"Before we do the scan, is there anything you might have forgotten to mention?"

The words hung in the air like an upraised sword. There was no explicit threat, not even in the tone. Despite that, no one had any doubt that it wasn't a casual question.

Inoue-sensei thought for a moment. "Oh, there was a group that we ran into in Tea. The Hydra Medical Foundation. I didn't talk to them myself—that was Hazou and Noburi—but they sounded like a cult. Talked about self-actualization, levels of progress, blah, blah, blah. I mention it because of the name and the fact that the recruiter said 'eight heads are better than one'. Back when we went into the Liberator's camp there was that group called the 'Brotherhood of the Sacred Immortal Eight-Headed Serpent'. The names were too close for comfort. Anyway, the Foundation was giving free checkups and promised to teach medical ninjutsu to anyone who achieved a high enough rank. Also, I have some notes here on the guy who hired us for the Hot Springs mission, and this other spy that was there." She glanced at the team. "Anything else you guys can think of?"

"You better not have your pet mindripper shred our brains!" Kagome said. "Or put lupchanzen in our ears! I have information stashed away about Leaf's secret lupchanzen farms, and the way you abduct kids and vivisect them for your own sick amusement, and all kinds of things! It'll all come out if anything happens to me, or if you rip our brains apart and sew them back together upside down so we're loyal to you, or if you turn any of us into meat puppets to use as chakra batteries, or if you—"

"What's a lupchanzen?" Jiraiya asked, interrupting the spouting river of paranoia.

Kagome glared at him. "Don't pretend you don't know! Lupchanz—chakra monster, half animal, half plant. Crawls into an orifice, eats your brain, turns you into a meat puppet slave. Don't pretend like you don't know—"

"Kagome," Inoue-sensei said, laying a hand on his arm. "Maybe we should have this conversation another time?"

"I know you all think I'm crazy," Kagome said, scowling. "You'll see! Just wait until he—"

"Sir," Jiraiya said. "I promise: I have no intention of putting a lupchanz, or anything else, in your ear or any of your other orifices. I have never heard of such a thing, and I certainly don't use them."

"A likely story! You'll—"

Inoue's hand closed on Kagome's arm with a grip that should have snapped the bones in half. "Kagome," she said nervously. "This is really not the time."

Kagome scowled deeper but went quiet. Mostly quiet; there was some under-his-breath grumbling that everyone pretended not to notice.

Jiraiya looked at Agent Black in silent question. Agent Black looked as though she'd just bitten a lemon. "You want me to mindscan that?" she murmured.

Hazou decided to seize the moment. "Sir, that actually leads us to a question I wanted to ask: why is this scan necessary? Agent Black has already stated that we aren't lying about anything. Inoue-sensei made plain that we've done everything we could to work with you. It seems poor repayment to go fishing in our heads."

Inoue-sensei's eyes flared wide in alarm. "Hazou," she said warningly.

"Sensei, I think it's fair," Hazou said defensively. "Not only that, but it might be dangerous to Agent Black. At least one of us has a bloodline related to the mind that could be harmful to a mental intruder. Three of us hold clan secrets; stealing them could be considered an act of war against Mist. Beyond that, we have secrets that are not relevant to Jiraiya's interests and could even be opposed to them—for example, the gift that the pangolin teacher gave us. We promised that would not be shared with anyone else; what would the toads say if they discovered that their summoner had stolen the secrets of an allied clan despite being warned?"

Inoue looked at Jiraiya. "I'm sorry about this," she said. "He's a good kid, honest. A bit thick sometimes, and not always great at recognizing when to keep his mouth shut, but a good kid."

Jiraiya snorted, but it was more in amusement than disapproval. "My godson is just like that, except more so. You have my sympathy."

"It's a fair question, sensei," Noburi said. "My clan is a big deal in Mist, and we're very careful about the secrets of our bloodline. A fishing trip in my head would be a clear case of espionage. It could cause trouble if word ever got back."

"My bloodline as well," Keiko said. "And, as Hazou said, it could be dangerous to an intruder. The Frozen Skein is difficult enough for even a trained Mori to touch. For an untrained person it would almost certainly be fatal."

Agent Black looked at Jiraiya and cocked an eyebrow inquisitively. The Sannin frowned. "That's...possible," he said. "I've never managed to get a clear description of the Mori bloodline, but it's definitely something related to their thought patterns. Most of them seem more...detached, than the average person. I wasn't looking for you to go after bloodline secrets, though. Just affirm that they have no designs at world domination or intent to directly oppose Konoha."

Agent Black gave him an exasperated look. "By now you should know that brains aren't like books," she said. "They aren't linear, they're all tied together. I can guarantee I'll get what I go in for, but I can't guarantee I won't see something else. Especially if it's something they're desperate to hide."

"I don't have anything to hide," Inoue-sensei said. "You saw that last time." She gazed brazenly at Jiraiya with half-lidded bedroom eyes and her lips curved into a smile that was illegal in twelve countries.

Jiraiya snorted. "Don't try to outperv me, girl. I was being a letch before you were crawling."

"Mmmm...I always did like older men," she purred, leaning forward.

Agent Black snorted in amusement. "She's got your number."

The Hyuuga, silent and nigh-motionless until now, shifted uncomfortably and looked disapproving.

Jiraiya laughed and shook his head. "Okay," he said. "Just you then, sweet thing. Show the nice Yamanka lady that you aren't planning to take over the world, cause a world war, overthrow any of the major nations...you know, the usual."

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"Major nations?" Agent Black inquired archly. "What, you don't care if they take over Vegetable?"

"You stay out of this," Jiraiya said. "As long as they aren't planning to start playing politics, I'm fine."

"Um, actually," Hazou said. "About that...."

Inoue rolled her eyes. "So close," she muttered, sotto voce. "Ninety seconds. Quick scan, no problem, done. All he's gotta do is keep his mouth shut but noooo."

"Sorry, sensei," Hazou said. "I don't know if it counts, but it's better if we volunteer it, right?"

Jiraiya sighed. "Kid, didn't we talk about this? Wasn't this, like, the first thing I ever said to you? 'No taking over the world'—it seems like such a simple rule. Seriously, the first thing."

"Actually, the first thing you said was 'I think I can help with that'," Inoue-sensei said helpfully. "May I just say, I loved the way you helped me. I loved it more each and every time."

Agent Black coughed.

"Somehow, this meeting seems to have gotten away from me," Jiraiya muttered. "Okay, kid. In what fun and exciting way are you planning to upset the applecart that I have spent forty years keeping un-upset?"

"Um," Hazou began nervously. "Sir, I don't know how Konoha manages classified information. More specifically, sir, I don't know what clearance levels your friends have. The information we have is...a bit sensitive."

The amiable, joking Jiraiya vanished, replaced by the Sannin and the spymaster. "Are you claiming that you have classified information from Konoha?" he asked.

"Don't tell him anything!" Kagome hissed. "It's a tra—"

Inoue-sensei looped an arm around Kagome's neck, covered his mouth with one tiny hand, and pulled his head tight against her shoulder so he could not escape. Kagome struggled but she poked him in the ribs with the other hand; he jumped and gave a muffled squawk but then settled down.

"Not...exactly, sir," Hazou said, ignoring the byplay.

"Agents Black and White have my full confidence and Top Secret clearance," Jiraiya said.

Hazou took that in, then nodded. "Well sir, it's about the scorch squads. We sort of decided to put a stop to them."

Jiraiya considered that. "I see," he said. "And where did you find out about the scorch squads?"

"I see," Jiraiya said, looking at the wide-eyed and frozen Kagome. "You're not in trouble, but I would like to hear what you know. Regardless of what you say there will not be consequences."

Regretfully, Inoue-sensei released her grip on Kagome. The sealmaster straightened up, glaring at Jiraiya. "As if I'd believe that, you stinker! Stinking spies, all alike. Talk sweet but the minute you—"

"Kagome," Inoue-sensei said, her voice tired. "Just tell him. Cat's already out of the bag. If he's honest about there being no consequences then you're fine to tell him. If he's not, we can't stop him. If there weren't going to be consequences for knowing then there might be some for not telling."

Kagome paused, unraveling that in his head. "Uh...."

"Sir, please believe me: I don't care that you know about the scorch squads," Jiraiya said. "I simply want to know what you think you know."

"Think?! Think?! I think I know that the villages all send squads of ninja out to kill civilians with high chakra reserves so that the next generation of ninja won't be born! Even Leaf." He glared at Jiraiya before grudgingly adding, "At least you stinkers only kill the high-chakra civilians themselves, not the whole town. Advantage of having all those stinking cheaty cheating eyes."

Jiraiya looked bemused. Beside him, Agent White crossed his arms on his chest; the tiniest hint of what could have been annoyance thought about maybe drifting across his features at some point in the future.

"For the record," Jiraiya said, "Leaf has never participated in any such program. Anything like that would destabilize the Elemental Nations; if a country knew that their ability to bear ninja was being systematically reduced they would recognize that they needed to go to war immediately as their power was only going to decrease over time. Obviously, I have no way of proving that, so I won't debate the issue. Now, Ms Inoue, if you would be so kind as to sit still for a moment, we can get this over with."

Agent Black made a series of handseals, staring intently at Inoue-sensei the whole time. "Mind Body Transmission no Jutsu," she murmured. Her eyes gleamed for an instant and then her body froze. Inoue-sensei was just as still, frozen in place like a statue on display.

The silence dragged on for long seconds.

And on.

And on.

Finally, Agent Black blinked and looked away. "Done," she said, somewhat redundantly. "She likes to play games, but I saw nothing that indicates dishonesty, subterfuge, or a significant desire to work against you or Leaf."

"Significant desire?" Jiraiya asked.

The Yamanaka shrugged. "She's a little pissed about this whole meeting. She, ah, might have made a point of imagining you falling in a mud puddle." She coughed. "And maybe a few other things. Still, no real desire to cause trouble for us, or even to play on an international level at all. She and her team want to prevent the genocide of civilians, but currently their only plan for that is 'start building a merchant network for fun, profit, and intelligence-gathering'. As far as I saw they have every intention of working with you honestly so long as your goals are aligned."

Jiraiya nodded. "Good." He looked around the table at the team who were holding their breath in anticipation of his final verdict. "All right, looks like we're done."

The words were met with relieved sighs. (And some grumbling that might or might not have involved the words 'stinker' and 'squish'.)

"Sorry it had to go down this way," Jiraiya said, sounding honestly regretful. "You just screwed up a major operation; I couldn't take a chance that you were working against me."

"Of course, we totally understand," said Inoue-sensei, proactively covering Kagome's mouth. "Perfectly reasonable."

Fortunately, Kagome's words were thoroughly muffled.

Jiraiya's lips twitched in a brief flash of amusement, but he nodded gravely. "Okay, then," he said. "Anything you need?"