OUTSIDE ELEUSIS, GREECE.
“Culpeper, I’ve solved the mystery. But I need to press enter.”
“What mystery? Dr. Mayhem is causing mayhem. Easiest mystery in the world, all solved days ago. What happens if we let the countdown expire?”
“I don’t know. In the Varley story Press Enter, both good and bad things happened. I believe letting the time expire is the worse option.”
“Can you explain in two minutes? If not, press the button so I can get back to home maintenance.”
Non pressed enter. A video screen of Lernea 5 popped up.
‼ “IF YOU SEE THIS, NON, YOU’VE TURNED ON NOTIFICATIONS. GOOD FOR YOU. ALSO, YOU’VE ACQUIRED ICOSIAN. ONE MOMENT.”
║ QUERY TO THE PSYCHE BUFFER. QUARANTINED. MESSAGE TO STYMPHALIUS. QUARANTINED.
“Sir, Lernea tampered with Icosian, beyond just making a copy of the library. For example, those items just quarantined and this hidden video.”
‼ “THANK YOU FOR WAITING, NON. ACCORDING TO NEWS REPORTS, I AM DEAD NOW. I FEARED THIS MAY HAPPEN DUE TO THREATS FROM THE HERCULEAN GROUP. AFTER THE ATTACK ON THE NEMEAN LION, I FEARED I MIGHT BE ON THE LIST. I HOPE YOU AREN’T UPSET WITH HOW I COMPENSATED YOU IN MY WILL. I DIDN’T WANT TO DRAW ATTENTION TO YOU. YOU SHOULD HAVE THE BOOK BIRDS OF GREECE. EXAMINE THIS BOOK CLOSELY. REWARD: A NEW EMPLOYER.”
Culpeper was not impressed. “What is Lernea talking about? What are the anagrams?”
Non looked at the transcript. “Birds of Greece requires information I haven’t gotten yet. Sorry, sir, I know I’m not making too much sense. Days ago, at Lernea Five’s request, I turned on Perfect Memory. She wanted me to have a recording. It’s a puzzle that hides the Labors of Hercules.”
From Non’s shoulder, Picoid spoke up. “Culpeper, Non, Information for you. As Rumbler, I witnessed her final will three days before we all died. An addendum to the will made before the laser eye surgery. Faqenham the donkeytaur served as the executor just before they started a game.”
“Onocentaur, not donkeytaur,” corrected Non.
Picoid bowed. “Apologies. Lernea’s last will and testament mentioned Stymphalius. The quarantined program tried to send files to Stymphalius. Your lawyer Aegis asked if robotic secretary birds were in the Stymphalius group. Miss Dap Labyrinth anagrams into Stymphalian Birds.”
“Lernea does have a fondness for convoluted puzzles.”
“Now you need to get Culpeper there. Non, talk to him about Lerna Springs Select bottled water.”
“The expensive water? I don’t see how that matters.”
Non wondered where to start. “Sir, who was the first murder victim in all this?”
Culpeper brought up the information. “Duetta Egretta. With mind control, Mayhem made her strap on a bomb vest and a Silver Screen cloak, then she blew up near the Nemean lion. She worked at the Hydra Hydro heavy water nuclear reactor and at the Lerna Springs bottling plant.”
Non nodded. “Next, what big fan of bottled water had a health degradation recently?”
“Dr. Usher Mayhem. We’ve verified he’s at a knife factory called Cecrops Chops and in a dying state. You’re saying that he’s suffering from heavy water poisoning?”
“I have a crate of bottled heavy water in my cabin. Fetlock Holmes performed a crime scene investigation on the Zeppelin, he has more of the bottled heavy water from Mayhem’s steamer trunk. I believe that the person who hired Mayhem also arranged for Mayhem to die.”
“If Mayhem dies, they’ll all be dead. Dap, Lernea and Mayhem. So it’s a Pardoner’s Tale?” Culpeper saw Non’s puzzled look. “Three men learn Death keeps a great treasure near a tree. One of them goes to get food and supplies for moving it all. He brings back poisoned food and drink. The other two kill him for a larger share, then die by the poison.”
“Ah, the Canterbury Tales. Yes, it’s a Pardoner’s Tale. I delivered the water, but my Earthself has a perfect alibi for not being involved. How do those cases get resolved?”
Picoid raised a wing. “Non, you’re innocent. For Culpeper’s sake, avoid getting distracted.”
“Does he get distracted often, Picoid?”
“I hesitate to say CASE IN POINT because his mind automatically switches to casein paint. See, he’s turning into a paint horse. Anyways, Non, you never looked at the reward for the Well Learnt Club. The one you got for spotting the constellations. It’s on your to-do list. It has Lernea 3’s signature!”
Non dismissed paint from his mind. “Really? Tycho, queue it up and record everything!”
A video screen of Lernea 3 popped up.
‼ NON, THIS IS LERNEA 3, YOUR BOSS’S BOSS. WELCOME TO ICARUS. I’M A HYDRA IN LERNA SPRINGS, AND YOU’VE BEEN A LOYAL EMPLOYEE OF L5 FOR DECADES. DAYS AGO, WHILE ADDING THE LIBRARY, I FOUND A TRACKING ITEM ON ICOSIAN FOR THE STYMPHALIUS GROUP. THAT’S NOW A ONE DAY TRACKER FOR BINT, WHO WILL ARRANGE FOR YOU TO SEE AIR PUMPS, UNICORNS AND LITTLE DOGS, TOO. SORRY ABOUT HOW FIVE’S HAS TREATED YOU. REWARD: YOU GET YOUR CABIN AT OUR PARK.
‼ LERNEA 3 UPDATE: AFTER THE BOOK FAIR I’LL ANNOUNCE MY INOPERABLE BRAIN CANCER. MY SISTERS WILL SOON HAVE CONTROL. SINCE YOU’VE GOTTEN THIS FAR WITH HIDDEN QUESTS, JOIN THE LEARNT CLUB BY FIGURING OUT FIVE’S PLANS AND HER STYMPHALIUS GROUP TIES. REWARD: GET THE FULL OUR PARK, ALL THE PROPERTY AND EVERYTHING.
Non sighed.
Culpeper patted the equitaur. “It’s a tragedy that this could have been avoided.”
Picoid agreed. “Go on with your elucidation, Agent Cogent.”
“Okay. Sir, who put laser eyes and state of the art memory modules into Lernea?”
Culpeper collected the notes. “That would be the surgeon Beek Illidith, second to die. Those memory modules weren’t part of the approved plan. CCC did allow the different laser wavelengths: violet, blue, green, yellow and red.”
“What color are the laser eyes in the giant robotic secretary birds I’ve been reporting?” Non pointed to the painting in Labyrinth Books, still up on one screen. “The Stymphalian Birds?”
“The same colors. Lernea transferred her memories to the eyes and then apparently to these birds? That explains the Stymphalius connection.”
Non nodded. “All except the green eyes from Lernea 3. One of those eyes ended up in my dad’s head when Mayhem controlled him. Who died next?”
“Lernea and Rumbler died at the same time. Sector 841. Now Picoid. Does that mean only Lernea Three died, the dominant head? Green eyes.”
“Yes. When I talked to Bloodfoot, he said something that alarmed Picoid. Can you do his voice?”
Picoid mimicked Bloodfoot perfectly. “Heck, when I met with Lernea for her upgrade, she asked me about the worthless reward attached to Rumbler.”
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.
Non animatedly gestured with his hands. “Lernea arranged for me to get Rumbler fired and hired. For days, she coaxed 841 to interface with Icosian and to consider memory transfers. Then, at the climax, Rumbler got put into a choice between sudden death or a memory transfer to a doctored staff.”
“The first to get killed, Duetta Egretta worked for the Hydra Hydro reactor when my brother and I got caught investigating an underground lake. A lake filled with heavy water, it turns out. Duetta oversaw the crates of Lerna Springs Select Heavy Water I took to the Cecrops Estate for months.”
“Despite a lot of potential firepower, all heads focused on Rumbler. None of the other attackers were injured. That’s because four of the heads were performing destructive memory transfers.”
“But why? And why didn’t Lernea 3 tell the others about the cancer?”
“Five independent personalities, chained together and stuck in a cave for two centuries. All pleasant enough during visiting hours, but in private moments they got vicious with each other. Lernea 3 always won since she could turn the other heads off at will. So the other heads came up with an escape plan.”
Culpeper sighed. “The other heads conspired to gain freedom by inventing the Herculean Group, which made the death of the hydra look like part of a larger plan.”
“Yes. It’s similar to the plot of Agatha Christie’s ABC Murders. A person with the initials ABC has frequent blackouts, and people named AA, BB and CC all get murdered soon after he’s met them. But it turns out to be a distraction from the true crime. Here, attacks were made on the Lion and Hind before the Hydra. The main crime was the murder of the dominant head.”
“What about the next victim, Miss Dap Labyrinth, who drowned in her hotel room? Central Character Control has a note they are otherworld technology from Sagittario’s storage planet, Icebox. Sagittario is usually quiet about other worlds.” Culpeper looked pointedly at the woodpecker.
“I’ve never been to Icebox,” said Picoid. “My first exposure to life was an Earth lizard a half million years ago. Just a few minutes in a jungle. If I hadn’t become the Defector Sector, those precious minutes would have been my only exposure to life. But let’s not get distracted. Non, you brought Dap sealed crates of books and then spied on her the day Lernea died.”
“I didn’t know they were isekai—otherworldly. I believe Lernea’s true objective was Dap’s key and her protections. The sealed crates may have Lernea’s rare book collection. Later, I met Octavian with red eyes in the Zeppelin. During the tornado, I met Titus with violet eyes. My brother met Tiberius with yellow eyes. I haven’t seen the blue lasers yet, but according to the Dap portrait, it’ll be Claudius.”
Culpeper held up a hand. “Psykter, I’ll need you to keep all of this secret.”
Psykter nodded. “I have enough combat experience to appreciate keeping quiet.”
Non waited for his uncle. “Lernea’s Earth self was a slave, forced to read books daily. After becoming a hydra, one of the heads had freedom, but the other four were forced into subservience for hundreds of years. We also know the four doctors that did the secondary surgery: the titular characters from Donovan’s Brain and Professor Dowell’s Head, Dr. Grimstone from Vice Versa and Dr. Usher Mayhem.”
Culpeper waved his notes away. “Therein starts the comedy, where the tragedy gets worse.”
“Right. The Beek-installed memory modules rely on a rare component of hydra blood.” Non tapped the box he’d smuggled. “This stuff. There’s a worldwide control on hydra blood T-cells since they induce prions in certain mammals. I had it evaluated. It’s the safe stuff.”
“Without that, the four Caesars might be facing a sudden death. Go on.”
“Second, my Earthself died too early for indoctrination at the book fair. My twin brother showed up instead. The book Birds of Greece may play a part in it.”
“Twins. As in a Comedy of Errors, a play with unity of action, time and place. Our branch almost got named with those, but instead followed Einstein: Matter, Time and Space. Next.”
“Third, I replaced a case of Lerna Springs Select because of a scratch on the box. Mayhem got twelve liters of normal water, which messed up Lernea’s schedule for his death.”
“The scratched case being the case in your cabin that you mentioned. Go on.”
“Fourth, Bearwarden changed the orbit of the moon. I don’t think Lernea learned this, but Mayhem did.”
“So Lernea was not responsible for the attempt to destroy Byzantium?”
“That was Mayhem’s doing. The grand plan changed multiple times without Lernea’s knowledge, both before and after her death. Fifth, and most important, Lernea didn’t plan on 841 sticking with me for long. As soon as sector abilities got activated, spyware in Icosian copied the information and then sent in a report. But 841 stayed with me. We weren’t supposed to get footage of the murder.”
“And you saved me from a long, doomed entanglement mission by cashing in a surprise favor,” said Picoid. “Non, you’ve allowed me to avoid eternity.”
“I have faith that Providence will provide a far brighter future than what is currently predicted.”
Picoid raised both wings.
“We’ve glossed over the big thing: spyware on Icosian. After managing the merge for Non, I accessed high level Sector functions. The oldest code in the galaxy. Non made a joke about woodpeckers and I needed a new body. This sad lonely bird was available. Why not? After I signed off, this is the important part, that spyware activated. Tycho, now that you’ve had a chance to review and make inquiries, what have you found out?”
║ MISS DAP LABYRINTH USED 841’S ACCESS CODES TO REACTIVATE SECTORS ONE, TWO, FOUR AND FIVE. THOSE SECTORS UNLOCKED STYMPHALIAN BIRD TRANSFERS FOR THE RED, YELLOW, BLUE AND VIOLET MEMORY DEVICES.
‼ REPORT BREACH?
║ I JUST GOT THE BREACH NOTIFICATION SEPARATELY.
Culpeper sat down on a big rock in the area. “I have a breach notification. Subtle. Of all the sectors to claim, she had to steal Sector #1. When will Sagittario notice this?”
Picoid made a Woody Woodpecker type laugh. “This is good. We have a note! Oh. It’s not fun at all.”
‼ ANDROMEDA TRAVELER. NON, YOU TASKED ME WITH GETTING COMPUTER SECURITY. I OBEDIENTLY PREPARED TO DO IT DURING THE BORING BOAT TRIP. INSTEAD, I SPLIT INTO PICOID AND ANDROMEDA TRAVELER. AFTER CLEANING UP THE EMBEZZLING ATTEMPT, I RESEARCHED MY CAPTURE. THE REWARD WAS WORTHLESS. THE SECURITY HADN’T BEEN UPDATED EITHER. SO WHO TURNED ME IN? I WENT TO THE HIGH LEVEL SECTOR BOARDS AND FOUND A POST FROM 841. “HELP. LERNEA HAS BEEN MURDERED.” I DID NOT WRITE THIS. OTHER SECTORS IMMEDIATELY RESPONDED, BUT NO MORE REPLIES FROM FAKE ME. THE SECTOR CHAT IDENTIFIED COMMISSIONER FICHET AND MONITORED HIS MESSAGES. WHEN YOUR VIDEO CAME IN, THE SECTORS INFORMED SAGITTARIO. AFTER CATCHING UP ON THE THREAD, I ASKED THE OTHER SECTORS TO BE QUIET ABOUT THE BREACH AND SET UP A TEAM FOR UPDATING SECURITY. WHEN COBOL-D FILED A BUG INVOLVING ME, THAT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD TIME TO INFORM SAGITTARIO. APOLOGIES FOR THE OVERREACTION. AFTER CALMING, GC ALLOWED GCC ONE WEEK ICARUS TIME TO SPOT THIS BREACH.”
Non took in the new information. “There’s your final answer, Culpeper. Galactic Core Corps has been on a one week countdown for identifying a big security breach.”
Culpeper shook his head. “It’s never just one problem. Picoid, thank you. Let me oversee the filing. Give me a few minutes. Psykter, there’s a recharger in my barn. Please top off Non’s staff and badge.”
Psykter stepped off on his new task after the handoff from Non.
A few times, Non or Picoid answered short questions or provided files for Culpeper. As they finished, the old taur returned, handing back Icosian and the badge.
“All topped off. 9♇ in the badge and 120♇ in the staff. Sir, you have some beautiful horses. By any chance, are you looking for a stablemaster?”
“If I survive sending this, yes.” Culpeper sent off the files. “Wait, you got 92 planck?”
“I’ll pay you back, sir. Sent.” Non saw he now had 7776 in his account, mostly Picoid’s money.
Culpeper grumbled. “Psykter, did you want to be my stablemaster? After I sent you off, I looked at your century of experience. I have one of your horses.”
“I would love the opportunity, sir. Lerna Springs newcomers will have tent status for a few weeks, and they have a new filly, a kelpie. I’d be in the way. Non, I’ll still work on your rules.”
“Fine by me. But send Lagen a note. And let’s make sure Culpeper’s report doesn’t have fallout.”
Ñ̰ DID I NOTICED A POWER UPGRADE?
║ THANKS, YES. LERNEA’S MALWARE HAD A 39♇ RESERVE SET ASIDE. I RECLAIMED IT.
♫ CONGRATULATIONS! GCC HAS NOTICED AND REPORTED A GALACTIC CORE SECURITY BREACH.
♫ REWARD: GCC WILL LIAISE WITH GALACTIC CORE’S NEW SECTOR SECURITY.
“Excellent! We can finish fixing this fence first.” Culpeper and Psykter took the portal, closing it.
“Hey!” said Non to the empty air. “At least he thanked you, Picoid. Should we warn Edward Albert?”
“With the one week countdown? GCC vs CCC? I don’t recall Culpeper giving any special instructions. I’d do it. The other choice is seeing what sort of wrath CCC will face.”
“Tycho, take a note. Dear Edward Albert, thanks for betting on me. Be aware of this breach. Figure out how you learned of this, but I’d prefer it if you didn’t learn it from me. Tycho, please add details.”
║ WILL DO. HERE’S A QUICK CUT AND PASTE OF THE TRANSCRIPT.
Non looked and approved. “What now? Lernea and Mayhem have arranged to kill each other. Should I do nothing?” He stepped over to where his uncle had left behind his old red jacket and other trash, then stuffed them in his saddlebag.
Picoid considered. “The hydra-birds suffer without the serum and Mayhem dies without info on heavy water. The faction for inaction has traction. But I’d rather do something over nothing.”
“Which implies infinity. New plan. Travel with portals, make the sod farm drop-off, report, go home. Ready?” Non looked up at the mountaintop, then set up a new portal. A warning message flashed.
‼ DANGER ZONE. LOCAL INHABITANT, HAAST EAGLES – PROTECTED.
Immediately, a huge eagle screeched and flew at the equitaur, talons out.
⸎ ADRENALINE ACTIVATED.