You lie awake tonight, thinking. Just… thinking.

The Gathering was the most exciting event of your whole life. You took your first major step to becoming a Jedi Knight. You faced your insecurities and persevered. You constructed your own lightsaber!

But, what captivates your mind right now is not the events of the Gathering yourself. It’s not even the thought of your lightsaber. No, it’s the memories of space travel that burn mostly brightly in your mind.

The feeling of lift-off — being pressed down into your seat as the ship accelerated into orbit as the mighty thrust force of the ship exceeded even the capabilities of the gravidic generator to compensate — was exhilarating. In stark contrast was the peaceful glide of the ship as it gently accelerated out of planetary orbit.

The feeling of loneliness up there…

Serenity.

The hum of others’ thoughts is ever present in the back of your mind. During the day, it is easy to ignore, for you always have something else in the forefront to distract you. But, in times like this, when you wish for silence, you curse your ambient ability for you can never find any. It’s even worse during meditation sessions. During the night, most minds are muffled in the befuddlement of deep sleep. However, you, like everybody else, meditate during the daytime. During the day, everyone is awake and a torrent of unwelcome thoughts is constantly buffeting the walls of your mind, making meditation exceedingly difficult at times.

Of course, you’ve learned to cope with it after all these years. But, times of great excitement tend to make meditation practically impossible. It’s been much easier over the past half-year though. Ever since you started using your warp-eye in introspective meditation, you’ve been able to easily get straight to the “meat” of the meditation.

You shift again in your bed, trying to find a more comfortable position. Lying on your back is terribly painful after too long as the rigid chitin in your tail will dig into your skin. Lying on your front makes it hard to breathe, or gives you a stomach ache if you ate too much at dinner. Therefore, you’re relegated to lying on one of your sides.

Flopping over, you sigh quietly. That’s slightly better.

…

Great, now your forehead is itchy.

You sit up and push your headband up and out of the way to give the area around your warp-eye a good scratch. Maybe you need to give your headband a wash again? The padding tends to get sweat-stained and gross if you don’t clean it often.

A quick trip to the ‘fresher and you’ve given it a nice rinse and taken the time to relieve yourself. That’s better. Sometimes it helps if you get up and move around too.

Back to bed with you.

…

What is it that made space feel so… homely? Yes, it was quiet. But, that was purely because the number of nearby minds vastly decreased. Being a nice and quiet place doesn’t make something feel like home though.

Space is cold. Empty. Endless.

But, also familiar.

That dream you had. The repetitive dream of power. The dream of Navigation. The dream of the Imperial ship. Is that where the feeling comes from?

It feels like memory. A long-ago memory.

The more you dreamt that dream and the more you think about it now, the more you feel like that person in the dream was definitely you. But, is that a dream of what was, or what could be? Or is it a silly trick of your imagination?

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

It felt like memory though, so it would logically be something that was. But, that also makes no sense!

The more you think about this, the more you’re confused. These questions just circle back around and around.

…

You flop back onto your other side, facing into the wall next to your bed. The most pertinent questions are why did you have the dream, and what does it actually tell you?

You only started having those dreams when you went to space and experienced the transition to hyperspace. Why did that trigger your strange fugue and the dream? Was it even cause and effect, or was it just coincidence?

And, what can you actually learn from the dream? Well, it sure seems that you could grow up to be a great pilot and Navigator. The dream also made it quite clear that your eye had something to do with your position as a Navigator, and that traversing the warp is possible as an alternative to hyperspace.

If only you could just pause the dream as you dream it! You need more time to ponder its meanings. More time to dig into the dream and find out what lies within the massive hull of the ship! Your dream only persisted during your journey to and from the Gathering. Ever since you’ve touched down, you’ve yet to dream it once again. If only there were a way to see it again…

Oh. Wait.

You sit up in your bed, pushing your comforter aside and crossing your legs beneath you. You straighten your spine fully, working out the kinks born from your tossings and turnings. The tips of your horns brush the bunk above you as you stretch upward, but once you settle down, you’re well within the optimum height to sit straight-backed on your bed.

You reach up and adjust your headband again, just in case. You don’t want to wake up your roommates with the light.

Hmm…

You turn around, facing again toward the wall, your back to the open room.

Closing your normal eyes, you first settle your breathing. You can feel your heart quickening slightly, still adjusting to your upright position. As it slows once again, you fold your hands into your lap, then open your warp-eye.

And you look within.

You push past the cloud of your emotions and sift through the layers of your most recent memories and desires — the multitudinous fragments of your true-self. Your recent training flashes by, both physical and mental. Your extra training in the past few months in order to prove your competency in lightsaber combat is satisfying to see. Master Masbau and Knight Lan were certainly surprised at your skills! Books and articles spin past. You’d been reading up more on economics and political history. Interesting stuff, mostly focused on what brought about the Ruusan Reformation as well as its immediate effects. Not relevant right now though.

Ah, your recent studies with Tera. You’ve been working on languages with her. It seems she wishes to focus on diplomatic measures in the future, and understanding the local language wherever you go is always a boon. Still, not pertinent to your current goal.

A bit more digging… and there you go. Back to the Knowing Grin. Maybe you should go a bit further back. It would probably be better to view your dream from the first time you saw it.

You push past a few more layers of your true-self, then grasp hold of your prize. A crystal clear view of your current desire! Perfect!

You see it once again. The first thing that exits the Empyrean is the bow of the ship, clad in thousands of tons of metal, purpose-made for cleaving foes in twain. A massive golden ship, kilometers long and covered in the gruesome faces of a hundred-odd skulls. Cathedral-like, with clearly religious iconography. Spires and arches stand out among the mottled stone hull. Massive guns loom in the darkness of the void, ever watchful against the endless tides of mankind’s enemies. No less represented are the emblems of double-headed eagles, just like the one on your headband. And dwelling within the ship are thousands of valorous souls, human and machine alike — all standing strong against the heretical forces ahead.

Within this ship is a memory. A memory of what was and what was supposed to be. A memory of you: the guide, the all-seeing-eye, the Navigator. A missing memory.

This is what you needed. This is exactly what you needed!

You need to get closer, though. Your point of view is, strangely, from the exterior of the ship, despite your certainty of your own self within. You need to get in there. You must find yourself. You must reclaim that memory.

Now, how to get closer?

All you have right now is the memory of a dream of a memory. You’re one too many layers away! This is the memory of your dream, not the dream itself. But, maybe you can trace it? Everything is memory, and your true-self holds it all. You’ve traced your droid-phobia deep into your self, so why not do that again?

But, you are so very tired now; your body finally letting you know that it wants rest. Maybe… maybe this is an objective for another day’s meditation.

Maybe tomorrow…