“That’s certainly a rather macabre motif you have going there,” Master Masbau says when he sees your lightsaber.
Blushing, you futilely try to hide your saber back in your robes, but it’s far too late for that. He holds out his hand and you do your best to suppress your embarrassment as you hand it over.
“...So, what’s with the skulls, Xena?”
“Um, I don’t really know Master.” You hesitate. ”The droid — Huyang, I mean — told us to imagine what would resonate with us, and this is what came to mind. I’m not fully sure why, but there is one thing that might have something to do with it.”
Masbau waits. “Oh? Go ahead.”
“On the ship. I dreamt of another ship. The biggest ship I’ve ever seen, maybe even a dozen kilometers long! And, I was on the ship—I was the pilot, the Navigator. The ship was really weird. It was like someone had put giant engines on a gargantuan cathedral and threw it into space, then decorated the whole thing with a lot of skulls. Skulls came up a lot. They were everywhere.”
“I still don’t see why you felt they were also needed on your lightsaber.”
“That’s… I don’t really know, Master. In my dream, I felt as if I were part of a larger whole. I was a member of something called the Imperium and I drew strength from its cause. And, I guess it also means that I’m supposed to, or was supposed to, like skulls.”
He’s silent for a few seconds, contemplating what you’ve said. From his emotions, he’s clearly disturbed. And, you suppose you ought to be too. You’re a Jedi. You’re not supposed to hold loyalty to some weird spaceborne nation that you’ve dreamed up. But, it felt natural. It felt as if you really belonged there. You felt… powerful.
But, that’s not what being a Jedi means. Not at all.
You wield your power to protect others. You do not covet it, nor can you truly claim it. You are one with the Force, and the Force is one with you.
Master Masbau leans forward. “I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it as many times as I think is necessary. You must be careful. Whatever is going on with your dreams, you’re clearly being influenced in some way by it. Come to me the next time you have that dream. I want to talk through it with you when it’s fresh in your mind.”
“Yes, Master.”
“Thank you, Xena. I trust you,” Master Masbau says, smiling. He leans back in his chair, looking more relaxed. “Now then, tell me how the Gathering went. I’m sure you’ve had quite an adventure.”
At Masbau’s request, you spend the next hour relaying your experience at the Gathering to him. He’s a wonderful listener as always, sitting quietly and nodding along as you do your best to explain what happened. He asks a few clarifying questions, but he’s content to just let you ramble on until you’re finished. Of course, he’s certainly surprised about your “fight” with your mirror-self. You did hold yourself well though, so he gives you the praise you seek before you move on. When you mention the experience of forging your lightsaber, he’s even more impressed. After all, it’s very rare for anyone to so successfully construct their lightsaber on their first ever try. Even if the weapon itself is disturbing from a Jedi’s point of view, it’s nonetheless a beautifully crafted tool.
He’s also understandably concerned when you mention your reaction to Hoyang. You spoke with him before about your issue with the droids, but it’s been a while since there was an actual problem. You often see droids around the Temple, and you’ve learned to tolerate their presence. As with your other source of woe, Bloodlust, Master Masbau urges you to meditate on it until you can determine its origin and snuff it out at the source. As for your progress in clearing the Bloodlust, or perhaps the lack thereof, there’s been no change recently, thanks to the Gathering getting in the way. In the next couple months, you’ve also decided to focus more on the droid problem than on the Bloodlust. After all, you really should’ve faced your droid phobia long ago. It’s simply embarrassing that you didn’t find a way to deal with it until now.
Before you leave, you set up some more training sessions with Master Masbau in both Ataru and Niman. You definitely need to improve in all your Forms, and since Master Masbau seems to be available for the next couple months, you want to take full advantage of the opportunity. Also, it is a nice excuse to spend time with him.
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Over the next month, you make such great progress with your Ataru and Niman training that you decide to take a break. Your stamina and technique have both vastly improved and you’re almost able to force Master Masbau back a few times in your practice bouts. So today, you decide to spend the time experimenting with Force Stanch under Master Masbau’s supervision. Force Stanch is such an inherently useful ability: capable of both stopping bleeding and disinfecting wounds. It’s somewhat ridiculous for something so mundane. And, if you can also purge warp-taint with it… well, that’s just icing on the leftover cake, isn’t it?
And so, you sit down in front of Master Masbau and brace yourself as he produces a small, sterilized blade. He places it just below the second knuckle of your left index finger, then gives you just the slightest nick. Wincing in pain, you reach out to your wound and focus.
With your normal eyes, all you see is the well of blood slowly scab over. With your warp-eye, however, you observe something far more interesting:
Just like with the clock, the loose bits of warp-stuff closest to the point of application are ejected from your body, passing straight into the Immaterium. The warp-stuff entombed deep in the layers of your true-self, however, stays stubbornly stuck. You watch the Force Stanch tug at the fringes of this warp-stuff but it is simply embedded in the matrix that is your true-self. You won’t be able to clear away most of it. But, you’re really not sure you need to. After all, you’ve lived with this your entire life and the only issue was that it obscured your sense of the Force within you.
The warp-stuff closer to the surface of your true-self, however, is banished away in chunks. Small chunks, though, so it may take time to clear it all. But, as you continue the Force Stanch, you feel a small weight on your soul lift away. A weight, whose presence you weren’t even aware of, is removed and for a fleeting moment, you feel refreshed.
And then, it’s over. Master Masbau forcefully lifts your hand away from your wound. If you continue further, the blood will clot within your veins. He says you’ll encounter issues if you don’t stop so it’s best to stop here and experiment more later. Master Masbau also recommends that you wait a few days to see what happens.
What you found gives you hope, though. You’ve proved to yourself that warp-stuff flees from the touch of Force Stanch. Not only that, you’ve figured out that there is indeed something… wrong right now. You’re tainted. Tainted in some strange way by the warp.
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The warp-stuff you know of is normally just there, and mostly inert. But, as you’ve seen with your Bloodlust, there are also times when it seems to be a poison within your system—something that you must purge.
In your explorations today, you purged something from yourself: a part of something heavier that weighs upon your sense of self. There is something there. Something you’re not sure you want to allow to stay within you.
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During your meditation sessions, you spend yet more time delving into your true-self. Unlike your search for Bloodlust, you know for sure that this will be buried deep. However, the deeper you go, the murkier things become. Everything is covered in ostensibly benign warp-stuff and there are so many nuanced layers to sift through.
In your last venture through here, when you were scouring your soul for the Bloodlust, you didn’t see anything inherently wrong. All you saw were hints of memory, always tinted by the abstract color of warp. There was nothing—absolutely nothing!—like the tumorous bulb of Bloodlust. But, you only did a single pass back then. Perhaps you simply missed it?
Or, maybe not?
After all, the taint of Bloodlust came from your dive into the warp. If your phobia of droids stems from something mundane, then it’s entirely possible that it looks like just about anything else!
This is going to take a while.
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Your back slams against the floor, and pain shoots through your spine, but you continue into a roll to avoid the next strike. Nyine’s blade crashes down where you just were. Sparks fly as she continues to drag it forward in an attempt to tag you with it. You roll and push outwards with the Force, stalling her blade for just enough time for you to pop back on your feet and resume your stance.
“Impressive,” Nyine remarks, “but can you do it again?” You only smile in response and bounce on your toes, ready for the next attack.
The two of you are doing some extra evening practice today. Nyine holds her lightsaber out, in its nonlethal configuration of course, in an attempt to strike you. Your job is to do your best to avoid Nyine’s attacks for as long as possible without the use of your own saber. It’s a very challenging game, but due to your small size, you are quite good at it.
Suddenly, Nyine lunges forward, her blade extended toward your center of mass. But, you’re ready for it and step to the side, allowing the attack to sail past. You then duck as she flicks the blade toward you from her already extended reach. Again, thanks to your short stature, you’re able to clear the blade in time; you feel the heat as it passes only a hair’s width above your horns. You whip around, swinging your tail at her while she’s almost off balance. However, she just hops nimbly over it and presses you again with another attack.
You once again dodge backwards, rolling in one quick motion and are back on your feet in a second, Nyine’s blade harmlessly swinging through nothing but air.
“Why are you so damn good at this? I haven’t hit you once!” she exclaims.
“Luck, I guess? I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long.”
“Ha! Well, whatever you’re doing, it’s working,” she says, stabbing at you again.
You continue weaving between her swings, letting none come close to grazing you. Nyine’s lightsaber flashes between the two of you like a beautiful green fan, mesmerizing to see but stunningly painful to the touch. You dance backwards, stepping lightly on the balls of your feet to maintain your balance. With each flick of her blade, you feel yourself getting slower. It’s painfully obvious that you won’t be able to keep this up much longer.
But, Nyine too is tiring just as quickly and eventually ends her chain of attacks, frowning slightly in frustration. She’s a good sport though, so she shuts off her saber and bows back to you when you acknowledge her attempt.
Nyine hooks her saber back on her belt and grabs the towel she brought to wipe off her sweat. You jog over to the other side of the training area to grab your own towel, then trot back over to her.
“I’m going to go take a shower before dinner. You coming?”
She gives you a small nod and follows you as you head out of the room. Nyine is uncharacteristically quick to get over her disappointment of her performance today, almost immediately going back to chatting with you about inanities and complaints. She’s normally much more hung up on her failures, so you’re not entirely sure why she’s reacting differently today.
“Well, it’s probably because this training is more for you than for me,” she says when you gently ask. “I don’t really want to hit you with my sword when you’re unarmed. So, I guess I feel like this training is more to help you get better at defending yourself than for me to learn how to hurt an unarmed opponent.”
That makes sense to you.
“Thanks for your help, Nyine. Do you want to swap roles next time?”
“Uh, not really. I’m not really in the mood for pain,” she says, waving her hands in rejection. “Maybe you should ask Cho’an and Doran? They kind of deserve the punishment right now.”
True enough. The endless ribbing from the two of them about your unfortunate similarities with Master Windu is extremely annoying. They certainly deserve a good kicking—far more than Nyine does.
“That’s a good idea. But, how do I make them show up? They’ll probably just refuse.”
“Hmm,” she hums in thought. “Maybe just guilt them into joining you. Eh, probably won’t work. Do you have any blackmail?”
“Younglings, what are you talking about?”
Knight Lan, one of your afternoon instructors, pokes her head out from around the corner. As the two of you stammer and try to come up with excuses, she steps all the way out to block the corridor.
“What’s this about ‘blackmail?’”
“Nothing, Knight Lan!” the two of you say in sync. She gives you a reproachful look, clearly doubting you. Finally, she just sighs and waves you past.
“Whatever you’re trying to do, no blackmail. Got it?”
“Got it.”
“The two of you should review the Code. The next time I see you, I’ll expect you two to recite it, and explain why blackmail is clearly against it. Understood?”
“Yes, Knight Lan,” you say.
As she continues past, you and Nyine hurry away. No sense in sticking around just in case she thinks you deserve more lecturing.
“Maybe I’ll think of another way to convince them to join in the ‘fun.’”
“Yeah…”
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Over the next few weeks, you spend your extra time doing more agility training as well as practicing your Forms. Despite your performance against Nyine, you’re pretty sure that you’re not going to be able to pull that off against a real opponent with actual murderous intent. You’ll chalk it down as luck until you can pull it off again.
You’ve definitely improved over the past couple months, though. You’re slightly faster and slightly more adept at dodging than before. You’ve also certainly gotten better at both Makashi and Shien/Djem So. But, that’s not exactly saying much as you weren’t very good at either one to begin with, knowing only the bare basics that every Initiate must learn. However, you’re definitely on the way toward competency. At the very least, you must show the Masters that you can hold your own against an opponent using each one of the Forms. Well, that’s what you’ve heard.