My wings turned black...

~

I was on the floor with a yet-again tired voice and my mind made up.

Staring up at all the pathways and rocky outlets, I realized that I'm not gonna get anywhere with all this yelling and screaming. It's all I could do after being brought back from death by Caiasiara. And of course all that went down just now.

Plus, let's be real, my voice can't take any more of that.

To be honest I'm just a baby throwing a fit but with extra steps. Procrastinating my goal and making a fuss to a silent bed of rock.

My goal...

What even is my goal?

Well, revenge. Duh. I'm basic like that.

I salivated a little at the thought of a knife sticking out of the front of Keith's abdomen.

But what about after that? What comes after revenge?

Hmmm.

I'm thinking a couch. Probably in my own house. It's snowing outside. I'm alone, of course. Mm yes, definitely alone. Covered up in this cloak I stole. It's completely silent. That's what I want.

Of course, we all know what comes before that. Ultimately, I want revenge. I'm not bothering to dodge that fact anymore. I want the most gruesome and overhanded revenge possible. And I absolutely am capable of making that possible.

Granted, who's to say I can't have a little fun until then? As if this cave is any fun at all.

Nor is being this hungry. But you know what, whatever. Remember that kids. If you're ever dying alone at the bottom of a cave, just say no. It's that easy!

At any rate, after all my screaming and throwing a fit, I had a bit of a headache and I was tired again. The more I stopped to think about it, the prettier this massive room was. And the prettier the cave was.

It was dead silent. After I'd become still, not a sound could be heard. Being still like this, I found that I could slow my breathing to almost a total stop, and my heart did the same. Before, the silence was a trap. A beckon to an uneasy mind. But now it's back to being comfortable and welcome.

And when you stop shouting and start listening, there's a lot to be heard. A deep rumble seemed to come from all around me. I don't think it was new, just that I wasn't listening.

It was quiet, but I could focus on it. Sort of a heartbeat. The calming waves on a beach after a nasty wind storm.

I don't know what it was specifically, but it was like a lullaby of deep, deep tones, like the smallest noises made by the rumbling of the planet's crust just hardly reached my ears.

I took a long, deep breath, exhaling all the stress and fear and anger, and just focused on the sound of the dark. My heart rate slowed and slowed and slowed almost inhumanly low, and so did my breathing. Or maybe that was just time. I wasn't sure.

My eyes grew heavy and the darkness' croon lulled me to sleep.

Finally, some rest...

~

Of course sleep couldn't just be sleep for me.

I woke in that white endless void, but this time, I was accompanied by a few people. They were all black, faceless silhouettes. One seemed to be a little boy, another a little girl, a teenage boy with scruffy hair, a grown woman, and then the silhouette of a demon whose outline looked much like myself.

The teenage boy and the woman seemed to be asleep, along with the little boy. Both of whom were laying on her shoulder.

The demon scoffed.

"Settler. I think you should aim higher."

I wasn't sure what he was talking about, much less who he was.

"All that potential just to waste on petty revenge. Not that I mind a good bloodbath," he chuckled, his voice cynical and condescending.

"I-I'm sorry... who are you...?" I paused, mildly annoyed that my goals are being ridiculed by some stranger.

The demon only cackled like a gremlin. "Someday I'll get bored cooped up here."

The little girl spoke up, her voice timid. "I think the cave is a good place to stay..."

"If the 'council of shadows' doth decree my stay within the cave," I began in a mock posh voice, then got serious. "It should have its members pull their heads out of their asses. First tickets available out of this dump and I'm gone."

"I'm sorry," the girl's voice quivered like she was going to cry.

The demon looked like he could die of cringe. "Listen kid, I kinda kn-"

"Bitch who are you calling kid?? Matter of fact, who are you?"

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

Before I could get a response, I felt my head underwater, and when I finally broke to the surface, I was once again in the cave, and I gasped for air as water poured down off of my face.

In front of me, an armored woman was fending off a massive horde of monsters, some of whom were demons. She was completely alone and overwhelmed, and cried out for help, looking directly at me.

She said something but I couldn't hear it.

All I could think of was... that's the girl from the tomb. The one I saw during my acid trip outside of Caiasiara's grave.

"You have to help her," the little girl's voice echoed in my head.

After that I blacked out, and spent the rest of the night having tumultuous and violent dreams about my past. Well. Pasts.

~

"The plants and flowers look especially healthy today," I remarked. "Or maybe that's not the right word?"

Hystial merely smiled and shook his head slowly with a light chuckle.

Quite the flower himself, huh? I smirked inwardly.

"I had some free time, so I thought I might come see what you were up to," he said in that silky smooth voice of his.

"Just trying to get ready for my big test," I said nervously.

He entered the building full of glass windows and tiers of garden beds, sparkling in the morning sunshine with the water I'd given them all.

"You'll do quite well," he reassured.

"That doesn't make it any less nerve-wracking!!"

He brushed his hands along some of the decorative flowers I had growing at the front, then plucked one from a group that had plenty of identical ones.

Hystial inspected the flower, then me.

"This one matches your eyes," he smiled. "Perhaps a fitting garnish for your dress in two days?"

He always was a proper man who loved his gatherings. At least on the surface. I think it was just fun for him...

~

I finally woke, this time with a bit of a headache and a pretty garbage mood.

I mean I slept, but hell I'd rather go insane from insomnia than have to go down a meth trip every time I get some shut eye.

Plus, memory lane is by far my least favorite lane to go down.

Remembering Hystial especially. And my past with Sage. Not that either of those love stories worked out in the end.

One lover died fighting for me. One tried to kill me. Happens, yeah?

I've tried my hardest to shut out all the sappy love shit from my two pasts because it's a waste of my time and feelings to remind myself of all the good I had just for it to crash down in the end.

So, thankful I'd gotten some sleep, but accepting the fact that what I got was the last I'll sleep for a good while, I stood and sighed.

Rise and shine. Or rise and dark? No that doesn't work. I'm funny. Laugh.

I stretched as far back as I could which, mind you, was a damn good stretch. One of the ones where you groan out loud as your soul itself stretches out a little.

I've been wandering around for a while now, with no real purpose in sight, but I've decided: no more aimless wandering. Just wandering aimlessly but with a purpose.

I've got me, and I've got my oh so beautiful tail and horns, and you know what, that's really all that matters. Anything after that is a bonus or something that needs to be killed. There we go. Keeping it nice and simple. Goals in sight, morals (that I don't have) all lined up, ducks in a row, fucks to give neatly packed away in the void right next to my will to live... yeah I think that about covers it.

Oh and...

I picked up the phoenix who was having a snooze after I uh, very lovingly battered it to hell. It stirred and right away gave me a look. You'd think it was just a stupid bird but the darned thing gave me a look like it knew that I knew that I was a bit of an asshole to a stupid bird.

"Okay okay okay I'm sorry," I let out reluctantly, and it then seemed to stop the almost pout that it was giving me. "Just keep it quiet or I will tie you to my knife and use you as a candle."

I swear it almost nodded.

Why the twins gave me a phoenix, I still don't know. But that's past me at this point. It's here and it's, at least somewhat, company.

Not that I need company, but an animal that won't stab you or throw you down a cave is a nice plus one to keep your mind from going too far down the drain.

"At least I think you won't... right?"

It gave me a look that said "don't hold your breath."

From there, it began to lead me, as though it understood our predicament. Maybe it's a little smarter than I gave it credit for.

Though I guess "it" doesn't quite seem right.

There were some things where I could sort of feel an urge or idea or something of that nature, but know it wasn't my own. Like if we came to a fork in the path, I'd get the urge to go one way and sure enough, the bird would be flapping along in that direction, whereas if I went the way I'd not felt the urge to go, the creature would throw a fit.

Literally. Throw a fit.

And I guess at a certain point I just kind of knew that "it" was a he. And he needed a name.

So in my lonesome boredom I'd begun talking to the phoenix, telling him all about how much I hated this cave. When my feet needed a rest after a few days I'd bitch and whine about it for a while and then lay on the floor, get no sleep, and get up a few hours later just to go down my lane of misery again.

But eh. I guess in some sadistic way I'm used to it. And kind of like it. It sucks so much that I start to get a sense of pride, a spite of sorts. I'm still alive and kicking despite everything. And in the end that's the biggest middle finger of all.

The longer I was up and moving the less I had time to think about Hystial or Sage or my predicament. Ignorance in this case more than any other, is absolutely bliss.

At some point I named it Vaxen. After a few days of total silence and hungry, mindless walking, the name popped into my head and I decided on that as the phoenix's name. So I said, "your name is Vaxen," and we continued on our way.

I guess in a way I was being led by the phoenix. A torch that flies and leads the way.

Whether or not that was just my imagination has yet to be seen, but either way I'm covering ground, and at this point I just don't have even an iota of a clue which way I should go.

So hey, I get to blame something else when I inevitably am still here in 20 years and I'm an overgrown gremlin munching down on passerby. Not that those are anywhere in sight.

Yet, nothing can stay the same for long.

The cave seemed to change a little. Dark, old, untouched rock started to almost liven up. I could see an actual variety of rocks and minerals, and passed by more lively ravines and massive spaces.

At first, the real fun began with some crystals I'd find here and there. Some of them even seemed to glow. Then I found something that made my heart skip a beat: life.

Thankfully, not sentient. Just plants.

Long leafy vines and patches of mosses and in some areas, even a strange dark grass grew, where wooden roots and even some trunks seemed to grow through the walls as if the earth itself couldn't decide between a cave or a forest and eventually gave up and hit both buttons at once.

Let me tell you, the first time I saw one of those vines, I ripped it from the ceiling and ate it like fruit by the foot. Well, even that would be a tame comparison. I absolutely scarfed any plants in sight down.

I didn't care if it was dirty or crunchy or had bugs on it or anything. If it looked edible, it was eaten, no questions asked.

The first time when I ate that moss I at least felt grossed out after. I was so hungry that at this point, absolutely anything was food, and there were zero second thoughts or regrets about eating it.

I'm sure if someone saw me it I'd be disowned by all figures of society, because it was not pretty. When I say I pigged out, I was snorting and shoving food in my mouth by the handful.

Yeah it was a little messy. Desperate times call for downright carnal measures.

But with a full stomach that was (barely) digesting the food I'd given it, my trip was now a little easier, and I finally had just a little bit of something I haven't in a while: hope.