Mystical, beautiful things...

~

Fezege walked with me to the hall, a little confused, but also contently excited.

"So... what did you want to talk about?"

I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.

"This isn't... something easy for me to talk about..." I trailed off, having second thoughts about what I wanted.

"I don't bite," she winked.

I sighed once more.

"I want you to train me to fight."

Her face lit up. "You want to join the Trainees?"

"Nono," I shook my head. "I want to learn, but not with them."

She pondered for a good while, but I can tell it's definitely not what she was expecting or hoping for. I was already regretting this conversation big time. It's all based off of some stupid fantasy anyways.

Fezege sighed.

"I can try to teach you, but most of my time is already taken up managing a bunch around here and keeping these Trainees well... trained. I don't know if I would have the time to train you separately."

I felt conflicted. I'd already made it this far into asking her, but at this point I didn't want to be a burden if she didn't have the time.

"Would you want to at least come and watch my classes from the back? Then it would make it easier for me to teach you because you'd have an idea of what we'd do."

That only cranked my internal conflict up to 10. She'd just offered a perfectly good solution, but one I could never take.

"N-no. That wouldn't work. I'm sorry, you can forget it," I said with a half-hearted smile and began to walk away.

A very firm hand grabbed my arm.

"So you're just gonna walk away like that?" A voice I really didn't want to hear right now judged me.

"No," I mumbled and tried to brush the arm away.

"Why not?" Fezege asked, oblivious to the other voice.

"I don't know, it's just not really what I'm looking for." I moved again for the door.

A hand was thrust before my waist, and its owner stepped in front of me. Lydia stood sternly with her fists on her hips.

"You want something. Go get it!" She shouted.

I brushed past her hand and kept moving, ignoring her given that I was the only one that could hear her.

"Lydia! Don't ignore me," she demanded. "You and I both know your ass isn't gonna survive a second in the real world without someone to protect you!"

I cringed inside because she was screaming at this point, but Fezege was totally oblivious and was starting to wonder why I was stopping and going on the way to the door, and even more confused as to why I wasn't taking her offer.

Though, the annoying ghost had a point.

And besides that, if I ever wanted to create a place and lead it... I'd need to have the strength to support it.

I thought back to dinner last night, and the enchanting spectacle I saw. It made my stomach tie in a knot thinking I could do that.

It built up inside me, and I felt more and more torn by the second, wanting something so badly but not wanting the circumstances of getting it.

In a stroke of pure determination, I turned and dashed toward Fezege, who'd begun walking back to the door, and threw myself on my knees before her.

She was shocked.

"Please!" I begged, throwing away all instinct of being as unconfrontational and indirect as possible. "I desperately want to learn how to fend for myself and how to be stronger, but being a knight for someone else isn't my path. I want you to teach me!"

She was dumbfounded, and couldn't find the words to say. Lydia was cackling behind me and clapping. "Attagirl!" I heard her shout.

"I just don't have the right kind of time," Fezege pleaded.

Two shadows stood in the doorway a few feet away, and one of them emerged. Lasory.

"Lady Fezege," he began, bowing almost all the way forward. "If I may, if Lydia is to become Queen, she must learn to fight the dangers that threaten her people. And what better person to teach her than you?"

Normally I'd whack him for another comment about me being a queen, but in this instance, he made a really good point.

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

The other shadow, Sage (as if I had to guess), came dashing towards us.

I just sat here on my knees, my face turning blood red as two eavesdroppers were begging Fezege for me.

"Please, I've never heard her so desperate and passionate about anything. Can't you see she's finally trying for something?"

Well gee, I appreciate all the love and support from you, Sage.

Fezege took a deep breath, just as overwhelmed as I, trying hard to come to a reasonable solution.

"Fine," she concluded. "But all of you are going to have to help. Lasory, you used to be a mage, yes?"

He chuckled nervously. "Yes, but those days are long behind me." I knew about this. He used to fight as a mage for Sakari, but stopped when it hurt someone close to him.

"Well, then I suppose if your Queen were to order you to show her what you know, you'd simply be forced to comply."

Fezege looked triumphant, and Lasory looked dreadful, but at the same time wanted me to make that call because he knew I knew it would mean at least partially accepting my role.

I was still on the adrenaline high of pleading, so I decided why the hell not?

"Lasory," I began, standing up and taking on as serious of a tone as I could, blinded by confidence. "I want you to teach me what you know of magic. Please."

He smiled and laughed a little, then bowed. "Good enough, I guess. It would be my honor."

"And Sage, I trust that you'll be willing to show her what I've taught as well."

She nodded firmly, and all of them looked at me.

"That good enough for you?" Fezege offered. "I'll be able to teach you myself on some days as well, but it's truly reliant on you practicing enough."

I gave a firm "Yes!"

After it was decided, the three cheered a little and congratulated, and that's when I started to calm down. Only then did I just realize everything I'd done, and right away felt like I would puke my guts out. I can't believe I got on my knees and begged 3 people to teach me something way out of my league like that. Especially Sage.

The world began to spin. I've never been so confrontational and forward in my life. I feel like I've just demanded the world of these 3 people with no remorse.

"Catch me," I barely got out as my vision blurred and I quickly fainted.

~

I woke in a bed. The one I'd slept in last night. I quickly sat up, my senses shooting straight back to me.

Remembering right away what happened before I passed out, I had to choke down the nausea creeping up on me as Sage sat up to my left.

She started to laugh when she saw the mortified look on my face. Her laugh was the kind that could be her cackling up a storm over your deepest darkest secret in front of God and the world and you'd be laughing along with her.

"That was really brave of you, you know," she complimented.

I looked away to conceal my sheepishness. "Brave" isn't a word often used in the same sentence as "Lydia".

"Sorry. I have a very... regurgitative reaction to anxiety and difficult situations."

Her eyes glistened. "That just means you have the strength to do what makes you uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable" is a bit of an understatement, don't you think?

"I'm proud of you."

I sank. "Are you my friend or my mom?"

She laughed, then smiled. "You've never called me your friend before."

"Sure I have..."

Right?

The candle on the nightstand flickered on the walls and across our faces, sparkling in the depths of Sage's eyes.

"So what do you wanna learn to fight for? That seems a bit unlike you."

I laughed. "Some stupid fantasy I guess."

Her silence told me to continue.

"I don't know. Maybe someday I'll be able to lead, but really I just feel like I'm weak and powerless. I let myself get pushed around all those years and I couldn't save Myu or Lockwood."

She looked down. "I don't think anyone could've. You shouldn't blame yourself for something way out of your control."

Sure it was out of my control. I was too weak to stop them from dying.

"But, on a more lighthearted note, I think it's good that you're trying to be a better person."

I gave a half hearted smile. "'Trying' being the key word there."

"Fair enough," she reasoned. "But seriously. I think someday you'll make a fine Queen."

She winked and I didn't have the courage to look her in the eye.

"If you say so," I sighed as I rolled over, trying to get some sleep. "Did Fezege say when we'd start?"

"As soon as you're ready."

"How's tomorrow sound?"

She was silent for a tiny moment. "Works for me."

I could tell by the slight shaking in her voice that she was holding back a loud screaming cheer.

I was both nervous and excited to start learning my strength. We said our 'goodnight's and got comfy.

Given I'd just technically been asleep for a few hours, and my mind was running too fast, I didn't feel like sleeping.

I stared at the ceiling and at myself, thinking about where I am and where I could be.

Truth be told, after Sakari, I don't have much of a plan for anything. Six months from today, I was supposed to see the stars with Myu. I think at this point, I'll end up seeing them alone, and I plan to make those the last stars I ever see...

~

Sage

I lay awake for more than a few painstaking hours, trying to pretend to be asleep. I didn't expect Vinc- er... Lydia... to wake up, so I had to slip away unnoticed.

But, when the time came for the meeting, she was sound asleep. I crawled out of bed and made sure my hair was nice and tidy before leaving.

I reached a somewhat dimly-lit room that had an oval table where people were sitting or getting seated.

It was a meeting of the higher-ups in the castle. Pretty much just Knights and some staff. Fezege wasn't here, probably because she figured I could relay the info to her.

I was only here because I'm the lead Trainee.

Once everyone had taken their seats, the Holy Knight Erica cleared her throat.

"Thank you everyone for getting up so early to come to our meeting."

The people around the table nodded firmly and closed their eyes, a sort of bow, I guess.

"We have important matters to discuss," she began, a heavy seriousness radiating from her and displacing itself onto us.

"As you know, our attack on Sakari was extremely successful. Our continued assaults have destroyed the final crumbles of the nation into dust."

Oh my God...

That's the "war" we've been having. Not a hard-fought battle. It's a massacre.

Noifer, the other Holy Knight, stood.

"However, the kingdom's Messengers remain alive and in our walls. It is safe to assume they intend to resume their nation once they receive backing from other allies."

Most of the group seemed to agree.

Noifer then looked me dead in the eye. "We will have your group dispose of them."

The whole room was dark and a bright sun sat on top of my head, illuminating my body to the rest of the room.

Their stares were hot and heavy, and I felt myself sweating.

You're asking me to kill my best friend.

But nobody dared defy the Holy Knights. I don't know what to do.

I obviously can't just kill Lydia. That's a given. So then how do I resolve this. Do I object and offer a different opinion? Do I just not do anything and suffer the consequences?

This isn't the kind of box I'm used to being in. Not that I should be. Most people don't get asked to kill their best friends. Not that I don't know people who would.

Noifer could see my indecisiveness and moved on. He blabbered on about the demons and plans and this and that, but I was too lost in a haze. I was right. This place is a shithole, and I can't trust anyone.

I don't even know if I can trust Fezege.