I was walking but for the life of me I could not figure out where I was going. At least the scenery was nice. Unsettling, but nice. Sunny grassland, with something just a wee bit off about it. My vision had blurry quality to it, even if there was little to see. Whenever I concentrated, the scene came into sharper focus and looked the way it should have. Nothing drastic, just noticeable.

The bushes tad too big? Became sprawling lilacs the next moment. Gaggle of birds soaring through the sky? Leaves, just leaves. Butterflies of surreal colours? I’ve only ever seen them white or brown, but did hear of other variations. With that conclusion the sight fluttered and did not change. Right after taking notice of the complete desolation I witnessed old sheds, variety of plants and even animals. I had next to no interaction with the wildlife throughout my life, so they ended up looking quite grotesque. A dog hopped on by. I snickered at that. Poor psyche of mine, it did its best but I was of no help.

I was fairly sure this was a dream, perhaps a nightmare. I did spend unhealthy amount of time outdoors these days. As daunting as this was, I had no complaints. It was a decent change from my usual haunting visions.

Where was I now, really? Physically still in the devil worshipping village, although I had no recollection of going to sleep after the wild experience the said devil graciously provided. I must have passed out then and there. Wasn’t worried. I knew wherever I ended up, the demon would keep me safe. For some reason he always did.

He was also here in this placid dream, trailing behind me unobtrusively. The great outdoors was still not my scene, but this walk felt oddly normal. New normal, one could say.

I sidled towards the menacing figure and scooped up a tense palm into my own. Warmth spread out from the touch and I squeezed tighter. The contact was unreasonably pleasant. Might need to resort to this when I’m awake, too. After all, thus far he did me no wrong. Perhaps the monster just had a terrible case of foot in the mouth. And why was I worrying about future anyway?

I absentmindedly rubbed my fingers across stranger’s skin and passive observer in my mind noted differences on it. Longer digits, flawless skin, knuckles unbroken. I looked down, but image did not shift. Huh. My sleeping mind gave him other attributes. Strange, but these fit more.

“So. Are we off to update your terribly, terribly dated wardrobe?” I decided to bypass asking about the hands or wonder why the coarse overcoat remained the same. Dream logic, am I right?

“If you wish,” growl ticked dispassionately.

No bite and instead of annoying the demon, I got miffed myself. Threw head backwards and stared at the ominously nebulous sky. The clouds looked like spilled paint. Their attempts to get into more concrete shape was even more bizarre. My irritation all but forgotten, I still couldn’t hold back curiosity, “Seriously, where are we off to?”

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“You were the one leading the way,” demon suggested noncommittally. He was bent on serving me my medicine today.

“Smartass. There’s just one cracked up road to follow. Where does it lead?”

“Where do you want it to lead?”

I huffed out powerlessly and gave up trying to pry answers out of the living statue. It was my dream.

Frankly I haven’t given my wants much thought since setting my world on fire. Sure, I wanted to get away, however it wasn’t so much about the destination but rather the escape itself. Again. I had nowhere to be. I just didn’t want to be. Especially under anyone’s heel. I refuse to live like that for no reason.

The devil was back to the warm embrace of his cultists, now what?

“That’s not up to me though, is it?” my spite spilled out all over the overgrown ancient pathway.

“What if it was?” Demon did not deny the accusation and that placated me. Being on a same page always helps. “This is a dream. You can want anything,” creature added.

Stuck my hands into jacket pockets and I gave it a fraction of thought. Answer came unbidden. Silhouette tried to come into a focus and I clapped my hands to chase away the ghosts.

“There’s nothing I want anymore!” I proclaimed much more cheerfully than I should have been. There was still a man-sized hole somewhere inside of me but it wasn’t a pit of despair anymore… and I didn’t hate feeling this light. So untethered I could float away. It cemented the fact – this was indeed some weird dream where neither mine nor his lives mattered. I hated that. Disregarding essential parts of myself turned me into someone else. This wasn’t me anymore. Who even was this? Why was there so much groundless happiness swirling around inside? What was this fool so thrilled about? I gripped my temples and squeezed. No answers came.

“If you need to latch onto someone to stay alive, what’s wrong with being part of me?”

My world refocused on another problem. I had almost forgotten about this pressing issue in this entirely calming setting and friendly chatter. I grabbed monster by the rough lapels and shook in vain, “Which part of me looks like I want to live for the next sixty thousand years? I’m not sure I wanna do tomorrow!”

“I can make it so it feels very brief to you,” he’s said firmly and I got terrible feeling.

“Yeah, no. No.” That sort of imaginative hell was exactly what I was fearful of. “Why? Why me?” I demanded powerlessly. Why does it always have to be me?

“Because you don’t want to,” he said and my hands slunk down, strength having abandoned them. I was almost starting to forget that everyone who could, would trample all over me. His hand caught mine and more followed, “I want to make you wish so.”

“Why not do what I wish and just leave me alone?”

Even the dream monster did not have decency to politely bullshit me. Why did this conversation always go this way? Because that’s how things were and I could do only so much denial.

I was not aware of having walked at all past few moments, but the change in atmosphere signalled we’ve arrived. The air felt moist and refreshing, the sounds reminded me of thunderstorm. I turned to look and there was a waterfall of insane proportions. I could barely see where it ended, if at all.

See was a generous word. As breath-taking as it was, the stunning vista was still blurry. The great many trickles seemed almost pixelated. It was akin to a gifted child’s drawing – good, but lacking actual skill to bring the ambitious idea to completion. Of course, I never even guessed anything of the sort could exist, much less seen it, so the visuals remained lacking. However, that was trivial. The booming crash and hiss of water, damp feeling on the skin, the sense of scale and the taste of air carried the impression perfectly. I closed my eyes and the scene came alive. This must be how he was seeing it.

“I’ll show you places if you don’t know where to go,” monster’s low growl cut through the roaring boom of water.

I still felt so light and untroubled that I really could have gone anywhere. With him. Not like I had real choice, but I almost wanted to. Shrugged, deciding to see where this dream takes the happier version of me.