I eased myself up out of the water in the shallows, shaking my wet fur languidly and stretching, digging my paws into the soft sand that had accumulated by the edge of the rocky outcropping. There wasn’t much ‘shore’ to this place, seeing as it was in the middle of the ocean, it dropped off almost immediately into deep, deep water.

“This looks like a nice place for a picnic,” I said sarcastically, turning to look back at the boat. Briney had attached a relatively sturdy ramp to the side of it, down which the rest of the passengers were disembarking. “Do you think Ed’ll feed me if I look at him hungrily enough?”

“Trust me, Fluff, Ed would feed you his last jelly donut even if he hadn’t eaten for a week,” snarked Sissy, as she stepped off the end gangplank daintily, having taken the boring way to come ashore. I dragged myself over the lip of the outcropping and onto the island proper.

“Eh, I wouldn’t eat the whole donut. Maybe half.” I shook my fur out, causing some shouts of dismay, before sniffing around our landing zone. This place smelled like a lot of other pokemon came here on the regular, but mostly—

“H-e-e-e—”

“Slowpoke!” I said, pointing a paw, sticking my tail out straight. “Ed! Ed! There’s a slowpoke! On our rock! What’re you here for! Do you live here? Where’d you come from?” I raced over and bounced around the pink, cream and yellow pudgy creature, barking at him excitedly. I’d never seen a slowpoke before!

“L-l-l—”

“I think the slowpoke saw Lux before she saw him,” muttered Bart to Shadow, as his rollout across the gangplank came to an end.

“Not sure what that says about our Lux, but neither of them are known to be that quick,” snickered Sissy.

“Hey!” I barked, “I—”

“Resemble that remark, I know.”

“You wanna go? Let’s go! Rawr!” I pawed the wet, rough and slimy ground — once, twice — then pushed energy into my legs in a Quick Attack, and threw myself at the mawile.

“Oh you’re on, sister!” shouted Sissy back, turning as she caught my forepaws with her own, flipping onto her back and putting her legs up into my chest to flip me over her head. I let her, using the momentum to get clear enough to spin and—

“Hey! What… what’s going on!?” I shouted, as I carried on floating upwards.

“What are you doing? Put me down!” hissed Sissy.

“O-o-o n-n-e-e-w-w f-f—”

“It’s the slowpoke,” said Bart, rolling up into a tight ball then peeking out carefully as he studied the slowpoke I’d seen earlier. “H-he’s Galarian, that means he’s psychic! I-I-I mean the local ones we get here in Hoenn are also psychic! B-but Galarian’s are more psychic? I g-guess he doesn’t want us to fight.”

“R-r-i-i-e-e-n-n-d-s!”

Sissy and I were floated over to the slowpoke and turned right side up as first a couple then a whole host more slowpokes and slowbro’s came out of the waters, their happy, wide grinning faces turned our way as they all trundled over slowly to inspect and chat to us. Oddly, there was only the one Galarian. I didn’t really expect to get much more than a sentence’s worth out of most of them, but to my utter surprise, the waters of the impromptu bay began to glow, then swelled and parted as a local variant slowking emerged from beneath the waves, levitating under his own psychic power. There was a wide smile on his face, his forepaws held out palms up in a genteel manner as the wind played with his cloak.

“Greetings travellers, you have chosen a most auspicious day to visit the table! Be welcome to my court and amongst my people!”

The slowking was remarkably regal looking, with his shellder crown high on his head, and a long, sweeping cloak of seaweed expertly braided hanging down his back. He smiled at us happily. “Our brethren from across the seas approach, and today we are to do battle, as in ages past!”

“Battle? Oh no.” Bart rolled back up into the ball he’d only just unrolled from. “I d-don’t think I want to be in another b-battle so soon!”

“Do not fear, stout one! For though our battle be glorious, it be one of friendship! And food!”

“Food?” Ziggy butted through the group at the mention of food. “What sort of food? I had breakfast today and it was great! There were berries and juice and smoothies and this little kibble stuff that’s pretty dry, but the coloured shapes are really tasty though I don’t like the blue ones so much, though you’d think I would…”

I let Ziggy babble on a while as the first slowpoke slowly let Sissy and me down from where we’d been held in his psychic bubble. “Wait, you’ve got some Galarian slowpoke and slowbro coming here? How?”

“For that you must see for yourself! My Galarian brother-king and his court travel the world as they seek out their slowpoke brethren. Far too hectic a life for me and my subjects, but I welcome their arrival!”

“Oh boy, we’d better tell the humans,” said Shadow, “somehow. Uh, mister slowking, sir? When is all this ‘battle’ going to happen?”

“Ah, my impatient new friend! Soon! Soon you shall taste victory!” the slowking put both his forepaws on his impressive belly and laughed heartily. He padded over to the manectric and pointed skywards into the horizon. “There, they will come from up… hm? Hmm! I believe we have yet more visitors of a different sort!”

I looked out past the horizon, eventually flicking my ears down to cover my eyes from the sunlight as I squinted. There was something out there… was that really a…? No, it was far too small to be… it looked more like… four separate dots?”

“O-o-f-f-f A-g-a-a-a-i-i-n-n-n!”

There was a massive splash that sent a minor tidal wave washing over Table Rock and even set Briney’s boat rocking violently. Briney said a few choice words bluer than the ocean as the gangplank fell into the water and attempted to escape. A minute or so later, four bedraggled forms dragged themselves out of the deeps, coughing and spluttering, covered in seaweed, to lay exhausted on the ground.

“[Who the heck are those guys?]” asked Sly, head-tilting at the four misbegotten lumps still coughing up seawater.

“[Give us…]” one of them wheezed, holding up a finger, “[give us just a minute… got to do… the introductions properly.]”

“[I think I’ve seen these people before,]” murmured Ed.

“[We’s usually gettin’ a bit more of a warning before encountering guys likes you’s,]” added a smaller lump of seaweed.

“Woo… reporting for duty!” said a third lump of seaweed.

Ed tapped his foot expectantly. “[Well? Go on then. I know you want to.]”

There was silence, punctuated only by the breaking of waves and some pained wheezing, before a fourth — female — voice that belonged to the final lump of seaweed spoke. “[Can we just… lie here a moment longer?]”

“[You know them? Who are these people?]” asked Sly, confused.

“[Ahhh now you’ve done it! We’ve been called to reveal ourselves!!]” The last lump of seaweed stood up and threw off enough of the slimy green strands to reveal herself to be a woman with gravity defying magenta hair.

“[And now we must answer!]” added the first lump of seaweed, swiftly revealed to be a blueish-purple haired man.

“[Prepare for the trouble that’s dropped from the sky!]” With a flourish, Jessie cast off the last of her covering of seaweed, revealing a pristine Team Rocket uniform.

“[And make it double, it’s obvious why!]” With a similar twirl, James threw away the last of his seaweed covering, standing tall in his immaculate uniform.

“[She’s Jessie, he’s James,]” whispered Becca to Sly, to disapproving looks from both of them.

This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.

“[To protect the world, despite you brats!]” Jessie pointed an accusing finger at Ed and Becca.

“[To unite all peoples and that’s the facts!]” James, on the other hand, pointed a finger skywards.

“[We’ve blasted off once today and took a dive!]”

“[And now we’re back and ad-libbing live!]”

“[Jessie!]” called Jessie, throwing her hands wide.

“[James!]” cried James, taking a bow.

“[Team Rocket emerges from the ocean!]” The two twirled together, both kicking seaweed off the rocky island and back into the sea.

“[You’ve got no hope now our plan is in motion!]” They both struck triumphant poses.

“[Twice in one day? I need a promotion,]” Meowth grumbled to himself.

“I’m hungry, when’s lunch?” asked Wobbuffet, the bulbous blue punching-bag shaped pokemon standing up unsteadily, the eyes on his tail looking around surreptitiously. “I heard there’d be food?”

“Do we really have to fight you guys? ‘Cause Slowking did say there would be a battle… but he also mentioned food.” I stepped forwards cautiously.

“You’se mentioned food? It’s really been a long day, we were blasted here from over in Unova and I skipped breakfast for the whole dress rehearsal thing.”

“[Meowth, dear, why are you fraternising with the enemy?]” Jessie asked, narrowing her eyes at the meowth as he chatted with us, one eyebrow twitching in anger.

“[They says there’s gonna be food, though I don’t see any yet.]”

“[Maybe they’re going to surrender, and pay us tribute in food?]” asked James, hopefully, brightening. His stomach rumbled appreciatively at the thought. “[I do like sushi.]”

“[We’re not going to fall for such petty—]” Jessie’s stomach rumbled in concert, loudly. “[Okay, maybe we will fall for your petty schemes, just a little.]” She sniffed. “[But you’d better make it snappy.]”

“[Food? From where? Where on an island in the middle of the ocean, it’s not like a whole, what, island full of… food… is… uh, Ed? Ed!]” asked Becca, pausing and then silently turning as something blotted out the sun behind her.

“[Umm, yes, Becca?]” Ed’s voice was strained, tight. His eyes were wide.

“[Are you seeing what I’m seeing?]”

“[I, I, I… am not sure. Are you seeing another island? Floating several feet off the surface of the ocean?]””

“[Uh huh.]”

“[Th-then yes,]” said Ed, hoarse. He swallowed dryly. “[I think I am.]”

“[Oh good,]” said Becca weakly, “[I thought I was going strange.]” She sat down, knees strangely unable to carry her weight.

Ed, Becca and the other humans stood — or sat — mouths agape, as something so stupidly large that it almost defied comprehension came to the gentlest of stops right up against Table Rock. It was indeed a whole other island, many, many times larger than the outcropping they were on. It was large enough to have its own forest, mini-mountain and fresh water springs. It, and its plentiful indigenous flora and fauna, had snuck up on all of us whilst our backs had been turned.

With a grinding noise that was felt deep in the bones, whatever force kept it motile ceased and the wandering island settled into its new position like the biggest of babies in the most massive of cradles. There was a palpable feeling, like a kind of stickiness to the air, as the massive psychic forces under the control of the Galarian Slowking were slowly laid to rest. It set my fur on edge.

At an unseen, unheard signal, the slowpokes of Table Rock — loaded down with Hoenn berries and other ingredients in their muzzles, along with their one Galarian ambassador — headed for the new island, where several massive cooking pots were already situated. They were mostly full of water, with a medley of edible ingredients floating within. Two slugma lay happily beneath them, snoozing as their body heat slowly brought the pots to a boil. Typhlosion stirred the pots, one of them… somewhat odd looking. Must have been a regional variant, I mused.

Some of the Galarian slowpoke and slowbro were already in a belly drum circle, which the Hoenn slowpoke and slowbro happily joined in on, the beat growing louder and more staccato as the food began cooking.

Running closer, ignoring the shouts of concern, I inspected the food. Two types of things were cooking, each seen to by one of the two groups, although as I watched a series of other pokemon flew, waddled, crawled or buzzed past as they added ingredients to either pot. Scythers, pidgeys, dedenne, torkoal… even onix had something to add to the mix, from berries to sprigs of herbs, to what appeared to be rock salt. Or maybe it was just rocks, who could account for Onix’s tastes?

As the ingredients grew more complex though, moving from base stock and seasoning to actual peeled and chopped vegetables and the like, I saw the chef typhlosion — aided by seviper, scyther and other blade-wielding pokemon — on both sides taking more combative stances.

“[Food? It’s really food!]” cried James, eyes fixated on the large cooking pots.

“[And it smells simply divine!]” shouted Jessie.

The four Team Rocket members charged towards the bounty, but were stopped a few feet short by the combined psychic powers of the two Slowkings, who shared a glance full of meaning with each other. Just when I thought the crooks’d get the boot for their presumption, something strange happened. The two slowkings’ crowns took to the skies, each one landing on one of the two human members of Team Rocket.

“[Uh, guys? Is that… normal?]” asked Sly. “[Are they okay?]”

“[Firstly, they’re Jessie and James. From our experience, they’re definitely not okay. For them, though? I really have no idea.]” Becca stopped her running some feet away from the two shellder-crowned humans. Ed, Sly and Mister Briney caught up, just as the dinner show started.

“Hey, hey! Ho, ho! James-King on the scene, it’s time to go! Let’s get our food on, don’tcha know!”

“Jessie-Queen’s here and don’t you fear, superior supper is drawing near!”

I juked backwards as the impromptu rapping morphed into a cooking-dance battle as both of the two humans, deep under the spell of the shellder-crowns, put the finishing touches to their dishes.

“I’m Curry King James, my flavour’s from Galar. I fight my battles with vim and valour! Nice and spicy, the way we like it! Try our curry, it’s a winner, just bite it! Don’t be a stranger, trainers and ranger! Come on sea-captain, it's time for you to dig in!”

“Noodles do the trick! Noodles are so slick! Stick ‘em in a soup and slurp ‘em up quick! There’s berries for flavour, does you a favour, Hoenn noodles are a real lifesaver! Pokemon big and pokemon small, even you humans, noodles for all!”

The fierce battle to get all onlookers hooked on either what appeared to be rice and curry versus noodle soup grew intense, with portions of both being flung around under the massed psychic powers of both the Galarian and the Hoenn slowpoke and slowbro delegations before something unforeseen happened. One helping of noodles clashed with a portion of curry, giving birth to curry noodles. And a helping of rice encountered some of the sauce for the Hoenn noodles and gave birth to a new flavour of rice-ball.

As these culinary creations came into being, the contest seemed to stop dead in its tracks as each side hastily sought more of the new marvels. And soon after that, both sides were far too content to start up the battle again.

As the typhlosion chefs finished combining the two meals into the new, improved one, I got the impression this wasn’t exactly an unexpected ending. The slowpoke all seemed far too happy about it for things to be otherwise. On the other paw, they were slowpoke. I’d not seen them angry, and wasn’t sure I wanted to.

With the food-war over, the two Team Rocket members were released from the grips of the two shellder crowns, which returned to their respective slowpokes, or at least I assumed they did. Maybe they took turns? I pondered the idea of the resident slowpokes sharing their kingly duties as my double helping digested. For once, I’d eaten about as much as I could handle, so it was with only idle interest that I watched as Jessie and James started — loudly — conspiring together to trick both the Hoenn and Galarian pokemon to follow them with apparently a scheme to capture them all. It wasn’t long before something was smoking and bubbling in a spare pot they’d gotten from somewhere.

I quietly went and hid behind a rocky outcropping as the fizzing, bubbling and smoking steadily increased from their worrying concoction. White light suffused my body, and I realised I was borrowing a move from the resident, and not-so-resident, psychics. And apparently just in time.

“Hey guys?” I called, to the rest of both our teams, “I think you should take cover.”

No members of our two teams were all that psychic, but they weren’t stupid. Rocks, bushes and hillocks were swiftly populated with curious onlookers as disaster loomed.

Meowth, meanwhile, was getting a bit nervous, as both Jessie and James were very enthusiastically adding more and more spice, and turning up the heat until the soupy, stewish creation they were making began to glow red and orange, pulsing in ever greater surges.

“Jessie? James? Maybe you should… slow down?”

“Nonsense! With this culinary creation, we shall rule the roost!” James put his hands on his hips

“Vivacious victuals like these will grant us nothing but greatness! We’ll spark a taste sensation! An edible explosion for the… should it be glowing like that?” Jessie’s brow furrowed slightly.

“Jessie?”

“Yes James?”

“I think we put too much punch in our palatable perfection. I think… I think we need to prepare to receive our just deserts, however unjust that may be! Hold me!”

The glowing, pulsing florid foodstuff was bubbling and hissing louder and louder with every moment that passed. The island itself began rumbling as the powers concentrated in Team Rocket’s luminous lunch were brought to bear.

“Team Rocket’s Taste Sensation… is going to blast us off… again!”

There was a pillar of light that burst skywards in a scintillating beam that blinded all onlookers, and the spots that plagued my vision afterwards, other than being potential eye damage, was also revealed to be four criminals getting an aerial sendoff.

As I stepped out from behind the rock to survey the damage, I was astonished to see a lightly seething cauldron that beckoned my nose with heavenly scents from the lightly glowing contents within. How it had survived was beyond me, but I intended to take full advantage.

What happened after that is not for the ears or eyes of good, honest, humble folk. The retelling would be too torrid, too debauched, to be recounted ever again. And even worse, Ed made me sleep outside as Mister Briney set sail for our next destination. Something about the effect Team Rocket’s special curry had on my digestive tract. So unfair, to be betrayed by my owner like that.