“Did ‘Time Save’ reset my items too?” I asked Panda as I rapidly closed the distance to the Queen.
She was still in the process of regrowing her head. For some disturbing reason, the outer layer was made first, perhaps because the insect carapace was equivalent to her skeleton. But unlike bone, it was flaccid without the flesh inside. The result was that, as she regrew, her body looked like an armored balloon being inflated with minced meat. It reminded me of videos about how sausages were made.
“Your Urchin Ring is ready, yes. All cooldowns were reset, not just skills,” Panda answered, while watching the horror show we were heading towards.
“And the fight restriction on Pow Punch was reset too, right?”
“Yep.”
“Then let’s go for another one,” I said, a determined grin on my face. Then I started blowing air into Brock’s valve.
I moved around the side of the Hive Queen, just as the empty eye sockets in her head were filled in with the bulbous compound eyes.
“Am I on target?” I asked Panda, as I tried to position myself such that my attack would destroy the entire length of the Queen’s body.
“Take another two steps to the left and aim for the middle of her body,” he advised, while I topped off the Pump It passive.
“I’m fakken ready!!” Brock squealed eagerly.
I’d stored up almost 80 punches. With all my cooldowns reset, I would be able to deliver a positively nuclear attack. One that would probably get close to the original damage I’d been able to deal before Pow Punch was nerfed.
With a roar, I clenched my fist to trigger the Urchin Ring, lowered into a crouch to activate SPRING_HEEL, and then I launched myself forward. I wasn’t even aiming to strike the Queen’s body, since I knew the attack itself didn’t really need to connect to deliver its payload.
“Pow!” I shouted and swung my fist forward.
ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.pow(Punch)!
Number of Punches recorded in fight: 80
Calculating 80 to the power of Punch
…
…
Calculations complete!
I landed a few yards from the Queen’s body and spun on my heel, running in the opposite direction.
Just then she finished her full recovery.
“YOU INSOLENT LITTLE—!”
I was knocked forward by the backwash of air, but there was no sound at all.
Light like a solar flare filled the interior and I thought for sure I’d have gone blind if I’d been looking at it.
This was the unleashed effect of Pow Punch. There were no Dungeon Barriers here to rein it in.
I tumbled head-over-heels as the blast carried me several dozen yards. The dust and debris in the air flew with me as though I was in a desert hurricane.
Just like the previous time, a pillar caught me, and I anxiously looked back in the direction of the Queen.
There was nothing left of the chamber on that side. About one-third of the enormous room was just void of pillars now and the ceiling was peeled away exposing the vastness of space. Like the hole I’d made earlier, the near-vacuum of outer space wasn’t affecting the interior of the Hive Ship. A few pillars that’d been on the fringes of the blast cone remained standing, but they were smoldering like firewood. The floor was likewise stripped away, revealing parts of the Hive Ship below, although I hadn’t managed to pierce through the bottom of it. The back wall where the pool had been was just gone and the several chambers and hallways behind it were a total ruin.
The Queen was nowhere to be seen.
“I think you did it,” Panda said, clearly unable to believe his eyes.
“That must’ve been close to the same amount of damage I dealt before Pow was nerfed.”
“Nowhere near,” he replied, “But it was a lot of damage, don’t get me wrong.”
I sighed. “How do we get Bee back?”
Before he could answer, an achievement arrived.
My heart skipped a beat when I read the title.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
‘Two too low’
Dealt lethal damage twice without killing an opponent.
I’m looking at the Combat Logs and I think there must be something wrong with them. According to this data, you’ve dealt 1,860,756,705,376,619,280 damage!? That clearly can’t be right.
Well, regardless of how much damage you did, it wasn’t enough. Allow me a brief history lesson to explain why. As you may or may not recall from the initial announcement of the GREAT GAME, the winners gain cosmic influence and popularity. Of course, given the nature of the GAME, there are rarely many winners. Anyway.
Once, the GREAT GAME came to a world filled with sapient ants. Their planet was embroiled in a worldwide war as a result and they died by the billions before the Second GAME Event even began. Once the last Event was over, only a single champion remained. She named herself the first among her kind and she still bears that title even now.
Her Benefactor was an Absolute who’d taken quite a liking to her resourcefulness and desire to win at any cost. As a reward, he granted her cosmic power. She used it to create the Hive Ship you’re now aboard and, after attaching herself to the GREAT GAME, she built one of the most powerful Agencies for the purpose of ‘protecting’ children.
That’s right, the Queen of the CPS was once a Player like you. And, just like you, she still has all her old Skills, amongst which are several that allow her to cheat death.
But this is an old story that most have forgotten. I’m only telling it to you because the System demanded it.
I know we’ve told you this a lot, but this time it’s genuine:
This is the part where you die.
Reward: 80x ‘Game Coins’
image [https://i.imgur.com/szonfiH.png]
Panda read the description aloud as I ran towards the destroyed part of the chamber.
“Blink!” I shouted and teleported 100 yards forward.
A sense of dread grew in my chest as he went through the long text. I realized that this was a type of foe I had never truly fought before. I thought about how troublesome an opponent Logan had been, despite being of equivalent level to me. The Queen had won her own version of this extinction game and become way more powerful as a result. And unlike the Glitch Hunters, she wasn’t just relying on glitched skills either. No, she was much closer to me and Logan than any of the Agencies’ grunts. That fact scared me.
Suddenly the Queen’s awful voice filled the massive chamber.
“IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I LAST FOUGHT AGAINST A GLITCH AS POWERFUL AS YOU. I SUPPOSE I SHOULD TAKE THIS FIGHT SERIOUSLY.”
There was a brief pause before she activated a spell. It was one that was familiar to me.
“THERE IS NO ESCAPE.”
WARNING!
You have been cursed with ‘No Escape’.
There is no escape.
You cannot run.
You cannot hide.
Only death will grant you respite from this hunt.
“Shit, this one is different from yours!” Panda said, speaking quickly. “It lasts until the fight is over!”
“throw Exception( )!” I countered, while spinning around and trying to spot her.
ERROR!
This ability is on cooldown.
Time left:
6,705,512,734 μs
“Fuck!” I muttered, remembering that the ability couldn’t have its cooldown affected.
Then it was like a hook caught me by the navel and yoinked me back towards the entrance. I flew straight to the towering Hive Queen, who was completely recovered as though she’d respawned following my killing strike. Fortunately, her body was still a sickly blue color, meaning she hadn’t recovered from her weakened state. It was likely some kind of sickness that transcended death and revival.
Unlike before, her body wasn’t quite as long, although it was still twice the length of the Metro Train. She wasn’t tied down anymore and could now move around. She looked down at me with her enormous eyes and lifted her six pincer-tipped arms, each one glowing with a differently-colored spell.
I moved with the pull of ‘No Escape’ and used one of the ‘Lucky Dice’ from my inventory, leaving me with just the two Tina had given me.
“Gambit, wait!” Panda warned, but I was already committed.
LUCKY DICE ROLLED!
Your next luck-based Encounter, Skill, or Loot Drop has been tweaked heavily in your favor.
I launched myself at her with SPRING_HEEL, swinging my fist into her body. I was hoping to deal with her in the same way that I’d dealt with the Red Pawn.
“Punch.spinTheWh—!”
“MUTE.”
Warning!
Your ability has been muted!
Time remaining:
59,468,189 μs
I roared in frustration as I belatedly realized that whatever had respawned her back to full had also reset her cooldowns.
“OBLITERATION,” the Queen said, and all of her pincers launched their spells. The colors coalesced in front of her and became a ball of black destructive energy. At the same time, a solid blast of air launched me away from her, giving her a clear line of sight to fire her spell.
“Quick, honk!” Panda yelled.
“Honk!” I shouted, triggering my Swan-Feather Cloak.
SKILL TRIGGER!
Swan-feather Cloak’s ‘Indestructible’ Skill Activated!
Somewhere, a Swan takes notice of your power.
My cloak wrapped around me as I flew through the air from the blast. Then my whole world shook and spun as her spell struck me.
“Holy fuck!” Panda cried. “That just tried to literally delete you from existence.”
I felt the moment that I hit the ground, though I was still protected by the feathers. Then the cloak unfurled itself from me. Two pillars nearby were missing perfectly-spherical chunks, but otherwise there were no signs of the obliteration spell’s effect.
This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.
“You’ve gotta use ‘wannaCry’!” Panda instructed forcefully, but I trusted him to guide me well. After all, I had entirely forgotten I possessed the ability until he mentioned it. It was an unfortunate side-effect of having so many different skills.
‘wannaCry’ x
Plugin Ability
You know how to really make someone cry? Destroying the things they love the most. This isn’t quite that, but it’s still sure to make anyone you use it on soil their panties.
Indicate a target and utter the words ‘I’ll make you cry!’ to disable their abilities for the duration specified below.
Duration: 2 minutes
Cooldown: 24 hours
image [https://i.imgur.com/ZptU2DJ.png]
“I’ll make you cry!” I yelled, while pointing Brock’s middle-finger at the Queen.
Installing Malware!
…
…Swapping background image with ‘getpwned.jpg’…
…
…Checking embarrassing search history for potential blackmail…
…
…Texting ‘Let’s get back together’ to contact labeled ‘ex’.
…
Abilities disabled successfully!
“HOW MANY MORE TRICKS DO YOU HAVE LEFT?” she yelled in a taunting tone as she rapidly skittered towards me on her enormously-long legs.
Even without her abilities, she was still a scary gigantic monstrosity.
Her pincers grabbed two pillars and tore them loose from the ceiling and floor, before swinging them at me with astounding speed.
“Oh shit!” I sputtered, before leaping up off the floor.
But my trajectory was poor, and she moved way faster than expected. At the same time, I realized ‘Blink’ would’ve been a better choice.
A pillar crunched against my right side and launched me across the room, only for the pull of ‘No Escape’ to begin dragging me back. My broken arm and ribs were scraped along the floor painfully.
“Blink!” I exclaimed, zipping forward and landing with my feet against the side of a pillar next to her. I shot right at her neck using SPRING_HEEL, while activating another ability. “Cooldown Claymore!”
The crackling orange energy sword appeared in my broken and useless right arm, but I quickly switched it to my functioning hand, while adjusting my trajectory slightly.
“YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME WITH THE POWER OF MY OWN CREATION!” the Queen roared.
“Watch me!”
I zipped past her, tearing through her neck with the blade and decapitating her. I was moving so fast that I accidentally cut through a pillar as well.
“Blink!” I shouted before hitting the ground and zipped back towards the Queen again, landing on the floor right next to her. I launched up off the ground while dragging the glowing sword through her, landing on the top of her tainted-blue centipede carapace. I swung and slashed the perfectly-sharp blade through the Queen, cutting off legs and arms, as well as separating entire segments of the long trailing body.
“Leave nothing left!” Panda exclaimed excitedly.
Until the Claymore fizzled out, I got as many hits in as possible, leaving her massive body in a hundred distinct pieces. Although my arm was broken, I also got several punches in with Brock, in order to spread his curse, but it failed to take hold, which was worrying.
I stood in front of her severed head, while waiting for her to do something. Since her passives weren’t affected by ‘wannaCry’, she no doubt had several ways to recover from even something like this. Instead of destroying her body into nothingness, it made more sense to wait out her cheat death skills and not burn through all my cooldowns.
“Use your ‘Injection’ ability on her corpse before she’s completely dead,” Panda advised.
‘[Injection]’ x
Ability
I’m not sure that’s how an injection works…
Perform a harmless poke that shares all the negative effects in your body with your target.
image [https://i.imgur.com/mT2BMpM.png]
It was inevitable that she’d come back, so it made sense to take proper precautions. Still, I wasn’t sure if that was the right call.
“If I pass on the ‘No Escape’ curse to her, she’ll just be pulled to wherever I am,” I argued. I definitely didn’t want a giant insect flying directly at my face whenever I tried to create distance.
“Fuck, you’re right!” he replied in a high-strung voice. “Gods, being a backseat commander is so stressful.”
The carved-up corpse of the Hive Queen was leaking out blue-tainted blood, but its massive compound eyes still seemed to have some life left in them.
Panda wiped his stitched mouth with his right arm. “Alright, new plan, use Spin the Wheel when the Mute wears off in—”
I never heard what he said next, as a pincer grabbed me around the neck and clamped shut, decapitating me. While my body fell towards the floor, my severed head popped into the air like the cork of a champagne bottle, spinning around so I could see the Queen. Her entire body was shedding some kind of camouflage skin, while the cut-apart corpse at her feet deflated and disappeared.
GAME OVER!
You have died.
Please wait for scheduled resurrection by
SKILL TRIGGER!
Rules of Anarchy(Respawn Once) respawned you back at the beginning!
I was getting pretty sick of dying this way.
Darkness enveloped me and I briefly saw the interior of my asylum cell.
But then a powerful tug on my stomach pulled me through space and time, depositing me back in the Queen’s chamber on the papery floor right behind her. She was facing the other direction, not yet realizing that I’d returned due to ‘No Escape’.
SKILL TRIGGER!
BIRTHDAY_SUIT is now in full effect!
I_CAN_FLY is now available!
I slowly looked down at myself, seeing that I was without clothes.
“HOW MANY MORE LIVES REMAIN?” the Queen taunted me and turned around to look down at my naked visage.
“Oh shit!” Panda exclaimed. “Gambit, run and grab your shit!”
My headless body lay on the other side of her, about 70 yards away, a golden-glowing wisp hovering above it. Nearby, a golden portal was manifesting in the air and scaly bronze-colored imps were hopping out from within, all of them wielding gruesome tools to cut up my previous body. It seemed the silver skeleton within it was being repossessed.
“Blink!”
I teleported directly in front of the body and immediately looted the wisp. Several of the repo imps hopped back in surprise and cursed in a language I didn’t understand.
Before I could attempt to use any of the other skills that’d come off cooldown with my revival, the Queen’s voice boomed in my ears, “FORCED RETIREMENT.”
“.interru—!”
“MUTE.”
Warning!
Your ability has been muted!
Time remaining:
59,834,983 μs
WARNING!
All Skills have been placed on a 40-year cooldown.
“throw Exception( )!”
ERROR!
This ability is on cooldown.
Time left:
6,623,834,012 μs
“Fuckshitcrapballs!!” I cursed incoherently and took off running, while hastily equipping all my gear through my inventory.
“Yep, we’re fucked,” Panda agreed.
I ran around pillars to break line of sight with the Queen, but I felt how my curse still tied me to her. I had no idea how the curse had survived her dying, but there was the very uncomfortable thought in my head that maybe what I’d killed with my Cooldown Claymore wasn’t her real body. Perhaps it had been some kind of clone that’d taken her place, a bit like my Fall Guy passive.
But it didn’t matter. I was so mega-fucked without my skills.
This was truly looking like I’d die for real.
I brushed my left hand along a bit of exposed obsidian metal beneath the material of the floor and activated Rebel’s Ring. If I couldn’t kill her, then I’d at least blow up her stupid spaceship and fling her out into the black void.
WARNING!
Ineligible target!
“Son of a bitch!” I cursed. I realized the reason it didn’t work was likely that the Hive Ship wasn’t a ‘non-living thing’. It raised some questions I wasn’t in any position to ponder right now.
I touched a pillar instead and activated the ring again.
This time no error message came, and I booked it for a pillar further away.
The pull from ‘No Escape’ wasn’t super strong, but the reason was pretty clear.
“Go faster! She’s right behind you!” Panda yelled.
I spared a glance over my shoulder and saw the Queen skittering after me on her massive legs. Her entire body was just moving way too fast for how big it was. It was very disconcerting.
She passed by the pillar right as it exploded after a 10-second delay. I dove behind a different one, as a large fireball exploded outward from the pillar. Whatever they were made of, it was great for blowing up it seemed.
“You’ve only got the Sea Urchin Ring and Swan Cloak items left now!” Panda said. He was clearly stressed out.
“It won’t be enough,” I said as I ran behind a fallen pillar. It also seemed that my Benefactor had given up on me. Or perhaps they’d known it was impossible from the start, and I was just here to help them gather data for a future attempt to take down the CPS. I still remembered how an achievement describing their organization had told me they were known for sacrificing Players to achieve their goals.
Panda hopped down off my shoulder, while the Hive Queen moved around just on the other side of the fallen pillar we hid behind. The dust that’d been raised from the pillar’s explosion was obscuring us. It seemed that she was taking it easy now that I’d been hit with her absurd 40-year duration debuff.
The plushie looked up at me with a weird expression on his face. It was completely neutral, as though he’d become someone other than the panicking commentator and coach of just moments before.
“There’s a way out of this,” he said in a steady voice.
I blinked, confused. But something about the way he looked at me made me ask, “How?”
“Like this.”
Nothing happened for a moment, while the sound of the Queen rummaging around nearby was loud in my ears.
Then it came, unexpected and mind-blowing.
BENEFACTOR CHANGE ALERT!
‘The Pro-Glitch Confederation’ has been outbid by your new Benefactor: ‘Pandamonium’
“Panda… You’re a… You’re one of them!?”
“I’ve always been, Gambit. Ever since the beginning.”
My mind was reeling from shock, but it seemed his surprises were far from over.
Benefactor Gift
This is a gifted item from your Benefactor.
The following message was included with your Gift:
Let’s go back to the start, Gambit.
Let’s save all the friends we lost.
Pandamonium
Reward: ‘Game.restart( )’ ability
‘Game.restart( )’ x
Ability
How the hell did you get this ability!?
This is a System Command that not even Adjudicators can access!
Return to the start of the GREAT GAME.
Charge: 1/1
USING THIS SKILL WILL CAUSE MAJOR DISRUPTIONS TO THE GREAT GAME!
image [https://i.imgur.com/QCVey6L.png]
image [https://i.imgur.com/Pkj4zN2.png]
The world had gone completely silent and the only thing I could hear was the beating of my heart. All this time, Panda had really been more than just a figment of my imagination.
The Queen’s deafening voice pulled me back into the moment.
“FOUND YOU!”
Massive pincers lifted the pillar we were using as cover, exposing us to the giant insect monstrosity.
“Use it!” Panda yelled, his voice back to its usual tone.
I gritted my teeth.
I’ll find a way to save you, Bee!
“Game.restart( )!”
SYSTEM COMMAND ACTIVATED!
…
…Blocking attempted Adjudicator interference…
…
…Peeling back dimensional veil…
…
…Attempting to stabilize time-line…
…
Error!
…
…Employing janky work-around to prevent Paradox destabilization…
…
< < RESTARTING > >
I felt myself unravel and turn into spaghetti noodles. My surroundings were pulled away at an insane speed and morphed into a kaleidoscope blur, while I had the sensation of falling and then being pressed through a tube. There was a light at the end, and I followed it—
***
The world was stained crimson, through the thick tempered glass window covered by bars, while fat droplets slowly rolled down the outside, leaving oily streaks in their wake.
I regarded the blood rain with an ambivalent look, although at least the sun’s light through the oily streaks dyed my white walls in a fascinating pink hue.
“Wednesday already?” I remarked to the empty cell.
It always felt like something was missing. Like an inexplicable void that no one could fill. I often liked to talk to the void, as though it actually listened and understood what I was saying.
“I’ve been here for too long,” I sighed.
Then my body started to balloon from inside. Perhaps eating forty-seven tacos had been a bad id—
BANG!
I arrived in a familiar cell. I had returned to the asylum once again and—
“Why is there blood everywhere?” I asked, looking around in confusion.
“That was close,” Panda sighed with relief. “I’m actually quite surprised that worked.”
I saw bits of hair stuck to the nearby sink, as well as an easily-recognizable intestinal tract and kidney.
“Erm… Panda?”
The plushie on my shoulder turned to look at me. “Yea?”
“Please tell me I didn’t just kill my past self to prevent a time paradox.”
“Err…”
“Fucking hell, Panda!” I yelled. I started wiping down my Unicorn Suit, but the blood just wouldn’t come off.
“I think we were sent back to a different dimension, so it would’ve been an issue if there were two of you.”
“Oh my God! I really just killed myself!”
image [https://i.imgur.com/W26p2gx.jpeg]
image [https://i.imgur.com/2dkhd9w.jpeg]
“You’re taking this a lot harder than I thought you would,” he remarked.
“I thought it felt really weird being squeezed through a tube, but I didn’t realize it was inside my other self! That’s a truly horrific ability, Panda!”
“Good thing it only has one use then,” he replied evenly. “Anyway, there’s been a bit of a hiccup.”
I stopped wiping myself down to look at him. “What?”
“The Great Game hasn’t started yet.”
“Wasn’t that meant to happen?” I asked.
“What I mean is: we’re early. Like at least an entire day early.”
“Isn’t that going to just make it easier to find this dimension’s version of Bee, Samantha, Tina, Chris, and Steve?”
“Yes and no,” he replied.
I plucked a tooth out of my hair. “Why?”
“Try bringing up your Status.”
“Status,” I said.
Nothing happened.
“Oh… Oh no.”
“Yep. No skills, no nothing.”
I looked at the balloon glove on my hand. “Brock? Are you still there?”
Nothing.
I tapped the quartz transport cage in the front pocket of my suit. “Lordie??”
Also nothing.
“I think I’m gonna have a panic attack,” I told him, realizing both Brock and Lordie were gone. “Why do I suddenly feel so miserable!?”
“So, the attributes that the System grants you affect your body and mind quite a lot. As far as I can tell, you haven’t lost any of your skills or levels… They’re just inaccessible to you right now. Same with Lordie.”
“Oh my God, I’ve become… human.”
Panda sighed. “Anyway, we have more time to find our friends, but I’ve got no idea what it’s like outside prior to the initialization of the System.”
I nodded, already over my initial panic. “Bee was around the Kindergarten when the Great Game started.”
Panda shook his head. “She might not be there. It was almost a full day after the Great Game’s start when you originally met her, remember?”
“Not in the slightest.”
He sighed again.
I started walking towards the security door to the cell but then thought better of it and spun around, going towards the window instead.
With a single punch from my balloon gauntlet, the security glass fractured. Another punch sent several of the bars flying.
“Thank fuck I still have my strength,” I said.
“Uh, yeah, so… I’m pretty sure you’re not meant to have that yet,” Panda remarked, sounding worried.
“Don’t look a gift-horse in the mouth, Panda,” I said. “It’s time to rescue Bee!”