3-21 TRUST

What Master Corr offers is too good an opportunity. Being able to practice with low stakes and direct supervision is a perfect chance for you to improve.

However, there is one thing that nags at you.

Is this even ethical? The patient, Jedi Knight Vale, is essentially an unwitting test subject. Shouldn’t she get a choice in the matter?

“Good! You recognized that!” Master Corr triumphantly says when you make your concerns known. “Yes, indeed. She should be told, and in fact, she was.”

You tilt your head, confused. “Isn’t she asleep right now?”

“Yes, but she wasn’t ten minutes ago. She is relatively minorly injured, hence her late treatment. The worst of it has been cured by bacta, but a spot of Force Healing will get her up and about much sooner. I was preparing to fix her up while you were still talking with the trooper, then realized that this could be a great learning opportunity. Asked her then and there and she gave her verbal and written consent, though she did ask to be unconscious for the operation.”

“Oh, I guess that’s all good then.”

“Yep. So, are you up for it now?”

“Yeah. I think so. I’ll try.”

“Only try?”

You grumble, rolling your one remaining eye despite her not being able to see it. “I’ll do it. You know what I mean.”

“Ha! That’s more like it. Now get over here.”

Master Corr smiles, gesturing for you to sit down next to Vale. She kicks over a wheeled stool to Vale’s other side, then sits down as well.

“Alrighty. So, how’re we gonna start this?” she asks.

“Aren’t you supposed to tell me, Master?”

“Yup!”

“... soooo?”

“Nah. Come on! Use that brain Darling has been training up!”

Another eye roll. Another grumble from you. Feh. Fine. Time to cogitate.

What to do first in an operation? It’s… uh…

You’re no healer! This is your first actual time! Why is the real healer telling you to learn all this? You’ve just spent two days with this question-answer groxshit. You’re not really up for it again!

Bah! You don’t even know what’s wrong with her. How can you even do anything when you don’t know what ails her?

…oh.

You resist the urge to smack yourself as you reach out to the Force. You’re just going to forget that for now.

It’s just like at the morgue, really. Except, this time, you’re inspecting a live person. She looks mostly healthy enough on the outside — your Force Sight giving you a brief overview of her body. However, there is one part that stands out slightly: her abdomen.

The Force flows through living creatures in a predictable pattern. However, this seems to be interrupted at times from what you’ve seen. The flow of Force obviously becomes changed when you or some other Force user draws on it, and other times it stalls when it comes into contact with something it doesn’t expect.

A wound for example.

It’s even more clear with your warp-sight, the colors of Force shining woefully around a garish bruise — not a bruising of the skin, but in the deeper sense of her health. There’s a wound inside her, deeper below the surface.

What’s strange is that you don’t see anything on the surface. No issues there, so how did she get hurt within? Did she consume something?

“It’s the bacta’s work, Xena,” Master Corr replies to your voiced question. “Good on you for spotting that. The bacta worked too quickly on the exterior of her wound, leaving the inside improperly treated. Vale should, in theory, be able to heal this on her own, but I worry that this could lead to something worse if we don’t do anything now. The way it is now, if she moves wrong, she could exacerbate the internal bleeding and make it far worse.”

“So, we’re just going to heal her up now?”

“Yes. Simple as that. Wonderful work on the diagnosis too, though I would have relied more on letting the Force tell me what is wrong and what to do. Your way works rather well though, but if you find yourself unable to tell what’s going on, remember to trust the Force. Got it?”

“Yes, Master.”

“Great! Alright, let’s begin. Follow my lead and remember the bits I’ve taught you. I’ll start it off, and then it’ll be on you to see the rest of it through. Are you ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Here we go!”

Master Corr reaches out, concentrating to the fullest as she gently pulls on the Force.

It’s… beautiful.

Healing is beautiful. Every time you see Master Corr use the technique, you can’t help but admire just how pretty it all looks to your warp-eye. Surprisingly, it’s different to Force Sight, for Force Sight isn’t really sight. It is an analogue — an equivalent or a supplement — but no true replacement. You don’t see things with Force Sight, you perceive them. That’s what Master Lasah said, and you’re realizing now what exactly she means.

Your warp-sight is irreplaceable in this manner. You can always see so much more and you pity those who lack such a gift! The warp, however, is terrifying. It holds its own ethereal beauty in a decidedly paradoxical manner, but it's an esoteric horror! Insanity! How you even bear looking at it for long, you do not know.

What you do know, however, is that it doesn’t even hold a candle to the beauty of the void — the glorious nothingness, the canvas of reality-forming energy! It’s… your home, out there. How could you ever forget it?

But, the Force…

A warm blanket. Comfort, at times. Fleeting and unreceptive at others. Frustrating. Yet, through your short life, always a companion.

You see it. It flows golden in Master Corr’s hands as she channels its power. You see it pulsing with her heartbeat, then slowing and then speeding to match up with Vale’s. Together, energy — lifeforce — flows as well. It comes, not just from Corr, but also from the world, seeking to nourish Vale and replenish her strength as it heals her within.

And now it’s your turn.

Master Corr holds out her hand, taking your much smaller one and guiding it to just over Vale’s wound.

“Breathe,” Master Corr says with a smile. “Breathe, and let go. Let the Force guide you, and guide it in turn. Together, the task will be done.”

You breathe, as she says.

You let go, as she says.

You reach out to the Force for guidance, as she says.

And you guide it in, as she says.

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And yet, it doesn’t take.

You gasp as the channeled Force wriggles away at the last second, shooting off and spreading out, fading back into the ambient environment.

Frustration.

No.

None of that now. You learned your lesson the last time. You haven’t messed anything up yet. Nothing bad has happened, only a minor loss of control.

Of the Force that is; not of yourself.

Oh, by the Emperor, imagine if you’d decided to punch the object of your frustration right now?

A hint of a giggle bursts from your lips and Master Corr gives you an odd look. You wave her off, saying, “Can I try again?”

“Of course. I believe in you, Xena. Believe in yourself too.”

“I will.”

“You do, you mean.”

“I do.”

“Good, now try again.”

Trust. Is that the issue?

Maybe…

But, don’t you trust in the Force? Don’t you see it everywhere, all the time? You know its power; you know its strength. You know it intimately for it exists within you and without, flowing throughout the universe in grand sweeps.

Everything is connected like a web. No, a tapestry — bound and woven tightly through time.

And yet, has the Force not failed you? It happened just now!

…Perhaps it is trust, but is it a lack of trust in yourself, or a trust in the Force. Or, perhaps, a lack of trust in fate?

You don’t know, so you’ll give your trust to each one for once. You’ll try—

No. You’ll do!

You reach out to the Force, making your intent known — the key Master Lasah gave you so long ago, but not to be passed to someone else.

The Force must know what you want, and the Force already knows what you want! However, how can it possibly be willing to give you what you want when you don’t trust it to stand by you? How can it give it to you when you don’t trust yourself to wield it without losing it?

What stake does fate have in all of this? Well, it’s a roll of the dice.

And they favor you now.

The Force swells, glowing within Vale’s body. Master Corr smiles, clapping politely, not even pretending to be helping you at the moment!

But, you did it, didn’t you?

You see the wound healing faster than natural, an acceleration of the body’s capability. It’s still slow, but on a relative scale, it’s blazing fast. Soon enough, you pull your hands away, your patient now whole and hale on the outside and the inside.

You did it.

You just barely did it, but you did indeed succeed.

Master Corr is quite clearly proud of you, and you know both Master Lasah and Master Masbau would be too.

You’re definitely not proud, though. That would be highly unbecoming of a Jedi like you! The wide smile on your face is merely out of politeness, for who can frown when Master Corr is around? Certainly not you!

“I did it!” you cry — obviously still out of politeness. Master Corr clearly wants you to celebrate, so why shouldn’t you?

“You did it!” she cheers out in return. “Now, you’re ready to help me out with all the others, right?”

Your smile turns rigid. “Um. Sorry?”

“You can always use the practice, right? And you already have volunteered to help! So, why not help me out more? Good experience for when you finally accept my offer, yeah? Darling hasn’t snagged you yet, right?”

“Erm,” you intelligently say. “Yeah… um. I’m still thinking about that, and I haven’t even passed my Trials yet!”

“They’re going to be pretty soon, aren’t they? Darling is a diligent one, as you may very well know. I’m sure she’s already made an appointment with the Council to inform them of how you held up your end of your little deal. Wait, she didn’t make you promise to be her Padawan in that deal, right?”

“No! I mean, no, she didn’t, but she did want me to seriously consider it.”

“Good. Well, looks like I’m still in the competition!”

“I still need more time to think about it though.”

“Yes, of course. I’ll hold off on pestering you about it until after you have your Trials, alright? However, you’d better tell me of your decision as soon as you can, whether or not you choose me. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Wonderful. Now, we should probably get out of Vale’s hair here, not that she’s able to complain at the moment. I’m going to wake her up. Do the data logging as usual.”

“Yes, Master.”

Master Corr wakes the patient up, informing her of her miraculous recovery while offering her a sticker which she somehow refuses. After you record the data, you follow Master Corr out of the room.

Master Corr is consulting her own datapad, marking something off when you catch up to her. You nudge her to get her attention.

“Hm?”

“Aren’t Masters supposed to be the ones to choose their Padawans? Why are you giving me such a choice?”

She chuckles, looking down at you from her lofty height. “Haven’t you asked me this before?”

“I—”

“No matter. Look, the answer is that you’re talented and dedicated. Do you know how valuable that is in an Initiate? Actually, it’s valuable in anyone, no matter what age. That you can already use so many skills as merely an Initiate is an amazing feat, and from what I can tell, it’s because you put your mind to it and took the time to learn it, despite having so much, uh… "funky" stuff going on. That’s why I’ve already chosen you. That’s why Darling wants you too. However, you’re you. You have your own choices to make, and you clearly have your own goal in life, yes? I know you’ve identified something, I can see it in you.”

“Really?”

She smiles, kneeling down and staring directly into where she knows your warp-eye to be. “Yes, Xena. You have a goal, but no direction — no map to your target. This leads you to feel aimless right now, but that’s because you have so many choices to make on your way! You’re so young, with a wide galaxy out there for you to take part in. Whether or not your dream involves me, whether or not it even involves being a Jedi, I’m sure you’ll do great things. Just take your time, and make the right decision. Understood?”

You hesitate for a moment and you’re not sure why.

Yes, you want to be a Navigator, but what exactly is a Navigator? You're learning about that now, but as she says, you're lost on how to get there.

And, do great things? Perhaps possible.

You do have the gifts to do such a thing, right? However, the galaxy is now at war! What great things can be done in such a brutal time?

You’ve seen as such. What can war do other than bring suffering and dreadful profiteering? You’ve seen how it is when it is the default state of reality. And now, you’ve seen how reality is like when it isn’t.

It sure would be nice if someone were to return things back to normal. It sure would be nice to see peace brought about and kept, once again.

Slowly, you nod.

“Yes, Master.”

She pats you on the head, then stands up again. “Remember, Xena. Trust in yourself. Believe in yourself. Now, are you ready to do some more healing? I haven’t heard your answer for that yet!”

≡][≡ ⬦⬦⬦ ≡][≡

Master Corr wasn’t joking at all when she implied this was going to be a rough day.

You slump down on a bench, staring out at the skyline before you. The moons are out already, the daylight fading away and accentuating their reflective glory.

Your legs are aching. Your arms are too.

You’ve seen a lot today.

The Trooper, Tension, was interesting to talk to. However, he was the only one either lucid or willing to speak. All the others were asleep in or out of healing trances, or not really open enough to chat beyond asking about specific brothers of theirs or asking about their own health. A shame.

Even more of a shame was the fact that troopers and Jedi are still dying, their wounds too grievous to be fully treated. Their deaths have been staved off for as long as possible, but sometimes there is nothing more that can be done.

You’ve seen it: death.

Here, at the Temple in the Halls of Healing. In the city, in the morgue. And, in the other place — that galaxy you’re sure you’ll be visiting in your dreams tonight.

It’s never pretty.

Tomorrow, you’ll spend some more time in the Halls of Healing again, no matter how tiring today has been. You want to keep your promise with Tension, and you’re sure you’ll be able to do more for the patients tomorrow when you’re not so tired.

The healing today…

You’re glad Master Corr gave you the chance.

Trust. Belief. Intent. These lessons keep coming back to you. Lessons, however, are only useful when they’re learned and internalized. Can you continue to trust yourself — believe in yourself?

Or in the Force?

Intent is easy; you can do that! Trust and belief, while simple to conceptualize, is…

It seems to come and go.

Well, you’ll sleep on it. For now, you’ll take some time to think about what else you’re going to do tomorrow. Maybe you’ll continue working in the Halls of Healing for the whole day, or maybe you’ll split up your time and spend some time doing something else productive.

It’s up to you.