“So, Xena. What in the world were you thinking?”

You dodge Master Masbau’s punch, springing forward and lashing out with your own. He easily blocks the attack with his forearms, but doesn’t retaliate, instead backing off and waiting for your response.

“I don’t really know, Master. Tera suggested it.”

“And you just followed along?”

“I’d promised to do something fun with her. And, it did end up pretty fun.”

“Other than the consequences, that is?”

“Other than the punishment. Yeah.”

You’d received a verbal lashing this morning from Master Binaj. She was understandably upset about last night’s bout of rule-breaking and has been exuding a truly devastating aura of maternal disappointment. You’re now consigned to a month’s work of gofer duty, now having to spend an hour of your after-dinner free time every day doing errands she asks of you. You’ll be doing anything from simple courier work to kitchen clean-up until she’s satisfied you’ve served your sentence.

Honestly, you were expecting far worse of a fate.

You leap forward again, closing the distance quickly. But, as you move, so does Master Masbau. He shuffles backwards, staying just out of reach. Seeing that your attack has once again failed, you pause briefly to disturb the flow of the fight. In the middle of his next step back, you throw yourself forward at him, hoping to catch him on the backfoot.

Instead, you find yourself on the ground again. Master Masbau simply took another larger step backwards while swinging his arms downwards and pushing you face first into the dirt.

Groaning, you look up again and spit out some dust, and pick yourself back up.

“How’d you get so far without being caught?”

You take the chance to brush dirt off of yourself as you respond again. “I trusted in the Force to see me through.”

“Really now?”

“Yes. And my empathetic senses. I could feel people coming and just got out of the way.”

Master Masbau smiles… in approval? Strange.

“Good work, Xena. And you know what got you caught in the end?”

“Nyine and Cho’an?”

“Ha! Yes, they helped. But, what let me actually catch you?”

“I wasn’t paying atten—”

You duck down, just barely avoiding the punch he throws.

“—tion. That was dirty, Master Masbau.”

“You dodged it anyway. Well, as I said, you did well. But, when you’re sneaking around, you should never lose your vigilance, even if you think you’re safe. I don’t need to go into examples here, do I?”

“No, sir.” You had a real-life example just last night, but you can easily think of situations in which his advice would be even more pertinent.

“Infiltration is a difficult skill to master, but I think you may have the talent. Just need to find a way to dim those beacons you call eyes… You should think about finding a Master who specializes in it once you pass the Trials.”

“But, Master, what about you?”

“What do you mean?”

You look at him in surprise. What does he mean, ‘What do you mean?’

“Can’t you be… I mean, you’ll take me as your Padawan, right?”

…

No…

He looks away, and in his emotions you can see guilt. His emotions are in turmoil, though he tries ever so hard to stay in control like the Jedi Master that he is. Guilt, peace, righteousness, love.

He looks back up at you and meets your eyes. And as he does, you understand.

It is the way of the Jedi. No attachments. What you said all those months ago, about the familial-like bond he has to you, has been gnawing at him all this time. As much as he would like to be there for you as your Master, he thinks that it is in the best interest of both of you to limit that bond.

And, maybe he’s right. You are a Jedi. You have heard the tales and the teachings. But, it hurts. It hurts to see this rejection, as gentle as he tries to make it. And so you turn away, fighting back the tears.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Xena. I can’t do that for you. I…” he trails off.

You blink away the tears, rubbing at your eyes to cut off any threats. You take in one massive breath, then let it out, letting go of your disappointment. Or, as much of it as you can. The rest, you bottle up and save for later.

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

Turning back to Master Masbau, you once again meet his eyes. The guilt in his soul is reflected in his eyes, causing you to have to blink back tears once again. But, you control yourself.

“I understand, Master. I… I’ll do my best. For you. And me.”

“Thank you, Xena. Thank you for your understanding. And your maturity — at times like this that is.”

He gives a small smile, then continues. “Just know that… that I am proud of you. And that I will always care for you, as much as I can.”

“Thank you, Master,” you say, fighting to keep the sob out of your voice.

You do understand. As much as you hate it, you understand. He will do what he believes is right, and is to be admired for that.

You can respect his decision, even if you are… disappointed… by it.

Before things can get awkward, you take your stance again, forcing him to do so as well. At a shared nod, the two of you are trading a flurry of blows again. You dodge and weave around his strikes, for even blocking a hit from Master Masbau will still send you flying, even if he is pulling his punches.

The fight is truly unfair; your pathetic reach and strength mean that hitting him at all is nearly impossible, and any connecting attack won’t even cause a bruise.

But, you’ve long since become used to this disadvantage of yours. Here, you are safe. You are training with a martial expert. This fight doesn’t matter, for it is the best way for you to learn. Because of this, no frustration clouds your thoughts. Instead, all you think about is new strategies of attack and defense, putting them into play almost the instant they pop into your mind.

But, eventually your exhaustion catches up to you and you have to wave off to take a break. You slump where you stand, then just give up and sit on the floor.

Master Masbau — curse him and his Force-enhanced stamina! — hasn’t even broken a sweat. And so, he walks over to the side of the arena to fetch some water and a towel. He walks back over and passes them to you, then sits down next to you. For a minute, you sit in companionable silence and you can almost forget about the disappointment burning in the back of your mind.

To stave it off, you instead decide to ask his advice on the ship. After all, this is probably the best chance you’ll get in a while to do so.

“Master Masbau, I’ve found out some more, uh, things with my meditation.”

“Oh?”

“I meditated on the dream I had. The one of the ship.”

“Didn’t I tell you to come to me immediately if you had that dream again?”

“Yes, I remembered! But, I didn’t dream it again! I just meditated on it. And… I found it.”

He looks at you with concern. “Found… what, exactly?”

“I tracked down the dream in my memories, then realized that it was just a memory of a dream. Useless to me. I felt — feel — that the ship is something somehow integral to me. So, I thought that maybe I could look into it like a deeper memory. And so, I went searching.

“I don’t really know how I did it, but I tracked it even further within me. It kind of felt… instinctual? As if I worked with means I have known since birth, but do not understand. But, however I did it, it worked. I found the cause of the dream! …Or, at least I think I did.”

Master Masbau continues to sit silently, radiating continuous concern. But, he doesn’t interrupt. And so, you continue.

“I found the ship. Inside of me, that is. Just like I saw in the memory, but hidden within the manifold of my true-self and shrouded in warp-stuff.”

At this, he finally speaks.

“And then what did you do?”

“Nothing. I didn’t touch anything! Or even get near!”

“Really?”

You nod.

“Hmm. Good. And now, you want advice?”

“Yes. But, there’s more. I need to tell you all of it first.”

“Why is there always more with you? Oh, very well. Continue, please.”

“The reason I didn’t go near was because it just felt… wrong. The ship feels bad. But, I don’t really know why. There is one other thing, actually, that might be contributing to it. Or, it might be a result of it. I tracked down my droid-phobia too. You can probably guess where it comes from.”

He grimaces. “Really? Alright, is there anything else?”

“Um… no? Wait, yes! But, I think it’s not entirely related. At least, I hope it isn’t. I’ve been clearing warp-taint within me, but for some reason, I can’t clear it any more. It’s definitely still there. I can clear more, but it just comes back almost immediately. I think it’s because of the Bloodlust, but I can’t really say for sure.”

“Alright. Well, so far the warp-taint doesn’t seem to be malignant. I do not think that is something to panic about. Just make sure to tell me if anything changes. As for the ship and your droid phobia…”

He furrows his brow, staring off at nothing as he thinks.

“There’s two things you can do. Ignore it, or deal with it. Ignoring it… might not be as stupid as it sounds. If it feels bad to just be near it, then it would certainly make sense to just not go near it. Don’t touch it, and it won’t bite you. How deep did you find it?”

“Far within my true-self.”

“So, you might have lived with it your whole life so far. Perhaps it would be fine to leave it be. On the other hand, you say that your droid-phobia springs from this ship. If you are to eliminate your fear, you may have to deal with the ship after all. And, if you decide to do so, there are several approaches to take.

“First, you can take the direct approach. Find the first way in and take it. Beeline it for your droid-phobia and take it out quickly. Then, get out as soon as you can. The second way is to do this the smart way. Do some reconnaissance and look for something that looks… less threatening. Somewhere where there’s fewer skulls, I would imagine. And no guns. Then do the same as the first option. The third option is to find a way to attack this problem indirectly. Maybe you can figure out some way of dealing with your droid-phobia without having to do some insane boarding action within your own mind.

“I would advocate for the third option. It is clearly the safest of the three, but there are no guarantees it will work. Then again, there’s no guarantee any will work. The choice is yours, Xena. This is your own ‘true-self’ after all.”

As he finishes speaking, you fidget, having realized you did in fact leave something else out.

“Master, there’s definitely more to the ship than just the droid-phobia. I think— no, I know I need to explore it. I can feel something missing from me, and it’s trapped there, somewhere in that ship. I need to find it. But, there’s also something else there. Something that I know I don’t want to mess with.”

Master Masbau sighs and shakes his head in exasperation.

“Alright. Well, maybe it is just the droid-phobia that is making you so uncomfortable near that ship. Deal with it first, then go about exploring. Carefully. But, as I said, I think you should come up with a plan to do so. Or, just leave the whole damn thing alone. It’s up to you.