3-26 DIVERSION

“Master Yoda,” you say after a moment, “is this… is this example actually relevant? In this scenario, I’m not the one who caused the ship to come down, right?”

“Heh! A question for a question for a question,” Master Yoda chuckles again. “Yes, strayed from the original topic we have, but answer this question you should. Retrace our steps and answer your questions, we will. A good exercise for a Youngling’s mind, this is.”

“Oh… alright,” you quietly say. Very well, you’ll humor the Grandmaster, though his scenario also makes little sense. You’re a Jedi, why would you be forced to make only one of two choices?

You can make your own path, right?

“I’ll just divert the ship myself,” you say with finality.

“Oh?” Master Yoda croaks out, curiosity in his voice. “And how would you do that?”

“Could I reach out and turn the ship? Push the controls in the ship?”

“With the Force?”

“Yes. Or, with my hands if I’m in the ship.”

“Hmm. One answer, that may be, but not the answer I was looking for. Too open ended the scenario was. Allowed you to wander, I have,” Master Yoda says with a sigh.

But then, he looks up and gives you a sly smile, amusement bubbling within him. You tilt your head in confusion.

Is he expecting you to give unconstrained answers?

“Master, whether or not I were in the ship, I would do my best to divert it away from everybody. That way, my Master can defend himself and nobody has to die.”

Yoda’s wide grin is blotted out by the amusement in his soul. He bobs his head, his ears twitching as he holds back from opening his eyes.

“Strong enough to stop a spaceship from crashing down, are you? Strong enough to prevent death?” Master Yoda hops off his chair and hobbles his way over to you, only barely using his cane for support. Reaching out, he focuses, lifting you and your chair up into the air.

“How focused can you be, when in danger you, your Master, and innocents are? How strong are you now, that you can even hope to nudge a starship from its course?”

You reach out toward Master Yoda, grasping at the end of his gimer stick as he holds it toward you. However, your fingers only brush against it, your reach failing you as you begin to spin dizzyingly in the air.

“Prideful, your answer seems to be. However, sense something deeper within you, I do.”

“What do you mean?” you ask. You curl into a ball, spinning faster with the conservation of momentum. You then splay your limbs outward in one movement, snapping your tail against the wall and pushing yourself further upwards towards the ceiling.

As you soar upwards with glee, Master Yoda releases his support, dropping you to the ground below. You land lightly, rolling forward to expend energy.

Master Yoda shakes his head, laughing softly.

“Confident, you are. Hubris, perhaps, but uncertainty also clouds your path. What makes you confident, young Xena? What makes you so uncertain, too?”

You sit up, wrapping your hands around your knees as you look at him. The ancient tree stands before you, curiosity blooming from its limbs. Deep roots reach down, stabilizing the life above. Yet, he doesn’t drink deeply. He doesn’t drain the soil of nutrients. He only takes what he needs, harmonizing with the world around him.

You sit within the shade, a young seedling only barely breaching the surface. He bends, allowing you light, sharing with you moisture.

Nurturing you.

You smile and hum, then speak your mind.

“Master, we’re Jedi. We can do more than a normal person can, so why shouldn’t we try to break free of the realm of possibility? You always say do or do not. I say I’ll do my best. I’ll think of a way around the problem if at all possible. If not, I have the Force at my disposal. I have my friends. I have my Masters. I have my eye. I have trust. Yes, it may not always be possible to succeed, but I still have to do what I can. If I think I can do better than my Master — if I believe I can save them all — then I would do just that.”

“And if you can’t? If only two choices you have, then which would you make?”

“I would find another, Master! There’s always another way!”

Master Yoda sighs and shakes his head again, but the grin still remains on his face. “Teach you of sacrifice, I wished to do. Learned more about the folly and stubbornness of children, I have.”

Your pout fails to breach his still closed eyes, but you’re sure he knows exactly what you’re thinking. He continues, ignoring you still. “Xena, a troublesome child, you truly are. But, very well. Leave this as it is, we shall. Backtrack now, we will, as I have promised.”

You begrudgingly nod. You know you are right. You just know it.

And, you’re sure he sees something in your answer as well. He didn’t outright say that it was wrong, just that it was not the answer he was looking for.

A Jedi, when confronted with a closed door, doesn’t just turn around and walk away. The Jedi finds another way through.

Perhaps she simply knocks if she’s the diplomatic type.

Perhaps she cuts her way through.

Or, perhaps she does turn around, but returns with a battering ram or a plasma cannon!

You’d beat your way through with your hands if needed, for if that is the right thing to do — if that’s what it took to make things better — nothing could stop you.

“Responsibility… yes. Speaking of that, we were.” Master Yoda muses as he sits down again. He returns your chair to its original position and you sit as well.

“Responsibility… a fickle beast it is. One that rears its head and tries to run away if not leashed properly. But, the one who holds the leash often despises it. Why do you wish to grasp it so?”

If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

You wobble back and forth in your chair, as you think. Why?

For once, your feet actually touch the ground as you sit; the chair having been made for beings of short stature like you and Master Yoda. However, perhaps it’s almost too short.

You pull your legs up and cross them, still thinking as you do.

Finally, you open your mouth to speak.

But then you hesitate.

“Xena?” Master Yoda prompts.

“I… I think it was my fault. It was my fault that Master Masbau had to leave,” you begin. “I had my dreams. I pushed it, and I let myself be injured. It wasn’t his fault that he trusted me. And yet, he’s the one who was punished.

“Responsibility isn’t a beast, Master. It’s trust. It’s trust in both myself and others to do as we say, and to receive recompense for outcomes positive or negative. Master Masbau believed me to be responsible. He trusted me to be. I broke that trust, but that doesn’t mean the responsibility goes back to him. It comes back to me.

“And, being older doesn’t mean Master Masbau is responsible for everything I do! If that were the case, then wouldn’t you be more responsible than him? Would you have to be the one to leave? I don’t think it’s fair. It’s just not.”

Master Yoda is silent for a moment after you finish your rant. You breathe out, happy to have gotten that out and off your chest.

And then you freeze.

You… you just shifted “responsibility” from Master Masbau to the Grandmaster of the Jedi Order in your last statement, when you’d been trying to pull it back to yourself! You glance at him, suddenly afraid.

He’s still silent. Thinking.

Finally, he speaks.

“Xena, it is not just you who breached trust. See from another perspective, you must.”

And then he is silent again.

…

“Oh,” you quietly gasp.

“Bren is… Bren is principled. A problem with attachment, he had. Allowed that to cloud his mind, he did. Allowed you to do more than you should without direct supervision, he did. Allow you to injure yourself, he did. Not just your arms, nor your eyes. Received word about the cutting, I have.”

You have nothing to say to that. All you can do is nod and frown.

“Xena, responsibility is not something you can shed. It is not something that is passed from one to another, nor is owned by one person only. Shared, it is, as is trust, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Another thing to think about, when examining the scenario I proposed. Done with that conversation we are, though. A mental exercise for later, it shall be. Understand now, do you? Why Master Bren was punished, that is?”

“Yes, Master.”

“Good.”

The room is quiet for another spell. You fidget, fiddling with your headband that you itch to put on. The metal pings in your hand as you flick it with your fingernail and you cringe as it ruins the silence.

“An option, I have for you,” Master Yoda suddenly says. “A Jedi, I know of. One who will soon lack a Padawan. If wish it, you do, be assigned to him you will.”

“Who is it?”

“Hmm. A friend. One who seems to have trouble with attachment as well. Good for him, you would be. A shock and a challenge, indeed.”

Not exactly the answer you hoped, but it seems that’s all you’ll get. However, you do have a concern.

“Master Yoda, I’ve been struggling with choosing a Master already.”

“Oh? How lucky you are, for that to be a problem!”

You awkwardly smile, aware again of what is a ridiculous issue. However, you press on past the minor embarrassment and continue.

“Both Master Corr and Master Lasah have asked me to be their Padawans. Both do good work, and I enjoy speaking and working with them. However, I’m not sure what I really want.”

“Hmm.” Master Yoda taps a finger against his cane, then leans back as he thinks. “What you really want, hmm? What you want in general, or what you want from them?”

“Both, I guess.”

“A half-truth, I think that is.”

You shrug, then explain further as you remember he can’t see that movement. “I know what I want to be in the future, but I don’t know how to get there. Master Corr said I should just take my time and then do what I think is best until I get my chance, but I don’t know what to do!”

“What is it that you want to be?” Master Yoda gently asks.

“I - I want to be a Navigator.”

“And a Navigator is?”

“It’s… I don’t know. I kind of do, but it’s confusing and frustrating and nonsense!”

“Patience, Xena. Speak your mind, you should. Take your time in this little thing, you can.”

You take a breath, then begin to explain.

You tell him about your dreams: how it started after you went looking through the ship; how you’d followed the creature from your arm into there; the bed and the orrery; the battles and the space marines; and, other-you.

The Navigator.

“I don’t know if that’s what I really want to be,” you sigh. “Other-me didn’t seem very nice, but I still want to be like her! But, it’s not what a Jedi should be. It’s what… I don’t know…”

“It’s what you think you should be.”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm.”

Master Yoda stands again, and paces the room. In tiny, shuffling steps, he deftly avoids the furniture as he loops around the room. At the end of the circuit, he stops by you and pokes you in the chest with a gnarled finger.

“A child of visions, you are. And of much confusion too. Inspired, I believe you should be, but aspiring, you should not. View the dreams and learn what not to do. What to follow, and what to avoid. View it with a critical eye, you should, not just a ‘warped’ one.”

“Yes, Master,” you say, somewhat disappointed. Is that all he’s going to say?

He’s puzzled as well, you realize — confused, as he declared, really. You’re piling quite a lot on his plate right now and he’s going to need more time to think it through.

“Master? What do you think I should do about my apprenticeship, though? Actually, does this mean that I’ve passed my Trials?”

“Yes,” he says with a short nod. “Passed them, you have. Heard from Master Lasah and Master Corr, the Council has. Adept with many techniques you are, and held your own in a surprise attack you did. Understand the code, you do as well. No reason for you to fail, do I see.”

“I… thank you, Master Yoda.”

“There is no need for thanks, Xena. Another question you have, however. What to do about your apprenticeship? Unfortunately, my answer is much like that of your other Masters: it is up to you.”

He laughs at your grunt of annoyance and you fight the urge to click your tongue.

“Control yourself, you should. Be calm, and continue to think. Your decision, this should be. You have the luxury, so continue to consider it, you should. The influence of others should be avoided. However, truly confused you are, so perhaps I shall give you what I believe.”

You look up, a glimmer of hope within reach at last!

It’s immediately crushed, however, when all he says is, “Trust the Force, Youngling. Commune with it and allow it to guide you to your destination.”

“Masteerrr!” You can’t hold back the petulant whine, but he only laughs again.

“Xena, young you are. A difficult choice, this may seem to be. However, good masters, all three would be. Any would be better than acceptable.”

“Mrrrgh,” you softly growl. You rub at your face, then reach up and finally fasten your headband back on.

“Thank you for the advice, Master Yoda,” you say with a sitting bow. “Did you want to ask me about anything else?”

“Hmm. Mostly satisfied, I am. Still have questions about your dreams, I do. However, as confused as I am, you seem to be as well. Return to you your question, I shall. Anything else, do you have to speak of with me?”