...I forge a castle and kingdom...

~

Lydia

"If they bother you so much, then just marry me," Hystial said nonchalantly in that silky-smooth voice of his. I knew he was panicking inside.

"Okay," I replied. "...wait what?"

I looked up from my book to see him on his knees with a stunningly beautiful necklace held out in a box in his hands, and his head hung low and beet-red.

"Lydia, will you marry me?"

~

I woke sometime in the middle of the night yet again, this time with a great ache in my stomach.

It was this sinking feeling of dread and regret.

Lydia gave me her memories so I would know more of this world and remember the life she had, but part of that came with a great pain. I remembered her... well- my... husband.

Prince Hystial of Teriu. I was a grown woman with a wonderful life who married an even more wonderful man... until I lost him, and lost everything else.

Nothing after that went well. In the end, remembering both of our pasts is merely a curse - I have to carry the weight of more loss than I know what to do with, and remember two lives that went to shit.

The sky was clouded, so I couldn't stare at the stars like I normally do. I guess I wouldn't be terribly upset if it snowed today.

After that I lay awake until the sun began to rise, listening to the embers of Sage's fire crackle, and hearing the low croon of Lasory's voice as he and Fezege spoke too quietly to discern their conversation.

I never did ask him how he knows her.

At about the crack of dawn, we were on the road again, but noticeably more vigilant than before. Yesterday's events had to be explained to me, because I missed most of them.

"I never asked but..." Sage began, cutting through the dull silence of the ride. "Did Violet ever get back to you?"

I twitched.

I haven't heard her name in a long while.

"I forgot about that, to be honest," I chuckled.

"Yeah me too," she giggled in return.

"What did you even ask her anyways?"

Sage only took on a scolding look. "I told you before, that's none of your business! It's personal." She then put her arm around me to show that she meant no harm.

I frowned. "Yes, she did get back to me."

"What did she say?" Sage begged as her eyes widened.

"That's none of your business. It's personal," I mocked, to which she looked very disappointed. "I'm kidding. She said 'Yes! Absolutely. I would do anything, really.' Not sure what you asked her, but it sounds important."

Sage blushed and squealed with excitement, kicking her legs and squirming. I looked away, overwhelmed by the pure joy she expressed.

She started humming brightly and swaying side to side, so whatever it was she'd asked Violet, it must have been important.

The two of them were childhood friends, and they lost contact after a while, but she and I knew each other for... different reasons. One day Sage asked me if I would give her a letter, but I wasn't supposed to read it. I'd bet money that Sage asked Violet if they wanted to reconnect.

They had great chemistry for sure. Violet and I on the other hand? Eh. We didn't really talk. Just knew each other.

The ride returned to its bumpy rhythm, and I returned to my thoughts, which I didn't get to enjoy for long.

I was reminded of my past, sitting in carriage after carriage, sleeping in the back of their wagons with hay for a pillow - if I was lucky. Ain't slavery a bitch.

I was quite familiar with the bumps of the road and the sound of the wooden wheels churning the dirt.

"Long time no see," a voice I was also - unfortunately - familiar with spoke.

I glanced over to the floor by the wall of the small carriage, where a girl only barely bigger than me lay with her arms and legs crossed and a content look on her face. I immediately looked away.

"It's no fun to be ignored."

And ignore her I did.

"Come on now, Lydia. Even a ghost needs a friend."

Her name is Rai. She and I met when I was first sold into slavery. Fun times. From then, we lied and said we were siblings since we already looked plenty alike, and we were fortunate enough for it to keep us together, which made things a bit more bearable.

Problem was, she too was Scarred, and she died of Scar Sickness after a few months together and a really hot summer day in the desert.

Rai looked over at Sage. "Ohhh I get it. You won't talk to me cause you have real friends now, huh?"

I gave her a hard glare.

You know that's not true.

She stood up and stepped over to Sage's side of the carriage, and got right up in her face and looked her up and down and all around.

Of course, Sage was completely oblivious.

I was trying to look at Rai without it looking like I was staring at Sage, which wasn't entirely successful. Rai put her hands up, both with two fingers sticking out, then moved them back and forth like two pairs of scissors mo- wait a minute.

When I realized what she was insinuating at, I couldn't help but double over laughing, mostly uncomfortably, because I could and would never look at the two of us that way.

"Huh?" Sage laughed along with me a little, but sounded confused.

Oh, right. Some people aren't freaks and can't see ghosts.

"Nothing, nothing," I dismissed it, waving my hand. Rai's eyes widened, realizing the same thing. I wasn't talking to her because Sage couldn't see ghosts.

She merely went back to her original spot and hummed the same tune she always did, which wasn't as much annoying as it was comforting and nostalgic.

We didn't have long left, and Lasory reached back to give us sandwiches at one point, and we stopped for Lasory and Fezege to stretch their legs a little bit.

The Trainees got off their horses, and I expected Sage to go out and socialize with them, but I hadn't noticed that she was asleep.

I just stayed in here and munched on the last few bites of my sandwich, and listened to the Trainees talking.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

A few of the others that I didn't know were talking about being bored, and my former peers were gossiping about this and that.

"That brat of a messenger's really starting to get on my nerves," Angelina scoffed with disgust. "Sage is probably just hanging around her out of pity."

Do you asshats just have no filter or something? I'm like 10 feet away from you, and you're not that quiet.

Then again, you always did think you were the center of the world and no other sentient human beings lived on it other than you.

Rai scoffed. "Listen to them. Just makes you wonder - if they're like that, I can't imagine who they serve."

I smiled a little.

"I'm used to them by now."

She frowned. "Gee I sure missed a lot."

"Yeah, you did. I've got a lot to catch you up on."

"Well I'm not going anywhere," she chuckled.

"I'm afraid you might be soon with this headache I'm already working up," I groaned.

If I was already feeling icky, talking to ghosts can make my head worse. Not sure why, but it probably has something to do with the fact that I can only see ghosts because of my Scar.

"Truth be told," Keith's gross voice spoke. "She reminds me of... him."

He said "him" like saying my old name was some sort of sacrilegious sin that would have him burned at the stake.

Angelina giggled like it was cutesy and funny to be talking about someone the way they were.

Their giggling and gossiping was almost eerie, and it made me shiver a little.

"Maybe if you actually did anything with your life," Keith's voice echoed in my head. "You're such a lazy degenerate. I don't see you getting anywhere in life."

Okay, tell me where small-town football is gonna get you?

Some people never change. Whatever, I guess. Keith has to have someone to complain about and push off his own ego onto or he might literally just explode to little chunks one day.

The image of that in my head makes me a little happy, I can't lie.

Rai scoffed and we looked at each other and shook our heads, thinking the same exact thing.

~

Eventually we got where we needed to be, which was near the edge of the Wood Elves' Forest. We were stopped at a village so we could restock on food and supplies while Fezege and some of the Trainees talked to the residents about the demons found a few weeks ago nearby.

Translation: yadda yadda yadda something boring that doesn't concern me at all.

Especially that part about talking to people. Hard pass.

I brought Lasory away from the others and out into a little meadow with a few occasional trees.

"Teach me more magic," I demanded.

He chuckled. "Of course, my lady."

"My lady?" Rai questioned, her voice beginning to fade. "We have so much to catch up on. Clear your calendar this weekend so we can chat." Then, she disappeared.

I was trying to be firm with Lasory, but then I remembered how nerve-wracking things were last time, and the same feeling set over me.

Lasory held out his hand and conjured the same ball of energy from yesterday and I barely had the time to react. I wasn't expecting him to be so... immediate.

"So," he began slowly as he noticed me nearing panic. "Magic is just manipulating the energy around you using the energy inside you. But in order to do that, you have to understand how it feels. The energy is everywhere, but it's kind of like trying to talk to air at first."

He's definitely taught this before.

"Take the ball again," he instructed, and I obeyed, gently grabbing the glowing orb of energy from his hands and holding it in mine, remembering how to from the last time I did it.

"Touch it. Feel it. Play with it. This a whole slew of energy readily available for you."

I did as he said and moved the ball around, poked it, prodded it, squished it, pulled it. I couldn't really feel anything in terms of a "connection". Sure I knew what it felt like - the orb was kind of like jelly but not quite. It just kind of existed, and didn't really seem to like moving. It would stay still if you left it untouched, and didn't do much of anything if you stuck a finger or hand in it. But I had no idea how to understand it.

Lasory sat cross-legged in the snow-covered grass and watched peacefully as I experimented with the solid mass of energy. I eventually ended up trying to smash it again, and it did the same as before, spiraling out around my arms and enveloping them. I could feel its presence then. It was kind of like it was mine, but it wasn't.

I could never explain it in a million years.

"When you cast a spell, you're putting your own energy right between yourself and the world around you, which is why you can see it all around your arms. The 'magic' is resting right where it needs to now. All you have to do is command it."

I tried to think up different ways I could use the energy, but couldn't really come up with anything. Yesterday's attempt didn't end well and I definitely could've gotten hurt doing it.

"Energy within, clear the path before me!" I shouted, more in a mocking, joke of a tone than anything, then thrust my arms forward, picturing a gust of wind blasting before me, but in reality expecting nothing to happen.

But to my surprise, a surge of wind came from the ends of my hands and outward a few dozen feet, blowing a bunch of snow upward and toppling over Lasory who happened to be in my path.

I panicked and rushed over to him, my heart racing.

"Are you okay??" I shouted, hoping I didn't hurt him.

He didn't respond for a moment, and my heart sank completely. I froze in fear, wondering if I'd knocked him out or worse.

He started to chuckle, which became a laugh, which then became him sat up, doubled over and wheezing because he was laughing so hard.

I was feeling pretty much every emotion at once as I remembered how much of a worrywort and idiot I am. He was completely fine, just took a little wind.

Lasory then began to clap. "You just made up your own chant. That's impressive!"

Chants.

I thought of movies and anime I used to watch where people would cast magic with a chant.

"What are chants? Do I need them to cast a spell?"

I could tell he wanted to laugh at that question a little. "Nono, chants aren't necessary, but they are? I guess? Magic is pretty hard. I gave you some energy to do it with, but when you don't have that, it's really hard to bend the energy around you and within you to your will, like really hard. So we mages use chants as a kind of muscle memory or mnemonic device."

I nodded slowly.

That makes a lot of sense.

I couldn't help but hear the echoes of what I heard earlier and wonder how long I can hide from my past with these people around. Lasory still doesn't know about it.

"Does something trouble you?"

I thought for a moment.

"What if some people from your past were suddenly a part of your present but you really didn't want them to be a part of your future, but you don't really have a way to accomplish that?"

He chuckled a little. "You're being very general for being so obviously specific."

I pouted and nodded.

"Well, I guess it all comes down to courage. If you want some people gone then just tell them to be gone."

"True," I agreed hesitantly.

"As a queen, there will be plenty of decisions to make every day that will require loads of courage."

I gave him a blank, fearful stare. "Th-that's exactly why I don't want to be queen."

Lasory nodded in understanding. "The time will come."

All I could give back was an internal groan before my attention was shifted to a bloomy voice shouting, "Hey miss!"

I looked over to see Yoru waving at me from a few yards away.

Lasory and I exchanged glances, and I pushed up my glasses and went up to Yoru, who had a red nose from the cold.

"Fezege wanted me to come get you because we're leaving soon."

"Already?" I pondered.

"Yeah. We didn't get as much here as we wanted to, and nobody in the village says they've seen another group of demons, so we're just going to have to chalk things up to random happenings and hope it isn't a bad sign."

That doesn't sound smart, but then again the demons' activity never was my specialty.

Lockwood was always concerned with what the demons were doing and warned me that some of their clans could be stirring up trouble and had me take longer routes when I was near some of their known encampments. But in the end I never really understood much of it. War and politics and strategy and blah blah all of it just throws me through a loop.

As you can see... I am not Queen material. Please help.

Yoru led me back to the carriage and complimented my clothes. I expected her to leave, but she hesitated for a moment.

"Hey, miss Lydia?"

I tilted my head, feeling nervous that she might ask me something serious.

"Do you mind taking a walk with me before the others get here?" She asked earnestly. I felt both confused and anxious. I didn't like the sound of this. Did Sage tell her about who I used to be?

Not knowing how to say no, I nodded slowly and walked with her along the edge of the village

She sighed a little. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

Now confusion sprinkled itself atop my nervousness, and I tilted my head.

"I'm so sorry about what happened with Sakari, and I'm sure that must have been hard on you, and I'm sorry that you had to leave here so soon and then get caught up in our mess."

I was a little shocked. That's really the first apology I've gotten from anyone in that class. Most stood by as Keith and his gang of misfit asswipes gave me hell, and none really bothered to talk or make an effort to have a relationship with me. Not that I really did so back, but that's not relevant.

Yoru seemed visibly upset about what she was apologizing for, and I wondered if she had any connection with Sakari, but dismissed the possibility. She's a relatively nice person, but definitely not one for being this gooey and apologetic.

"It's okay, really," I waved it off with a lighthearted smile.

It's not really okay, but I just don't wanna be here with her. I'm only counting down the seconds until it's just Lasory and I and the others are gone. It'll be quiet. I won't mind.

She kept walking, and I felt myself getting cynical.

What else could you have to talk about?

We went around the village toward a face of rock that had lichens, mosses, roots, and vines covering it. Not that I have an eye for nature or anything but it was kind of pretty.

"And I just wanted to say sorry," she apologized again as tears filled her eyes.

"F-for what?"

She looked away as a tear slid down her cheeks, which were red from the cold.

I was astounded and surprised and incredibly confused all at the same time.

"This," a thick, deep voice said from behind me as a metallic, sort of slicing sound rang out and all other noise disappeared. Everything in me felt like it came to a halt as my mind sort of just ceased to gather information for a few moments.

I looked down to see the tip of a bloodied sword poking out from the bottom of my torso, and I lifted my hands up to see them covered in blood. My ears began to ring like church bells, a loud screeching, screaming sound.

Or maybe that was my voice. I couldn't tell as my vision faded and I lost my footing.

"Though I can't say I feel the same way," the same voice said as a pair of heavy boots walked through the snow, fading away.