[Congratulations! You survived the night! Welcome to a new day in the afterlife. As with all Norse afterlives, you spent all day fighting, pillaging, and plundering. Some lived, and some died. But all those lives lost are returned to pillage and plunder again until the Ragnarok decides to come and create the cycle again.]
The night passed uneventfully and I was still energized when everyone started stirring. To my displeasure the warm water trick turned out to be a bust. At the earliest hint of dawn, I took the pot back. Maybe I accidentally slipped and poured the water gently atop his bedroll as I emptied it, but who can tell in the predawn light? Camp broke a little slower than our normal routine as everyone seemed to have extra creaks and knots to work out.
By the time the sunlight blessed us, I had some sizzling meat frying up on Gloria and ready to greet my party as they roused. Halloway was one of the first up and went for the largest hunk of meat, but I waved him off.
“For our glorious leader,” I told him with a wink. With a grumble he took a smaller, but better quality, piece of breakfast steak.
I looked over the skill that I picked up in the dungeon. I was having a difficult time keeping them all in mind when the need arose. For example, if I used intimidation would it have worked on those ratkin and simplified the fight? Maybe. But I doubt it would have worked on the draugr. How does a semi-sentient zombie husk get intimidated? Either way, it won’t work if I can’t keep track of the skills to use them.
[Synergy/1 + 1 + 1 = 4]
Unlock Conditions – Combine multiple skills to improve results.
[lvl 1] – A moderate bonus to the final product or action. THE WHOLE IS GREATER THAN THE SUM OF ITS PARTS.
I didn’t really understand how to use it yet, but it seemed to blend other skills I already had for combined benefit. I had already seen some skills mixing well together, but this was beyond that. It would really spit out some power under the proper circumstances I imagined. Lots of room for exploit there. I needed someone a lot smarter than me to help with this stuff.
“I really look forward to some of these skills when they get to level nine or twelve.” I said absently.
“Level nine? The skills max at level three.” Halloway said me as he chewed his breakfast.
I stared at him. Maxed at level three? Had we never talked about skill levels? Did any of my skills level up past three?
“What do you mean they max at three?”
“They don’t go past three?” Halloway asked sardonically.
“Maybe you just suck at leveling them?” I asked back, just as sarcastic.
“Check your skill list than, bigshot.” He said.
I did check. And the bastard was right, my skills that had leveled up so easily had stopped at level three. Checking their experience gain progress had the ones at three all paused at zero percent.
I knew that they went past three, with the knowledge gained during the short time I was able to see the entire skills planned leveling paths. Combined with the fact that the percentage progress was at zero and didn’t say one-hundred percent or completed led me to guess that they had the potential to continue. They were just frozen at that point for some reason.
With a frown I set my frying pan to the side, the meat pretty well cooked beyond all decency at this point, and went about sending a report about the cheating trap-immune draugr and level three skill cap. If it wasn’t intentional, I was going to pitch a fit. If it was intentional, I was going to pitch a fit. Either way fits would be pitched!
“That is disappointing,” I complained aloud, “why would skills so easily gained level up to a mediocre level three and then stop.”
“Well, to be fair, you are a skill monster. Nobody else I know collects skills as easily or levels them up like you do. Unless you are full of shit about your progress.” Halloway said.
“How dare you! I am only as full of shit as anyone else! I thought I went at the same progress as everyone else. If anything, I feel like I am struggling to catch up to people that have been here longer.”
“How often do we shout out that we have got a new skill, or ding a new level? The rest of us take a few tries or some genuine effort to pick up a new skill, not to mention the repetition it takes grind up the levels.” Halloway said. “You pick up a stick, and whack a tree and earn Tree Murderer skill, then whack a different tree and it levels up almost instantly. If this was a real MMO I’d report you as a hacker.”
“Oh.” I said simply, feeling a little anxious as to how close to the truth that was. “But first of all, it is Tree Assassin. Get your shit straight. And secondly, I’m just that damn good!”
That was a partial truth. I was that damn good! I tried to convince myself of that at least. The other stuff, rune-code and what not, could definitely be considered exploitive means. I pondered my good fortune. Just wait until I started to unleashing a batch of elicit healing potions onto the market. I couldn’t wait. I was going to be raking in the cash. Or coin. Whatever.
My grandstanding brought the ire of Ryan, by way of cranky morning growl.
“Hrump,” I grunted back at him, “Barbarian need food. Viktor make food.”
Grease splashed from my pan as I offered him a big hunk of badger meat. He grabbed the gamey meat with a large grubby hand straight out of the pan. He sniffed at it, to test for something only he knew, and took a savage bite from it. He never broke eye contact with me as he smacked his lips in a near snarl and made to swallow. Red suffused his face, and he clamped his eyes closed with a tremble going through his body as he struggled to choke down the leather-tough meat.
“You aren’t a very good cook.” He muttered as his eyes glistened.
“Sorry, still leveling that skill.” I said with a smirk. “You are more than welcome to take a turn, if you are of the mind.”
“I’m not.” He muttered and walked away with the tough meat that dripped with grease. He grasped it in his large hand like an infant with a slice of peach straight from the can. Gross.
Pest scampered up and made off with his portion just before Dark and Carmilla came for theirs. Mave took one look at the rustic fare and declined. She looked almost hung over, with dark wells under her eyes, and a bit of wobble to her gait. I did catch her muttering to herself in Spanish about the lack of café. Couldn’t help her with that, I was never a coffee drinker and didn’t pay much attention to it.
Thinking about it, I don’t know if I had even seen any in this afterlife. That made me smile to myself, for some folks that would defiantly make this a hell rather than any sort of heaven. If you didn’t consider the constant state of murder or be murdered to be hellish. I suppose for the folks that didn’t like part could just hang out in town, which was relatively safe. If you didn’t disappear.
Glancing at my companions, I realized I only had the vaguest of notions as to why any of them were in this guild and doing this dangerous work. I knew Ryan would never tell me his reasons, if he had any other reason than wanting to be the big boss king chief of a bunch of peons.
Halloway had vaguely mentioned his family, so I had assumed his reason was to climb the tower and get out. Or more likely to stave off boredom, he did seem that sort.
Mave at my best guess was in a quasi-state of denial that she was in an afterlife and had just fallen in with Dark for some sort of comfort. She was just spinning in the wind and going where it pushed her. Now that he had abandoned her, I wondered what she would do.
Dark was probably just seeking the eternal bliss of death. Why did I have the feeling he actually got here by getting in a fight with a belt during a failed autoerotic asphyxiation attempt, but without the erotic part, he just wanted to see the void.
I had no idea about Carmilla. I hadn’t had much opportunity to chat in depth with her, with Dark down her throat as every waking moment.
I’d defiantly need to have a sit down over some tavern beers with them and actually have a conversation about some important stuff when we got back to the fort. Halloway and Mave that is, the rest can eat a barrel full of dicks out back.
I wasn’t forgetting about my little buddy either, but he was a little less complicated. Pest just loved loot, trading loot, kicking ass to steal loot, and looting my pan of meat. I surreptitiously watched the little glutton snatch Mave’s unwanted portion. I just hoped he wasn’t stuffing it into his bag to rot amongst the other loot.
Being my bonded buddy, I doubt he had much choice but to follow me around anyway. That thought made me feel a little sour, I loved the little guy, but I didn’t enjoy the thought of a semi-sentient creature being enslaved to me like that. He did make use of some independence, which helped assuage my guilt. For example last night he had slunk off a few hours before first light and only rejoined us when the meat was sizzling.
“What you been up to little buddy?” I asked him as I scraped clean Gloria. A pleasant side effect of some of the weapon tags on the pan made it incredibly easy to clean for some reason. I was envisioning a whole arsenal of easy clean pots and pans style weaponry when he answered. I could probably sell them to every cook in the lands.
“Trade goods,” he said while patting his little rucksack. His drive for loot handily put mine to shame.
“Ready to roll?” I asked him, and he nodded. It didn’t take me long to close up my field kitchen and prep my gear for the hike to the next dungeon.
[***]
We travelled for nearly a day along the grasslands, our goal today looked to be a confluence of three different biomes including grasslands, forests, and mountains. The mountain biome was something new for me to see close up, so I was taking a good look at it as we approached.
The mountain biome held steep embankments peppered with ledges filled with trees and vegetation along an ever-increasing slope that led off into craggy mountains with white capped peaks. It wasn’t exactly the most realistic representation of mountains I have seen in my experience of them, but it was close enough to do the trick. And who knows, maybe that’s how they looked in other places of the real world I hadn’t visited.
When we reached the union of the biomes we traveled along the border where the mountain and forest met. The space where they came together created a small path of neutral land like an overgrown logging road, a swatch of relatively flat ground with some light overgrowth. It made travel relatively easy compared to having to cut up into the mountain’s steep inclines consisting of slate patches and gravel.
“Wait, since level three is max, according to you…” I said one time while hanging out with Halloway.
“Yes,” he responded irritably. I was happily skipping along next to him at this point, which he seemed to take as a sign that a bit of jackassery was afoot.
“That means my level three bow skills are as good as anyone else’s and I am amongst the best at bowery, yea? The bestest of bow masters! A real Hawkeye or Green Arrow level bow specialist! The penultimate of manly skill!” I spit out rapid fire, flexing and posing at the end.
“No,” he said flatly.
“And how is that, if everyone stops at level three?” I demanded petulantly.
“Some people are actually good at archery.” He told me.
“How dare you! I am of the highest skill!” I bemoaned.
“The skill may give you the basics, but some people actually practice and train the old-fashioned way. Kraken and Raid may not look all that impressive in the tavern. But some of them are true monsters. They really can do some of those action star moves.” He explained.
“Well! Why aren’t you better trained at things?!”
“Because all the trainers are on the war island.”
“Trainers like, Kung-fu Ken down at the strip mall? Or trainers like old venerable master on the top of the mountain?”
“From what I heard, more like a retired drill sergeant.”
“Chosen or Resident?”
“Both.”
“Interesting… Hey! We need to have a training montage!” I jumped into the air with a fist raised and froze. Halloway just kept walking ignoring my epic freeze frame.
Meanwhile, Pest was doing his strange little bouncing hop-run through the bushes. He had found, to his dismay, that he couldn’t do his regular movement very efficiently with his sword-knife and rucksack, so those were hanging from my belt. The little bag made a convenient scavenger bag anyway. I was stuffing any interesting plants and herbs I found along out path.
So, while I kept his valuable stock safe, he was happily running literal circles around us with his everlasting energy. His ferret drive to inspect everything everywhere was still in full force, evolved form or not. And by everlasting energy I meant he ran around like a crackhead for about an hour then slept for three. But in that one hour he was completely jazzed. So less everlasting and more rechargeable remote-control toy lasting.
He came hopping down the path straight over to me from somewhere further along our path. Each of his little hops scattered drops of water leaving a wet trail behind him. His last jump before reaching me was a big one and he caught on to my waist and immediately climbed me like I was a rock wall at a gym. He, like a true friend he was, plopped his soggy ass onto my shoulder and rubbed his wet body up against my head before I had a chance to fend him off.
“Gyeahh!” I exclaimed while tearing his dripping body off my shoulder. “Dude! What the hell?! What are you covered in?!”
“Water. Found a pleasant pond.” He told me with a wide tooth-filled grin as the others snickered about my soggy conundrum.
“Since when do you like water?” I asked him and resolutely tried to ignore the drops running down my neck and inside my jacket. Honestly, it felt kind of good after all this hiking. Fucking hiking. From now on, screw party unity, I was brining my horse. Poor Finley was penned up all day anyway.
“It’s okay when warmseses!” He said.
“Warmseses?” I frowned and glanced at Mave. She was polluting his vocabulary with baby words.
“Yes, hot water.” He explained while dangling from my outstretched grip like a mesh bag full of rotten cantaloupe pieces. I caught a scent of something unpleasant and with some hesitation brought him close enough that I could give him a sniff.
“Bro, you stink.” I told him and quickly sat him down, taking a step away. He smelt of rotten eggs.
“Water’s scent.” He said.
“The water smelled that way?” I asked rhetorically as I mulled it over.
“Yes,” he answered anyway.
“You need to show me that pond!” I said excitedly.
He dashed forward and I was hot on his heels. The party kept their pace, ignoring my antics for the most part. It seems they had grown used to me and just let my flit around as I would. Only Ryan had something to say about it.
“Where are you going?” He growled as I jogged past him.
“Scouting for a campsite up ahead.” I said.
He only gave a grunt in response. I guess all the campsites I had helped construct along our journey and gave him some trust in my skills for that one small thing.
Pest veered towards the mountains and dove into some waist-high bushes that were part of a large patch of vegetation. The bushes were an uninteresting ground cover, but the trees they grew amongst them were pretty. They had white trunks that were long and straight going high into the air before finally branching out into a burst of bright orange leaves. The leaves twisted and danced in the air as the wind gently blew.
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
Name: Tree
Species: Quaking Aspen
FLAGS: ANALGESIC, ANTI-INFLAMMATORY, ANTIPYRETIC
Aspen was not something I had come across in life as far as I could remember. The orange leaves must have been an indicator of the season. Looking to the lush green forest biome I considered the idiosyncrasy. Bug or feature? Another report for the queue.
The last flag on the tree was a new one to me. I couldn’t resist taking a moment to scrape some bark away from the trunk for later testing. My hatched made the job of harvesting easy as I slashed a hunk of the white bark away from the tree. My knife still needed cleaning and repair. I hadn’t tended to the bits of me still attached to it yet.
I crunched through the scrub brush noisily in the way I assumed Pest had skittered through. The trees were packed close together and did a superb job of blocking any sight beyond a handful of feet. As I burst out of the clump of trees and brush that abruptly ended the patch of greenery revealed to be a crescent shape that cradled a rock outcropping looming above a small pond of water. The outcropping stood slightly taller than me and was an arm span wide.
My side of the pool had a natural platform of stone crisscrossed by a lattice of moss-covered vines that originated from a small bush amongst the unstable shale of the mountain side on the far side of the pond. The vines crept up the outcropping which made an easy ladder for Pest who stood atop it like he was about to present a lion cub to its new kingdom.
The scent of rotten eggs filled the air with its unpleasant but not overpowering smell. It wasn’t the smell of eggs, it was sulfur. The water within was a milky white with a faint steam rising from its surface.
I inspected the water.
Name: Hot Spring
Material: Stone
Durability: Undamaged
Value: Above Average
FLAGS: IMMOVABLE
Contents: Spring Water, Minerals, Silica
Contents Flags: RESTORATIVE
Contents Efficacy: Average
It was interesting that even this large collection of water had to be held in a container. The process by which this game world handled fluids was strange. Maybe this is why I couldn’t manage to inspect spilled liquids? Do they not exist without a container of some sort? An odd quirk of this artificial world.
Kneeling next to the pond I timidly ran my fingers through it and sent gentle ripples across its surface. I didn’t get a poison notification or melt my fingertips off, so that was good. I slipped my hand under the water and fluttered it around. The warmth quickly suffused me and when I pulled my hand out it was red and flushed.
If I had to guess it was the same temperature as my showers back home. Hot enough to make sure you knew it, but not hot enough to burn. My wife often made fun of my hot showers since I came out looking like a cooked lobster. But I always loved them. And her teasing. I missed that. It felt like I had been away from her and the kids forever. No matter the fantastic of an adventure this place was I’d trade it in an instant to have them with me again.
Back to the matter at hand, I had to give Pest credit. He had just found us a natural hot tub. All it needed were bubble jets to be a perfect jacuzzi. Even without the jets, the water wasn’t stagnant as a steady stream flowed out of it and away through the barrier of aspen trees. That was excellent, it meant that things wouldn’t accumulate within the water, and we could bathe in clean water without having to sit in each other’s filth.
This might be a good place to see just how bottomless my flask was. I tasted the water on my fingers, and it had nothing obviously bad about it.
“Alright, this is a good find.” I said to Pest.
“I found it. I claim it. You want to use it you have to trade.” Pest announced from his perch on little pride rock, his arms cocked out and hands on hips. Well, hands on his sides, his hips were a little low for the maneuver to quite work with his long body.
“Oh, it’s like that is it? No friend and family discount?” I asked the little fellow.
“No friend and family in business,” he said with narrowed eyes.
“Alright you little miser,” I chuckled, “what will it cost me?”
“I think…” He trailed off and hummed while scrunching up his cute little fuzzy face, a hand on his chin. “Coin. Three coin.”
“Sure, sure. I have it right here.” I said as I started to search through my gear. I made a show of checking all my pockets and bags as stripped down and set them aside. With a bright face of realization, I scooped up his rucksack and tossed it to him. “It’s right in here, catch.”
He caught it, stumbling back with a squeak. Before he could protest, I jumped into the pool.
[You have taken Fall damage.]
It wasn’t a very deep pool.
Without allowing me to recover from my dumb stunt a flying fuzzy missile of death slammed into me. The little monster stuck to me like a spider monkey with claws that dug into my flesh.
[You have taken Slashing damage.]
“What the hell Pest?” I demanded from the wild beast.
“Nonpayment is unacceptable!” Pest announced firmly.
“Sounds like someone needs another bath!” I called and tore him off my body to dunk him into the water. He fought like a true Norse berserker, but it was in vain. Baths were had.
We continued to wrestle in the water until the party came across us, drawn by our shouts and the splashing.
“You about done drowning your weasel?” Halloway asked me from the side of the pool. I froze, Pest held in both hands as I mock battled. He was gnawing at my arm.
“Welcome to the spa!” I announced to Halloway and threw my arms wide releasing Pest. He splashed down into the water and disappeared into its milky depths.
“Amenities seem to be lacking.” Halloway said with a look around.
“What you talking about, we have a rock,” I gestured appropriately, “and some vines. Over there are even a few trees!”
My leg was suddenly assaulted with a frenzy of bites.
“Gah!” I shouted and snatched Pest out of the water and deposited him on the edge of the pond.
Dark came out of the tree’s next, took one look at my nudity and turned around to leave. I rolled my eyes, it’s not like he saw anything, I was waist deep and the milky water was very obscuring. I saw him say something to Ryan who was behind him, and also turned back without coming over.
Carmilla, in a rare moment of independence, came to the side of the pool to join Halloway.
“Oh… How… How does it feel?” she asked in her unsure way.
“It’s fantastic!” I said and sank down to only have my head exposed. “Relaxing all the muscles.”
“I… I want to try.” she said with a jitter of excitement.
“I’d get out, but I’m a little naked.” I said sheepishly. “Why don’t y’all just go to that side of the trees and make camp. This hot spring is awesome!”
“Hot spring?” Mave asked curiously from the trees and joined us next. “I call next turn.”
[***]
I sat bolt upright. I was in my bedroll at camp. I had gone to sleep after eating some trail rations while the others took turns to enjoy the water. Something was wrong. My heart was racing, and I got to my feet. Halloway and Ryan were snoring away, and Mave was up on an elbow looking at me.
“What’s wrong?” she asked me tiredly.
“I don’t know, something woke me up.” I said and peered around into the darkness. It was at least a few hours into the night with not a hint of light beyond the moon and stars. I got to my feet so I could get a better look. My hatchet was lying next to me, so I grabbed it just in case.
A shrill scream pierced the night. A women’s scream. I looked at the bedrolls and saw Dark and Carmilla’s were empty.
Another scream. It came from the way of the hot spring and didn’t sound like a playful scream.
“Fuckery is afoot!” I shouted and kicked Halloway and Ryan as I ran past them towards the spring. I cursed and hopped as I went. I hadn’t been wearing my boots since I was letting everything dry out after I had given my gear a good scrubbing in the pool after my dip.
I burst through the tree line, hatchet raised and ready to deal death to what vial creature was tearing apart my party mates. But. Shit was weird.
Carmilla was leaning up against the stone outcropping above the pool completely naked with her arms spread wide and feet planted like the drawing of the Vitruvian man. Dark was laying on his back atop a pile of clothes next to the pool like a sunbather, reclined and comfortable. To my great regret he was naked as well. And the boy was packing. No wonder the ladies fall all over his emo ass.
I was about to ask what the flying fuck this chicanery was about, but I hesitated when I saw the ropes.
Carmilla was bound to the rock, ropes around her wrists and ankles. I took a better look at Dark again, he was bound and trussed like a wild boar ready for the spit. There was even a thick coil of rope gagging him in place of an apple.
“What sort of BDSM bullshit is this?!” I shouted. Carmilla’s eyes were huge as they darted around and streamed tears in complete panic.
“Help u—” she choked off mid-word as a rope wrapped around her throat. Where the hell had that come from? I looked around and didn’t see any cowboy goblins or ranchero ratkins that were throwing these lassos.
I dashed over to her as her face quickly went red and was on its way to purple. I grabbed the rope around her throat and hacked at the rock until it snapped like a bungee cord with one half flying off into the night. The other half had wrapped around her neck multiple times and took some effort untangling it to get it loose. She took a deep wheezing inhalation and panted.
I held the squishy and wet rope, it felt gross and fibrous. I inspected it.
Name: Vine
Material: Plant Flesh
Durability: Damaged
Value: Trash
FLAGS: NONE
Not a rope. A vine. What the fuck? I didn’t take any extra time to look at Carmilla’s other bonds as I cut one of her arms free. She brought her hand around and grabbed the vine tying her other arm and tried to speak but was racked with a coughing fit instead. Note-to-self, to disable Word users one needs to go for the throat.
I had to lean against her to reach her other arm without falling into the pool, making it awkward to cut loose. She grabbed around my waist to help me keep balance, but once I cut it free and tried to get off of her, she wouldn’t let go.
“Let go!” I said, trying to back off. She couldn’t respond as she was racked by a coughing fit that she struggled to hold back with both hands. Both hands. God damnit. I fought against the vines that were slowly tightening against my waist and crushing us together. Poor Carmilla’s naked backside was being ground into the rock with my own body playing pestle to the stone’s mortar. Blood started to run down her pale skin.
I hacked and chopped impotently at the vines as they thoroughly intertwined with my legs and anchored me into place. The arm not flailing the hatchet around was pulled out to my side like I was trying to give the rock and Carmilla a hug. With what I figured to be my final swing as the vines crept up my arm, I channeled all my Hatchetman, Logging, Frontiersman, Power Strike, and Herbalist skills into a strike at a big wad of the vines on the side of the rock.
My hatchet struck hard enough to cut through to clang against the rock causing sparks to shoot out. The wad must have been some sort of nexus in the vines as the sliced vegetation started seeping a sticky viscous goo and a quarter of the vines tightening around us went limp. Paydirt.
I wasn’t free by any means, but the crushing pressure had lessened. My success wouldn’t last long as the seemingly endless supply of vegetation was quickly sprouting fresh shoots. This damn plant was determined to have its way with us.
But I had a new trick. One of my less utilized outdoorsman skills would come in clutch. I swung my hatchet into the stone again. Nothing. I repeated it once, twice, and thrice before I started to frantically chop at the rock hoping for success.
“God damnit!” I shouted as my hits failed to produce a spark. I was getting tired. My energy was nearly expended. I stopped and took a deep breath, maybe my last as a vine started to tickle my neck. Calmly, well as calm as one could be in such a situation, I summoned all my intent and energy into my hatchet and swung. It sparked.
[Congratulations! Oh… So Pretty has increased to Level 2!]
[You are exhausted!]
“Pyromani—!” My voice was choked off before I could finish my move name shoutout—like a true magical badass—as the vine finally clamped down around my neck. Whatever these vines were made of, I hoped they would burn. My simple fire-starting skill, incongruently named Pyromaniac, or Oh… So Pretty, took that little spark and spread it to the foliage surrounding it. It wasn’t much with just a small tongue of flame that barely crawled along the fine fuzz that covered the vines, but just as the flame nearly died and I was about to chalk the attempt up as a waste of time and complete failure, the real show began.
Whatever resin or sap made up the goo inside of that wad of vines I had cut into was very flammable. As soon as the tiny flame hit the congealed goo it spread out akin to spilled camping fuel that was still burning. Very quickly the flame was crawling menacingly towards us. The vines snapped as the fire ate through them and let us loose on that side and we swung out further away from the flames, but they were still coming towards us as the leaking vines left a trail for them to follow. I tried to pull away, but no strength would enter my body and I only managed to lean a little bit.
Success and survival loomed. The fire burnt merrily, and the vines loudly popped and hissed in the blaze as if screaming. Carmilla came to my rescue as I was starting to get lightheaded and pulled loose the vine that had me around the throat. I was sucking in a breath as she was starting to free us from vines when the shale hillside exploded outwards.
[You have taken Blunt damage.]
[You have taken Blunt damage.]
[You have taken Blunt damage.]
[You have been Dazed!]
[You are no longer Dazed.]
A shower of stones rained down as a billow of dust enveloped the area. I slumped in my bonds as a stone struck me well enough in the head to daze me for a split-second. It didn’t knock me enough to prevent a violent coughing fit after sucking in a big lungful of dust though. After my coughing fit was brought under control I found myself dangling from the vines like a flag on a windless day.
The flames were still relentlessly consuming the vines on the far side, but the dust and rock had hindered the ones that were creeping their way towards us.
A hissing screech pierced the night as the dust cleared to reveal a monstrous creature. If one were to take the nastiest dreadlock collection they had seen, covered it in moss, and grew chia off of it for way too long, they might see a small version of what I saw.
It was taller than me by a foot and just as wide with an uncountable number of dread vines coming out and undulating as it controlled them. Strange protuberances grew from it like mushrooms reaching for the sky. It had no discernable eyes or face. It must have been hiding almost completely under the shale, lying in wait for anyone who approached the pool. Somewhere from within the ball of vegetation came the train-whistle of a screech again.
It propelled itself with its undulating vines to the side of the pool side and with a collection of vines vaguely shaped like a shovel it scooped up the water and splashed it against us in great waves. After many large scoops that battered us against the stone outcropping it splashed my pleasant little fire, and my hope, to death. Impressively it had nearly emptied the pool of its water in the few seconds it had taken to splash us.
“You fucker.” I told the plant.
I looked at Carmilla, her coughing fit having subsided, with the hope that she was about to wither the shit out of this evil ficus, but she was knocked out cold with a large welt on the side of her head.
Dark was still trussed up as I had left him. His eyes affixed to the new shrubbery adorning the poolside. It looked like the slithering vines had all focused on pinning me down, rather than wasting effort on something already captured.
I glared in suspicion at the creature as it and all its vines went silent and motionless. Why was it acting like a real plant should, no moving and no indication of being a sentient thing.
“What is… what is going on?” Mave asked as she stepped out from the trees. Just as I had a short time before. Whilst I had dashed off in nothing much, she came dressed and with her staff. The only concession to the late situation was her loose hair. Her every helpful light ball suffused the area with light.
I saw the moment her eyes changed, and her face went stoney as she took in the naked Dark and Carmilla. It broke my heart that she had to harden her own to protect herself. But these two had done her wrong.
“Mave!” I shouted, “not a step further!”
“What is this?” she asked in a icy manner, her enraged eyes focusing on me.
“The monster! Kill it!” I called.
“Where?” she asked and scanned the area. When she didn’t see anything jump out at her, she turned back to me. I saw her eyebrow raise dangerously. You didn’t fuck with a Latina with that look.
“This fucking shrubbery! Quickly, before it wakes up! Light it up! Go big! Friendly fire acceptable!”
She looked at it disinterestedly until my last words registered. Her lips quirked up for a brief moment before she took a quick step to the side to line things up and unleased her own truly magical badass ultimate attack.
Since I have been with the group, I have seen the result of her Word twice. This was the first time I had seen her speak it. To benefit its more complex syllables and power this Word looked like a proper bit of RPG magic.
It came out to sound about three real words long, each producing its own effect.
With arms spread wide she spoke the first word. It brought a twist of winds that pulled at her robe and caused her hair to whip out wildly behind her but didn’t interact with the world around her.
The second word made the air distort as if looking through a curved glass lens and crushed down to a point in front of her. The light it caught from the light ball was pulled in and twisted into a swirling vortex.
The third word was spoken, and she threw her arms forward. The distorted air lit with liquid flames. I would have expected an explosion or some deep thrum of noise from the sight, but it was nearly silent. The molten ball of fire crackled with purple electric arcs and started forward at its power-walk speed.
All of this happened within the time it took to say the three words, a second of time or less.
Mave slumped with her own exhaustion, energy spent on the powerful move and immediately turned to walk back through the stand of trees. She was so angry she didn’t even say her special moves name.
The photon ball flew on irregardless of her naming it. It crept along passing over the top of Dark, giving his exposed skin a little searing and catching the vines holding him on fire.
The horrendous hedge, sensing more fire danger, struggled to throw the little bit of remaining water towards the heat. The few large splashes were able to put the burning vines on Dark out, but only puffed to steam before getting anywhere close to flaming plasma ball. The purple lightning also struck out violently in a shower as it was attracted to the airborne water, crackling like a string of firecrackers.
The plant monster recoiled as the lightning strikes danced through the air along the water to snap at it. Each hit severed a vine or limb and made the shrub jerk. While it was doing the electric two-step the fire orb covered the distance and the heat started to reach it. The vines ruptured as the sap within boiled and exploded outward only to erupt in gouts of flame like miniature flamethrower bursts.
The monster died in a conflagration of flames as it screeched until the blaze of its own body drowned out the noise. The vines around me loosened with its death and Carmilla and I slid to the ground in a pile. The orb passed through the inferno of flames in its inexorable way, and I let out a world-weary sigh. As, like all times previously, I was in its flight path.
I struggled to crawl away and drag her along, which wasn’t wholly my choice as we were still tangled together with the dead vines, but I would have tried to pull her along none the less. I think. With the tiniest amount of energy that I had regained I was able to get out of the danger zone of the orb before it splashed against the rock outcropping and splashed liquid flames everywhere.
After my energy ran out from the struggle of dragging us away, I lay on the ground looking up into the stars. A very short time later, noisy crashing through the scrub brush drew my attention. Ryan and Halloway equipped and resplendent in their full gear burst out of the tree line, ready to come to blows with whatever was causing this ruckus.
“What’s going on?” Ryan demanded.
“Too tired, can’t think.” I muttered not wanting to deal with him, more than unable to talk.
“You look like you had a good time.” Halloway said as he took in the scene.
“No, not really.” I said flatly.
“Oh, don’t say that, you will hurt Carmilla and Dark’s feelings. It looks like you all had a great little party with them.” He said nodding at the boy and girl who were sprawled out just as much as I was. Dark was moaning and rocking with pain from the burns caused by the passing orb and burning vines, his tears were ruining his eyeliner I saw. Or maybe that was ash, couldn’t really tell in the dark, only lit by the shrub monster firelight. Carmilla was lying on her stomach pressed up against me as the vines kept us trapped together.
“No, that wasn’t me.” I said and pushed at Carmilla trying to get free. I instantly regretted it as she rolled over, exposing her bits to everyone.
“Then what was it?” He asked.
“The hentai tentacle monster, of course.”