I woke up with a start and smacked both knees into a corner. Cursed. My back was stiff, since I slept half-seated and all contorted. Wiped drool off my chin and stretched. I felt rested. Nothing hurt or was aching even remotely. That was immediately suspicious and I checked my heels. The evidence was clear as day.

I didn’t need it – would crawl into the city on raw knees if need be; I didn’t like it – I had little say when it came to my body far too often. I sighed, swallowing the urge to make a big deal out of it. There would be no point anyway. Experience told me neither him nor the humans of similar character listened to plea of ants beneath them.

I breathed out, grinning. If this was part of the suspicious ownership package, it was comparably tolerable. People had done worse to me. Getting healed against my wishes certainly did not remotely compare.

I picked my shit up and clambered out into the muck. My still unpleasantly damp footwear immediately began collecting water anew, with a vigour that I didn’t feel. At least some of us were enthusiastic this morning. I slurped at the fleshly settled water on the crinkled car door. Freezing insides along with the toes were just the thing to get spry and fully awake.

However, my day’s ordeals have only began.

“Eat,” monster outstretched an arm with… a raw, plucked chicken leg. Just like from the shop. It looked great in all honesty and my stomach rumbled angrily, but I looked around with mistrust.

“Where’s the rest of it?” I asked finding no trace of butchering.

More materialised and the stomach churned in a different way. My lips twisted until I finally managed to say, “You want me to eat you?”

Why? Is there a reason? Is this a monster thing? Is that normal or does it mean something? Would I be on the menu afterwards? Million options swirled through my mind, but this curveball dropped into my lap far too unexpectedly. My confusion was still in free-fall.

“You dislike when I inject nutrients directly into your bloodstream, so put them there yourself.”

“It’s raw,” I protested. Does it need to be cooked since it wasn’t a real bird? Or did he recreate whatever made it dangerous to consume undercooked too? No no, that wasn’t even the problem here. If that lump of meat got cooked, would he feel it? Would he even be okay about that? The whole situation was making me opposite of hungry. “Hang on, I am not cooking you anyway. Not eating you either! What the hell?”

“What’s the problem?”

“I… don’t know exactly. You’re sentient? That… doesn’t feel right.”

“I consume organisms far more elaborate than me all the time.”

“And that is why one of us is a monster and the other is not,” I said like a complete douche but felt the sentiment more than ever before. Not my proudest moment.

“What do you think you’ve been ingesting all the time I fed you anyway?”

Gulp. Urk. I honestly avoided thinking about it thus far and I would have done great not knowing in the future.

I felt anger rising again. This is why I fucking didn’t want it. Bypassing stomach altogether was not only innately disgusting, but I had no idea what was going on with me that way anymore. I didn’t already – he restored and fixed me left and right. Was I slowly becoming a creature? Was it even important to me to be human? I didn’t know and I didn’t want to find out. Didn’t want to think about it. This was never supposed to be on the table for me. Everything was so damn confusing. I felt panic and rage twist inside me and go to the same place they always wind up at. A dead-end.

“Just do it the quick way. Your family’s much coveted deeply unfried recipes need some work,” I waved nonchalantly to hurry him up and waited. Mystery meat got reabsorbed back into monster’s long fingered hand and he plodded forward, mud doing nothing to impede the approach. Monster touched me on the cheek yet again and there was no wetness or smell of raw poultry to prove it was ever there. His palm was warmer than my skin and within seconds I felt my fingertips defrost too. Was the blood even mine anymore? Did it matter?

It did. I only ever had tiny bits of myself to begin with. That was all I had. He may have tried to be accommodating but I wanted to retch.

“Why are you upset?”

“Preposterous idea. Such a fine morning. Why would I be?” I beamed at the blind demon, but had a suspicion my charms weren’t working on someone whose fingers burrowed under my skin like roots. I felt them there. It wasn’t a tender caress, not now and not even once before. Never when this inhuman thing was concerned. He was just plunging himself into my depths, plucking some things out and leaving other behind. Deciding for me. Reading my innermost feelings, bypassing all these walls I’ve worked all my life to construct.

“I can alter your chemical balance and force you into compliance. I can just sift through your brain myself. Or you could just tell me.” Do as I tell you or I’ll beat it out of you.

“Ah, yes. A calming, therapeutic threats. Very novel approach,” I smiled and then rubbed my face tiredly, dislodging the invasive touch which clung just a moment too long as if sticky. I pressed on my eyes. Chewed my lip bloody. Nothing helped. This wasn’t a fever dream. I was still here, sinking in the muck figuratively and literally.

Was this time to take a stand? Just swallow the bullet and dare the monster to do his worst? I wanted to, but that would not be the end. That was the terrifying fact of my new reality. He would and the horrors would never stop. I had places to be.

I put hand to my heart and sniffled, “I am a vegetarian and the sight of animal parts was very unsettling.” Then I turned and attempted to walk away, but my stuck shoe informed me we had some other plans.

“You are not squeamish,” growl right behind me made me feel as if I was about to be eaten. The timbre wasn’t any different than usual but my frayed nerves registered unknown predator behind me. Not the greatest of feelings. I shuddered violently.

“You are disproportionately stressed. About as much as in presence of those upper-class humans. Why?” Demon at my back demanded in a vicious growl again.

A bit of an overreaction on my part, but unsurprising, seeing as I was still trapped by monsters and got violated willy-nilly. I froze up in a realisation. He knew somehow what I felt back there. He knew. Of course. That’s what the writhing skin carpet was for. And he did nothing. Since this was a given, I wasn’t even disappointed.

Subterfuge was not working so I gave up and sneered condescendingly, “I sell my body, not the soul. You’re not entitled to know my feelings.”

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“I don’t want your body. And I can force you to have any feeling I like,” monster threatened offhandedly again. His growl went on, “And whilst I can just extract the information, I don’t want to ruin you. I enjoy experiencing you. So tell me.”

I was but a science experiment. A twisted suicidal maniac to psychoanalyse in the spare time. I forced out a smile.

“Didn’t you say talking is inefficient? Just do your flesh magic and leave me alone,” muttered, lighting up a cigarette.

“Alone you will die,” creature said as though it was a problem.

My fiery psyche was suddenly all spent and exhausted. The threats, the actions and implications left me hollow. “Will you even understand it? It’s just human issues, boring ones too.”

“No. It’s why I rather you explain it.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and wished to not be here.

“Remove your hood,” I demanded in a spur of the moment. If he wanted my secrets I’d at least get his in return.

The probing growl ticked on and it felt like I scored a point. He then extended a hand for me to take. I didn’t and he spoke, “I want to know how it makes you feel.”

I rolled my eyes and took the damned hand. With the other, he pulled the imitation of a hood backwards. Seeing a crook in place of a head didn’t feel real. Everything I knew rejected the sight witnessed by my own eyes. This felt like I was dreaming. I gaped at the impossible malformation, torn between wanting to touch to make sure it’s real and cover it up, pretending this has never happened.

Avoiding the delicate hearing apparatus I ran a finger through a thicker band just before the peculiar organ split into two.

“You’re not scared. And no longer even upset,” he commented. Truly enough, I was mesmerised. No wonder he couldn’t fake an expression. There was nothing to work with here. The monsters really didn’t need anything remotely resembling a face.

I shrugged, tugging my hand away. Started slowly trudging towards where the pavement ought to have been.

Spoke eventually, “It’s a human thing. We don’t eat one another unless something went terribly wrong.”

“I’m not human,” two-pronged headless being said and accentuated, “I’m a monster.” I could have sworn he was making fun of me.

“Human enough to me,” I shrugged and pursed my lips. “No offence?”

“Is that why you’re so unafraid of me?”

Wow, I must be on top of my game today at least in some areas. This creature was by far most terrifying thing in my existence. A cruel god which forbade me to die. “You’re a monster. And I guess I’m used to dealing with such.”

“That wasn’t what got you worked up,” cloaked demon snarled after a while as though he’d been patiently waiting for me to go on all that time.

Of course flimsy excuses wouldn’t make him drop it. I sighed deeply and reached for some other lie which could potentially pass for truth. After all, everything can get used against me. As benevolent as this creature appeared right now, I’ve seen him discontinue the people under his care without qualms.

“Hey, why did you kill the girl? The one from when we met,” I dared to wonder out loud.

There was no hesitation in the answer, “She asked me to take care of her for the rest of her life.”

“So you did what? Drastically shortened it?”

“Essentially.”

Well, this did not come as a surprise to me. And yet, the betrayal of that youthful naivety left a bitter pang in my chest.

“Fantastic. In two days we’ll have that exact conversation,” I informed Mister Literal.

“We may have any conversation you like, but the result will not be the same.”

It sounded truthful even to my jaded ears and as much comfort as cruel honesty offered, that outcome did not inspire confidence either.

“Why?” I asked with some degree of annoyance.

“You amuse me far too much to waste.”

“Amuse,” I spat out utterly mirthless.

“She was but a lost child, unable to even fathom things coming her way. It would have been cruel to let her experience them. After all, I had no intention to safeguard her.”

“What a humanitarian,” I bit out sarcastically but was actually fully on board with the philosophy. I wish somebody had gently offed me when I first ended up on the streets.

“I wouldn’t dare to call it so. After all, humane killing is specialty of your species,” monster from hell dimension ridiculed the irony played by words.

I rolled my eyes, unimpressed. “So, why are you being oh so cruel towards me?”

“Because it is in my power to make it so nothing cruel will ever befall you again,” monster in a cloak guaranteed as though it was nothing. Had it come from a human I would have simply dismissed, but this ageless being? It was probably well within its power. I almost wanted to believe the baseless claim.

“But why? What’s the fucking difference between me and the girl?”

“You’re young for your species but cagey enough to seem to have lived several lifetimes,” he ticked thoughtfully. “It is rare.”

Overtaken by incredulity I scoffed, “As much as I want to imagine I had it rough, there’s an entire city dead ahead where most of the inhabitants had world fall apart on them quite literally.”

Everyone was haunted and bitter, my defeatism hadn’t remotely approached those who have seen the old world. I was of firm belief humans weren’t meant to live that long. Thirty had to be solid enough time to firmly come into the peak of existence and experience only gradual decline afterwards. Granted, it came little earlier into my life but I merely got a firm head start.

“Oblivious humans who hide behind the walls and pretend nothing has changed. Terrified humans who can’t stand the sight of me. Arrogant humans who presume to be my equals. Fools who think they’re perfectly safe behind barrel of a weapon… They’re all the same. Common.”

I looked off at the horizon blankly. The curse of being too good at the job and getting more of it. He liked that I was none of those and instead a mouthy suicidal madman. It wasn’t unlike the situation with geezers from the manor. The lord has seen something unusual and coveted it, locked me up and claimed as his.

“You do understand you’re the one making me miserable, right? You’re the something cruel you claim to want to fend off.”

“And I am asking you why that is,” he hissed back. “You’re not trapped. You’re healthy. Safe. We’re doing what you asked.”

Was I massively overreacting? I stared at the horns through a squint. I suppose the threats were merely polite reminders, as the ancient being could just swat nuisances away. He certainly didn’t bother with reminders before disfiguring the sad sap at the church’s front gate. Perhaps he was trying to be caring … or something of the monster equivalent.

I chose to reveal small part of the truth. Just enough so he’d get off my back. “You change me. Bit by bit. Little things. You do something to my blood and I am no longer hungry. Muscles are not aching after all that walking. You wave your hand and my emotions change. It’s unnatural. It shouldn’t be like this…”

Monster ticked on… expectantly? Judgmentally? Air was getting heavier. There go his delusions of a fearless wonder boy. Perhaps I can smash them all altogether and he’d kill me at the end of speech. Floodgates were opening regardless.

“And then there’s big ones. The cheek, hands, twisted bones, missing teeth, old scars… Everything’s mended perfectly, like new. I am no longer diseased, as if I didn’t spend my entire life licking plagues off most disturbing surfaces to get by. Ears are no longer pierced... Did Lime even prick them or did I imagine it? Was he ever here at all? I’ve nothing of him… And there’s nothing to attest to the things I went through. It’s like this body is not mine anymore.”

“You’re unhappy that you’re better?”

He was just not getting it.

“I’m unhappy to not be me anymore! You manipulate flesh like a TV, how can I ever be sure I am who I think I am, and not just some miserable idiot you’ve dreamed up and brought to life for your entertainment?” It was a legitimate worry, even if not the most prominent one. I didn’t need to work hard to sell it.

The growl hitched with purposeful indignant annoyance as he said, “Rearranging human brain which I don’t even care to understand in general terms would be tedious and unnecessary when there’s billions of you to choose from.”

Ah, yes. I guess there’s that. I wasn’t special enough for all that effort. Nothing like a good old-fashioned ego check to lay my worries to rest.

“I shall not interfere with your body if you take care of it – but I will be around to make sure you will live long… Eventually you’ll beg me to give you more time and turn you into something more.”

I eyed the patronising monster, “So, what? You’ll just hang around in the city, watching?”

“Would you believe I have a lot of time and very little to do?” monster replied with a hint of teasing.

There were a lot of issues logistically speaking, but my very recently unclenched gut didn’t panic at the thought. It would be useful to have more muscle guarding our home. It would be hard to explain away the occasional meaty scarecrow at our front door, but I didn’t hate the idea at all. There was no scale by which I could judge alien creature correctly, but going by interactions thus far… perhaps he wasn’t the jerk I assumed him to be. Murderous, sure, but who wasn’t?

I grinned at this demon and felt shitty for all the attitude. “Sorry,” I muttered as though to myself but there was no chance he couldn’t hear. “I’ll try to be more patient with monster related hang-ups.”

“Mmm… In that case you’ll really have to go vegetarian.”

“What?! Why? You eat people all the time!”

“Cooking is gross,” monster rumbled and I turned to gape at him with righteous outrage. I found the shoulders relaxed and head tilted as though he’d just told a joke. He did, didn’t he?

“Asshat,” said and punched his bicep. Mood patched itself up without warning. It helped that monster apparently held no grudges or had none of his own instability to add to the dumpster fire. Having emotional capacity of a rock had its upsides. “If you plan to stick around people you really might want to practise more of that,” I gestured abstractly towards his upper body.

“Please. I’ve had millenniums of practise.”

Groundless superiority strikes again. Well, not entirely groundless but evidence suggested that humans excelled in this one field. “So why are you so shit at it?” I threw back in same tone.

“Unfortunately, your kind spent all that time evolving to tell apart predators that appear human,” demon grumbled.

“It’s not that hard,” I lectured grinning wide. “Just say you’ve got facial paralysis. Less is more. Oh! Channel Priest.” Great advice, all in all, but I hastily added, “Not literally.”

“It will be fine,” overconfident monster assured groundlessly and rang all my alarm bells. I briefly wondered if his baseline fine involved heaps of dead witnesses - all to save face he did not even have.

I let it go and covertly stared sideways instead. Things could rarely be taken at face value, but if he was to be believed, this coat hanger creature was really going way out of his way to ensure I didn’t get kidnapped again – not something I ever thought I’d have to worry about in my thus far quite unwanted life. And it warmed my frozen black heart. I really could do with fewer surprise road trips nowadays.

If all this was just a ploy to lull me into false sense of security and kill me after uttering careless, easily misinterpreted words, the joke was on him - to die happily oblivious was my plan all along. So everything looked great on paper. Doubtlessly there would be more things to iron out in this unwanted babysitting situation, but the devilish creature was proving to be surprisingly amenable.

Now that my neuroses have calmed down, I thought that maybe things are going to be alright. It was a strange, soothing sensation. I could get used to this.