I woke up with a distinct sense of motion and wasn’t freezing anymore. Was I in a car? The shadowy scenery was definitely passing by. The seatbelt a tad constricting. I tapped around to get better sense of surroundings. Right. This was definitely not a car. The demon was carrying me, saying nothing. I stared up at the silhouette of horns which were faithfully keeping vigil ahead and firmly ignoring me.

Annoyance overtook me. I proceeded to play drowsy idiot - which I mostly still was – and slapped the creature around some more, eventually landing my palm onto what should have been its face, wondering what the ancient horror looked like under that.

Teeth clamped down on my knuckles and I pulled the hand back. Angry red scratches reached all the way to the fingertips and one nail could have been missing. I held back a yowl and slew of curses. The whole of it could have come off clean, had he wished so. Was it worth it? Absolutetly.

I slammed same wounded palm back onto creature’s rumbling chest, which he apparently didn’t mind, and proclaimed, “You spoil me, good sir! I could get used to traveling like this.” I got him bloody. The well-worn scraggly leather beneath my hand was rough and crusty though, so it didn’t make me feel any better. It had to be just a drop in sea of what already was caked in on it.

“We can keep your legs permanently broken to make this an ongoing arrangement,” after just a moment’s thought he said softly, as much as that was possible for something whose entire chest was rumbling to create sound. He did not speak with his mouth.

I made a sour face at the expense of his blindness and almost didn’t say it. But ended up nodding, “Mhm. Anything to avoid slogging through this landscape. Carted around like a royalty – by a monster, no less. Who else on the entire planet could brag about this?” A lot of dead people, that’s who. Hopefully I’d piss him off enough to join the ranks soon.

Creature didn’t reply. Whether he was getting annoyed or hungry, there was no indication at all.

So perhaps we both agreed to keep my lower body continuously mangled, but it wasn’t getting any worse right now. I didn’t even feel much pain because everything went numb from hours of being kept still. Nobody was mentioning the elegant breakdown I’ve inadvertently displayed. Life was good.

I could have asked where we were going, but didn’t really want to know. Meanwhile, nothing bad ever happened in transit. Cocked my head backwards and stared at the night sky. Light pollution was much less of an issue since the grid had failed. Most cities still maintained the power with some effort, but it was costly endeavour. In any case, I was nowhere near those. Started humming while stargazing and began falling asleep again. It’s probably been a while since I was carried… if ever?

… Vertigo hit me like a brick. Then again. It took me a while to catch on. The monster was jumping around. Something out there in complete blackness screeched and the steady ticking changed into a constant, reverberating growling. It echoed like there was an empty cave within him. I felt like I’m hanging off a precipice. Fear rose. I wanted to get away from the monster holding me, even if it meant leaping straight into another one. The echoing was insane, impossible, nauseating.

Something in the dark didn’t get the clue and lurched at us again. The creature which carried me just leapt away again and trudged along without even tightening hold on his lovable bundle. In fact, never once has he even jostled me to rearrange as though the arms never got tired. One more reason to hate these inhuman blow-ins.

“Ha! You suck!” I shouted at whatever it was following in a deliberate attempt to antagonise it. Perhaps the new creature could eat this one, and save me some heartache. Even I heard it scuttle around. On many many legs. A much longer atrocity.

Scampering thing lurched forward again, immediately to be outpaced by the one on two feet. Angry hissing came from all over the place, tippy tapping noise multiplied too – even from up ahead. Shit was getting real and he was walking… right at it? Could he even see where he was going, through all this noise? This was probably going there anyway, but I didn’t exactly desire to be carried into some big maw.

I turned away from the blackness back to my associate, “He probably took offence to what you did to the shoes. Those aren’t sandals, yo.”

There was another flat pause and I was starting to get disappointed my jabs weren’t landing anywhere at all. It was far harder to cope when even my out loud thoughts just bounced back to me.

Eventually echoing growling formed into, “I’d grow actual eyes to see that thing wearing shoes.”

The air rushed out of me in almost a laugh. Relief. But, yeah. The thought appealed to me as well. If I was going to be killed by an unspeakable abomination, I’d want it to at least wear something ridiculous. Flip-flops and a hat? Make that terrifying.

“Your fashion sense is not to be lauded either,” I admonished. “Ragged cloak? Middle Ages ended centuries ago.”

“They’re making a comeback,” the reverberations told me and I frowned. And just whose fault was that?

Without giving me chance to retort, he’d slammed into something instead of leaping away like usual. Hissing was still universally present so it had to happen sooner or later. This was it, then. I put all my brainpower into imagining straw hats on them both.

“Ladies, ladies! No need to fight, there’s enough of me for everyone,” I bravely yelped, enduring another slam, hiss, gurgling roar, crunching, slurping and something wet dribbling down onto me. It felt irritating on my skin and outright burnt the fresh scratches.

While I wasn’t concentrating, it was all over and my cabbie sprinted away from all the noise. I was still rubbing the mystery liquid off my skin onto both mine and his clothes. Mostly his.

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“You flatter yourself. There’s barely enough of you for an animal,” collected grumbling informed me.

“Depends on the animal,” I shot back. “There are no bears around or anything. Rest would need a group to finish me in one sitting.”

“If there was, perhaps you humans wouldn’t be so pathetic now.”

Then we’d probably be extinct, but I conceded the point in favour of a more optimistic reality, supplied by the ancient dread.

There was more noise in the dead of night, but just one another thing dared to challenge the porter. That one was resolved much quicker and less eventfully. And I couldn’t even tell how. Perhaps they… talked it out? I didn’t even get a chance to be a smartass.

I passed out again out of exhaustion at sunrise. Woke up in a drizzle. My parched lips parted and I wished for a downpour. How long will this go on? This was starting to be as uncomfortable and as painful as being left back there. If I don’t say anything, perhaps I could die of dehydration? Could check and see whether his claims about revival are true. But if so then I’d have suffered for nothing and I’m all about feeling acceptable right now.

“What do I need to do for water?” expecting the worst I croaked out. I could imagine what human would want, this thing though – who knows? Stick my hand in his cakehole again? Because for sure it wouldn’t ask for a cake.

“You need to look for it in the bag,” creature answered and for the first time I’d noticed a strap over his shoulder.

“Oh,” I couldn’t help but express a surprise. “Can I get my other hand free?” I asked whilst still basking in the unprecedented generosity of my lord and master.

“Only if you stick that one inside me as well,” he replied flatly.

Ah, there it was. My gut churned and lips did an unhappy thing, but I managed a somewhat civil reply, “If you put it that way, how can I resist?”

I didn’t really need that much mobility, but how could I back out now? The hold did relax. I rested my chewed up palm on creature’s chest and pulled up the other arm. Tingles paralysed my whole shoulder and for a minute or two I just writhed. The tireless monstrosity hadn’t said anything, but there had to have been contempt for flesh so weak. Well fuck him, hoped his muscles cramped up from all this walking and carrying too.

When I finally got to getting to the bag, I found that it was pink and sniggered uncontrollably. “You will be stopped by a fashion police at the next intersection,” I announced and then my mirth fell away as I realised it must have been the girl’s.

Opened and greedily gulped down the first and only thing that caught my eye. There wasn’t much, so I didn’t gorge all of it at once. Sated, rummaged in the pink bag further. Some thin summer clothes, crackers, a single beat up mystery can, jelly worms – which I immediately stuffed into my mouth and made unflattering sounds about. This was first food product in my mouth for at least a week.

“Alright, you can eat me now,” I announced after achieving complete happiness and splayed out as much as it was possible.

“Later,” the chest hummed. Charming.

“Want one?” I wiggled the wormie right in front of him.

“No,” I flung it into the hood right as he said it, somehow managing to forget he wasn’t human. It just hit something firm and fell back onto me. Disappointing. I suppose it will take a while to relearn lifetime’s worth of ingrained things.

I stared into the shade under the cloth. It was overcast, but still day. I didn’t see anything under the hanging fabric. The neck was twined in a cloth so black it looked concave. Did it go up all over the head? How did I get bitten, then?

“I will bite it off this time,” a growl told me as though he knew exactly what I was thinking. Could he tell where I was looking? Probably..? The breath was warm moving air and probably audible to somebody like him.

“That’s fine. You will either way so let’s just get it over with.” At least the monster had given me candy for my troubles.

“Later,” he reiterated.

“Ugh, don’t play with your food. Hooligan!”

But that only made me want to do it even more. Initially feigning a stretch, I gathered momentum for a slap straight into what would have been a shadowy cheek. Something caught my arm. I frowned at it. Then frowned some more, just with confusion. His hands were still gripping me like there was no tomorrow.

It was the grimy coat! The leather was twining around my forearm. And I could not move it whatsoever.

“Are you revoking my spare arm privileges?” I asked terribly frowning. This development was very disappointing.

No answer. No give in the hold either.

“You’re being childish,” I accused, fully aware of being a hypocrite. But he was supposed to be an adult. However hundreds years old and all that!

Quiet yet again. Need to change approach.

“Oh. My. God. If the clothes are part of you – are you streaking?!” I whispered, acting all scandalised. Because thinking about it, it was actually weirder for a creature from another dimension to be wearing fancy-ass biker boots.

“The footwear is real,” chest had reverberated defensively – because he didn’t need to reply anything, and therefore it was incriminating. Or so I chose to see this.

“Wow… and that doesn’t make you feel… even more naked?” I was hundred percent genuinely curious and also moments away from breaking into an actual roaring laughter. The thing from beyond had, in fact, a sense of appreciation for fashion. Because there’s no way he’d be bothered by stepping onto sharp glass with his poor little clawed footsies.

“The guy insisted on keeping them, so I had to take it,” now he was outright explaining himself and I did chortle.

Though I don’t suppose this happened in a boutique. I gave in and asked, “Are you sure he meant the boots and not his legs?”

“Doesn’t matter. I have both.”

For once, the sheer absurdity of the event was not completely doused in cold shower of reality and the bleak company I’ve been forced to keep. That could - and probably would - be me. Even if not soon then eventually. Detours could be fun!

“Hey, can we go there?” I pointed for a blind man like a complete idiot.

Quiet vibration in the chest changed into louder clicks. “We can,” he’d replied without missing a beat. I waited for more but it didn’t come.

I gave in, “Will we?”

“Probably not,” the frustrating monster told me but I beamed. All I heard was that it wasn’t a no.

“What would it take?”

“A decent reason,” creature deep-toned.

Just decent? Not even a good one. How generous! I concentrated on list of viable reasons for a stroll in a forest.

… Realistically, there was none. A lot of little bullshit ones, but even I didn’t feel like bothering. Drying out my parched throat further by being minor (and likely completely ignored) annoyance gave me little joy.

My restrained arm smacked me on the side of the head. Before I could protest I heard him bellow and pick up pace, “Cover your ears.”

Immediately I started to protest, but got cut off by another voice. Couldn’t make out what they were saying. They were calling? Looked around and into the brush, which lead further into to the woods.

“Now,” his piercing tone made me reach for the ears instinctively. I didn’t, fully. Somebody was really calling from out there.

“Ignore,” the chest besides me snarled and fell completely still. There was no more reverberation, no sound. At all. The greenery was completely still, and eerily quiet - besides the voice, which was getting clearer each time.

My heart started pumping more blood and the headache picked up again too. Something was off, despite nature looking so serene. The day had started to clear up. The sunny outcrop was completely at odds with a sense of danger pumping through my veins. I had finally done as told and attempted not to hear the voice, but it might have been too late? I heard it on the inside.

I felt something seductive, revolting looming at the edge of my consciousness and trying to push in. Visceral fear made my heart beat so hard it was hard to breathe. But I was good at living with fear. Frankly, sinister voices in my head were least of my problems.

Wiggled my toes to get more blood pumping through the legs. Tingling and the pain allowed me to concentrate on other things. For example, a detailed recollection of how the leg was hurt, and whether it was too late to save it. The smell of dried blood on my sleeves and people who were no longer around. The people who were but shouldn’t be. I bit on my loose teeth and tasted fresh metal again. Cold anger tempered the terror.

At some point I felt the almost inaudible growl rolling off me again. Opened eyes to find scenery had changed. It must have been safe. Wiped sweat off my forehead and kept the fingers clutching the hair. Man, everything hurt. Physically. Fished out the bottle and obliterated the remaining water. Didn’t have any more energy to rip on the ancient horror, even though him getting spooked was a golden opportunity. Whatever we brushed past must have been whole new calibre of monster. Even to him.

Looked up at the hood with its curling horns. Was this guy even something worth of awe? Some crummy human lookalike. Terrifying.

Yanked my hand to slam it into his so-called face, but the coat tightened so hard around it the bones cracked. Best I could do was twitch my fingers and whimper. Having expended all strength, sagged against the devil’s shoulder and relaxed.