I was under some trees again, but not in the never-ending forest any longer as far as I could tell. The trees surrounded me but only for a short stretch before giving way to some sharp banks that led to some water. On both sides, a decently sized river rushed past. Much more substantial than my stream had been, the rivers rolled past with a calm susurration, quiet but powerful. From my vantage on the bank, I stood where the two rivers joined. One was dirty and dark, one clear and light. It was an interesting thing to see the line in the water where the two rivers blended before continuing onward. I stared into the water thanking god, specifically not Loki, that I wasn’t aware of my death by drowning.

With a start, I quickly stripped off my rucksack and ripped it open. I was greeted with a mouthful of sharp teeth spread wide. Pest yawned at him. I breathed a sigh of relief seeing the critter healthy and whole. I had always had a soft spot for animals, and I was relieved to know that nothing untoward happened to the little guy while I was off in Blue Hell. He stretched his tiny little arms out in front of him. It was aggressively adorable for reasons I cannot fathom just how cute his little chibi arms poking out for a stretch were.

I pet him, which he ignored as he slithered out of my bag and sniffed around. After a short time of investigation, he backed himself up to a set of stones and let out the loudest, wettest, and nastiest of shits one could have possibly dreamed of from such a small beast. I, of course, on occasion would participate in the same ritual, but it was not something one normally did in company or put in writing. I was not a social pooper. Pest seemed to have a differing opinion and was no worse for wear from the heinous discharge. After a quick motionless stare at me, he sauntered off into the underbrush sniffing around like a tiny hound as he went. Once out of sight, he was basically invisible. I had a small itch of knowing where he was, maybe some other benefit of the bond, when I focused on thoughts of him. But other than that, he has disappeared, no sound or sight of him.

I sat on a convenient rock, a bit away from his toilet rock, and examined my surroundings. On my right, the clear river went upstream and swung out of view. On my side was an ash wood forest, on the other bank gray sand stretched out, slowly rising before terminating at a brush-covered ridge. It had to be a few hundred feet of sandy beach before the ridge cut off my sight. The high-water line of a winter river was obvious on the bank. On my left, the dirty river had a wide open valley that stretched for as far as I could see. Apparently, this little point was the convergence of three biomes. Not an unwelcome sight in the realm of survival games. More biomes meant more resources. And to top it off I noticed a string of very pregnant apple trees were sharing my side of the river amongst the trees.

I knew many bowel cleansings would be in my future if I didn’t find some food other than those apples, but I wouldn’t die of starvation. If I resurrected every morning, I’m not sure if it could happen or not, but being hungry constantly couldn't be good for me. I snagged a tiny little apple and tested it, not overly sweet like a store-bought, but not bad either.

I suspected my future camp lay at this point. If this was a wilderness survival game, then I needed to think about wilderness survival themes. And that lay in a few key principles, shelter, food, and resources. If this wasn’t a perfect starting area, I didn’t know what was. I had water, food, and some safety. Anything approaching on two sides of the triangle point had to cross a decently sized waterway and then shamble up a bank to get to me. If I secured the open side of the triangle and reinforced some of the bank, I would be relatively secure. Plenty of trees for construction projects and firewood. I suspected the sandbank to my right was harboring clams. It had that look closer at it to be sure. Clam and Apple Soup. That had to be a thing? Right?

A few hours later Pest waddled back into camp. His muzzle was red with blood and his belly distended enough to make him look pregnant. I guess he found something to eat too. The little weasel.

‘Full! Tired!’ Were his only responses to my greetings as he waddled his way to my pack and serpented his way inside of it. I guess he was going to sleep after a bit of hunting. I just shrugged and kept on with my project. I had used my pilfered hand axe to trim back some foliage and low-hanging limbs to create a bit of a clearing. In the process of clearing brush and delimbing trees, I have received a new skill.

[Congratulations! You have unlocked the Frontiersman skill!]

[Frontiersman]

Unlock Conditions - Prepare a place in the wilderness for a camp.

[lvl 1] - Clear away an area for a camp without much of a hassle.

[lvl 3] - Clear away an area for a camp without much of a hassle and instinctively know where to find the best place for things for max efficiency.

[lvl 6] - Clear away an area without having to think about it and mark where things would best go as if on auto-pilot.

[lvl 9] - A wilderness site you choose will instantly be ready and marked for a camp, homestead, or building project. YOU DREAM IT? WE CAN BUILD IT!

After that, the task of turning the area into something more manageable became quite a bit easier. The brush came away from the earth at a tug and the ground seemed to level out. I got a little zealous at the ease of the work and ended up cleaning the underbrush of the entire area. The debris from my project became a haphazard pile along the open side of my triangle. I decided once I had pushed back the open area to about twenty paces to create a weak barrier of sticks and brambles with all the debris I had pulled up. I stuffed them in between some trees and weaved limbs in to create a poor wall, following the trees in two lines I pushed out the top of a triangle and my area adjusted to be more of a diamond. A small gap between two trees at the tip of the diamond was left open for an entrance. This left me a zoned-off area about nineteen steps by eleven steps wide in a rough diamond shape. A handful of trees, not including one of the apple trees, were inside that area and needed to go. I set about chopping the largest tree down with the crude axe.

It was not fun. Let me tell you, you wanna have a good time? Don’t try to cut down a waist sized tree with a ghetto axe made from a rock and stick by a cannibal. It took forever. And I broke the thing.

The head came loose about halfway through, so I used some of the stolen twine to wrap it tighter. It helped a little and earned me yet another skill.

[Congratulations! You have unlocked the Repair skill!]

[Congratulations! You have gained one stat point to allocate!]

I was starting to wonder if everything would earn me a new skill. Honestly, I was okay with that. I love skills. And this one had earned me a stat point! Fantastic! I held onto my stat point for now, not knowing when a boost to something might come in handy.

[Repair]

Unlock Conditions - Repair something that someone has crafted.

[lvl 1] - You can make simple repairs to an object you understand.

[lvl 3] - You can make repairs to an object you mostly understand.

[lvl 6] - You can make repairs to an object you don’t really understand.

[lvl 9] - You can make repairs to anything that ever is, ever was, and ever shall be. I CAN FIT IT!

Though, I was starting to wonder why I hadn’t leveled any of them up yet. It seemed quite easy to earn them, yet I had yet to level any skills up. As I was thinking about how much area I had cleared and how far along I must have come along on Frontiersman Progress, I stumbled across another System function.

[Skill Progress: Frontiersman: 37%]

Thirty-seven percent! Thirty-seven percent? Thirty-seven percent of what? I had to guess until it leveled up, but who knows, maybe it was going to be some mundane thing like thirty-seven percent until level 1 silver rank. Ugh, I did hate arbitrary color-coded or letter-graded skill systems. Maybe I would need to be Legendary Godlike SSS Pumice Orange grade to level it up or something. I sure hoped not.

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As I muttered about my Trash F+ Super Grey axe and hacked away at the tree for some time, it broke again. This time the shaft had ripped apart and one of the wings supporting the head broke off. I cursed violently at the trash item. Pushing on the tree, it looked like I managed to cut enough away that it had a significant amount of sway. I decided I was going to try something. I was tired and annoyed and probably massively hangry at the time and that tree was my enemy.

“Go, go Gadget, Bullrush!” I yelled and charged the tree, I leaped into it and yelled “Grapple!” as I slammed into it, wrapping my arms around the thing. It knocked the wind out of me, but I still managed to struggle out the words “Powerslam…”. The tree thought about it for a moment before it decided my epic onslaught of maneuvers was successful and started to fall. With me still attached to it. I had a moment to realize that hugging a falling tree might end poorly for me. The sound of the tree’s upper branches ripping through the canopy turned into a static tearing right before the world paused. Even though the world had paused I did get a notification for another skill.

[Congratulations! You have unlocked the Logger skill!]

[Logger]

Unlock Conditions - Successfully fell a tree.

[lvl 1] - You can fell a tree and generally know where it will go.

[lvl 3] - You can fell a tree with less effort and generally guide it where it needs to go.

[lvl 6] - You can fell a tree with ease and nearly perfectly guide it to where you want it to go.

[lvl 9] - You can fell a tree with a touch and drop it without even the slightest disturbance of things around it. IF A TREE FALLS IN THE WOODS, DOES IT MAKE A SOUND?

Sweet! I’m a logger! A frozen logger. A logger-sickle. But it was the wrong kind of frozen. A paused logger. A paugger? My mind rambled a bit. I really should eat.

“What the hell are you doing?” Loki asked me.

“Tree hugging,” I responded quickly. And he ran a hand across his face disrupting the sunglasses he wore. I noticed they were Oakleys, like the kind that were super popular in the early 2000s. His whole attire was early 2000’s douchery. He had a backward visor cap on, a wife-beater tank top, and hugely baggy cargo shorts being held up with a belt sporting a huge personalized belt buckle spelling out LOKI. Well, if you could call pants down to mid-thigh being held up. His boxers had the tiny eight-legged horse on them. Was it just me, or did he show up in a version of horrible douche clothing each time I saw him?

“By the realms, some of my constituents are quite odd.” He muttered.

“Constituents… Does that mean you are political?! Are you going to be President Loki?” I got excited and nerded out at him a little bit.

“No,” he said and glared at me. “This is not some of your Marvel trash.”

“I’d vote for you.” I pouted.

“Oh?!” he said with a gleam in his eye. “But of course, you would,” He finished with a smug smile and magnanimous nod.

“Anyway, this is about your newest report Alpha Tester Viktor.”

“ATV at your service!” I mentally saluted. Heh, yep I needed food. I always got weirder the hungrier I got.

“Yes,” He ignored me and kept going. “What is this complaint with the luck system and its corresponding starting perk being broken? It seems to be working fine.”

He gestured at me.

“Are you shitting me? I have been here for a day, was attacked by a cannibal, wasted an epic perk on a ferret, and keep falling on my face! Even died! I used to never trip!” After it came out, I regretted it, you don’t yell at a god! Well, I did. But I probably shouldn’t.

“Sounds like you are tripping right now,” Loki said and lowered his sunglasses with one finger. I heard the sound. If I had control of my motions, I’d bash my face into the tree I was hugging.

“Let us take a look here,” he snapped his fingers, and I was standing next to him. Still paused but in a default idle position. He touched me and a rift cracked open. The rune-code that I assumed was part of my avatar was revealed and he inspected it.

“See, look right here. Your luck triggered and made you fall on your face, the moment an arrow was destined to pierce your eye.” He touched a section. “And again, when you fled and ran directly into your attacker, killing him before you even registered his existence…”

He kept looking at the runes, ticking off more and more instances of my ‘luck’.

“You found his camp, wandering aimlessly. You defeated him again by falling off his little tree house. And the only reason you found this place…” He glanced around at the beginning of my camp, “which is miles away from the direction you were heading, is because you respawned here after a death in a quick and painless way that had no loss of items or status. And look at this location, defensible, multiple biomes, food, and resources aplenty. Almost like it was made to serve as someone's perfect camp location.” He shook his head, “luck this good might be OP, and you are just starting out!”

My mind was blown. My bad luck was actually good luck. I mean, it made sense. It's bad luck to lose a finger in a piece of industrial equipment. It's worse luck to keep the finger and have the machine pull you in to eat your whole body. But that little adjustment made me appreciate my fumbles a little more.

“Not to mention, this evaluation process we are having just now probably saved your life.” He nodded at the tree that was mid-fall. “Pretty sure that tree was about to fluctuate wildly when it hits your fence over there, deposit you onto the ground, and then come back down to pulverise you. Rube Goldberg at its finest.”

“Oh,” I silently said as he closed up the rift and adjusted his glasses.

“Now, this was an obvious misstep for you, do try to avoid that. If the report feature is abused just to whine about things. There will be repercussions. But I am feeling generous today, so I will let it slide this time. Oh, and stop shouting your skill names. This is not an anime. They will activate when they should activate. Your notifications will indicate all that.”

“Thank you.” I told him sincerely for the first time.

“You are welcome, Alpha Tester. I hope to get much use and entertainment out of you,” he leaned in closely towards me. “And as for the ferret, he was an excellent choice. He already saved your life after all.”

“How’s that?” I asked.

“No spoilers,” He answered with his unnaturally wide grin and snapped his fingers.

The tree crashed down and did some crazy physics-defying shit before settling down. It also managed to destroy a chunk of my perimeter. As I picked myself up from my post-pause heap I grumbled. I should have planned for that. I took a break and ate a tiny sliver of my dwindling jerky with an apple or two too many. My stomach grumbled. Oh shit, here that comes.

***

Pest woke up to the bright sunlight streaming past Chairman Viktor. The chairman was looking at him while he was sleeping in the nest. Pest gave a huge yawn. He guessed it was time for his shift, so he commenced his pre-workday stretches. The chairman gave him a head pat which Pest did not enjoy, but he was magnanimous in his allowance of the chairmen to touch him and simply ignored it. Viktor was the Chairman of the Board and CEO for this business after all. Pest was a core associate and sometimes one had to do certain things they didn’t like for a business to operate smoothly. He would allow the chairman his foibles.

Pest sniffed the area around the nest. It was pleasant enough, but unsatisfying in the ways of prey. He did find a suitable corner to relieve himself in, but the gagging noise the chairmen made may have indicated that the glorious tasty treats he had liberated earlier did not agree with his stomach. Alas, it was a price he was willing to pay for such delectable treats.

Pest continued with his investigation of the area before catching a scent he didn’t like. It was a bad scent. Something he had wished to never encounter again in his business negotiations. An ancient enemy of commerce and trade. He would have to root out the maleficent immediately, as was the responsibility of any good business associate. Pest gave Chairman Viktor a firm and stern look to the eye, to acknowledge that he did indeed see and respect his fine business acumen.

Pest was on a business trip into the underbrush. He was silent, the only noise being his inhalations as he scented along the trail. The best associate knows that to strike a deal you need to approach it stealthily, lest you bring it to the attention of rivals. And he was the stealthiest of stealthy, he knew it to be true. It was a long winding scent path with many switchbacks and hooks. Eventually, the trail weaved completely around the new office space where the chairman was working and at least twice that length into the woods behind it. As the trail circled the office space he would pause occasionally and examine the chairman at work, never disturbing him as to not wanting to ruin his operations efficiency. Pest was relentless in his pursuit of the non-compliant nuisance. He would not allow it to hinder his business.

The scent grew extremely strong as the trail circled back again and approached the chairman’s operational area. The chairman himself was squatting along a pile of brush he had collected. It looked like he was weaving sticks into the brush to keep it in place. Pest approved, if the chairman was acquiring assets, it was good that he secured them in place. The villain Pest had been tracking came into his view. It was wise in movements this day, constantly moving back and forth with a stealth only matched by Pest’s own. But Pest had a keen nose and dogged determination to pursue a deal all the way to its source. The vile creature was slowly approaching the chairman. Pest knew of its kind. Small and venomous. Anything they bit would be tainted and ineligible for commerce. Any valuable meat would be poisonous to eat. Any beautiful shinies would be tarnished under its hostile saliva. Any tasties… no he couldn’t even consider what would happen to the tastiest of tasties if the filthy creature laid its vile paws on them. Not to mention the pain and suffering the chairman would go through at the bite from its buck toothed face dripping that repulsive venom. Pest hated hindrances to his business. As the vile creature was stalking closer the chairman so in-kind Pest was stalking closer to it.

The creature sniffed its tiny pink nose in the air, its small round ears swiveled to catch any errant sounds. Its stubby little legs and stubby tail tense, ready to spring at the chairman. Pest struck. He bolted forward, already close on the enemy's heels. Without remorse he grabbed hold of the vile hamster and snapped its neck. He latched onto its neck and dragged it away from the chairman. A blue blinking light from the business auditor informed Pest that he had won his battle decisively.

[Venomous Hamster falls in glorious battle to Pest!]

Pest dragged the fallen enemy away until he was sure the chairman would not be bothered by its destructive nature. He knew the truth about these beasts, having been in altercations before, when he was but an apprentice associate of his mother and fathers’ business. He wouldn’t let his chairman soil his hands with such filth. But his task was not done yet, he knew that this vile creature never existed alone. An entire clutch of its brood lay nearby. He had stumbled across the burrow earlier. And while this specimen would be toxic with its own venom, unable to be consumed. The flesh of the brood would yet to be toxic. He would eradicate his hunger and this threat from his new territory. His business would be secure.

Much later Pest returned to the nest. He was exhausted after clearing out the nest and stuffed with a belly full of bounty. His chairman greeted him, and he had only the strength to tell him that he was full and tired after his profitable transaction. With that he slipped into his nest and was done with his shift.