I frantically looked around for the Nightmare and wherever he’d manifested, but I couldn’t see him at all.

“Above!” Panda shouted.

Steve and I both looked up, seeing a dark smudge with yellow-glowing eyes and teeth falling down from above.

TICKLE…

TICKLE…

TICKLE…

Predictably, Steve took off, running down the hill as fast as he could go. The collapsed houses had become sinkholes leading into pitch-black darkness and the parks were quickly following suit. Whatever thing ensured the integrity of the Children’s Zone was clearly collapsing.

I stood my ground, awaiting the Nightmare.

“What are you doing!?” Panda yelled. “You’ve got to move!”

“Look around, Panda. There’s no way out of this place,” I said. “I might as well deal with this guy once and for all.”

“Have you already forgotten how he can’t be defeated??” the plushie asked incredulously.

“It’s okay, I know a way.”

“I can tell you’re lying, you know?”

I shook my head with a grin. “Panda, you’ve gotta believe in the me that I believe in.”

“Huh?”

Another tremor rolled through the made-up world, collapsing the streets and distant terrain, leaving only a small area around the hill clear. It seemed as though it was collapsing from the outside in, with the hill being the center.

Steve let out a shriek as he tripped over his own feet and tumbled down into one of the black sinkholes.

“Well shit…” I muttered as I saw him disappear into the darkness.

Then, before I’d anticipated it, Arney landed right on top of me. All of his many hundred baby hands scrabbled across my body, while his red-skinned face and glowing teeth pushed right up against mine.

“TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE!” he groaned eagerly in a deep reverberating voice.

Panda had somehow managed to escape in time and I heard him berating me from a few feet away. “This one’s on you Gambit, you goddamn moron!”

“Don’t worry,” I said, looking right into Arney’s glowing eyes. “I’m not ticklish.”

The Nightmare took this as a challenge, as the tiny fingers on his many black arms intensified their bizarre attempts to tickle me.

“TICKLE!!!”

“Sorry, boss, it’s just not doing it for me,” I told him.

Arney stopped and pulled his body away, while eight of his arms kept me pinned to the grass at the crest of the hill.

“What’s he doing!?” Panda yelled.

“Changing tactics, I think,” I told him.

“Why aren’t you fighting back!?”

“Remember the appraisal we saw?” I replied, as the hundreds of hands that’d let go of me suddenly manifested white feathers. “He only kills his targets by tickling them.”

“So you’re just going to endure?”

I grinned as Arney brought the feathers to bear on my body, running them along my cheek, the outside of my Unicorn Suit, and the bottoms of my Schmonic Boots. Surprisingly, I could feel them through my clothes and equipment.

Despite his best attempts, it hadn’t even tickled a little.

“If he can’t tickle me, he can’t defeat me,” I told Panda.

The yellow-glowing grin faltered and his bug-eyed stare narrowed suspiciously.

“I’m telling you, Arney, I’m not ticklish.”

He pulled back again, once more using only a few arms to keep me pinned. Like a magician, he flicked his hundreds of wrists and swapped the feathers for potato peelers. Then his grin widened.

“Uh, Gambit, you might want to abort this now!” Panda insisted.

“I’ve never been tickled with a potato peeler before. Doesn’t seem like it’d be very pleasant,” I commented. “But! Momma always told me to try everything once!”

“That’s horrible advice!” Panda argued.

“TICKLE?” Arney asked.

“He seems uncertain! Now’s the time to fight back!” Panda insisted.

I pulled my right arm free of the tiny hands pinning me and reached up to the bottom of his red-skinned face. I used my index finger to tickle him under his chin, like how I’d always done with my bullfrog Kevin. As soon as Brock touched the Nightmare, a tiny bit of his purple curse rubbed off on him.

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

“Guchi-guchi-gu!” I said playfully.

“Oi! Imma weapon of death!! Not whateva this is!!” Brock complained.

Arney’s hundreds of arms dropped limply to the ground, though his face didn’t move at all.

“A… A…”

Panda walked up to where I lay on my back in the grass. “What’s happening?” he asked, looking up at Arney’s face.

The yellow grin grew even wider than before and the eyes seemed about to pop out of his head. I kept tickling him.

“Haaa… Haaa…”

Then the world rumbled as another tremor rolled through the Children’s Zone. The hill underneath me broke like the thin shell of an egg and I immediately began to fall.

Panda grabbed on to my hair, but, more surprisingly, Arney wrapped all of his arms around me in a hug. Together, we plummeted into the same darkness that’d swallowed Steve.

The Nightmare was rumbling and shaking, as the deepest most ominous sound imaginable emerged from him.

HAH!

HAH!

HAH!

Arney the Tickler was laughing.

WARNING!

Now exiting ‘Children’s Zone #22’!

I landed on my back with an oof as I returned back into the creepy chamber with all the trapped children. Nearby, Steve was standing atop his Birthday Table ability, while a bunch of ants sat in the chairs and watched him with their rapt attention.

“Definitely not what I expected to return to,” I muttered. He had a strange way of always disappointing me, only to impress me moments later.

“Gambit! You’re back!”

Several of the ants shot to their feet at the sight of me.

“Sit back down!” Steve commanded and they obeyed immediately.

“Woah,” Panda remarked, looking around the chamber.

I followed his gaze and realized that every bulb had lost its amber-like honey. All the children that’d been trapped within were now gone. From the tug of my Manhunter’s Badge I could tell that Bee was still nearby though. She hadn’t been trapped in a bulb it seemed.

“Crashing the Children’s Zone must have set them free,” Panda guessed.

“Question is: Where are they now?” I replied.

To answer that question, a message came in from my Benefactor.

Benefactor Gift

This is a gifted item from your Benefactor.

You did it Gambit! We’re not sure how, since the feed cut out, but you managed to crash every Children’s Zone aboard the CPS Hive Ship.

All of Earth’s children have been sent to the moon. Not the moon that you know, but a new one orbiting further out and currently housing Benefactors of the GREAT GAME, including our company.

I can assure you that they are safe here. Even though the System is contained within Earth, its reach is far enough to affect even us. It would take an Absolute of quite some influence to be able to pierce the protections it has put in place around your world’s progeny.

Now you just have to deal with the Queen of the CPS!

Schmaical Schmackson,

Vice-President of TPGC

Reward: ‘throw Exception( )’ ability

‘throw Exception( )’ x

Ability

You know how, in traditional wish-fulfilment fantasy stories, an author-self-insert protagonist might gain the power to throw fireballs and ice spears and bolts of lightning?

This ability has nothing to do with that.

Once activated, all negative afflictions and debuffs affecting you are cancelled.

The caster or source of any afflictions cancelled receives an annoying RunTimeException informing them that they have encountered a critical error.

You become immune to identical afflictions and debuffs for 2 minutes.

This ability cannot be interrupted or have its cooldown affected in any way.

Cooldown: 2 hours

image [https://i.imgur.com/PglRw3P.png]

image [https://i.imgur.com/js36e9x.png]

“Holy crap!” Panda exclaimed. “That’s super powerful!”

“There’s a new moon?” I asked, ignoring the ability.

Then an achievement appeared.

Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x

‘Nightmare Friendship’

Defeat a Nightmare by befriending it.

We’ll have to rewatch the footage, because we’re not quite sure what just happened.

More concerningly, after your weird hug, Arney the Tickler appeared inside our office, killing the guy in charge of shredding all letters sent to HR. We’ll have to upgrade our security it seems.

He dropped this off for you.

Reward: ‘Arney’s Friendship Bracelet’

image [https://i.imgur.com/IeMvn5P.png]

A bracelet made of finger-bones and human hair appeared around my left wrist. I tried to pull it off, but it wouldn’t budge.

“What the fuck?” I muttered. Then I inspected it.

‘Arney’s Friendship Bracelet’ x

A symbol of the friendship you forged with the Nightmare ‘Arney the Tickler’.

Whenever you enter dream realms, Arney will be there to guide and protect you.

This item cannot be sold or otherwise discarded.

Weight: 2.9 Pandas

image [https://i.imgur.com/br0gyBv.png]

I was about to ask Panda what he thought the effect meant, but then I noticed something. The tug from my Manhunter’s Badge was shifting ever so slightly.

Bee was on the move.

Within seconds I was back on my feet and running in its direction.

“We’re coming Bee!” I yelled.

Steve and his birthday party of ants quickly followed along as I ran from the Children’s Zone chamber.