It’s been a while since you and Master Masbau visited the Archives for knowledge, and you have yet to hear back from Master Nu. You’re not exactly sure what to expect out of her inquiries, but it’s likely going to be… troublesome. No matter how much help you would like from the Masters, it is highly unlikely that they can give any. And therefore, they’ll probably want you to go through all sorts of trials and meditation to get to the bottom of it, or they’ll straight up ban you from even thinking about it. You’re already going to be experimenting with it yourself (with Master Masbau’s supervision of course), and you’re definitely not going to stop! Your warp-eye is a literal part of you. They might as well tell you to blind yourself!
Perhaps it is a good thing that you’ve yet to hear anything about it after all. It’s down to you to figure out your own problems, and you know that Master Masbau will always be there to support you as you do so. And, speaking of Master Masbau, he has been an endlessly patient teacher, in both teaching you Force Stanch and training in Ataru.
Learning new abilities is… unusual. At least for someone of your age. Younglings are expected to focus on building up a foundation that adheres to the core tenets of the Order. Drill the Jedi Code into you! Master self-discipline! Gather knowledge! It all falls under raising up the Pillars slowly.
To say that it is unorthodox to be learning Force Stanch so early is saying far too little. Master Masbau truly believes in the possibility that it could help you to the point that he’s willing to teach you it. And, you’ve proven to him that he can trust in you to apply yourself well.
Master Masbau has finally, after two whole months, announced to you that you have mastered it. Of course, it’s not just his opinion on the matter that is important. You too feel as if you know it well enough to practice it both on other people and on yourself. You can finally experiment with it all you please, though Master Masbau reminds you that the Force is not to be used frivolously. Anyway, you will need to figure out what it does to the warp, in detail, the next chance you get. The glimpse you got in the clock was certainly something, but it was definitely not enough. During your training, Master Masbau held off from using it on you for safety. It’s not exactly the healthiest to clot your blood when you have no wound. You’re pretty sure there’s some diseases related to that.
You’ve also been unable to use it on yourself since you couldn’t figure out its purifying aspect for the last month. But now, you’ve mastered that too and your learning is complete! You will experiment. And you will learn. But, you will do so slowly and carefully. After all, you don’t really want solidified blood within your veins.
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In between sessions of Force Stanch, Master Masbau somehow finds some time to tutor you more in Ataru. It is… brutal. As is expected of the art itself. Ataru demands intense concentration and supreme agility. It is likely the most athletic of the seven lightsaber forms, involving constant movement and acrobatics in order to place the wielder in the right place at the right time. Ideally, you will always be ahead of your opponent, catching them on the back foot and making them work to defend themselves.
While Master Masbau is not an expert in Ataru, he is more than competent in it as one of the more martially inclined Jedi within the Order. And so, he drills you through both the steps of Ataru as well as the mindset. Always moving! Always attacking! You cannot afford to let your opponent rest, and therefore you cannot rest either! You shall be the one to dictate the flow of combat. Always.
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You’ve found it. You’ve found it at last, and you are horrified at what you behold, for it is not simply a blazing flame of anger. It is… Bloodlust. The need to kill. The need to slaughter and see — no, spill — blood.
Stolen novel; please report.
You spent two whole months searching within yourself with your warp-eye, looking for anything that could possibly cause this. You started at your inner-self, surmising that whatever has been causing this caustic feeling is likely dwelling deep within you. And now, you want to smack yourself.
Of course it wouldn’t be there! Why would it? Your rage only began after your warp-dream, so why would it be buried so deep? In the end, you searched your entire self, only to find this Bloodlust – this taint! – practically at the surface. The last place you looked! But still, you have found it, and you are disgusted.
A piece of malefic warp-stuff, swollen after being left to fester for weeks. The color of dried blood and clearly tainted. You can see it spreading, ever so slowly, within the streams of warp inside of you. You can clearly see where it came from, the memories popping into your mind when you sense the emotions surrounding this tumor. The dream. It’s always back to the dream. But, just above the Bloodlust is a little strand of memory, binding it up and keeping it back like a tourniquet. It is the memory of speaking with Master Masbau. Of speaking of your troubles with him, and him listening and understanding. Of sharing your pain, and him holding you up and away from it for but a few fleeting moments.
Sweet little memories that have prevented your Bloodlust from growing. But now, you can see that they cannot do much more. You must pick apart this enemy yourself. Rid yourself of this taint, for nobody else can do this for you.
And once you do so, you will have questions to ask. Questions to answer, by yourself, for yourself. What is warp-stuff? Why does it cause this… corruption? And more importantly, what can you do to deal with it in the future? You must know, for you will never be rid of it completely. Your explorations have revealed that it is just as much a part of you as is the Force, and so you must live with it, and hopefully, one day master it.
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Three days are left! Three days before you leave for the Gathering! Three days before you can make your lightsaber! Or, that’s what you and your friends thought. You and your clanmates have been practically vibrating with anticipation for over a week. It’s a miracle that the eight of you have yet to break anything considering you’re all bouncing off the walls in excitement.
But now, your dreams are dashed. Ruined! You finally thought to ask another Initiate who has completed their Gathering for some advice and details about it. She, a young Togruta with blue and white montrals, instead tells you the sordid details of dealing with a whole week of space travel. You will not have a lightsaber in your hands in three days. You will not even be at Ilum in three days! What’s the point in hyperspace travel if you can’t just… be there once you push the button?
So now, you’ve been sulking under this bed for the last ten minutes while counting out the seconds in your head. Patience? Who has time for patience! You want to go now! But… there’s nothing you can do. And so you will wait. Wait, meditate, and continue playing with your friends.
“Is she here?”
“I don’t know… I thought Tera already checked here.”
You hear soft footsteps approaching. A shadow flashes across the floor as someone walks past the open door, blocking the exterior light. Brown boots pad rapidly across the room, then stop just next to one of the other bunks.
“Ah… ha! …No. Not here. I thought for sure she could fit in there.”
“In the garbage bin? Yeah, she could probably fit, but there’s no way she would get in there.”
“Check the beds. I’ll try the closets.”
Another set of feet appear in your vision, coming closer and closer. You curse yourself for being stupid enough to hide under the bed closest to the entrance of the room, wondering if you could possibly move fast enough to escape. But, too late! Mick stops just next to your hiding spot and you can hear the bed sheets rustling as he checks under the covers. You curl yourself up, hoping that he won’t think to bend down and—
—you meet his eyes with yours. He blinks. You blink back, hoping he didn’t see you in the inky darkness down here.
“Xena. Your eyes are glowing.”
“... I forgot about that.”
“You’re the last one though, so I guess you win?”
“Out of the way. Lemme out.”
With that, you wiggle your way out from under the bed and slap the dust off of yourself. You can continue sulking later, you suppose. It’s your turn to seek!