marvelling at the subtle differences in architecture between here and Hoenn as I weaved my way between and around the legs of the pedestrians spending their morning out in the sun. I was also amused at how all of them were completely ignorant of the mythical legendary sitting on my back, invisible to all. It wasn’t so amusing that she could fly and didn’t, but I could at least appreciate the joke.

Colourful flags hung from lampposts and people and their pokemon were all out and about enjoying the hot weather. It was early morning here, or so it seemed, and I was enjoying the scenery so much that it took much longer than it should have for me to realise the major difference here to where I was from.

“Hey! There are no pokeballs!” I exclaimed suddenly. “Or at least, I can’t spot any. I see lots of pokemon, but-but-but they’re all freely walking around out and about!” Then I reconsidered, slightly. “Not that I’m a prisoner of mine. Mostly.” I reconsidered the reconsidering, and scowled a bit.

It was true though; despite how hard I looked, my head on a swivel, I had yet to spot a single pokeball, and there were hordes of pokemon everywhere. Hoenn was very poke-positive, but even so there were always places that, whilst they didn’t exactly make a huge deal of it, were just not welcoming to my kind. Here, there was none of that, every place in Fiore was seemingly for pokemon as much as humans.

“Yeah, I like Fiore. Ky-ky and Ray-ray do too. Grumbly is… Grumbly, but even he likes Fiore really,” agreed Mew. “‘Course, I usually have to transform to get around without causing a scene.” Mew leaned forwards, and giggled into my ear, “but today I’ve got you!”

I huffed in indignation. “And what makes you think I’ll let you ride on my back all day? What am I, some sort of mudbray? Get off!”

“Nup, not gonna happen, Sister!”

I bucked and kicked to try to get the pest off, but Mew held firm.

“What’re you doing, Eevee?” asked a passing rhydon, as he hopped around me. “You’re causing a scene! You’d better not be causing trouble for my human!”

“I’m just trying to get…” I paused, and looked back over my shoulder at absolutely nothing. “Ah, you wouldn’t believe me!” I grumbled. “Sorry, I’ll be careful.”

“You’d better,” the rhydon growled, snorting, putting an arm around the human walking next to him.

“[What’s up, boy?]”

“Oh nothing, pet, just stay away from that feral eevee, I’ll keep you safe.” The rhydon glared at me and steered his human around me, whilst I dimly heard snickering and I felt Mew shaking with laughter from where she sat on my back.

“You’re a pest,” I grumbled.

“I know! Isn’t it fun?”

“I feel like I should be learning something here,” I said, pausing for a moment as we came out from a long, wide street into an even wider town square with a massive fountain in the middle of it, “but I have no idea what.”

“Welcome to Fountain Park!” cried Mew, jumping up and down on my back before floating into the air and clapping her paws. “I have a big feeling we’re gonna be finding your guys here!”

“Oh?” I asked, turning around and around as I stumbled forwards, trying to take everything in.

“Because if your guys are any good with food?”

“Oh yeah, they’re ace at it!” I replied, my mouth starting to water.

“Well, if they’re here and they’re making food? Then this is where they’re going to be selling it.”

I had to agree as I spied stall after stall ringing the city square. Bunting was flying from the trees, people and pokemon were playing on the grassy hills, throwing balls and other toys, and more of both were sporting in the waves. And supplying all of them with berries, ice-cream, poffins and more were a plethora of stalls. My only problem now was… where were they? I trotted through the crowds, eyeing up all the stalls.

“Let me see,” I mumbled, peering at hawker after hawker. “We know they’re here, right? I mean, we know they’re not only in Fiore, but they’re in Fall City?”

“Uh-huh, that’s what Ray-ray said!”

“Mmm, then I’m willing to believe her, she knows her stuff. After all, Legendary.”

“And what am I,” complained Mew, popping into view, “chopped Oranberry?”

“Well if you were actually gonna be useful,” I grumped at the fluffy floating cat-like creature, “then they’d be right there,” I said, pointing at the nearest stall, eyes fixed on Mew.

Somebody cleared their throat, and I turned to look at a short, moustache-wielding person with long fingernails. “Whaddaya wanna eat?” he asked.

I looked at the menu list. I couldn’t read it, but I could see the pictures. “That looks pretty good,” I said, pointing at a bowl of berry udon with pokeblock flakes and noodles.

“Extra pecha?” The worker asked, punching in numbers into the till.

“You know it,” I replied. He nodded and punched in some more numbers, then turned to the other noodle artists.

“One berry udon special, extra pecha, don’t skimp on the noodles! Drink?”

“Umm, Mew, can… can you spot me?” My stomach growled as I nodded, pointing at a can of nanab and pinap soda.

“One nanab-pinap berry blast coming right up!” said the helpful blue assistant, saluting. Mew rolled her eyes as I looked imploringly at her.

“Oh come on,” I said, “I’m running on fumes! I’ve been adventuring all night, you zapped me up into space and teleported me to the other side of the planet, you’ve literally been riding on my butt the entire way here! The least you could do is pay for my lunch.”

Mew and I looked up at the extremely tall fellow who was stirring the massive pot of noodles with a long, long set of chopsticks held in his mouth as he cleared his throat expectantly. He was looking down at us, waiting to see if we could pay.

“Oh, alright,” grumbled Mew. “But only if you make sure I get to taste some of the chilli when we find ‘em!”

“Pinky swear!” I replied, watching as another worker chopped up some ingredients with a very sharp bladed tail. “Ooh, look, fresh ingredients!” I exclaimed, then turned back to Mew. “This is so gonna be worth it! We’ll go searching for Team Rocket right after we’ve eaten, alright?”

“Alright! Alright, I already said I’d pay,” Mew said, fishing out a little coin purse from some sort of spacial pocket and clicking it open. “What do I owe you, big guy? I must have some Fiore coins here somewhere…” She stuck first her entire arm, then her head, into the purse. “I guess pokedollars from anywhere should work, right?” her voice echoed, slightly muffled, as she searched deeper still. I was only distracted from her antics when, with a loud clatter, two humans dropped a large chilli pot they’d been carrying.

“Oh Arceus, it’s the replacement dorks!” said a third, smaller, hairy person, as Mew disappeared into her purse, which remained floating in the air with various grumblings coming from deep inside.

Wait. Waaaaaiiiittttt… I glared at the three newcomers, narrowing my eyes. “Meowth?” I asked incredulously. “What are you—” my words mumbled away to nothing as the cat pokemon interrupted me, apparently either glad to see me, or otherwise somehow frustrated I hadn’t been here quicker?

“Finally! We’s been waitin’ fer you’se to show up fer days! What’s you bin takin’ you’se time at? Nyaa… it’s a good job so many people like our chilli! Hadda cook up a fresh batch every day just in case! It sold almost as well as Morpeko’s candyfloss!”

Morpeko, the tiny hamster creature that he was, waved from the side of a humming machine bigger then he was as he spun a stick around it, where wispy clouds of pink-dyed sugar collected on it. He ate the bundle of candyfloss, then started making another one.

“Which is good, because when he’s not selling it, he’s eating it,” Meowth grumbled.

“B-but if you’re there,” I said slowly, blinking in confusion, “then who’s that?” I turned my head to look over at the fast food workers making Mew and me the noodles, then back to Team Rocket, then back to the noodle stand… then back to Team Rocket. The two humans shared a glance with each other, then threw off their chefs outfits, to reveal different, more extravagant chefs outfits beneath.

“[Prepare for chilli!]” called Jessie.

“[And eat your fill-ee!]” shouted James, with a flourish.

“[To make some grub that can’t be beaten!]” exclaimed Jessie.

“[To make damn sure we won’t get eaten!]” replied James.

“[To consider the secrets of red kidney beans!]”

“[Or make it a taco with cheese and greens!]”

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“[Jessie!]”

“[James!]”

“[Slow cooked by Team Rocket ‘cos we’re not hasty!]”

“[That way the dish is super tasty!]”

“I wish they hadn’t put me in charge of workplace safety,” wailed Meowth, holding onto the lid for dear life as it started to rattle. The cat pokemon screwed his eyes shut until the rattling calmed down and he could breathe a sigh of relief. “It took us a few goes to get it stable enough to transport, and I’m still not sure how stable it really is.”

“But…” I started, only for Meowth to hold up a paw and continue.

“When you turned up and said you’d be back later for some more of that chilli because Rayquaza had a hankering, we thought you meant that day! And then when the rest of you’se turned up we hadda find somewhere to put all o’you’se!”

My jaw fell open as Bart took off the fake moustache and Chompy took off her hat. Monty looked left and right, then leaned down.

“I’m gonna keep my disguise on,” he said in a conspiratorial stage whisper around the massive chopsticks, “a lot of people seem to get a bit upset when they see a gyarados cooking a batch of noodles this big. I don’t know why.”

“Does this mean we get to eat for free?” Mew asked, poking her head out of her floating purse.

“[Ahh! Somebody beheaded that Mew!]” screamed James, hiding behind Jessie, who peered closer.

“[I think the rest of the Mew is in the purse,]” pondered Jessie, moving a bit closer and walking around the floating object slowly.

“[Just like a trainer backpack, but full of money?]” James asked, his eyes lighting up.

“[I bet a purse that fits a plump little bundle of fur in it like that mew, probably has a lot of money in it!]” Jessie confirmed, pokedollar signs practically shining in her vision.

“Oh, it does! It’s got a lot of shinies in it! I got it from Palkia for Christmas. Just take a look!” Mew grabbed the sides of the purse as worked her hips out of it, then held it open at Jessie, who leaned in closer… and closer… and…

“[Aaaahhh! It’s sucking me in!]” Jessie shouted, her voice growing increasingly distant as she was sucked deeper and deeper into the purse.

“[I’ll save yo… oh, oh no! Help, save me, Morpeko!” shouted James, as Jessie’s feet finally disappeared into darkness, only for James to find himself following after her. A medium-sized, roughly mouse-shaped ball of anger launched itself at James from the snack counter. “Ahh! Help! Save me! Morpekooooo!” James wailed, before also being sucked all the way into the purse, swiftly followed by Morpeko. Mew snapped the purse shut then tossed it over her shoulder, where it disappeared in a flash of light. She brushed her paws together happily.

“That’s that sorted,” she said, then looked around. “What?”

“It’s usually about dis time we’s ending up blasting off,” said Meowth, who finally picked his jaw up from the ground. I looked from him, to the chilli, then took a few steps back. “Dis better be another off-screen finale, or we’se gonna have words. You’se didn’t say nuffin about dat purse!”

“Uh, Mew? Those two are master thieves. Are you sure you want them in your purse?” I asked.

“That’s… hm. Well I can solve THAT problem!”

“Wait!” I shouted. “What are yo—” but it was too late.

Mew snapped her paw-fingers.

***

“One of these days,” James complained, “we’re going to blast off to something we can’t blast back from.” He wrung his Team Rocket uniform out then hung it up on the washing line, dressed as he was instead in his moltres outfit. “You know, when I said I wanted one of my spare outfits, I didn’t mean this one.”

“You said you wanted to look like a chick!” said Jessie, shrugging. “You should have been more specific.”

“You’re just jealous that I make a bikini look better than yo—oof!” James doubled over as Jessie elbowed him in the stomach then stormed off, her face a stormcloud.

“You’se two are gonna be the death of me. Honestly, rap battlin’ Slowkings and explosive chilli… shush up and let me work out where we are.” Meowth pulled out a map from his pack and spread it out across the floor of the cave, weighting it down with some stones in the sun, careful to put it on a dry patch of sand. “We started here, the sun was that way… so we went this way…” Meowth traced his paw across the map, all the way across the ocean, before he encountered a new land mass. “Fiore? I think we’re in Fiore. Can you’se see a city out there?”

“Uh huh, I saw it on the way down. Looks pretty,” James managed.

“Fall City! Has to be.”

There was a sudden flash of light, and an eevee and a mew appeared in the cave.

***

“—ou gonna do?” I finished, then looked around. “Alright, where are we?”

“Uh, well, I was going to go back a few minutes and tell them not to touch my things, but I think I overshot.”

I placed a paw over my muzzle. “Time travel?” I grumbled. “How can you do time travel?”

“Well firstly, Mew,” Mew said, pointing to herself. I head-tilted expectantly. “Ancestor of all pokemon? Original model, as it were?” she offered, then rolled her eyes. “I can do all pokemon moves!”

“Well that was a dumb idea,” I told her. “Why’d you go back this far? This has to be… what? Days before when we just were?”

Just ‘cause I can time travel doesn’t mean I do time travel a lot.” Mew twiddled her thumbs, floating in the air forlornly.

“I bet Celebi rants at you for breaking the timestream.”

“And Celebi rants at me for breaking the timestream! But I don’t! Much!”

“Hey, uh, either of you’se gonna tell me what you’se doin’ here?” Meowth asked. He turned to Jessie and James, and gestured for them to back off a small ways. “These are the replacement brats, I’m tryin’ ta find out why they’se here. Well the eevee’s new. The Mew’s someone new.”

“[That’s a Mew? Aren’t they really, really rare?]” James asked Jessie.

“[Super rare. And super valuable. Think how much Giovanni would reward us for capturing one!]”

I could see the pokedollar signs lining up in their eyes again, and knew we had to get out of here as quickly as possible.

“Uh,” I began, then put up a paw for Meowth to hold on a second before turning to Mew. “Mew, look, we’re too far back, so take us forwards again, back to when these three are…” I looked out of the cave, and pointed at the not-too distant city of Fiore, “over there, okay?”

“Uh, sure, I think I can do that,” Mew replied, taking another ring from around her neck and peering into it, muttering things about aligning tachyon streams and rotating fate matrices.

“Alright, so, here’s the deal,” I said, turning back to Meowth and pulling on Mew’s tail to drag her like a floating, fluffy balloon away from where Team Rocket were trying to sneak up on her. “We’re from the future, and we came to get some chilli for Rayquaza.”

Meowth stiffened, half-saying Rayquaza’s name in a squeak. “She’s, uh, not here, right?”

“Nah, not at the moment, she just really, really wants some chilli. And so does Kyogre. And apparently Groudon. And if they don’t get it, my friends are going to get eaten, and possibly the world will end.”

Meowth wilted. “And you’se needs us to make it for you?”

“Uh huh,” I said, “but Mew turned this into a whole thing, which I’m trying to get her to unravel, so I’ll be back to get some as soon as! Give me a few days, and… oh sh—”

Mew snapped her paw-fingers again.

“—oot” I finished, realising what I’d just done. We reappeared on the outskirts of the fountain square, and I looked around with a sigh. “You’ve got the wrong time again!” I grumbled. “Right place though, almost.”

“Umm, it’s got to be roughly the right time though, yeah?” Mew looked around hopefully.

“I think we’re… still a bit too early this time. None of my friends are here, if we’re gonna avoid all this trouble, then we’d better get here when they’re here.”

“Oh, I can fix that super easy!” Mew replied, and snapped her fingers and disappeared.

“Oh Arceus damn it!” I said, knowing what was coming. There was another flash of light, and a whole bunch of pokemon appeared. Pokemon very familiar to me. Pokemon very dear to me. And Mew.

“Now all we’ve got to do is ask them when they got here!” Mew said, clapping her paws together.

“Now is when they got here!” I hissed. “Right now! Thanks to you! Tell me at least you went forwards in time to pick them up from the time you picked me up from?”

“Uh, of course, I could hardly get them from before then because then they wouldn’t have been where they were! Besides, that’s when they were all in one place.”

I felt a surge of pain in my head trying to parse that thought train as it missed the station and derailed.

“Wait, wait,” grumbled Tully, “we just got poke-napped by this bundle of fur saying something about that chilli you were promising?”

“Uh, yeah,” I said. “Sorry about this. I think you’re all going to need to cook the chilli, and… somehow I’m going to turn up in a few days to pick you and hopefully the chilli up.”

“Why for?” asked Mew innocently.

“Well, they were kinda here when we got here, right? So you and me are still too early.”

“Oh, is that all? Let’s just skip forwards a bit then,” Mew said, nodding her head and lashing her tail as she floated between Tully and me.

“What, you’re just going to le—”

Mew snapped her finger-paws yet again. I closed my eyes and sighed, and when I opened them again, Tully fluttered down to land on my back.

“You and me,” he said, “are going to have words.”

“Heeeeeyyy there, Tully!” I said, wincing as his claws dug into my back.

“Don’t you ‘hey Tully’ me!” he grumbled. “We’ve been here a week, making chilli! For you! And you didn’t show!”

“It’s not my fault! It’s hers!”

“She’s a legendary and she works for Kyogre. I can’t blame her because Kyogre would drown me faster than you can say ‘Primal Reversion’. So that just leaves you!” I winced as Tully’s claws dug in further.

“Good point, please don’t tear my fur off!” I whimpered. “Let’s just take the chilli to Rayquaza and then we can all go home, right?”

“Yeah, alright,” said Tully suddenly. He fluttered over to the chilli pot and landed on one of the handles. “How do we get it to her?” He glanced at me. “What? Sooner we get this over and done with, the sooner I get to go back into my pokeball and not come out for a few days. You have no idea how hard it is cooking chilli for almost two weeks straight.”

“Oh, that’s easy,” said Mew, floating over and taking hold of the other handle, “like this!” There was a bright flash, and both Mew and Tully, and the pot of chilli, disappeared. I sighed long and hard, then brightened. At least this time the trouble had happened to somebody else. I closed my eyes and breathed out, relaxing.

“I knew it!” said a new voice. “I knew I’d find you here! Do you have any idea how much temporal turbulence you’ve caused?”

I opened my eyes again, to see a very angry onion fairy floating in front of me with a clipboard, a pen, and a very long list of temporal offences written down on it. A list which was getting longer, I happened to notice.

Why me?