UNDER BYZANTIUM.
Non looked at his new glow, used his badge to spy outside, then plotted a worst-case scenario.
“Have optimism, Picoid. Like this fire extinguisher. Here just in case the wormhole connected to a star melts through 10 meters of glass and enters the room. Laugh and enjoy the Cherenkov radiation.”
The woodpecker laughed woodenly.
Ᵽ I GOT HERE THROUGH THOSE VENTS. I CAN HELP GUIDE YOUR BADGE.
Non stroked Picoid’s back while moving his badge through vents, then near the riflebird atop the turbogenerator—a sniper position. Lightsticks lit the room.
Ñ̰ DID THEY BRING UP THE FLAMETHROWER TANK?
║ YES. THE PLATYPUS ADDED WIRES FOR THE EEL.
Ñ̰ HANG ON TIGHT, PICOID. TYCHO, DISCONNECT THE WIRES, THEN HERE.
As the staff appeared in his hand, Non slammed open the door and snatched up the canister, sprinting down the stairs. He tossed the canister to the eel and ripped the tape and wires off Eurytion’s head, then charged down the hallway straight towards the waiting sniper.
The badge moved to block the rifle muzzle. Bang. Non took a running leap over the riflebird, using the staff to brace his leg. He slid atop the turbogenerator before another jump to the floor and out of the room, into a pitch-black hallway except for his glow. ‘On to the next objective.’
Ñ̰ SEE? I DIDN’T GET SET ON FIRE. AND DIJKSTRA’S ALGORITHM PROVIDES THE BEST PATH OUT.
Ᵽ WHY DIDN’T THE EEL BLOW UP?
Ñ̰ THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER HAD THE SAME SIZE AND SHAPE AS THE FLAMETHROWER TANK. WANNA HEAR A JOKE?
Non used a Stay command on Icosian, leaving it in mid-air.
Ᵽ BIG BIRD WALKED INTO A BAR?
The moa slammed into the staff as the stallion ran down the avenue, hooking a left onto a ramp leading up to swiftly moving clean water. Non slid the bagged books into his pouch, put Picoid inside his feedbag and dove into the river. He rolled onto his back as he made sure the feedbag held air.
Ñ̰ THIS RIVER LEADS TO LAKE YERALTI. I HOPE THIS AIRBAG WORKS FOR YOU.
Ᵽ YLEM. THANKS.
Non took a deep breath while putting a hand atop of his feed bag and inverting it, then using his staff to keep from scraping on the low ceiling as the river got faster.
Swimming in the Volos river as a colt, exploring the bottom. A boot and bottle in the feedbag when he found an underwater anchor. For a minute he tried to lift the anchor as his hoof slid into the muck and onto a rusty spike. For the next minute he tried to get free, but the spike attached to a chain and the anchor. Then Chyron swam down to grip his leg and save his life.
Ᵽ SAW THAT. I APPRECIATE YOUR RISKS HERE. SO YOU CAN HOLD YOUR BREATH FOR SEVERAL MINUTES?
Ñ̰ WHEN I WAS YOUNG. I’D RISK A LOT FOR YOU. BUT I WOULDN’T RISK THAT 2 MILLION YEAR JOB. NO WAY.
Non felt the current increasing, which meant a narrowing passage via Bernoulli’s principle.
Ᵽ NOT SURE WHY, BUT AN UPPER LIMIT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.
Ñ̰ SANE FRIENDS ARE THE SAFEST FRIENDS. ARE YOU DOING OKAY THERE?
Ᵽ THE ICY WATER IS TOPPING MY WINGS. I’VE NEVER HAD SO MANY THREATS. I’M WORRIED.
Ñ̰ I’D CALL THAT AN UNDERCURRENT OF DREAD.
Ᵽ YLEM. WHERE CAN I FIND A SANE FRIEND?
The underground river opened up shortly before a waterfall. Non vectored to a stop twelve meters above Lake Yeraltı. Picoid hopped out onto his upper chest.
║ UNKNOWNS DETECTED. DOUSE YOUR GLOW AND STAY LOW.
“He’s up there!”
Non went dark as a laser dot zipped by.
Ᵽ I’LL BORROW YOUR BADGE, RECON AND UPDATE YOUR MAP.
Lake, waterfall, raft, rats with rifles, various exits.
Ᵽ I HAVE AN IDEA. MAY I BORROW TYCHO? YOU’LL DUNK.
Ñ̰ GO AHEAD.
Ᵽ BOMBS AWAY!
Non dropped over the falls as Icosian dropped to puncture the raft. Both flailed.
Ᵽ I’D GIVE A VISUAL, BUT THEIR LANTERN WENT OUT. IMAGINE TOTAL DARKNESS.
Ñ̰ THE ROUTE WITH THE NEAREST LANDING SEEMS OPTIMAL. HEADING THERE.
Ᵽ HOW MUCH DO YOU TRUST YOUR PORTALS?
Ñ̰ AN ELEVATION DISTANCE OF 4 METERS NEARLY KILLED ME. A HUNDRED TIMES THAT CONCERNS ME.
Non heaved himself out of the dark lake, then up the stone stairs. He shook out the water. Soon after, Picoid stepped off his badge and onto his shoulder. An aequorin glow let him move faster. Moments later, he stopped at a barely marked square hole in the rock.
“An abandoned elevator shaft? That could kill someone.” Non sent a lit screen through the ceiling.
Ᵽ I’VE NOTICED YOU SEEM TO AVOID KILLING ADVERSARIES.
“Yes. But I did kill that ammonite and the gnoll. Swee would have died if he wasn’t a war troll.”
“There you are!” said a voice from above. For a brief moment, Non saw a screaming roo with a sword drop down. It continued through the shaft in the floor. After twelve seconds the scream faded away.
Non sighed. “And now a roo.”
Ᵽ YOU RUTHLESS BASTARD. YLEM.
Ñ̰ YLEM IS PRIMORDIAL MATTER. ISN’T HELONIUM, HEH+, THE STRONGEST ACID?
Ᵽ I DON’T KNOW. I HAVE NO CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE RADIATION OR MATTER DOMINATED ERAS. FOR FOUR AEONS, WE’VE BEEN IN THE DARK ENERGY DOMINATED ERA. THE UNIVERSE IS EXPANDING.
Non continued through the passages. A crystalline cave gave him a bad feeling, so he backtracked, then followed his nose to a sewer tunnel five meters wide. A normal rat skittered away on a narrow ledge.
“Smells sweet, doesn’t it? Do you think I’ll get Harry Limed in here?”
Ᵽ WHAT MAKES A MAN, WITHOUT HOPE, CLING TO A FEW MORE MINUTES OF EXISTENCE?
“Right, on the cuckoo clock. The sewage sagitta is about a meter deep.” Non trotted on the ledge, following the flow. “I see sunlight through the manholes.” A toss of his badge up near one let him measure the 60cm width of the cover. “Too small, I need at least 70 cm. We might need the waste treatment plant. Search for any sort of connection.” Non continued on.
Ᵽ NOTHING YET. EMERGENCY CONNECTION POSSIBLE THROUGH DA VINCI BRIDGE KEYSTONE.
Non stopped, catching his badge and looking up. “That one is a full meter wide.” He pushed the maintenance hole open with his staff for Picoid to reconnoiter.
║ LEONARDO HORSE STATUE. THE HIPPODROME IS HERE. YOU HAVE GOOD COVER.
“Now to get up 5 meters. Would be funny to fall into the sewage at this stage.” Using his badge and staff for immobile steps, Non got a hand on the rim, then maneuvered himself up onto grass. “I’m glad I practiced on the boat.” He closed the utility access hole and looked around at a city without power. “I vaguely remember there was a costume shop near here. Next to a place that sold horse tack.”
Picoid pointed with a wing.
“Cash only!” yelled out a merchant. The jockey mannequin and saddle looked suitable, perched atop a model horse. Would that be an equinequin? One minute later, Non spent a long held 50♇ platinum coin to buy part of a high quality pantomime horse costume as well as the saddle and jockey mannequin.
An oddly big-headed horse raced through the streets of Byzantium.
Ᵽ YOU LOOK LUDICROUS.
Ñ̰ MASKED MAN FALLACY. CONFUSE YOUR OPPONENTS. THEY’RE LOOKING FOR AN EQUITAUR.
Ᵽ IT WORKS. QUAKER GUNS WORK. A LOG PAINTED AS A CANNON. THE US CIVIL WAR USED THOUSANDS OF THEM.
Ñ̰ I’M MORE OF A TROJAN HORSE.
Ᵽ A CENTURY EARLIER, THUTMOSE III SENT BASKETS OF SOLDIERS INTO YAPU AS TRIBUTE. TURN LEFT. THE NON-GRID LASER TOWERS DON’T SHOW LIGHT, INCLUDING ARARAT. THAT WAS PART OF THE SABOTAGE.
Picoid took flight, soaring above the throngs of people, bicycles, horses, and trolleys that filled the streets. Due to the power failure, the usually vibrant city held a state of unease. One chaotic scene featured an overturned wagon spilling beer between two stopped trolleys. The impromptu free beer party blocked passage, so the eye in the sky steered Non away.
The detour went by a building where wrestlers protested a proposed law against greenskins. The powerful army ran in Non’s direction, panicking him until he heard them yelling about free beer.
Ᵽ SORRY, I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THE BEER.
║ SHOULD I WAIT HERE IN THE SEWER?
Ñ̰ SORRY, BUT YES. HOW MANY PEOPLE WORK FOR MAYHEM?
Ᵽ NO IDEA. SLOW! DUMPED ICE AHEAD.
Non slowed as cats ran up to lick at bloody ice. A crowd for mastic ice cream kept him slow. A fishmonger offering free sashimi gripped the detachable arm of the mannequin. The patter stopped as the limb pulled free. ‘Run or explain?’ Non skipped over ice and kittens while the merchant shouted “Your arm! You lost your arm!” A human girl on a bike took up the arm to give chase. “You lost your arm!”
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
Non’s hooves clacked rhythmically against the cobblestone streets as he ran past spice merchants and fruit vendors. A rotund porcine inspector claimed substandard produce, tossing it into baskets carried by a quad donkey the fake horse had to avoid. A boy all in white waved him away from a tall ladder leading up to a minaret getting repainted. Through it all, the girl on the bicycle kept yelling about his arm.
Ᵽ SHE’S CATCHING UP TO YOU. I MAY BE BIASED AS PART OF A BLACK HOLE, BUT SHE’S MY FAVORITE COLOR.
The weird horse skidded into a silk shop. As the giant spider shopkeeper tried to shoo him out, Non removed the fake horse head and put the broken mannequin down on the counter.
“I’m wondering if–”
“It’s you!” A newspaper slapped down, showing Chyron giving Non a transfusion in a smashed up dining car. As the girl rode in behind him, Non lifted up the paper to show the girl as he accepted the arm, putting it down on the table with the mannequin.
“I’m this guy. Could you ride me to the bridge?” Then he summoned Icosian and turned back to the spider. “Could you watch her bicycle, my staff and this stuff?”
The odd horse left the shop with a much better rider.
“I’m Taci! Go right up here. Will this be dangerous?”
Non found himself on a steep upslope. “Very dangerous. But they aren’t looking for a horse.”
“Can I keep the dummy’s riding crop? Faster!” She swatted his ass.
Non sped up. “You can keep or sell everything related to the mannequin when you get your bike back.”
“Sweet! A GCC agent! Have you ever met him? GC?”
“I met his avatar, but likely won’t meet him again. And not really a him,” said Non, racing past shops.
“You can’t get GC wrong! Lotsa old folk can’t handle gender stuff. I’m a female hero terra-paired with a nonbinary artist with cystic fibrosis. They’re poor and dying.”
“I’m old and you’re correct about me.”
“Next street is hoof banned, sorry. It’s so sweet! Take this overpass.”
Non trotted onto a pedestrian bridge, then over the smooth, colorfully tiled, zooming skateboarder’s street forbidden to him. After the overpass, Taci guided him into a down sloping tunnel with a ramp on the right and stairs on the left. For two minutes, Ñ followed bicycle lights, galloping at full speed. A smirking girl drifted by, not even pedaling. Taci used the riding crop. “Faster! Zirconia passed us! You’re embarrassing me!”
Near the bottom, they took a side tunnel and up a ramp into Bayezid Park, adjacent to the huge da Vinci bridge. Agent Culpeper flagged him down.
“Sir,” Non breathed out as he stopped. “This is Taci. Could you help her down and unbuckle me?”
“Hello there, Taci!” Culpeper did as asked. “Nyah, this park is secure. No need for disguise.”
Non took off the horsehead and saddle. “Taci, you can sell these, too.”
“Who needs half a costume?” Taci shouldered the saddle. “Thanks, slowpoke!” She ran off.
Culpeper watched her go. “Chyron is on top of the da Vinci bridge. Picoid should go there.”
Ᵽ I’LL GO MEET YOUR BROTHER NOW.
“Mayhem tried to take out Power Station One,” said Non, breathing deeply.
Culpeper nodded. “Take a moment to look at what you’re fighting for.”
Equitaur with Culpeper at da Vinci bridge. [https://i.imgur.com/FjsRoyn.png]
Non struggled to stop. Then he took in the beauty of Bayezid-da Vinci Park. The curves of the vast bridge awed him, along with the wide garden area devoted to greenery and floodplains. He kept pace as Culpeper set off for the bridge and resummoned Icosian.
“I heard you made peace with your father after Picoid staged an intervention.” Culpeper consulted some notes. “He’s now back in Pelion. We all make mistakes, but usually don’t extend them for decades. Then came a new sector, Andromeda Traveler. You met Sagittario without notifying me. When I told you to avoid contacting me, that implied minor issues, not meetings with Galactic Core itself.”
“Yes, sir. Sorry. I understood it was a many-aeon galactic goal.”
“An aeon is a billion years. I learned that today. I didn’t need to know until today. You gave Galactic Core a shiny new toy that it now might lose. It’s a mess. Calamity scale 10.”
“Ten? Imminent total galactic destruction? That seems exceedingly–Sagittario set it.”
“Yes. You next inserted yourself into a crime in progress. You got a lawyer for a murdering unicorn. You assaulted Fetlock Holmes, then rough-housed bodyguards at the Sophocles estate. You offered the Kane Inquirer restricted footage of the Lernea murder and let the centaur Yoke get the drop on you. While you were doing that, your father was getting his eye ripped out.”
“I didn’t know–”
“Next, instead of incapacitating the zeppelin and getting backup, you boarded it and let it take off.”
“But–”
“With Picoid, you came up with the weasel memory plan. It reminded me of buying barrels of sand. For sealing a patch with your blood, I’ll give it to you. Something else with blood. Oh, we identified Carotid as one of Lernea’s killers. Human mercenary. A former x-ray tech and serial killer.”
Ñ̰ GUYS, KEEP NOTES FOR ME. I CAN’T DISMISS MY MISTAKES ANYMORE.
“You could have stopped the train at the station with the right calls. The way you chased it down and took out the signal flare was good. Then you figured out the purpose of the flare instead of securing a known threat. Using a portal to get hit, thrown off and hit again by a train, that’s a pure gold fiasco. The Nemean Lion wasn’t an enemy. You could have talked him down or surrendered. He’s okay, by the way. You faced off against the gnoll well in your last seconds of consciousness.”
A cop stopping traffic for the da Vinci bridge waved them by.
“I told you to fix the Eurion issue. Still, you swayed Eurytion into removing bombs from the power grid. Hertha helped you with the power station after sabotage by Mayhem’s mercenaries. You mustered right. Leonardo’s keystone is part of the surveyor’s grid, five centuries strong. But on the way here you endangered that child, Taci.”
Ñ̰ stoically listened, moving the pantomime horse head under an arm before summoning his staff and badge. Ahead, at the top of the da Vinci bridge, the small white sphere of Andromeda Traveler orbited the huge black orb of Sagittario’s avatar. Nearby, Picoid ate nuts held by a piebald equitaur.
║ THAT’S CHYRON THE HEALER TALKING TO SAGITTARIO. YOUR TWIN BROTHER. I SUPPOSE YOU KNOW THAT.
“Calamity Scale Ten. I’ll be punished if a software glitch dissolves Andromeda Traveler,” said Non. “You’ve dressed me down now in case you need to protect me in the very near future.”
Culpeper nodded, smiling. “Yes! That makes this less hard. Oh, you got a GCC award.”
‼ GCC GOLDEN FIASCO FILES. MATTERS OF TIME AND SPACE, AGENT Ñ̰. TRAIN JUMP WITH PORTALS.
Non reviewed dozens of other agents razzing him while approaching the bridge’s keystone. Other messages also popped up, but he dismissed them as he heard Chyron talking.
“–very protective the whole time. I don’t think many others noticed Picoid, but as a healer I’m sensitive to auras. Picoid has an extraordinarily beautiful fractal, while Andromeda Traveler has a very pure and glorious resiliency. I would have loved to see them before the split,” said Chyron, walking to Non. He handed over a trembling Picoid with a packet of seeds. “To finish my tale, we crossed this bridge and I liked the aura of the keystone. Picoid vowed for my brother so I watched the portal fun from here.”
⬤ YOUR INSIGHTS ON AURA COMBINED WITH OTHER NEW KNOWLEDGE WILL SAVE MANY SECTORS. I NOW CONFIDENTLY EXPECT CONTACT WITH ANDROMEDA’S EMISSARIES WITHIN 2 MYR.
Chyron knelt down to feel his brother’s leg, then tsked.
⚷ GLAD TO SEE YOU CONSCIOUS, BROTHER. READ MY HEALTH REPORT, ESPECIALLY THE ADDENDUM.
‘Touch telepathy. Right, my brother has that. Chyron uses the Chiron symbol ⚷. Looks like a key. Probably shouldn’t talk.’
In an elegant dark suit, Emperor Jeeves stood with others Non didn’t recognize. Jeeves gave Non a a small nod, before turning his attention to a clipboard held by a nervous aide. Through a portal, Ñ̰ saw people on laptops. His brother quietly inspected him as the silence stretched on. No one wanted to risk saying anything to upset Sagittario. ‘May as well read what my brother wrote.’
PASSENGER ON TRAIN. HELPED LOWER BROTHER THROUGH AN UNSTABLE TRAIN ROOF. COMPOUND FRACTURE FRONT RIGHT METACARPAL. MAJOR SKIN AVULSIONS AND BLOOD LOSS. MANY LARGE PATCHES OF SKIN RECOVERED AND USED IN LIEU OF BANDAGES.
STABILIZED AFTER SELF-TRANSFUSION AND SKIN REPLACEMENT. ESTABLISHED COMMUNICATION WITH PICOID. LEG, HAND AND RIB BONES SETTING WELL. LEVEL 4 PHAGE USAGE. REGENERATIVE CELLS DEPLETED. HUNDREDS OF STITCHES REATTACHING SKIN. DELOUSING, CLEANING AND OTHER REMOVAL OF VERMIN. ATTENDED OTHER INJURIES.
STOPPED AT THE STATION, CARS SWAPPED OUT, NEW ENGINE, RESUPPLIED, JOINED BY OTHER DOCTORS AND HEALERS. PASSENGERS REQUEST THAT MY BROTHER CONTINUE ON. I DISAGREE. AGENT PAGE SECTION ON MEDICAL DECISIONS CURRENTLY BLANK, SO GCC WINS AND SIDES WITH PASSENGERS. PARTICIPATED IN TRANSFUSION AND DREAM VISIT. TRUST YOUR GUT ABILITY ACTIVATED. MORNING CHECKS SHOW REGENERATION WORKING WELL. LEAVING HIS LEG SPLINTED FOR NOW.
THE HOUYHNHNM BROUGHT A WAGON TO THE FINAL TRAIN STOP. COULD SEE THEIR ESTATE FROM ATOP DA VINCI, SENT THE WAGON ON. HAVE FUN WITH THE MILLIONAIRES, BROTHER. YOU SHOULD BE IN A HOSPITAL.
Non winced at pictures of his wounds.
ADDENDUM: WATCHED THE IMPACTOR EVENT. BORING. BARELY VISIBLE DISK IN DISTANT SKY FOR A FEW MINUTES. WATCHED THE POWER GO OUT. THEN AN ANGRY GALACTIC CORE ARRIVED NEXT TO ME, HUGE, DEMANDING AN EXPLANATION FOR PICOID. TAP-DANCED FOR A WHILE, CALMING GC. THEN PORTALS OPENED UP. EMPEROR JEEVES ARRIVED, CALMING GC FURTHER. CENTRAL CHARACTER CONTROL RAMPED UP ANALYZING THE GLITCH. THEY SUGGESTED A CALAMITY SCALE 2 PRIORITY, GC SET IT TO 10.
⚷ YOU TOOK AT LEAST A HALF SIEVERT OF RADIATION EXPOSURE.
A uniformed COBOL-D, Grace Hopper, stepped through a portal. “Andromeda Traveler is safe.”
⬤ END LEVEL TEN THREAT. ASSURE NO RIPPLES, PRIORITY TWO.
The large black and small white orb avatars shrank and vanished.
Emperor Jeeves let out a long-held breath and bowed. “Thank you, Grace.”
“Sir, despite what GC thinks, I’m one of thousands. Don’t think the same way,” said Grace.
“Of course.” Jeeves left through a portal with his relieved advisors.
“Thank Providence,” said Culpeper.
“What about Picoid? Is my friend safe?” asked Non.
“Ask Central Character Control,” said Grace, gesturing to the portal. “I’m getting dinner.”
“At my Xanthi practice, I worked with Herald until he retired. When we came here for a conference, we liked the vegan restaurant near the cluster of piers,” said Chyron, pointing.
“I’ll try it.” said Grace. “You two, go on through so I can close this. Culpeper, care to join me?”
“That would be my pleasure,” said Culpeper. “Agent Ñ̰, aside from all those mistakes, excellent job. Send me a report when you can. Go on through.”
Non and Chyron stepped into Central Character Control, the portal closing behind them.