...made of my greed and blindness...

~

"Wanna fight a war with me?"

Sefal broke out into a laughter, to which I frowned. "Are you sure we can even get along long enough for that to happen?"

"Oh we can't don't worry," I reassured.

"I mean as long as that's cleared up beforehand."

"But that would also mean getting out of here."

She nodded in regretful agreement. "Unfortunately that is a roadblock we face, yes. However, the exponential increase in monsters roaming around lately tells me we're verging on something important."

"And what leads you to that conclusion, Sherlock?"

"Where there's a lot of small ones, there's bound to be big ones, too."

"I'll make sure that brilliant adage is inscribed to your statue, then?"

Now I got the angry frown.

"Do you have any better ideas?" She prodded.

"I think you know the answer to that, but let me have my fun." I began walking, to which she followed, while I tossed my knife.

"We don't do fun around here."

"Trust me, ten minutes around you is plenty proof of that."

"Well then at least one of us is reliable," she laughed.

I didn't hesitate to spin around and zip my knife right at one of her long braids. She caught it and grew an evil grin.

"Think about cutting one of those off and I will happily end you."

".....I would hope you know by now that you can't threaten me with a good time."

"Don't stir the nest, Sorra dear." I wasn't sure how I felt about the way she menacingly said "dear," like she was a nun and I was a lost lamb. Except a really evil nun. Actually scratch that I really want to meet an evil nun.

I'm getting off topic here.

Nevertheless, we continued on for what would thankfully turn out to be the last leg of our journey. For a while it was back to plain old nothing, but populated with loads of monsters and savage beasts, which were all now completely unhinged and fought ruthlessly for what sometimes felt like merely the joy of the kill.

"I don't think you ever gave me an answer to my question," I broke a thoughtful silence.

"And what would that be?"

"Do you want to fight a war with me? Knowing now the scope of the Demon Army's wrath, I've realized I can't sit idly. And I think the two of us could benefit a lot from some war merit, wouldn't you agree?"

A smile slowly grew on her face. "I thought you didn't like me."

"I don't," I said with a wink.

"I can agree with the fact that we could stand to have some people under our belt, but you're going to need some work first. And you're going to have to get over your own ego for a few minutes for that to happen."

I had to choke down the urge to cuss her out or just start swinging sharp stuff. I don't have an ego. I just need to be stronger than I already am.

But I guess I'll play along.

Maybe that was the straw that made the camel realize he didn't like the hot desert anymore, because over the coming days, my combat abilities improved substantially. Every single battle felt more and more exciting than the last, and I was really getting into a flow.

Sefal and I sparred every chance we got, and since there was food to keep us going, we weren't stopping except to shift our focus from each other to whatever was trying to kill us.

When we did take out my hammock and sleep, she passed out quick, and I was left to just straight up suffer for the next several hours. They don't tell you how much your um... drive... goes up after this much physical training all day, let alone when this fierce and fearsome woman is the one getting you to do it.

There was a point I just gave up entirely and feasted my eyes for as long as they pleased to feast. Considering springs and cricks were few and far between, she often went to bed with beads of sweat still dripping down her skin and matting her hair.

Some would call it gross.

I called it really... really fucking attractive.

Now I should stop before I let my words get the better of me, but I came to the painful realization that a man's best friend, the good ol' "quick relief" wasn't any good on me. I could carefully crawl out of the hammock and make my way somewhere private to try and do my business, but it seems trying to do so is just about as effective as trying to sleep.

I can say goodbye to that side of my life, I guess.

Not that I could really call it a side. Have you met me?

When she was awake, she hounded me over magic, and I finally breached the barrier. Or at least, as I came to find out quite painfully, the first barrier. Because there were so many roadblocks when it came to this stuff. I got to a point where I could make these little spurts of spells, Sefal called them "baby spells" which made me want to kill her, but trying to make them any stronger in any way just ended up with it sputtering out and dying.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

It was something, either way.

As both our foes and our terrain grew more difficult, we were forced to rely on one another much more.

There were points we'd have to squeeze through, or where we had to climb and hoist one another up.

I think I'm starting to crack. At least in the sense that I can't keep myself stable around Sefal anymore. She's just my type.

She hasn't caught on yet because I have some class and I'm far too prideful to ever tell her, and once we get out of this damn cave I won't have to worry about it anymore. Either way, I'm dying here and now.

One time I had to tell her to back off when she was fixing my posture and stance, getting way too comfortable with her hands.

To take out all that pent-up feeling, I would go out and brawl with my dinner while Sefal slept. I'd look for the biggest thing and kill it.

By the time I'd taken the hits and wrestled it to the ground, my bloodlust completely took over and I would devour its heart and drink its blood. It felt so natural, like the blood was more tantalizing than the meat on its bones.

I was licking my fingers after one kill and got cut short by a very concerned, "What the hell are you doing??"

She didn't look at me the same after that.

Where normally I'd be helping her up somewhere or keep her back in combat, she would opt to do those things alone. Even slept by herself a few times.

We still talked but the trust we had finally started to build all went down the drain.

I didn't even think about it anymore. Drinking blood like that, I mean. It was like taking a leak or going to bed. Just a thing your body does.

She saw me do it a few times after that, since I didn't stop. It's not like I felt guilty, but I was sure starting to miss not walking on eggshells all the time.

Aside from that, she would put it aside while sprawling with me. Or if anything she was only a harder opponent now that there was a little bit of hate in her blows. Or maybe not hate. Just disgust.

I was absolutely getting the hang of things. At least with physical combat. Especially unarmed. Which that kind of sparring came up from almost all of our disagreements. She wants to go one way and I want to go the other? We throw hands.

It served to well... liven things up. That was just our nature I guess. In some ways being alone is better, but in others, this is much greater.

We found a big ol' spring at one point. Not hot, but a fun little underground cove. I've certainly seen neater and more welcoming ones in my time but this one wasn't bad. Sefal of course wanted to take a bath. She very casually offered for me to join, not in the sense that she wanted to bathe with me, but maybe she really just didn't care about being seen naked.

Or maybe I was so far gone in her mind that I wasn't even worth the trouble of preserving dignity to.

I mean hey, if she hates me that much, I have done my job right. That is cause for celebration!

But in the end, my fantasies got the better of me, and I had to decline. I gave her some snotty response, saying I wouldn't dream of seeing someone as ugly as her naked. She only scoffed, said "ok," then stripped behind my back and jumped in the water without a second thought.

I merely stood there literally biting my cheek as every part of me, including the thump I felt in my chest, wanted to turn around and feast my eyes. I could lie to her all day. I'm good at that. But I can't lie to myself. She's my type... physically. Mentally I would rather consume my own vomit than think about even calling her a friend.

She splashed around in the water carelessly, this impressively strong woman with more than her fair share of life experience, as she told me, seemingly careless and childish. That bit didn't make any sense to me. You wouldn't catch me dead splashing around like that.

I wasn't thinking straight knowing I was the most miniscule of movements away from seeing the most beautiful woman I've ever met in her natural element. So instead I ran off and screamed out, finding nothing to kill and resorting to punching the air.

That wasn't doing anything for me so I just outright beat up the wall.

"GUHHH!!" I gutturally grunted as I tried to choke down what I was feeling, and kept throwing jabs as fast as I could at the emotionless stone. I could hit it all I wanted but the only one getting hurt was me.

I tore the skin off my knuckles as I cried out, watching first little bits of my skin, then just red droplets fly from the point of contact.

After a minute or so I guess I got it out of my system, and I was left standing there with half balled-up fists, breathing heavily and listening to the distinct sound of blood pouring out of my knuckles like it was Christmas.

It didn't matter. This body doesn't scar. It'll heal within a day's worth of time. Just like everything else seems to.

When I got back, Sefal was getting dressed. It was dark enough that she didn't notice my knuckles, and I didn't say anything to her. She left her coats on the floor and curled up in a blanket we managed to stitch together. Of course she offered to have me join her under the covers since I normally do for a little while, but I just shook my head and made a very half-hearted "mm mm."

So I curled up on the cold stone in the fetal position about a foot or two away from Sefal, feeling this deep deep weight I'd never known.

I think I knew what it was, but I didn't at the same time. Or maybe I could never ever accept it. Was it guilt? Or maybe just straight up agony.

I lay there with my thoughts for a while and my stomach all tied up in knots. Over a million things, some of them not even having anything to do with Sefal. I've had someone fighting through the cave with me for so long and yet I've really never felt so alone.

Then I looked up from my knees in my sideways spiral, and my heart sank as my stomach rose. I was feeling what's supposed to be the greatest feeling ever and yet I've never felt worse about something.

Tch. Whatever. We only promised to get each other out of this cave. We already agreed we could go our separate ways after that. I'll make sure I'm long gone. This filthy feeling will fade just as fast as it came.

My life on Earth flashed before my eyes. I thought about Gabriel. How many times I wish I would have pulled her through that window. Protected her. Pulled her in tight and never let go.

I thought about the time after she left, when I would just lay in bed and when I felt alone I would pull my blanket in tight, on those long summer nights when it's too hot to fall asleep with them on, but too cold to stay asleep with them off.

The way that cold breeze drifts in and you snuggle up with what keeps you warm, because that's what happiness is. I thought about breakfast on those weekend mornings, and that peaceful, easy feeling in those brief moments in the early dawn when you can finally roll over and smile on your way to a softer rest.

I focused on the one act that mattered: reaching out and pulling what you care about close to you. The deep, instinctive need I had to pull the one thing I knew I could protect, and the one thing that keeps me warm when I need it.

When I opened my eyes, my arms were halfway out.

And without thinking, I held them out, wrapped them around Sefal's waist, and smiled as I gazed upon her elegance as she slept without a care in those PJs I made her. I felt my hands on the warmth of her skin and finally smiled. But then I felt every muscle in my body tense in fear as she sprung awake, shoved my hands off of me, and had a mortified look on her face.

"What the HELL are you doing??"

She shot up to her feet and grabbed an arrow she had next to her, holding it at my now broken expression as though I were a rabid animal and a threat. "I thought I could trust you to keep your hands where they belong, but I guess even that's too hard for you. We're done here." She raised her arrow, ready to end me, and I just closed my eyes and gave up on everything.

Death never came.

Instead, when I finally slowly opened my eyes, Sefal was still asleep in front of me, and my hands were only a few inches away from her.

I could only look at them, then pull nothing but my cold, bony, lifeless fingers to my center, curl up tighter and close my eyes. I felt my face muscles twitch and I frowned, felt my chest convulse, and just wanted to cry.

But tears never came.

Instead I had only the deep, quiet hum of the cave. Eventually I lay still, felt my heartbeat slow, and let the cave's unworldly croon be a lidocaine to numb my mind completely. It was the closest to sleep I've been. I guess that's a good thing.