Interlude: Missions and Messages
The Gōketsu compound, two days before leaving for the Chūnin Exams
"What youthful game shall be the focus of our youth tonight?!"
Jiraiya winced. "Keep it down, Gai, you'll disturb the neighbors."
"But Lord Hokage, the grounds of your compound are so youthfully expansive that your nearest neighbors are the Hyūga, and even their closest dwelling is a mile away!"
"Exactly." He pulled a wooden box out of the bag on the table. "As to what we're playing, a messenger brought this to Konoha almost a week ago with a 'happy housewarming' card. No signature, though."
"Who would have known that you needed a housewarming gift?" Sarutobi asked, frowning in concentration as he rolled himself a cigarrette.
"Dunno," Jiraiya shrugged. "Which is why it spent the last six days in the grubby paws of the Intel department. They went over every tiniest part of it, verifying that there's nothing wonky. They finally released it and I figured it might be fun to try it tonight." He lifted the lid and started laying out pieces from inside.
"You're unusually pouty, Shikamaru," said Akimichi, munching down another handful of the cheese popcorn that Mari-sensei had prepared. "What's wrong?"
Nara Shikamaru (Hazō had been very careful about addressing the invitations properly this time!) had folded his arms on the table and was resting his chin on his hands. At his teammate's words he flicked his eyes up for a moment. "Nothing," he grunted. "And I'm not pouty."
"You totally are," Yamanaka said, combing her fingers through her hair in a way that made Hazō distinctly nervous. "Usually you're just bored and condescending, but tonight you're pouty."
Shikamaru glared at her for a moment. "Board games," he muttered, "are troublesome."
Keiko shifted uncomfortably, drawing a raised eyebrow from Yamanaka.
"What—" the blonde girl began.
"Don't worry," Mari-sensei said, breaking in. "If this one doesn't work for you then we can always play poker...I know lots of variations."
Jiraiya looked at her suspiciously. "Mari."
"I do! There's Five Card Draw, Earth Country Hold 'Em—"
"Okay, okay," Jiraiya said, waving her off. "Fine. I thought you were suggesting...never mind."
Hazō's hands itched to reach out and snatch the rules scroll while the others were bantering. Another game system to ruthlessly exploit...er, explore. Thoroughly explore. The box was elegantly carved on all six sides, and clearly intended to be disassembled, probably to become game components. The insides were full of three stacked-up layers of heavy paper with elegant abstract designs drawn in blue and red, all folded like origami into a series of small pockets that each held elegantly carved pieces in wood and stone. And Jiraiya was taking much too long pulling out each individual piece.
"'Endemic Supremacy', huh?" Jiraiya said, unrolling the rules. "Sounds cool. Okay, let's see...."
o-o-o-o
Hazō stared in dismay at his cards for the round. Individually, they were fantastic, but they didn't work together at all. He had three powerful lightning jutsu, but none of his current ninja were lightning users. For characters he had drawn the Snail Queen and the Thunder Prince. The Snail Queen was a heavy hitter in melee combat, with a Comeliness score so high that she should have dominated social combat and allowed Hazō to crush the Supply phase. Unfortunately, she had no ranged options and her Disadvantages list included 'Addict', 'Dislikable', and 'Violent', meaning that her Diplomacy score was actually negative.
The Thunder Prince was another potentially great card that didn't do what Hazō needed. His basic stats had him as a bumbler, more of a joke character than anything fieldable. To balance that out his potential was sky-high, including the potential to learn all five elements and Sealing. Unfortunately, he had the 'Skirt-Chaser' disadvantage at level six, meaning that trying to team him with the attractive but violent Snail Queen would be a disaster unless Hazō could find a third teammate with a high enough Diplomacy score to mediate.
Tenten leaned forward to pick up the dice, and for just a moment a distorted reflection of her cards showed in the silver necklace she was wearing. Hazō's spirit soared as the entire game realigned around him.
"Trade. Jutsu Teacher," Tenten said, laying down both cards. She rattled the dice in her hand, preparing to throw.
"Hang on," Hazō said, trying not to sound gleeful as he slapped down his sole Espionage card. "My Intel service is going to double one of your agents from HQ." He held out his hand for the dice.
Tenten raised an eyebrow; Hazō hadn't played any Intel cards against her for three rounds, so he shouldn't have any idea what was in her hand. She only had four cards, so the chances of rolling low enough to actually pick one of them were small, and failure to do so would mean that his agent was caught and tortured for information. Of course, Hazō never rolled too high on Espionage attempts. She passed the dice over calmly, features utterly blank.
Hazō leaned hard on the Iron Nerve to keep his face still, because it kept trying to break out in maniacal laughter. Third from the left in Tenten's hand was the Reptile Lord, a high-Diplomacy ranged fighter whose 'General Instructor' ability allowed him to teach anything, including Sealing. Putting him on a team with the Snail Queen and the Thunder Prince would let the two work together and on the next turn the Thunder Prince could transform into the Thunder Lord, a character that was very much not a joke. The combination would crack the game wide open, and all Hazō had to do was roll a three on two dice. Two dice that he'd already rolled a three on.
He tossed the dice with casual flair and reached out for the card that would give him the game, only to stop in confusion when Tenten held up a hand. She pointed wordlessly at the dice.
A five and a four.
He blinked and looked again. No, he had actually rolled a nine. He'd intended to roll a three. Why were the dice saying nine?
Frowning, he swept the dice up and examined them closely. "These aren't the right dice," he accused. "You switched them."
"Prove it," Tenten said, sweeping up his Espionage card. Sighing, he held out his hand for her to take one of his cards. He winced when she snagged the Thunder Prince. Had that actually been a random pick, or had she known somehow?
"Hot tip, kid," Jiraiya said, grinning. "Try not to lean so close to your cards. Corneas are reflective and some people have good eyes. Especially people who have a habit of shooting the wings off flies at fifty yards."
"Oh come on," Hazō said. "You're pulling my leg."
"Sixty," Tenten said, utterly deadpan. She lay down the Thunder Prince, following it a moment later with the Reptile Lord. The entire table groaned.
"Explosive Assassination," Kagome-sensei grunted, flicking a card onto the table. "Reptile Lord."
Wordlessly, Tenten slapped down a Bodyguard, blocking the assassination.
Kagome-sensei glared at her and tossed out two more Explosive Assassinations.
Tenten played a Replacement Escape! card.
Kagome-sensei dropped another Explosive Assassination and three Battlefield Control Detonations.
Tenten tossed the Reptile Lord in the discard pile, not commenting on the way the ink on the third Battlefield Control Detonation glistened suspiciously.
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Jiraiya was staring at Tenten's play area and frowning. "Let me see that," he said, snatching up the Thunder Prince card and peering close.
"What is it?" Mari asked, leaning close to see.
Jiraiya grunted in displeasure and slapped the card back in front of Tenten. "Whoever designed this ripped off the character design from the cover of Icha Icha: Warrior Heart, except they've got him wearing a chūnin vest with a Leaf forehead protector. Rude."
"There, there, dear," Mari-sensei said, patting his arm comfortingly and pecking a kiss on his cheek. "I'm sure it was intended as a gesture of great respect to your thinly-disguised idealized version of yourself."
Jiraiya grunted and then looked down at his cards. "Hey," he said. "Where did my Tiger Summon go?"
Mari-sensei shrugged innocently. "No idea. Tenten, were you finished?"
o-o-o-o
The eighth round was starting and things were not looking good. Tenten's control of Earth Country's mining bonus had made her the de facto weapons supplier for the rest of the table. Her alliance with Keiko meant that both countries were defended by genin kunai throwers with the Wind Country bonus, equipped with masterwork weapons and a Storm of Steel jutsu, most of them lead by chūnin- or even jōnin-level Weapons Mistress characters, all fighting from behind defenses built with the Earth Country defensive bonus. No one had tested the borders of either country since Neji's ill-fated Tengu Invasion had been shredded on turn four. Keiko and Tenten were trading metals and spices back and forth, steadily racking up economic points while keeping the rest of the players out of the western side of the overland map.
Jiraiya had firm control of the center of the board by virtue of having a complete political lock on the Land of Fire, achieved through the simple expedient of murderering every political figure in Fire except the Hokage. When he'd drawn the Hokage character card he'd been so amused to find that it had his face that he'd bent all his efforts to gaining control of the country. He was building up a steady lead on the research track, which was both giving him points and a steadily rising number of lethal jutsu with which to defend his position.
Hazō had opted to forego territory entirely and become a wandering clan, earning his points during the Mission phase. It gave him a steady supply of Espionage cards with which he stole resources from other players, both to disrupt their plans and further his own. After Tenten's trick he'd been careful to make sure that he knew which dice he was rolling. He'd stopped trying to steal from Kagome-sensei, though; no matter how many times you stole from him the man always had another Explosive Trap! card with which to destroy whatever you'd just stolen. Or worse, to destroy your Master Security Breaker card and cost you the critical +6 bonus that had been letting you cut through security defenses like soft cheese.
Mari-sensei was playing the merchant strategy, focusing on brothels and courtesans. It gave her one Espionage card per turn, a major income that allowed her to hire mercenaries for defense, and allowed her to play with her treasury face down. Hazō wasn't sure what her total was at this point, but the fact that she'd started discreetly moving money back to her Home Compound last turn strongly suggested that she was close to an economic victory.
Which, of course, made it all the sweeter. Hazō had been hoarding cards for the last three turns, waiting for her to pull her money together so that he could steal all of it at once, and now was his chance.
"Apprentice Thief," he said, tossing a card down. "Against your Home Compound, Mari-sensei."
She smiled. "Wall of Guards," she said, playing the card. With the eighteen-point boost from the Wall added to the Alertness of each of her nine guards there was no way that the Apprentice's measly Stealth skill would get him through her defenses.
"Drunkard's Fortune," Hazō said, grinning evilly as he lay the card atop his Apprentice Thief. It put a -4 penalty on the Apprentice, but for the rest of the turn Hazō was allowed to roll the dice as many times as he wanted for each challenge, adding every even roll to his character's total and subtracting every odd roll.
"Huh," Jiraiya said, frowning at the card.
"What is it?" Keiko asked.
"That's Old Man Shikagura," the Sannin said, pointing at the card. "He was a farmer on the edge of Fire. Me and the other two based out of his barn for about a month just before and then during the Second War. He was killed in the fighting."
Everyone digested that for a moment.
"Well, speaking of being killed," Hazō said, rolling the dice four times in quick succession and getting a twelve each time, "my Apprentice Thief has just cut his way through your Wall of Guards, Mari-sensei."
"Fine, well—"
"And you have a Forced Flooplan," Hazō hurried to add, laying the card down.
Mari-sensei groaned, but she grabbed the board components and flipped them around, linking them up as specified on the card to create the required map.
Everyone in Clan Gōketsu froze.
"Is it just me or does that look a lot like the first subbasement?" Noburi asked carefully.
"It is not just you," Keiko said.
Jiraiya cursed and grabbed for the box. "Son of a bitch," he mumbled, pulling the three origami-folded casings out. Each one was a single enormous sheet of paper, folded up into an origami shape that looked like a flat plane with small wells of various sizes scattered randomly across its surface, each intended to hold one subset of the game's pieces. Lines had been traced across the paper before it was folded, giving each of the casings an attractive and unique abstract pattern.
Jiraiya studied the patterns for a moment, spinning the casings around to see them from various angles. He turned the first one over, then pivoted the second ninety degrees and set it down on top of the first so the left half of the second overlapped the right half of the first; they interlocked perfectly. The third one interlocked with the second, providing a rectangle two feet wide and a foot high.
Jiraiya studied the result carefully for thirty seconds, then reached in and flipped some of the origami flaps up and over to reveal their undersides. The abstract patterns coverings the casings' surfaces suddenly clicked into a coherent design that sent Kagome-sensei scrambling away from the table.
"That's a seal blank," Hazō said, his voice full of the calm that every sealmaster was trained to show when it looked like things were about to go seriously sideways. "Except there's no regulator and the third intake is crossfeeding on the second."
"Yeah," Jiraiya said grimly. "To be precise, it's a blank for the seal that I designed while dead drunk on the night that Tsunade, Orochimaru, and I came back to find that Old Man Shikagura was dead. Tsunade was asleep at the time, I was on guard duty, and Orochimaru was keeping me company while we killed our third bottle. I started screwing around with seals, talking about how ninja had all these crazy powers but we still couldn't keep people safe. Orochimaru and I passed out before I actually infused it, and I destroyed the pattern in the morning."
Silence reigned.
"What does it mean?" Mari-sensei asked.
"It means that an old friend has something to tell me that he doesn't want anyone else to know about," Jiraiya said grimly. "And that the Intel department is about to lose a lot of sleep."