CECROPOLIS NECROPOLIS OF MEGALOPOLIS.
With help from a cane, Non limped towards the Cecrops estate, wearing Skiver’s red jacket over his torso. A line of stitches and staples on his side needed work, and his front right leg was back in a splint. The stallion walked in pain. His glorious shifting pattern stayed static.
Ᵽ THE ESTATE PART HAS A TERMITE INFESTATION. THEY BUILT THE KNIFE FACTORY AREA OUT OF STONE, BRICK AND METAL. I DON’T SEE GUARDS, JUST WORKERS WORKING, MOSTLY GOBLINS AND RATFOLK.
Ñ̰ THERE’S A GOBLIN AT THE MANOR ENTRANCE. I USUALLY WENT TO THE DELIVERY ZONE.
The goblin wore a formal rogue-style outfit. “Welcome to Cecrops Chops! How might I help?”
“I’m making a delivery. I need an official greeter.”
The goblin spoke into the left collar of his leather jacket. “We need Algernon.” Then pulled out a glossy brochure. “Would you like to look at our range of products while you’re waiting?”
The gorgeous bladed items perked up Non’s ears as he gazed farther in the brochure. The best scissors ever made sold for only 350♇.
║ ICO SAW THE FOUR STYMPHALIAN BIRDS LEAVE THE AREA. HEADED TO CECROPS.
Ñ̰ IF HE GETS THEIR SCENT, HAVE HIM SNIFF AROUND THE AREA FOR ALTERNATE LABYRINTH EXITS.
A light knock inside the door. “I’ll need that brochure back.”
The door opened and an old ratman gestured to a marble table. “I’m Algernon. Making a drop-off?”
Four goblins stood garbed as a fighter, alchemist, archer and rogue. Guards or product models? Non gave up the colorful cutlery catalog and handed the two boxes to Algernon for inspection. The old mouse brought out strange keys.
“One of these days, I hope I’m rich enough to get one of these fancy tables without clutter.”
Algernon snorted. “You should see my office. Two vials damaged when Claw Machine scrapped. Inspector note. No tampering. Seems I owe you fifteen planck.”
Murphy Roths Large ran in, in a panic. “Dad! What are you doing?” He interposed himself between Algernon and Non, drawing his rapier. Non raised his hands and stepped back.
Algernon slid 15♇ to Non, then turned to Murphy. “My job, son? What are you doing? Thank you, sir.”
“This is Non Sequitur. He’s an agent. And he wasn’t supposed to arrive yet.” Murphy peered at the vials in the case. “What happened to Claw Machine? I talked to him last night.”
Non snorted. “You got more sleep than I did, there’s your problem. With help from a tornado I defeated the mecha, but the hamster got away and I had to turn the scrap over to CCC. I was the alternate, so I secured hers. Algernon, we’ll want to split the big box into four boxes with two vials apiece.”
Algernon nodded. “These all check out, son. Non, I have some packing materials in my office.”
“But you’re an agent,” Murphy protested. “Something’s wrong.”
“I’ve been an agent for less than a week! I’ve been a smuggler for three decades. So, there ya go, weird drugs. I need to get to a hospital.”
“What happened to you? You look awful.”
“Thank you, Murphy’s Law. Do you want a list of all that’s gone wrong? My Earthself died. My boss got murdered, by YOU. Yoke beat me up. CF Kane chained me to Socrates. Mayhem disfigured my father, then YOU captured me and bound me to a table. Sten bit my skull and dropped me off a Zeppelin. People shot me and covered me with parasites before I got hit by a train. Mr. Cairo and the Nemean Lion attacked me. I got severe radiation exposure fixing a star reactor.”
Non poked at Murphy’s chest with his cane as his rant built up more.
“Victoria Frankenstein and the Horror division tried to slab me. Popp the Sea Lion tried to poison me. Skiver wanted to skin me. Claw Machine and others tried to kill me in a hurricane. It’s all been building up. Carotid sent an army after me. I’m held together by staples right now and the radiation is really kicking me hard. Really hard.” Non coughed after the exertion, then looked at a handful of fake blood. “I should get out of here. Sagittario has waited a billion years for an Andromeda mission I probably ruined. When it fails in a few hours, Galactic Core will blame me. It’ll send Black Rover at me and erase me from existence. You don’t want to be around me, Murphy. Black Rover.” Non limped back towards the door.
“Wait a second. You’re the old uncle. Psykter. You’re barely even disguised as Non.”
“What makes you think I’m not Non?” asked Non.
Murphy looked at a private screen. “I knew Non would use another trick. Wait, Non took out Carotid?”
“Yes, I fought Carotid’s army an hour ago. I just mentioned that. Magnetaur also attacked me.”
The intercom crackled. “Murphy, bring the equitaur and boxes back to me.”
Murphy gestured to the intercom. “Boss wants to see you.”
“Don’t call him boss in my home, son. He’s a visitor. I’ll get those smaller boxes,” said Algernon.
The four goblins stayed behind as Non walked with the mice. They diverged from the manor and into a stables area, where two Percherons looked up. Non nickered to them.
Murphy pointed through more doors. “He’s back here, past the factory area.”
The concrete floors gained rails past the doors. The factory area had numerous furnaces and presses, heating up and stamping out knives and scissors. A mixed crew of goblins, kobolds, ratfolk and humans worked at various processing areas.
Ᵽ LOTS OF HOT PLACES HERE. IT ALL LOOKS LIKE PEOPLE WORKING OR TAKING BREAKS.
The older mouse paused to inspect freshly sharpened blades. “My office is over here.” The cluttered office did indeed have many packing containers. “Four, you said?” Soon, a stack of five boxes had two vials apiece. Algernon handed Non the empty box and Murphy the five filled boxes.
“All yours, son. I’ll be glad when your Mayhem friend leaves here.”
A nonplussed Murphy guided Non to the back of the knife factory, then through double doors to a large meeting area. “Grab a folding table from the closet there. Mayhem wants to try for a Villain Hospitality trope. He’s running out of survival options. Set it up in the dark area next to the low stage.”
“You expect me to set up the table?” Non went for it, getting a big square table with the dressings. Back in the 80’s, when he worked at a mall, setting up events with tables comprised a good chunk of the job.
Non summoned Icosian under the table while neatening it.
A bilaterally split green-black female half orc, orc on the left, human on the right, stepped up to set down cutlery and napkins. Shirt with pockets, vest with pockets, shorts with pockets, sandals. “I’m Dimidia. My Earthself is an artist, she’s been drawing the Half-Orc Combat Cleric comic for a while. She’s hoping to be a nurse herself, but things aren’t looking good.”
“The half and half effect looks spectacular. Whoever made you like this deserves praise.”
Lights turned on to reveal a hospital bed in a Faraday cage. The decaying form of Doctor Mayhem sullied the clean white sheets, fresh stitches holding him together. Ice chests held animal parts.
Mayhem’s tumid, wet voice spoke. “Thank you, Nonce. Settle in. What would you like to have?”
Mayhem clutched a bottle of Lerna Springs Select in a rotting hand, a straw helping him to drink it. A black void filled the socket that once held both his father’s eye and Lernea’s eye. Stacked near the bed were the boxes of bottled water he’d been delivering here for a month.
Non gulped, then turned back to the half-orc. “You carry oats?”
Dimidia nodded. “Oats? Yes, I’ll go get some.” She left through another set of doors.
Murphy put the unlocked boxes on the table. “Boss, we have the serum. Also, this is actually Non’s uncle, Psykter. We’re not sure why Non chickened out.”
Mayhem chuckled. “Nonce, for the shock value, please drop your disguise.”
Non removed the jacket and let his pattern change. He set down the cane and removed the splint. A napkin dabbed off makeup as Murphy backed away in shock.
“See, Murphy? The Caesar birds are here. Go welcome them.”
Murphy backed up to a heart monitor and checked it. “You’ll be okay, Boss?”
“Murphy, I’m on my deathbed! What’s he going to do?” Dr. Mayhem sipped water as Murphy left.
Non pointed to the cases of Lerna Springs Select. “Could I get one of your water bottles?”
“Of course, Nonce. Could you show me the boxes? Ah, good, you split them up. I’d be curious how you knew to take that step. Best let me have one of the boxes.” Non put it near Murphy’s bed and took the opportunity to study the decaying chimera.
The half-orc returned and set down an opened 20 kilo bag of oats. “I have a big pot cooking, but it’ll be awhile. Oh, he let you have the good water. Should I cook in spring water?”
Non tossed a handful of dry oats into his mouth. “This will work fine, Dimidia.”
“Call me if you need anything else,” said the half-orc, stepping away.
The chimera coughed wetly. “Nonce, my apologies for the subpar fare for a villain’s banquet. Do you know why the hydra and equitaur eyes are killing me? Or was it Central Character Control?”
“Not CCC. You can turn the electromagnet shield off; it’s not helping. Your high stats were illusory. Due to our mutual glitch, you couldn’t get system punishments from afar. But you couldn’t get benefits, either.”
“Bloody hell. Really?” Mayhem turned the magnets off, ending their hum.
I WISH TO REGISTER A COMPLAINT.
Mayhem read notifications. Non ate oats as Information Overload listed pages of info on Mayhem.
“Why did you interfere with the impactor defense?”
“Several reasons. One: For the money! Gondwana didn’t want Gaea to get that gigaton of metal. Two: For the show! Would have been spectacular, either a total failure or Sagittario stepping in. Three: To get ready. Planet Icarus is in a lot of danger right now.”
“But that could have killed hundreds of millions.” Non drank from his own bottle.
Mayhem sipped, shaking his head. “Not with Sagittario ready to back you up. You met the avatar on the da Vinci Bridge. The original Herculean plans had small scale mischief without vision. They didn’t even know about the Boltysh impact event. I made the scheme more exciting. Ha, I just got a notification for the dinner. With this single build point, I’ll be invincible! Looping back to that. Non, why am I dying?”
“Lernea formed the Herculean group and hired a chimera to help. She didn’t expect Jack D. Ripper to take over her base. She didn’t have a failsafe for that. And now she’s here in a new form.”
“Obscure clues. But still clues. I knew you were a softie, Nonce.”
The mechanical birds rushed in, going right to the boxes to split up the vials. “Where is it?” Violet eyes and Yellow eyes fought to reach the boxes first. Red Eyes grabbed the larger empty box.
Blue-eyed Claudius knocked out Murphy with a wing-slap.
Non pounded the table. “Stop! Those vials are fragile and very rare. I went through a tornado to bring them here, and I will NOT allow you to fight over them and break them. Calm down! If you can’t be patient, you’ll break them and get nothing.”
“One moment,” said Titus. Her violet eyes flickered as she accessed private screens.
║ SHE JUST TRIED TO TURN ME OFF.
Ñ̰ SEND HER A SUCCESS MESSAGE, IF POSSIBLE.
║ MADE IT SO. ALSO, LOCAL ARPANET JUST GOT TURNED OFF.
Ᵽ I’M IN POSITION.
Titus nodded to the other birds.
Blue-eye Claudius pointed at the taur. “How much do you know, Non?”
“I’ve got a big library. Could you be more specific, or are you looking for book recommendations?”
Red-eye Octavian moved in behind Non. “Specifically, what do you know about us?”
“Big mechanical birds. I’m guessing the Stymphalian birds. Is that all? Hello, I must be going.”
Yellow-eye Tiberius blocked Non’s attempt to move. “Stop being coy, Non.”
If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
“The truth will haunt you. Ignorance is bliss.” Non noticed Murphy’s body had disappeared.
“Tell us anyways.”
“As the Stymphalian birds, you used to be heads of the Lernaean Hydra. After buying them from Miss Dap with rare books, you arranged for the hydra to be killed while doing mind transfers to memory storage areas that came with the laser eyes implanted by Beek. After the murder, you were implanted into these birds with help from Donovan, Grimstone, Dowell and Mayhem. But you didn’t get this set of notes from Beek, who you killed last week.” Non played Beek’s after-surgery notes.
BEEK: THE IMPLANTS FOR HEADS 1 2 4 5 WENT WELL. THEIR FUNCTION DEPENDS ON THE FLUIDS IN A HYDRA SKULL, BUT CONSIDERING THEIR PLACEMENT, I DON’T SEE THIS AS A PROBLEM.
“And then there is this section.” Non put up a second screen as Beek’s recording played.
BEEK: LERNEA 3 HAS AN INOPERABLE BRAIN TUMOR. SHE WILL TRANSFER HER MEMORY OVER TO A SPECIAL RECORDING DEVICE.
“One more, from Lernea 3.” Non played Lernea 3’s final recording.
LERNEA 3 UPDATE: I’VE BEEN THE DOMINANT HEAD FOR OVER TWO CENTURIES. I’VE LONG PROMISED POWER SHARING. DURING A RECENT UPGRADE, BEEK ASSESSED ME WITH INOPERABLE BRAIN CANCER. I’LL ANNOUNCE THIS AFTER THE BOOK FAIR, SO YOU PROBABLY KNOW THIS. AFTER I TRANSFER AWAY, MY SISTERS WILL HAVE THEIR WISH.
“If you’d waited an extra week, you’d have your freedom and no secrets to keep. But it gets worse. Miss Dap used secret codes and activated this ancient tech. She assigned you as sectors. You do not want to be sectors. There’s still time to undo this.”
The birds looked at each other. Non went on.
“You’ll also be wanted for murder once I turn in my report. This serum you need to survive has planet-wide legal restrictions. You currently have a two week supply. You should turn yourselves in.”
Titus touched the empty box. “You haven’t reported this yet?”
“Not yet. I just figured out the last piece of it.”
The birds looked at each other, then a powerful wing knocked Non to the floor.
“Sorry about this, Non. We can’t allow for this to get out.”
A heart monitor alarm signaled the loss of a heartbeat on Mayhem’s bed.
Non looked over at Mayhem’s still form. “And now you got Mayhem. He’s dead. Your plan with the heavy water worked. But it’s sad that you killed Duetta.”
Claudius held Murphy’s rapier to Non’s neck. “Mayhem killed Duetta. And we didn’t kill Mayhem. That was Duetta and you, Non.”
Non checked his map while backing away. “I can help you vastly more if I’m alive. You’re driven by desperation.”
Yellow eyes Tiberius scoffed. “Based on what Murphy relayed, your helpfulness goes out the window if you ruined a Sagittario mission. Octavian, could you turn that alarm off?”
The medical sensors switched off. Octavian grabbed the fifth box with serum vials.
Ñ̰ ALL GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN. START THE RECORDING.
Ᵽ THAT’S SAD TO HEAR. STARTED, WATCH THE COUNTDOWN. I’M ON THE MOVE.
Non pointed. “Octavian just grabbed the two extra vials.”
Octavian lifted the box up. “I was going to share. Really! We’ll deal with it later. Chop, chop, let’s avoid monologuing. His staff is turned off, get rid of him, Claudius. I’ll make sure on Mayhem.” Casually, the red-eyed bird swiped a sharp wing on Mayhem’s neck, causing a Sanjuro-worthy spray of warm blood.
Non sighed. “I didn’t see this coming. Getting killed by my boss.” He closed his eyes.
Suddenly…
Something ROARED. A vast black orb erupted out from the table, removing a circular void. The remains of the folding table and contents fell to the ground as the null-sphere SCREAMED.
Non backed away on elbows and scrambled to get to his hooves. “No! Shield me from it!”
The mechanical birds did not interpose themselves between the equitaur and certain death.
Non got to his hooves as half a chandelier got erased, the remaining bulbs flickering a moment before going dark. He scrambled towards the kitchen as the bouncing ball of blackness landed on the grand piano, snapping half of the taut strings all at once. Near the half piano, the orb removed a 3 meter wide section of the outside wall, letting the sunlight in.
Debris, sawdust and thousands of worker termites rained down as the orb opened up the ceiling to reveal an arcade area, filled with sounds of the 1980's.
“Elf is about to die,” said a plummeting Gauntlet cabinet before it caught on the cord and swung toward Claudius, who dodged right into a falling Donkey Kong cabinet.
The equitaur barreled through double doors into a pristine corridor of trophy cases as the oblivion orb’s wrath followed overhead. It eviscerated a trench in the ceiling, snipped off a corner of the door and evaporated the remaining hinge. In a dramatic display of destructive might, a half-height of the termite-filled lathe and plaster wall crumbled into oblivion, dragging more of the upper arcade floor with it. Part of a Tempest cabinet toppled through the gap. Exposed termites skittered everywhere.
Far ahead on the elegant parquet floor, a malamute maid paused her broom sweeping to regard the fast-galloping stallion and the sphere of annihilation over him.
“Run for your life!” said Non, pulling a wall alarm.
As sirens blared, a steel fire door clanged shut and locked between himself and the housekeeper. Non ran up to it and tried the handle. He pounded on it, then tried forcing it. Black Rover cut through more ceiling, a boulder in a china shop, leaving nothing but indiscriminate emptiness in its wake.
◊ STEEL FIRE DOOR. TWO HOUR RATING.
Ᵽ USE THE CLOSET AND RUN THROUGH THE BACK WALL.
The closet door shattered into splinters and bugs as Non yanked at it. He plowed through infested boxes and a festered wall, but a water pipe at his upper chest blocked him.
In a music room, a young mouse girl paused her practice when the siren activated. She squeaked as the wall near her came down. She screamed louder as thousands of termite scuttled in all directions. Her primal squall elevated to a forte of terror as a bug-covered equitaur dove under a pipe, knocked over her music stand, grabbed her and pressed her to his bug-crawling chest while standing and running past a cabinet of incredible violins. As Black Rover removed the wall and her practice chair, the mousegirl's caterwaul reached a fortississimo in Non's ear as she stared at the destruction over his shoulder. As she gained the wherewithal to hit the intruder in the head with her saxophone, Non placed her on a rolling chair and pushed the screaming girl into a direction of safety.
Non ran another way, to the percussion area, tossing aside a glockenspiel blocking the exit he wanted.
The dark sphere angled down after the harlequin, heading into the floor as Non took the door into a hallway of portraits. Murphy dropped onto Non's back. “Keep going to the door at the end, then take a right.” The equitaur obeyed, hoofclops serving as a soundtrack. The next passage led Non back to the corridor of artifacts and antiques of bygone eras, gleaming under both normal and emergency lights, but they had no time to marvel at their grandeur. Behind them, Black Rover erupted out from the basement, consuming both plaster and plumbing, leaving a rainbow in its wake while erasing flooring, trophy cases and weaponry with an eerie indifference. Above them, Picoid diligently watched through the arcade room trench, ready to assist.
[https://i.imgur.com/i86DWSK.png]
Ahead of them, framed by the destroyed double doors, the four robotic secretary birds backed away from the equitaur’s wrecking crew trekking through the mansion’s halls.
“Stairs!” Murphy barked, pointing to a staircase. Non needed no further instruction, pivoting swiftly and launching himself up the winding spiral. His hooves clattered against the steel steps, each stride taking them higher, away from the destructive sphere—which reached the base level and simply rose upward.
As they reached the top, Non risked a glimpse down at Black Rover decimating the staircase they had just ascended. The unpredictable trajectory brought it ever closer.
“Head for the arcade room! Veer right at Sinistar,” Murphy instructed from his perch, his voice straining against the cacophony of destruction.
Non took the right turn just in time to hear a dying “Run, coward!”
“Rush to the corridor's end, hang a left. It'll take you above Mayhem’s hospital bed – we have a giant magnet there!” Murph shouted over the din of the alarm and hooves. “Pull off anything ferrous!”
One final door and they reached a repurposed storage room with a giant electromagnet. Non stopped at the operation panel and Murphy turned it on.
“Now might be a good time for a dying scream,” said Non as the orb came right at them.
An oppressive hum filled the room as the magnet powered up. Drawing a deep breath, Murphy let out a blood-curdling scream, echoed by the wailing alarm and the destructive roars of the Black Rover. Non added his own scream as the sphere twisted and wobbled, then vanished.
All fell silent. Murphy slumped against Non. “It worked.” His voice was barely a whisper, but it echoed in the abrupt silence of the room. Non allowed himself a moment of relief.
“Why help me, Murphy? I was a goner,” Non said.
“Now you owe me one. Besides, they knocked me down and then turned their backs on me. They wouldn’t have taken my help. Assisting you fits my swashbuckler’s code. According to my security screens, the brobdingnagian accipitriformes have left the building.”
Ᵽ CAN CONFIRM. ALL FOUR OF THEM LEFT. AND SEE? TERMITE INFESTATION CONFIRMED.
“Sound like what SheTaurus would call the big birds.”
“Yeah. While we waited in Dap’s room for Rumbler to leave you, SheTaurus gave me a recording device I told her to get. After I explained I didn’t actually want it, she left. Brobdingnagian accipitriformes is the last tortured synonym I heard her say before Fleur gored her. Now it’s stuck in my head.”
The equitaur nodded to Murphy as they descended the stairs. On ground level, Doctor Mayhem convincingly looked dead in his bed, especially with the slashed neck and excessive blood.
Murphy rushed to Mayhem’s side. “Boss! Noooooo!”
Non shook off termites. “We can skip the dramatics, Murphy. Mayhem faked his death.”
Mayhem moved his head, then coughed wetly. “Just like you did, Non. Murphy, move the bed.”
The mouse pushed aside part of a fake bed and body over Mayhem, an age-old special effect. “That neck slash missed by inches, sir. And we had too much pressure on the blood hoses.”
Mayhem moved back on a wheelchair, looking at himself and the fake body. “At least I fooled the birds. Would you care to explain how you did it, Non? Or will we see a second Rover?”
A portal with a high-Hausdorff edge fractal surrounded by a black sphere illusion, along with sound effects at a secondary location. A boring portal, like those used make tunnels. But if he’d hurt anyone sentient, Non would have lost portal privileges. A locked door, Murphy’s younger sister and Murphy being a hero altered his plans.
“I have good lawyers.” As Non hedged, he could tell Mayhem saw right through it, though Murphy seemed clueless. “When did you figure out the heavy water?”
Murphy spoke as he helped Mayhem to remove makeup. “Last night, I assessed the replacement box I made you get a week ago. Nothing. Normal water. But when I weighed a bottle from another box to start a comparison test, I noticed that 2 liters of water weighed 2.2 kilograms. Heavy water.”
Mayhem waved Murphy away. “Get that cane he had. Non, it’s your turn to be the bad guy.”
“I don’t think so, Usher. I’m turning you in.”
Mayhem smiled. “Are you sure you want to do that, Non? Where is our planet right now?”
“Somewhere near the galactic core.” Non wondered what sort of trick Mayhem would pull.
“Yes. Galactic center. We’re in a very deadly area. Sagittario spends considerable resources shielding this planet. Icarus cannot survive getting frame-dragged closer to galactic center. Have you heard of the Scrape Escape Plan?” Mayhem exuded cheer as he spoke. “A method to save a planet when a second planet with the right size, sun, air, temp, moon, water and land mass are available.”
“I haven’t heard anything about this.”
Mayhem took the half-cane. “The Scrape Escape uses megaportals to transfer crust, topsoil and oceans from one planet to the other. Your new fractal will reduce the energy costs of these scrapes.”
Non pondered swapping the peels of two apples. “I don’t think people would accept that, Usher.”
“A near calamity would allow our local singularity to sweep in, save the day and announce GCC’s failure to protect the planet. Then we’d hear the repercussion: a need to move our doomed planet.”
Non tried to process the scale of Mayhem’s plan. “People wouldn’t accept that.” But a sufficient catastrophe would allow any sacrifice for possible salvation. Non had thwarted Mayhem’s disaster.
“But you’re a bad guy! You maim and kill people.”
“I have many ignoble motivations. Greed, mostly. I have a morbid streak. I’m a mass murderer. I’m an apex predator. I’m also a coward when convenient. Do go on, Non.”
“You cooperated with Sagittario to set up the impactor event. But not to cause calamity. You set yourself up as a villain so Sagittario could save the day as a hero.”
“YES!” Mayhem coughed at the exertion. “And there's more to it, Non. You see, I've never been one to fight a losing battle, especially not against cosmic forces. Sagittario has power on a scale I can't comprehend, let alone combat. It figured out Bearwarden’s plan to move the moon a year ago and visited me at a warlord’s prison in Gondwana. I took an offer of freedom in exchange for this exercise in supervillainy. It arranged the impactor months ago, based on the slightly changed position of the planet. The rest was left up to me.” The chimera chuckled. “It would have worked, too. Instead of meddling kids, a very clever hydra tried to kill me in my alternate plot. Soon after surgery on your dad in that Zeppelin room, I get back and see ropes and parachutes attached to the table. I knew about Icosian. You had a scheme. So I fed you clues while your Dad’s eye ruined what was left of my immune system.”
“You counted on Galactic Core Corps to bungle the portals?”
“I had idiots disrupting the energy grid. We had an attack on their base planned. Sagittario would sweep in at the last second and save the whole area, theoretically. In any event, I was going to be the bad guy! I’m the one that was going to take the blame for the necessity of moving this planet. Right now, twelve gravitational lenses keep this planet from dying. In a few years, it will be fifteen. The closer we drift to the deadly galactic center, the harder it gets for Sagittario to keep us all alive.”
Ᵽ SAGITTARIO DOES TRY TO BE NON-CONFRONTATIONAL.
║ ICO FOUND A HIDDEN ENTRANCE NEAR LABYRINTH BOOKS.
Ñ̰ LEAVE IT FOR NOW. BE WATCHFUL.
The equitaur still had many questions. “Why did you name this group Silver Screen? Or Blue Skies? I know in the old play The Clouds, Fallacy wins over Reason.”
The chimera rolled his eyes. “No-one figures this out. Every cloud has a silver lining. Lernea’s death was the cloud. The four Caesars were the silver lining. Byzantium was the cloud. A safer Icarus was the silver lining. You overrate yourself, Non Sequitur. You weren’t even on my radar while planning this.”
Murphy applied a new bandage to Mayhem. “Don’t exert yourself, Boss.”
“I just need to do one more thing.” Mayhem scrolled to a hidden screen with Non’s half-cane, then paused. “Non, before I let myself get taken away, are you going for a Wonka theme?”
Non looked at Mayhem, not understanding.
Mayhem pointed at the half piano and half chandelier with the half cane. “Charlie Bucket entered an office where everything is cut in half. Our birds failed the chance you gave them to make good.”
“Oh. I wasn’t going for that, no.”
“But you played a good little colt, didn’t you? You got the four Caesars the serum they needed while preventing them from killing anyone else.” Mayhem wheeled closer to Non.
“You carry oats. Heavy water attacks the cells known as eukaryotes. In Dr. Strangelove, General Jack D. Ripper has a water obsession. Purity of Essence. The way Lernea arranged to bump off all involved in her plans, I should have seen it coming. But you, you gave me clues. You planned to save me. What did you think of my try at apocalypse?”
The equitaur sighed. “All very clever, now that I know the larger picture.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that, Non. Because I’m giving it to you.”
♫ NEW QUEST: ARRANGE A CATACLYSM FOR SAGITTARIO. REWARD: PLANET ICARUS MOVED TO A SAFER AREA.
♫ SECRET QUEST CODENAME: TU QUOQUE NONPLUS OR 2…+.|
♫ CONGRATULATIONS! DRAMA INCREASED TO +2.
COMPLAINTS TRANSFERRED: BODY CONTROL, XENOGRAFT, PHEROMONES. LIST OF ABUSES ATTACHED.
♫ BODY CONTROL REJECTED. REQUIRES A BRAIN GRAFT, EQUIPMENT AND A SECTOR.
♫ XENOGRAFT ABILITY CLONED. REMOVAL WOULD KILL HOST.
♫ XENOGRAFT: ADD A BODY PART FROM A DIFFERENT SPECIES. LEVEL 0, REJECTION CHANCE 100%.
♫ PHEROMONES: CHEMICAL SIGNALS TO ATTRACT, REPEL, CALM OR AGITATE. LEVEL 2.
Non blinked at the wall of text. “Wait! I don’t want that quest!”
“Too bad, Hero. It’s all yours now! Murphy, did you want to get arrested?”
“Give this to my father.” Murphy gave Non a fancy knife, then vanished up the stairs.
Mayhem pressed a button on the half-cane and spoke into the handle. “The Stymphalian birds have left the building. You can come in and arrest me now, Fichet.”
Commissioner Fichet stepped into the room through the main doors, looking at the destruction. “Are we letting the four Caesars leave? Has Dr. Mayhem confessed?”
Mayhem monologued with gusto. “Lernea Five hired me to kill Lernea, Beek, and Duetta. Her idea was to throw off suspicion with a mask of Herculean labors. Same idea as Christie’s A.B.C. Murders. I added hijacking, dam bursting, city destruction, mind control and a takeover of Central Character Control to her plan. Miss Dap provided the Stymphalian birds now hosting the nondominant minds of Lernea. I assisted in the transfer. In return, she poisoned me with heavy water.”
Commissioner Fichet checked off boxes on his notepad. “Who killed Miss Dap?”
Mayhem smiled. “I don’t know. Lernea planned for me to kill her but someone else got to her first. I’ll gladly answer all questions while getting medical attention.”
Fichet nodded. “Dr. Usher Mayhem, you are under arrest.” A deputy snapped a collar on the chimera’s neck. “Non, copy me on your report. We’ll handle the heavy water. Talk to Algernon if you can.”
The equitaur sighed and nodded. “I’ll do that, Commissioner. Thanks for your help.”
In a ruined hallway, Algernon worriedly watched an anteater exterminator. He accepted Murphy’s knife. “I’m not sure what’s worse, the infestation or the Black Rover. Is my son okay?”
“Murphy saved me from all this. If he gets captured, I’ll be a character witness for him.”
Algernon grumbled as the anteater uncovered an even larger infestation.
Ᵽ MAYBE YOU SHOULD SEND FLOWERS.