“So I think that’s zero for… however many pokecenters we’ve managed to walk into and out of without creating a scene?” Ed stuck a finger in his ear and experimentally wiggled it around before flicking some wax away, where a passing muk glomped onto it before slurping its way off. “Have I mentioned that before?” He looked around to general shrugs of ignorance.

“Honestly I’ve given up wondering how to stop doing that. Besides, I finally have another pokemon. We’re five for six now, and I think he’s going to be a keeper.” Becca smiled indulgently at the ball in her hand.

Sly chuckled, which, he thought to himself, was probably the best way of dealing with things. “So you don’t mind causing abject chaos when it benefits you? Was it Team Yell or Team Skull you were auditioning for?” He ducked and caught the pokeball that Becca threw at him before chuckling again. “You know that won’t work. Firstly because, not sure you noticed, but I’m not a pokemon, and secondly because your gyarados is in there. Spoiling for a fight, huh?”

“I guess.” Becca stuck her tongue out as Sly proffered the ball back. “Our finances could use a boost. Shall we take on some trainers, throw our weight around?”

“I think if we don’t, we might end up causing another panic, and I don’t know if I have a ball I want to catch groudon in when things escalate. Sure, let’s hit up the locals and steal their lunch money.” Ed pulled ahead a little way, until he saw a likely couple of marks. “Hey you,” he called, pointing imperiously. They turned and looked his way. “Our eyes have met, now we’ve got to battle, that’s the rules!”

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As the real world reformed around me, I ‘hit the ground running’, you could say. My next opponent was a combusken, a fire chicken. Third time that morning.

“Look out for the feet, Lux!” shouted Sissy.

“Thanks! I’ve got this one!” I shouted back. I immediately spun, protecting my flanks with an iron tail to block my opponent’s bullet-fast kicks. I juked left, right, I zigged and zagged — Ziggy was a good teacher, even when he didn’t mean to be — and sunk my teeth in. Electricity flowed through my gums, lights fizzing and popping in my peripheral vision as the attack came off.

“[Wait, wait! Electricity? Eevees can’t do that!]”

“[Lux can,]” said Ed, shrugging. “[Not my fault you didn’t know that!]”

“[No fair! How can anybody know that?]”

“[You know now.]” Ed grinned a Lycanroc-like grin as he watched me dive beneath the ground to come up moments later directly beneath the combusken. None of the attacks I’d used had been especially damaging, but the surprise had helped tip the scales.

“[Combusken is unable to battle! Challenger’s eevee wins!]”

“[That’s not really an eevee, is it? That’s a… that’s a zorua or something! That’s cheating!]”

“[Hey!]” The referee clapped her hands sharply. “[You lost. Whether the kid’s got a zorua or a noctowl or anything else that just currently looks like an eevee, he still won! Pay up your loss or you’ll get a mark in your permanent record.]”

“[Yeah, yeah, I still say you cheated though. Dark type trainers, you’re all the same.]”

Ed blinked at that. “[Y-you think I’m a dark type trainer?]”

“[Well yeah, you’ve got the ghost—]”

“[Guy’s Ghost and Poison!]”

“[And then there’s your not-an-eevee that’s clearly a dark… something or other!]”

“[Lux really is an eevee, she’s just… Lux.]”

Ed’s opponent, the latest and apparently last in a long string of hopefuls who’d been soundly trounced by each of us pokemon in turn, scowled and muttered under his breath as he handed over a wad of pokedollars.

“[Not even Ziggy’s a dark type, he’s not Galarian,]” Ed grumbled, then he shrugged as the two trainers and the ranger left the duelling fields just outside of Dewford. There was one pokemon that hadn’t battled yet, and it was for a reason.

“[Ready? I think we’re far enough away. Let him out.]”

There was a loud pop, a flash of white light, and the gyarados we’d battled to a standstill appeared in the clearing we were in.

“Alright, alright, I know the drill, I’ll just… awww, what? You’re gonna make me crawl all the way back to… where is the nearest waterfront? I know we’re on an island but—” The Gyarados looked defeated, just not in the slumped-on-the-ground way.

“Hey, no, wait, wait,” said Tully, fluttering around Gyarados’ head to make the huge creature pause. “We don’t want you to go.”

“You… don’t? I mean, that’s usually what happens. The orange islands, sevii… I turn up, lots of folks scream, somebody beats me up, I get balled and then released. And then I gotta go do it all again. Story of my life.”

I winced. “I, er, wow… sorry about that. You were being a bit of a butthead and we were… bored?”

The gyarados closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Bored. Yeah, that tracks. Look, I’ll just be going now, if that’s okay? Usually I’m released a lot closer to the water but—”

“Hey, listen you twit,” interjected Sissy, rolling her eyes. “If you’re gonna be part of this team, you really need to brush up on that skill. The girl wants you, capiche?”

That made the gyarados’ mouth fall open. More than it usually was. He turned to Worst Child, with his eyes shining. I shook my head, how easily other ‘mon fell for her wicked ways. “She wants me?” He said, barely daring to hope.

“[Hey there buddy, you feeling alright? Sorry about the scrap you got into, no hard feelings, okay?]” Becca said. She held a hand out gingerly, and took a half step forwards.

“[Let him come to you,]” said Sly. “[He seems friendly enough now, but take things slow.]”

“She… she really wants me?” asked the gyarados, a hitch in his voice. “I almost thought I had a trainer, but he was just… he was mean. He didn’t feed me right, only ever let me out when he wanted to get from or to an island. I got beaten once, and he just dumped me.”

“Yeah, some of them do that, but… we’re nowhere near water, dummy. If she was going to throw you away, I can say atleast it wouldn’t be done here in the middle of the forest. She just doesn’t want to spook you.”

The gyarados took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and sighed for a moment. “Alright. One last try. I’m used to having my heart broken, after all I used to be a magikarp.”

“I’m just going to say this now,” said Guy, floating up suddenly in front of the massive, blue sea serpent, blocking his way to the girl. “But I used to be a magikarp, until she ate me.” One of the gengar’s claws pointed my way. The gyarados’ eye ridge raised slightly.

“Look, that was totally by accident and I really, really didn’t mean to…” I tailed off, grinning hopefully. Gyarados’ eyes both widened in fear.

“She ate my soul and burped it out, and here I am. And if I have to do something equally terrifying to you for hurting any of our trainers, just know… I can eat your dreams from the inside out. Clear?”

“V-very, sir!”

Guy’s eyes lost the rampant red glow they’d acquired just as suddenly as it had appeared, and his grin widened. “Great! Then show her how much you love your new trainer!”

The gyarados drifted closer to Becca, and very slowly bent his head down. For a brief moment, he touched her outstretched hand with his muzzle. And then he lowered his head over the girl and lifted her up into the air with a beautific grin on his face and her legs kicking out from between his lips.

“[Ahh! Stop him! He’s—]” Ed looked around the clearing frantically for something, anything,

to use as a weapon, but faltered when Sly put his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“[Wait, wait, look!]”

“[Wait for what!? Him to swallow?]”

“[Look at your pokemon. Look at her pokemon! They’re not concerned at all. I don’t think he means any harm, so let’s all not panic. Hey big guy! Can you put Becca down please? Gently?]”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“[MMmmmfff! Mbrrraaaaaaaaaargh!]” The burbling wailing cries that had been almost entirely muffled by dint of being encased in gyarados were suddenly louder — but no less burbling — as Becca was deposited back on her feet on the ground again.

She opened her eyes, lifted her hands up in front of her and sighed, long and hard, before she scraped copious amounts of slimy drool off that caked her entire upper body.

“[Somehow, and I just know this in my bones, this is all Lux’s fault.]”

I pouted. It hadn’t been. Then I grinned. But that didn’t mean it couldn’t be. “That was great!” I said. “Now she really knows you love her! You should do that a lot!”

“You think? She seems a little…” Gyarados looked from me, to the rest of our teams, to Becca again. I mugged furiously at them to keep quiet.

“Overwhelmed,” I said, sagely. “After all, there’s a lot of you to love.”

“[I smell like week old sushi,]” said Becca, spitting slime onto the ground. “[And I can taste week old sushi.]”

“[I think that’s something we should train him not to do,]” said Sly, trying not to burst into laughter.

“[Or at least save it for special occasions.]” Ed didn’t even try not to laugh. He doubled over guffawing, clutching his stomach until he wheezed from laughing so hard, wiping tears from his eyes.

“[You know, he eats like my cousin Monty,]” said Sly, putting a finger and a thumb to his face, cupping his chin.

“[Monty! Perfect!]” said Ed, giggling. “[The Full Monty!]”

“Monty?” asked the newly christened Monty.

“You’ve got a name, it’s official. Congrats.” Barb stamped her forepaw twice. “Welcome to the team. Well, to her team. I’m Barb, Ziggy is the stripey one who caused your hyperbeam to backfire. Lucky’s the one who hit you with his own hyperbeam, or… whatever it was that Lux persuaded him to use. Tully the Swellow, and Lux. She used to be human.”

“Used to be human?” Monty asked.

“Yeah, I—” I began.

“That makes sense, if you can teach and use pokemon moves that they can’t normally do.”

“...that’s not… that’s… augh. Yeah, okay.” I couldn’t even be mad.

Tully patted me on the head with a wing. “There, there,” he said. “One day we’ll find some ‘mon who doesn’t expect you to be a human.”

“And of course there’s Guy, our resident gengar, who used to be a magikarp, according to both him and Lux, and yes, he probably will eat your soul if you hurt Becca or Ed. You, however, are on her team.” Barb waved her horn at the still-dripping Becca.

“So the others are hers and the other boy’s?”

“No, the other human’s called Sly, he’s a ranger, he doesn’t have any pokemon he keeps, but he’s nice. We think. All the rest of the pokemon are Becca’s.”

“Alright.”

“Sissy, Chompy, Bart, Shadow, and now you.” Barb pointed out the mawile, seviper, sandslash and manectric in turn. “Sissy’s generally in charge, mostly because she’s… good at being in charge.”

“I choose to take that as a compliment,” said the mawile, narrowing her eyes.

“As opposed to Lux, who likes being in charge but is really… interesting at it.”

“Hey!” I retorted, unsure if I was being insulted or not.

“But Chompy knows her stuff. Any questions, ask her. I think she’s been with Becca the longest out of everyone.

I turned my head to look as Becca brought up a little bottle shaped like a squirtle.

“Ooh, you’re really going to get it now!” I said gleefully, as Becca sprayed Monty liberally

“She… she really does love me!” said the ecstatic Monty, and that was when I knew I’d lost him. The poor creature had been broken by the evils of Worst Child and there was no saving him.

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Becca whistled tunelessly as she pushed the stiff broom back and forth across Monty’s back, taking occasional breaks to breath heavily and wipe the sweat from her brow. The gyarados for his part was purring, flopping around on the rocks as his trainer directed so she could get everywhere. He was a bit of a mess, and really needed the brushing.

The other pokemon were enjoying themselves in a hollow carved out of the basalt that had been filled with water courtesy of Lucky, Monty and Ziggy, and heated thanks to Guy. The gengar had learned himself Will-O-Wisp, though he refused to elaborate exactly how or when, and careful application of the move meant a very pleasant afternoon spent in some do-it-yourself hotsprings and some very much needed downtime.

“Guy Honey, can you heat some more water? And Lucky Dearest, can you fill me up again? Monty’s almost done, but then I’m going to need to do some laundry I think.”

“Gen-gengar gen gargar!”

“Naw croconaw croc.”

A stream of water hurtled across the clearing, burning with purple crackling flames as the pair manoeuvred themselves to join their attacks together, crossing the streams.

“Okay, you know what? Sly, Ed, you two… turn around, I’m getting my swimmers on. Guy, Lucky, can you two do that again in a bit? Not too powerful, I’m just dying for a shower.”

“Gengar.” “Croconaw.”

“Do you think you can… help me with my laundry?” Ed asked plaintively, turning to look once he heard the stream of heated water splattering Becca and the serpent below her. To his credit, he was already very busy mixing up food for both pokemon teams, and that included the outsized newbie Monty. Becca rolled her eyes at him, snorting.

“Fine, but you’re doing your underwear and socks! I’m not touching those with… well if this brush was ten feet long, I still wouldn’t.” She waved the implement in question in the air, sending the spray of warm water spurting everywhere, enjoying the soothing heat of the water as she scrubbed off the last of the algae, picking her way along Monty’s back to make sure he was washed off.

“Thanks you two!” she said, as the shower faded away. She hopped down off Monty’s back and dug out a towel from her pack to rub her face dry with. “I’m gonna take a break now, then when we’re all ready, I’ll get the washing going. Ed, you think you can fetch me your mentionables and unmentionables? Put ‘em in the tub to soak.”

“Sure thing.” Ed dug around inside his pack, almost falling in, as he pulled out more than a few days’ worth of dirty clothing. He made a face, then dumped them into the large, tough, waterproof cloth travel tub set up on its frame. “I’ll add some detergent, I got the eco-friendlier stuff for travelling with, don’t need any surprise muk visits.”

Becca gave him a thumbs up from the ‘hot tub’ then leaned her head back, taking a deep breath and relaxing. “You know, maybe we should’ve done this on Faraway Island.”

“I don’t know if there was anywhere to build a hot tub like this,” replied Ed, only half paying attention as he stirred the massive folding cooking pot with a huge wooden spoon. He ladled out some of the berry laden stew into a bowl and tasted it, tilting his head. “Hmm, dunno, what do you think, Tully?”

“Swellow!”

“Yeah? well you like everything, but I’ll take it. I’ll add some more tamatos, give it some pep, but I think we’re ready otherwise. Come and get some if you like it plainer!”

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The next morning, Ed and Becca poked their faces out from their tents to see Sly already up and about — which wasn’t so surprising — talking to another man who was busy rekindling the fire and cleaning and filling the pot for some breakfast porridge, which was.

“Hey, who’s this? And how’d you get here?” Ed was immediately on guard. Becca shrugged on some more clothes and stepped out into the cool but bright early morning sunlight.

The man straightened, and ran his fingers through his light teal hair. “Ah, good morning trainers, sorry to drop by unannounced. I was in the area, more or less.

“I’d have expected more of a ruckus from our pokemon,” said Becca, narrowing her eyes.

“I asked them not to wake you. Well, I asked my pokemon to ask your pokemon not to wake you. Being champion has some benefits, I guess.”

Ed and Becca stiffened.

“S-Steven? Stone? You’re Steven Stone?”

Steven grinned, sharing a look with Sly. “You’ve heard of me then? I’m semi-retired now, or at least on vacation, looking to pick up some new items for my collection.”

“P-pokemon?”

“Rocks.” Steven shook his head. “My team’s been more or less complete for quite a few years now.” He gave a shrill whistle, and an answering set of calls had two mighty creatures, that it took both Ed and Becca several long moments to recognize as a skarmory and an aerodactyl, circling the clearing before coming in to land. “Meet Aerodactyl and Skarmory. Claydol’s been scouting the forest, it’s been keeping interlopers away for us. It’s not that I don’t want to meet random strangers — I enjoy it, keeps me grounded — but I’ve been… kind of asked a favour that requires a modicum of privacy. Metagross, are Carbink and Aggron nearby?”

“Metagross. Meta meta gross.”

“You sent them on patrols designed to bring them back right about—?”

“Aggron!” “Carbink!”

Steven made a moue of surprise, sticking out his bottom lip. “You never cease to amaze me, Metagross.” The man turned to the two young trainers, then his gaze fell back on the metagross. “He, it really, is really smart, you know that, right? Much smarter than me. Sometimes I wonder why it’s still with me. Pretty sure it’s babysitting me.”

“Metagross gross!”

The large, four-legged creature that had been sunning itself higher up the cliffs leaped down with expertly timed motions in a whirlwind of speed and landed precisely next to Steven. It waved a leg in agitation at the champion of Hoenn before Steven laughed, rubbing his knuckles on the creature’s midsection. “You know I’m teasing you, and I know you know. And I know you love it.”

Ed and Becca didn’t know where to look as the relatively large clearing began to feel very, very small once Steven’s legendary team took up their places in it.

“Anyway, I’ve been asked to help train you two, and my team could do with letting off some steam.”

Ed and Becca both gulped. The last time they’d seen pokemon ‘letting off some steam’, they’d trashed an entire beach and had had to run before getting in trouble. The time before that, they’d blown up part of a city and had had to escape the authorities via boat…

“Don’t worry, I’ll have Claydol teleport us to a suitable pokecenter if anybody gets seriously injured.”

“Gee, thanks,” Becca snorted, as she pulled her pokeball bandolier tighter.

“So, who wants to go first?”

“Augh I haven’t even had breakfast yet!” Ed complained.

“Then let’s build up an appetite!”

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