“Guys,” Hazō said, forcing himself to look up from his bowl of porridge. “I have something to say to all of you.”
“What’s that?” Inoue-sensei asked lightly.
“I’m sorry about yesterday. I should have kept a better hold on my temper. I nearly provoked a battle we couldn’t win, I told everybody in the Fire Country about one of the Iron Nerve’s most powerful abilities, and I nearly got us barred from the library we’ve been waiting so long to access. It was stupid behaviour and I’ve shamed all of you.”
The rest of the team exchanged glances.
“It’s no big deal, Hazō,” Noburi smirked. “Nice to know that you can get pissed off just like the rest of us. I was starting to wonder if you’d been taking the whole ‘ninja are emotionless tools’ spiel a bit too seriously.”
Keiko nodded. “While your behaviour was drastically inappropriate, I can sympathise with the sentiment that inspired it. I, too, imagine I would be provoked into destructive rage were I to believe that my clansmen were being enslaved.”
“Well, I thought he was being perfectly reasonable,” Kagome said. “Not the ‘damaging the books’ part, or the ‘attacking a jōnin head-on’ part. That was damn stupid. But somebody hurts a member of your team, you wipe them and everything they ever loved off the face of the earth. That’s just common sense—stops people doing it again. Besides, those stinkers needed a reminder that we weren’t their meek little lambs to be paraded around until they were ready to feed us into the grinder.”
“You heard ‘em, Hazō,” Inoue-sensei concluded. “It was an incredibly stupid thing to do, and if you ever pull a stunt like that again Sarutobi will be the least of your worries, but in the end everybody makes mistakes, and we’ve always got your back. Now finish your breakfast before the minders get here and you have to grovel with your mouth full.”
-o-
“Good morning, Yakushi-sensei!”
“Noburi!” Yakushi-sensei beamed. “You’re early! What prompted this burst of diligence?”
Noburi shuffled on the spot. “So, uh, it’s occurred to me how my team might have to leave Leaf soon, and that means we might not have much time left together, so… do you think we could make an early start on that corpse dissection you mentioned yesterday?”
“Hmm…” Yakushi-sensei tapped his glasses. “Your enthusiasm does you credit, but to be honest… I was planning to spend the morning going over my tissue sample analyses. I would be disappointing the Hokage if I did not provide my report on time.”
Noburi suspected he might have been pushing it. But fortunately, he’d come prepared with a secret weapon which might just tip the balance of Yakushi-sensei’s preferences.
“Oh, there’s something I meant to tell you. My team and I are hoping to study some new ninjutsu over the next several days. Would you be interested in coming along to observe?”
Yakushi-sensei’s hand stopped tapping. “You and Mori and Kurosawa?”
“Yep.”
Yakushi-sensei stood up from his desk. “I would be delighted. Noburi, you have made my day, no, my entire week.”
He looked at Noburi with an uncharacteristic seriousness, less paternal and more like one adult to another. “Thank you for trusting me. I know this must have been a difficult decision for you, and I respect you for being willing to take a risk in the name of advancing the world’s scientific knowledge.”
A warm, fuzzy feeling spread through Noburi’s body.
“Now, I am going to trust you in return.”
Yakushi-sensei reached into a desk drawer and pulled out some kind of form, then filled it in.
“Strictly speaking, this violates current hospital policy. The director would be chasing me through the halls with a naginata if she knew I was doing it without her approval. But you and I can make it our little secret, can’t we, Noburi?”
“Of course!” Noburi struggled to suppress his excitement. “But what are you doing?”
“Give this to the duty nurse. It is a permission slip for all five members of your team to visit Ishihara. Individually and staggered over the course of the day, of course. Given how her mental state has been oscillating, I believe bending the rules in this case and allowing her to see friends other than Kurosawa would only be to her benefit.”
“That’s great, Yakushi-sensei! Thank you so much!”
Yakushi-sensei gave a warm smile. “Not at all, Noburi. Now go inform your team. Afterwards, I suggest taking the first turn to visit. That will give me time to examine those tissue samples, and see if I can’t complete my work early and dissect that Hidden Grass spy today after all.”
-o-
“I am terribly, terribly sorry,” Hazō bowed so deep he could see the fine detail of Sarutobi’s sandals. “My behaviour was unforgivably rash and stupid. I caused a scene, damaged books, got you into trouble with the librarian, and showed you unacceptable disrespect after everything you’ve done for us.”
Sarutobi took a slow drag from his cigarette. “Ah, hell. I’m a jōnin team leader. I’ve seen worse. I don’t think I need to explain to you what you nearly brought down on yourself as a result of that ruckus, and I’m pretty sure you can imagine the consequences if you ever do anything like that again. Apology accepted, Kurosawa.”
Hazō slowly rose to an upright position. “Thank you, sir. Would you mind escorting us to the library one more time so I can apologise to the librarian as well?”
-o-
“Hey, Akane,” Noburi bounced into the room.
“Noburi,” Akane said tonelessly. “I wasn’t expecting you. Thank you for coming.”
“No biggie. I managed to butter up Yakushi-sensei into letting everybody visit today as a special favour. Obviously, I get to go first. The others will be turning up based on a random draw, so you can have fun guessing who’s next.”
Akane nodded. “Noburi, I want to apologise. I know you must be deeply disappointed in me—“
“Let me stop you there,” Noburi held up a finger. “While I’m here, you’re forbidden to talk about anything heavy, serious or sad. Doctor’s orders.”
“I am?”
“You are,” Noburi pulled up a chair next to Akane’s bed. “Now we’ve got that sorted out, let me give you Leaf’s hottest news. I got Yamanaka to talk my ear off, hung out with Akimichi, and even badgered Nara until he coughed up some speculation. So first off, you wouldn’t believe what the grapevine is saying about Sarutobi Asuma and Yūhi Kurenai…”
-o-
“Please accept my most humble apologies,” Hazō begged as his forehead touched the floor. Instinct (and also Inoue-sensei) told him that for this woman, nothing less than dogeza would do. “I damaged your books, interfered with other patrons’ reading, and generally behaved in a fashion unbecoming of a ninja, much less somebody visiting a library.”
“Hmph,” Auntie snorted. “At least you have better manners than some people. Get up boy. I don’t want you scuffing up my nice clean floor.”
Hazō got up, but bowed again, this time at a more reasonable angle. “Please permit me to make it up to you by serving as your assistant tomorrow. I may be inexperienced, but I am a quick learner, good with my hands, and prepared to work those hands to the bone to earn the privilege of readmission.”
“Now you’re laying it on too thick,” Auntie gave him a sideways look. “You think I can’t tell when somebody is being insincere, boy? I was wrangling the likes of you when there was only one face on the Hokage Monument!”
“I humbly apologise!”
“Bah. You be here at the crack of dawn, understood? And you work until I tell you to stop, no excuses. Restocking, filing, tidying, the works. Maybe even some basic restoration work if you’re not too much of a dunderhead.”
“Thank you very much!”
“Which reminds me,” Auntie turned to Kagome, who was watching with an odd kind of approval. “You said yesterday skin couldn’t hold ink, didn’t you? Well, normally you’d be right. But I happen to have some fascinating manuscripts in the back which are written on cured animal hides. Want to come take a look?”
“Cured animal hides?” Kagome said. “Hah. I’ll believe it when I see it.”
Team Sarutobi looked at each other as if drawing lots, and then Akimichi followed Kagome into the library’s winding interiors.
-o-
“Good afternoon, Akane,” Kei said in a level voice that hopefully would not cause Akane undue stress. “How is your condition?”
“Not bad, thanks,” Akane gave a small smile. “I’m glad you came, Keiko.”
Kei sat down on a chair against the wall, hands folded in her lap. Now came the difficult part. She should have done more to prepare. Kei wracked her brain for ideas on what to do next.
Silence filled the room.
Eventually, Kei admitted defeat.
“Akane, now that I am here, I realise that I have neglected to prepare suitable topics of conversation for visiting a person in hospital. I would greatly appreciate it if you were to suggest some.”
Akane laughed, hopefully in a sympathetic rather than mocking way.
“All right… How about you give me your best objective overview of what the team’s been up to over the last few days?”
Kei slumped slightly in relief. “Yes, that is an excellent topic.
“To begin with, an unreasonable amount of our time has been spent socialising with members of Team Sarutobi. To give an example, Hazō has befriended Yamanaka Ino, and their interactions…”
-o-
“You know,” Hazō said to Yamanaka as he leafed through the scrolls on folk songs on display in the shop, “it struck me for the first time when I was in front of the Yamanaka compound the other night how important your clan must be.
“Is that why,” he asked as offhandedly as possible, “you always look after your appearance so well? I thought at first that was a Leaf ninja thing, but Tenten’s look was so simple and functional, whereas yours seems like you put a lot of care into it.”
There. Inoue-sensei’s teachings hadn’t gone to waste, even if it he’d had to practice in front of the mirror a few times.
“It’s nothing special, really,” Yamanaka purred. “But yeah, since I’m going to be the matriarch one day, I’ll need to find myself a worthy husband, and when that day comes I don’t want anybody remembering me as that girl who used to go around with a haystack on top of her head.”
“I can see that. I guess there must be a lot of pressure on you, then?”
Yamanaka shrugged. “It’s not so bad, compared to the others. The Yamanaka aren’t obsessed with appearances—we know it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Then again, I can’t do anything too crazy or my dad will blow his top. He’s the overprotective type.
“Though that said,” she gave Hazō a sly look, “in a way that almost makes it more exciting…
“Say,” she said more neutrally when Hazō (who was trying to maintain a knowing look while internally flailing) didn’t respond. “Aren’t you a clan kid too, Kurosawa?”
“Yes and no. My mum used to be clan heir like you, but the clan disowned her after she defied her family and married my dad for love.”
“Wow,” Yamanaka said. “That’s… so brave… and romantic. She must be an amazing woman.”
“She is,” Hazō said proudly. “It cost her everything, but she never regretted it, not even after he died on a mission and she was left to bring me up on her own.
“But it wasn’t so bad,” he added before she got the wrong idea. “We were happy together, and we managed to make ends meet, and she was over the moon when I became a ninja. I hope that she’s OK, and that we’ll get to see each other again someday.”
Yamanaka was giving him a strange look he couldn’t read. “Kurosawa,” she said softly. “I had no idea…”
He hoped he wasn’t upsetting her.
“Really, it’s nothing,” he tried for a casual voice. “Everybody has bad things happen in their lives.”
“Yeah…” she said uncertainly. “I’m sure they do.”
-o-
“Hi, Inoue-sensei,” Akane waved. “It’s very nice to see you. I like what you’ve done with your hair.”
“You noticed?” Mari’s smile stretched wide. “I’d hug you if I wasn’t afraid it would make you implode. I decided to try out one of the more fashionable Leaf styles, and do you suppose a single person on our team noticed?”
“Oh, no,” Akane put her hand over her mouth.
“Got it in one. I’m willing to give Noburi a free pass because he’s been so tired from all the medical stuff lately, but Hazō hasn’t said a word. Keiko hasn’t said a word. Kagome hasn’t said a word. Is it too much to ask to be appreciated as a woman from time to time?”
“Inoue-sensei,” Akane said carefully. “Sorry if I’m being insensitive, but I think you’re being harsh on Keiko. If she’s not saying anything, it might not be because she hasn’t noticed.”
“Point,” Mari sighed.
“Moving on, how are you holding up? Body and mind?”
“I’m fine,” Akane said flatly. “As well as can be expected.”
Mari, occupying Noburi’s chair next to the bed, leaned closer.
“Akane. It’s me, Inoue Mari. While I’m here, you’re safe. You can say anything, and it won’t hurt me and it won’t make me judge you. I won’t breathe a word of it to anyone else. Right now, you can be whoever you want to be, and you can always go back to being the strong Akane when I leave.”
Akane looked at her, saying nothing. She rocked back and forth in bed a little.
“Inoue-sensei…
“Inoue-sensei, I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Mari gave a small nod.
“When I was ill, I was this gloomy, quiet person, and I hated myself. I hated myself for depending on people, always taking and never having anything to give. I hated myself for being weak and always doing the easy thing because anything else took too much out of me. I hated myself for not daring to step outside the cage I’d built out of my own fears.”
“Sure,” Mari continued to make the appropriate sounds to let Akane know she was being listened to.
“Then I met him. He never hesitated. He always did what he thought was right. He dedicated himself to becoming a better person, every hour of every day.
“He showed me I could be someone else.
“So I became someone else. Someone bright and shining and determined and better. As long as I believed in the Springtime of Youth, I would always know what to do and how to do it. I could be like him.”
“I see.”
Akane looked up, right at her, eyes wet.
“It wasn’t a lie, Inoue-sensei! I felt better. I was better. The Spirit of Youth drove me to train beyond what I believed I could do. It drove me to be warm, and kind, and optimistic, and all of the other things the old me had longed for. I was able to be a ninja again only because I’d learned what it meant to be youthful.
“Now, youth hasn’t failed me. I’ve failed it. When I got hurt, when I nearly died, I saw myself for who I was. I’m not somebody like Hazō-sensei, who has the Spirit of Youth bubbling up from inside him whether he wants it or not. I don’t wake up in the morning and say, ‘Today I’m going to work to save the world, because that’s what my heart is telling me to do.’ My youth isn’t a lie, but I’m wearing it like a coat, finding new ways to make the same old mistakes underneath.”
“Why do you say that?” Mari asked gently.
“Look at me,” Akane said. “How much do I know about anyone’s true feelings, deep down, after a year together? How much do they know about mine? I’ve let Youthful Akane be the only Akane anyone can see, so nobody has any reason to try to look deeper. Keeping your bonds shallow because you’re afraid is about as unyouthful as it gets.
“My youth wasn’t a lie. But now I can see that it wasn’t the truth either, and I don’t know what is. I’ve been lying here, day after day, trying to work it out, because I know that soon there are going to be choices to make, and I can’t afford to get them wrong.”
Akane’s gaze drifted down again.
“Akane,” Mari said. “It’s OK to be lost and confused. You’re asking a big, important, adult question, the kind that’s not easy for anybody. Not for you. Not for Rock Lee. Not for me.
“This may sound strange, but you should feel proud of yourself. A lot of people, even mature adults, never take that coat off, long after it stops fitting, and end up hurting themselves and the people around them. Yes, I know, the metaphor’s stretching.
“Point is, taking it off, letting yourself be naked and vulnerable while you search for something that fits who you’ve become, is badass in terms of personal growth. I don’t know if it’s youthful, but it’s something I personally respect.”
“Thank you, Inoue-sensei,” Akane said quietly.
Mari sat in silence for a few seconds. Yes, she decided. Some things were worth being disqualified for.
“One thing I will say: not having an identity isn’t the same as not having a self. You might not know who you are, but you are somebody, beneath all the confusion. That somebody has feelings, and needs, and desires, even if you don’t know where they come from or how they fit together. You’ll find that sometimes you have to make choices according to those feelings, and needs, and desires, so that afterwards you can look back and see where they led you, and figure out what kind of person you must be to have made that particular journey.”
It had worked for Mari. She remembered that moment, leaning over Yuri’s body with a kunai in her hand, seeing the trust still in her lightless eyes, and reflected in them the trail of perfect self-destruction that had led Mari there. There was no way back, of course, there was never a way back. But when she saw the chain of cause and effect, from the happy child to the broken doll to the libertine to the puppeteer, she also saw the patterns. No matter who she was or what was happening to her, Inoue Mari always found a way to be playful, manipulative, curious, trusting, sadistic…
But Mari wouldn’t let Akane make the same mistakes. Akane would make her choices consciously, with open eyes, surrounded by friendship and support. She would remain pure, untainted, free of regrets… even in this shinobi world that gave birth to nothing else.
Mari looked at Akane’s not-yet-shed tears and shifted closer.
“I don’t want to hug you in case I do it wrong and you implode, but if you want… you can hug me?”
That was how they spent the rest of her visit.
-o-
Nara had coincidentally taken a seat next to Hazō over lunch, rather than to the rest of Team Sarutobi like usual, so talking to him was unusually convenient.
“So Nara, I’ve been reading the Yumehara book, and I’m intrigued by some of his theories.”
“You have? You are? By which I mean please continue. If you feel like it.”
“Sure. I thought the Fire Country being the cradle of civilisation made a lot of sense, since you do have bountiful land and great natural resources. But I had trouble with the next part, where all the settlers who founded the other nations were exiles who couldn’t accept the wisdom of Fire’s rulers. I mean, sure, it makes sense that the Wind Country would preserve Fire’s culture the most, since you’re right next door. But I think it’s a leap to go from that to saying that because the Water Country settlers went the furthest away, we’re the most degenerate mentally and physically.
“It’s true that the Water Country lacks a lot of conventional resources, but I haven’t seen any evidence that we’re that different to you. If anything, there’s a case that we should be stronger, because we’ve had to fight for what we have so much more. Honestly, it all reminds me of Kotetsu-sensei saying that foreigners had no souls. If you have no souls, then why is it impossible to tell the difference between people from different countries if you ignore accents and ethnicities and cultural habits and so on?”
“Hmm,” Nara said noncommittally.
“I did find the political part more interesting. The passage about how the Hokage and the elders are always debating over whether it’s better to leave Leaf as merely a shining example for others to strive to emulate, versus conquering the other countries to end their suffering and lead them to enlightenment? It’s a very different way of thinking to Mist. The Mizukage is always saying that in nature, the strong rule over the weak, and when human society deviates too far from nature, everything falls apart. So the only way to create a peaceful world where everything is in its proper place is for Mist, which is strongest, to rule over humanity.”
“And what do you think?”
“I think…” Hazō took a second to formulate, “I think that I really like the idea of the Hokage’s peaceful path to a better world. It’s the first time I’ve heard an influential political figure offer a way forward that doesn’t need war. But at the same time, I can see where the elders are coming from. If you just sit back and wait for the rest of the world to copy you, aren’t you abandoning the rest of humanity to its own devices while you get to enjoy all this?” He gestured around them at the prosperity of the village.
Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
“Hmm.”
“Also it’s at odds with his argument about the fundamental driver of history being the Will of Fire, and Leaf being the greatest because it embodies the Will of Fire most fully. If the Will of Fire is the will to protect, then there always has to be something to protect people from. If people are divided, then there are always going to be cycles of war and peace as everyone tries to protect their loved ones from each other. So you’d have to give up the Will of Fire before the Hokage’s vision of world peace is possible.”
“Is that so?” Nara carefully put down his okonomiyaki. “Then how do you resolve this contradiction? Is the Hokage wrong? Or does the Will of Fire not shape human history?”
Was Hazō being tested? If so, what was he being tested on? Was Nara looking for independent thought, or was he waiting for the missing-nin to insult the Hokage or the Will of Fire in the middle of a Leaf restaurant?
“I don’t think either has to be wrong,” Hazō said at last. “But you have to reorient your perspective. The true enemies that our loved ones have to be protected from aren’t other ninja. You can see that when you look at the civilian world. They’re constantly threatened by bandits, chakra monsters, drought, famine, disease, natural disaster—you name it. Those are things all of us hold as enemies, no matter where we’re from. And Leaf is living proof that life is better for everyone when those enemies are defeated and the civilian population is kept safe and strong.
“Imagine it, Nara. All of humanity united by the Will of Fire. A world peace that isn’t passive, but is constantly stimulating us to grow and overcome our problems together. You don’t have to be the Hokage to want that. You just have to want happiness, for yourself and the people around you.”
“Troublesome,” Nara muttered after a long moment. “Troublesome in the extreme. Also impractical and unrealistic. But it’s an original thought, and those are rare, so I will take time to consider it later."
“Good.” Hazō remembered to tone down the enthusiasm. “Thanks, Nara. Then how about we talk about something else? Maybe you could tell me what you make of the theories on the origin of humanity in Chapter I? I think my favourite is the arriving-from-another-continent one, both because it explains why the Fire Country was so important as a source of art and technology, and because it dovetails neatly with Chapter II’s commentary on how chakra beasts might not have existed during the primitive era, so sea travel would have been possible.”
“Oh, yes. Well, the problem with that is that none of the theories for where chakra beasts would have come from, and why, are particularly convincing. Even Munakata’s dimensional incursion theory has the problem that…”
-o-
“Hi, Hazō-sensei,” Akane gave him a faint smile.
Her eyes were red. Why were her eyes red? Was it his fault?
“Hi, Akane. How are you feeling?”
Akane looked like she was taking a moment to reflect.
“Better,” she said. “Yes, I think I’m feeling a little better.”
Hazō smiled. “That’s great to hear. Dr Yakushi really pulled through on this one.
“You know, a lot of interesting stuff has happened since last time I saw you.”
“Actually, the others have already told me about some of it,” Akane said. “So there’s something I’d like you to clear up for me before we get talking about the news of the day.”
“What’s that? Because if they told you about the Kurosawa bloodline printing press thing, I’m not sure this is a good time to go into that. I’ve been trying to turn over a new leaf on OPSEC.”
Akane shook her head dismissively.
“That’s not it. Hazō-sensei, what exactly did you mean yesterday when you said that I really did mean a lot to you?”
“Ah.” Was that what she’d been crying about? Hazō was immediately aware that he was the lowest scum on the face of the planet, and also that he had to urgently clarify things before he was once again responsible for making Akane sad.
“Akane, I’m so sorry about that, but please don’t worry, I wasn’t trying to imply anything by saying that right before I left, well, except the stuff I was implying, obviously, but no, I wasn’t trying to make a statement that I like liked you or anything, which is not to say that I don’t not like like you, I mean obviously I was just trying to express the deep affection I was having for you as your friend and your master, which is not to say that I was in any way denying other possibilities which may or may not be appropriate in the future and Akane why are you beating your head against the wall?”
“Was I?” Akane said brightly. “How strange. Probably just a coincidence.”
“Uh.” Would this be a good time to call Dr Yakushi and get Akane an emergency check-up?
“Hazō-sensei,” Akane met his eyes. There was something frightening about the intensity of her expression. “Tell me why you said what you said, in ten words or less.”
Hazō swallowed. His heart was beating hard against his chest. The world seemed to blur and contract a little, as if he was feeling dizzy.
“I was afraid to tell you directly that… I have feelings for you.”
The die had been cast. Hazō wished from the very depths of his soul that he could have used the Iron Nerve on it.
Akane’s eyes were locked onto his.
“Hazō-sensei,” she breathed, “that’s thirteen.”
Her tone was reproachful, but her face was the sun coming out from behind the clouds, and also suddenly close enough that he could see the tiny flecks of gold in her irises.
“I, uh, yes, it is,” Hazō stammered. “If you like, you can wait while I try to work it down to something more concise?”
Akane collapsed back to her original position. She eyed the wall next to her contemplatively, but then seemed to think better of it.
“Hazō-sensei, you mean the world to me and are an incredible person, but you have no sense of romance.”
“Hey, I’m working on it,” Hazō objected. “Wait, did you say ‘the world’?”
“Yes,” Akane said patiently. “Which is why instead of freaking out at you, which I am totally doing on the inside right now, I’m going to ask you to explain what you mean by that. Without run-on sentences if you can.”
Hazō took a moment to gather his thoughts.
“Well, due to various recent events, I found myself pondering romantic love. So naturally I thought of Keiko.”
“Did you.”
“Of course,” Hazō nodded. “If I wanted to get things right with you, Keiko was the obvious model to follow.”
“Uh-huh,” Akane said sceptically. “This is our Keiko, right? And you want to to base your relationship with me on her example.”
“Well, yes. If Keiko’s feelings can’t be described as romantic, then romance is not a thing that exists in this world.”
“Fair,” Akane conceded. “So what did you come up with?”
“I ended up writing a kind of mental checklist of what I imagined having feelings for someone would mean. And you ticked all the boxes. You’re awesome, and I often wish I could be more like you. I’m really happy that you pay attention to me and approve of me, and I’d be crushed if you ended up doing the opposite. I don’t think you’re right about everything the way Keiko does with Inoue-sensei, but you’re right about most things most of the time.”
Hazō frowned as he did his best to recall the rest.
“Go on,” Akane said, her voice tense again for some reason.
“I realised I would do anything for you. Well, I mean, not literally everything, which is to say that if you asked me to put my hand in a fire or not uplift the world that might be a bit too much, though if you had a really good reason—“
“Hazō-sensei.”
“Sorry, run-on sentence. But you get the idea. I would do anything for you except the things I trust you not to ask for anyway.”
“I… I think I already knew that. Anything else?”
Hazō felt the blush spread all the way from somewhere deep in his torso, steadily working its way up with no intention of stopping until it turned his hair as red as Inoue-sensei’s.
“I realized how physically attractive you were as well. I’m sorry it took me so long to notice the way your smile lights up the world, and the way you move like flowing water…”
Akane looked down at her blanket wordlessly. Then her eyes found his face again.
“That just earned you back one romance point,” she smiled, a little awkwardly. “Keep collecting more, and good things might happen.”
Hazō had no idea what she meant by that, but he suspected this wasn’t the time to say so.
“Anyway,” Hazō said. “That’s how it is. By any reasonable definition of romance, I’m pretty sure I have romantic feelings for you. But I realise that I have no idea how you feel, and if you’d rather we just be friends, that’s perfectly OK because I’d never want to do anything to endanger our friendship, though of course if you want to be more than friends—sorry, run-on sentence. I’m trying, honest!”
He looked at Akane warily. “So, uh, what do you think about all this?”
“Hazō-sensei, do you remember how we met?”
Hazō nodded. He opened his mouth, but she went on before he could say anything.
“You swept me off my feet with your youthfulness, your insight and your compassion. You saved me from the Liberator, then you put your life on the line against impossible odds to save me again. I was ready to die for you that day, and that has never changed.
“I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on the last year while I’ve been here in hospital. And looking back… I don’t think there was ever a time when I wasn’t in love with you.”
Hazō’s mind was blank. There were supposed to be words in it, maybe even words for saying, but he couldn’t seem to find any.
“Hazō-sensei,” Akane said delicately when it became apparent that he wasn’t going to offer a response. “We’ve just confessed our feelings for each other. This is an extremely important, once-in-a-lifetime romantic moment which you will hopefully think back on many times in the years to come. For the sake of those years to come, please choose your next words carefully.”
Hazō thought of a thing to say. It wasn’t a good enough thing, so he rejected it. The next was barely an improvement. The one after that sounded better, but would take the conversation off in the wrong direction. Another three drafts later, he finally came up with something that sounded right.
“I want to always be by your side, Akane. Whether it’s as friends, or as lovers, or as something else altogether, doesn’t matter as much as having you as a central part of my life. And even that doesn’t matter as much as making sure that you are happy and strong and that the bond we have isn’t threatened by anything, not even my own immaturity.”
The sun brightened. For once, Hazō had said the right thing.
“So… where do we go from here?” he asked. “I should warn you that I am probably even worse at the dating thing than I am at the flirting thing, but I am prepared to work hard at it. Or would you rather stay friends? Or something else?”
Akane looked thoughtful. Night gradually descended.
“On second thought, I don’t know if this is a good idea. Any of it. Hazō-sensei, even if you have feelings for me now, you deserve far better than someone like me. I think you should try to get over me, so that hopefully someday you’ll be able to find a girl who is good enough for you.”
Hazō found anger bubbling up inside him. He didn’t even know at whom or what.
“Akane, you need to stop beating yourself up like this. People make mistakes. I make mistakes. If any of the others have told you about the Library Incident, you will be aware that I make huge, ridiculous mistakes with consummate ease.
“I don’t care how many mistakes you make, or how big they are. I care about being with you, and the only question in my mind is what form that should take in order to make both of us as happy as possible.”
Akane blinked rapidly. “I—I’m sorry. I’ll try. Everything is still a mess. But if you’re sure that you want this, I’ll try. Because I do want it too.”
Hazō relaxed. “Thank you. Now we just need to work out what ‘this’ is, exactly, and we’ll be set.”
“I don’t know,” Akane said after a while. “My own dating experience is limited to girls’ manga. Which is something I should definitely not be admitting to you right now. But I think… that’s the direction I want to move in. There would just be something so sad if we had feelings for each other and were attracted to each other and spent our lives trying to pretend it away because we were afraid of ruining what we already had.
“Which I am,” she added. “I really, really am. Going through the Night of the Killer Tapirs a dozen times would be less scary. But I also don’t want to find out I’m the kind of person who’s so scared of failure she gives up in advance.”
Hazō nodded. “OK. So next question, how does one do the dating thing? Bear in mind romance manga is probably on the Mizukage’s list of banned genres.”
“I’m not sure. The only ones where one of the people is stuck in hospital are those awful hurt/comfort things, and disability moe, and generally let’s just not go there.
“I’m going to be stuck here for a while, so we can’t exactly go on dates. Most of the other things couples do together are going to be off the table as well, for all kinds of reasons. So I guess… we carry on as before? And if one of us thinks of something particularly romantic they’d like to do, we can talk about it when it comes up. Does that work for you?”
“Yes,” Hazō said. “Yes, it really does.”
He was jumping up and down on the inside. He hadn’t messed up! They’d successfully negotiated this important and difficult and dangerous conversation without anybody getting hurt, and now they were… well, he didn’t actually know what they were. Were they a couple now? Or did something else still have to happen before they were more than friends? Were they in some kind of transition period?
But the important thing was that for now, everything was sorted out and they’d dealt with all the complex issues.
“Oh, one more thing,” Akane frowned. “Keiko talked about how you were getting friendly with Ino, and from here it sounds a lot like you were flirting with her. Is there something there I should know about?”
Thank you, Keiko. Hazō mentally bumped her up above Noburi on his revenge list, though still several steps below Inoue-sensei.
“I, uh, yes, we may have been flirting—I think—but it’s not a big deal! I mean, you’re Akane. You’re my best friend, and now you’re becoming something even more than that. She’s nothing more than a really attractive girl who may or may not be interested in me and whom I’d like to get to know better.”
“Hazō-sensei,” Akane said wearily. “Your effortless honesty is one of your best features, and one I really admire, but when we’re done here, promise me you’ll go to Inoue-sensei and ask her about tact.”
“I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?”
“Never mind. Just tell me this: are we heading from romantic comedy into harem manga territory?”
“I don’t know,” Hazō confessed. “Remember, probably terrible at the dating thing.
“But if, purely theoretically, we were…” he went on cautiously, “how would you feel about that?”
Akane fell silent. The seconds ticked by.
“Ino’s not a bad kid. She comes off as shallow and self-centred, but she can surprise you.”
“Right…?”
“But.” Akane set her shoulders as if preparing for battle. “Can you promise me that whatever happens between you and Ino, or another girl, or another boy, it won’t hurt this thing that we’re starting together? Can you promise that you’ll never let another person, or another relationship, damage our bond? Can you promise to be as open about things happening between you and other people as you have been about everything else?”
“Yes,” Hazō said without hesitation. “I told you, I’d do anything for you. And besides, the things you’re asking are just common sense, right?”
Akane nodded. “If you say it, I believe you. But I still need time to think. It’s really, really scary to imagine that one day you’ll meet someone better than me, and you’ll love them, and I’ll just fade into the background until in the end I lose you completely. If that happens, all the clear communication in the world won’t save me.”
“I won’t,” Hazō said. “It wouldn’t hurt our friendship if I made new close friends. This is the same.”
“I believe you mean that,” Akane said. “But you can’t know. So I need to think. And maybe talk to Inoue-sensei.
“I’m not saying ‘don’t get to know Ino better’. I’m not even saying ‘don’t flirt with her’. Just… go slow? For my sake? Don’t do anything you can’t take back if I decide it’s too much for me after all.”
Hazō nodded. “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, Akane. Not ever.”
Akane smiled. “I know that, Hazō-sensei.”
She took a slow, deep breath.
“You’re going to need to work out how to deal with the Yamanaka Clan. If they decide there’s anything serious between you and Ino, whether there is or not, I don’t know what they’re going to do. They might tell Jiraiya never to bring you to Leaf again. Or they might take matters into their own hands. So you need to think of a way to be valuable enough to them that they’ll at least decide to keep their options open where you’re concerned.
“Also, Ino doesn’t like pushy boys. Play it cool and make her curious about you instead of trying to share too much up front.”
Akane yawned. “I really want to spend more time with you, but now the adrenaline is wearing off, I can’t stay awake much longer. Will you come back tomorrow?”
Hazō looked at her with affection. “Do you even need to ask?”
-o-
“Rock Lee,” Hazō strode across the clearing, suffused with righteous energy. “Let’s go training together! Here is the list of forbidden words I’ve compiled for you.”
“I accept your youthful challenge, my friend!”
Lee cast his eyes over the list. “’The’, ‘be’, ‘to’, ‘of’, ‘and’… Kurosawa, are these the hundred most commonly-used words?”
“That’s right! And do you know why?”
Rock Lee opened his mouth.
Hazō pointed to the list.
Rock Lee closed his mouth again.
“Because you and I are going stealth training!”
-o-
Kagome’s draw left him last, which was a bloody stupid idea he should have argued harder against. Frankly, they should have let him see Akane first, before Hazō’s first ever visit, so he could scope the place out and find all the hidden traps and brainwashing machines. It was shameful, how he’d let himself relax in this den of chakra vipers.
“Kagome, what are you doing?”
“Securing the area,” he explained, rifling through her wardrobe. Nothing there but a few changes of clothes, which he unceremoniously dumped out so he could check the rear panels for bugs. He should never have forgotten about the Aburame.
“That’s very kind of you, and I appreciate that this is how you show me you care, but would you mind not leaving my underwear strewn across the floor? It’s a little… embarrassing.”
“What? Underwear?” Kagome froze on the spot. He had, now he thought about it, handled some particularly soft things. One of them was even lacy. They had passed through his hands.
And now she wanted him to go over there and pick them up again.
“Don’t you, uh…” he cast around desperately, “don’t you think that should be left to the nurse? It’s not proper, a man going through a lady’s personal things.” There. That should fool her. Wouldn’t want her thinking he was embarrassed or anything. Which he wasn’t, of course. Just… startled.
But Akane was giving him a look. “Yes,” she said with a resigned tone probably caused by tiredness, “wouldn’t want you to be rude.”
“No. No, exactly!” Good work, Kagome. He must have been smoother than he thought.
“Hmph. The stinkers must’ve known better than to trap your wardrobe. It’s the obvious place for a professional to look. Rest of the furniture seems clear too. Now I just need to check your body for signs of poisoning—“
He stopped. He couldn’t be seeing that right. He ran over to the decorative designs around the window.
If he followed that line there… no, it got cut off. That, on the other hand, that was definitely something.
“I knew it!” he shouted. “They’ve got disguised seals in the room!”
Akane stared at him.
“That’s… that’s worrying. But Kagome, maybe you shouldn’t be letting everyone in earshot know you’ve spotted them?”
Kagome winced. OPSEC. And to think he’d been proud of himself for how well he’d managed not to give away any secrets to those Hyūga stinkers, unlike the kids.
“So what do they do?” Akane asked. “They could just be alarm seals to stop people breaking in, or to detect if a patient’s unwell.”
“No idea,” Kagome grumbled. “Got them covered over with pretty abstract patterns. I’d have to tear up the material to get at them, and then the hospital people would know the game was up and drag us straight over to the vivisection labs.
“You stay here,” he barked. “I need to let the others know.”
“Don’t worry,” Akane said to his retreating back. “I’m not going anywhere.”