The birds twittered about, the chipmunks chirped out challenges and the bugs buzzed around. The forest was alive with the sound of animals. And it felt good. Mosquitoes I could have done without. The sun coverage wasn’t enough to dissuade them under the trees, so they decided to feast upon my succulent flesh.
[You have taken Blunt Damage]
The System helpfully informed me for the fifth or so time. Apparently, my smacking mosquitoes with a little bit too much enthusiasm triggered the notifications. Seemed a bit sensitive. I wonder how much damage it was doing, but Loki liked hidden stats when it came to health and damage notifications. I tried many mental commands, Health, Life, and Constitution among them. Nothing seemed to trigger any form of health meter or hp indicators. I guess even in a quantified world some things were left undisclosed.
[Congratulations! You have unlocked the Hiking skill!]
I blinked a few times. Oh grand, a hiking skill, just what I wanted.
[Hiking]
Unlock Conditions - Hike about a decent amount.
[lvl 1] - You can hike for a short distance without needing rest.
[lvl 3] - You can hike for a moderate distance without needing rest.
[lvl 6] - You can hike for a long distance without needing rest.
[lvl 9] - You can hike forever without needing rest. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GRAMS THAT WEIGHS?!
And with that glorious revelation, I decided to take a rest. Hiking sucked. I sat on a log and unslung my pack, deciding to have a bit of rations. As I sat on a fallen tree and munched on not-granola bars, I pondered how much hiking did indeed suck. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, the birds being delightfully noisy. A different sound caught me. I got up, setting down my half-eaten granola ration, and started to make my way toward it. The sound intensified and so did my spirit. I started to hustle through the forest as excitement overtook me.
As I burst through a thick bit of underbrush the sound swelled into a symphony. The ground through the forest had been mostly flat, with very little variation in the ways of peaks and valleys. But as the brush cleared before me the ground sharply dipped down into the most glorious stream I had ever seen. It wasn’t a big waterway, and if there were any fish in it, I’d bet they weren’t keepers.
The break in the forest allowed glorious warm sunshine to touch my skin. I found it odd that the sun looked so natural, considering I was inside a tower. It felt good, and the break in the monotony of the forest felt even better. The ravine was shallow but curved along in both directions I could see. I made my way back to my pack and collected the crumbs from my meal up. Crumbs, I had sworn I still had half a bar left.
Looking around I noticed my bag was slumped over and some of the contents had been strewn around. Something had been rooting around in there. I stood stock still and took in my surroundings. Nothing seemed to be going on. A rustle inside the bag startled me. The rustle grew more violent as suddenly my bag belched up half its innards and the contents went everywhere. Amongst it was a fuzzy little animal that seemed way too prideful in its discovery of my last noy-granola bar.
It stared at me with its beady little black eyes. It was mostly a deep brown color with dark-to-black feet and tail, a dark band of fur crossed its eyes like a mask, and it's pink nose was surrounded by white. It had short little arms and legs and a very long body with a long tail. Cat Snake. No, not cat-snake, Ferret. Yes, that's what it was.
‘Hello,’ it said to me, as it stood perfectly still, like a statue, staring at me with my last wrapped ration bar laying in front of it. The odd wrapping ripped asunder. My notification light started signaling me. When I say it said hello, I didn't mean it made noises and spoke the word, I mean it stared at me and the word just kind of popped into my head with the knowledge of where it had originated from. It didn’t speak, but it had said ‘Hello’.
“The fuck?” I asked and like a spell had been broken the creature grabbed the ration, raised its head as high as its oddly shaped little body would allow, and started running like hell.
‘Tasty is mine! Mine! Mine!’ It mentally repeated over and over as it dashed off into the woods. The way it ran on its funny little body was odd. It didn’t use its legs separately, its entire front half took a step after stretching its long body forward and then it scrunched its back up and its back legs hopped to catch up with its front half. While at speed the action made it look like a running slinky. Before I knew what to do, it had disappeared into the underbrush. Gone. The little mental refrain of ‘Mine!’ trailed off until I could no longer hear it.
“The fuck!” I yelled after it. The pest had stolen my last ration. I looked at the log where the remaining crumbs of the bar I was eating before had been. And a half. Little fucker.
I grumbled about calling a pest control agency as I reassembled my belongings and put my pack back on. With heavy stomping footfalls, I trudged towards the stream and made my way down the ravine wall and into the basin. The water was shallow with plenty of exposed rock to tromp around on. I quickly discovered that Ye Old Sandals, Ye Old Sucked for wet surface walking and after a few times of almost slipping and killing myself I recalled I had some alternatives.
I took loose the plant-made boots and rinsed them in the slow-flowing stream. After vigorous dunking and creating a new layer inside of them with some handy tree leaves, I slipped them on. I had to stuff some more leaf padding in them to make them fit. The wannabe cannibal who previously owned them had bigger feet than I did. I found them adequate. I’m not sure what he used for the bottoms, but they managed to not slip on the wet stone. I was impressed.
By the time I was finished, my irritation had calmed enough to deal with the hideously colored notification window. I clicked the notification light.
[Congratulations! Your boon has been activated! Due to your love of woodland critters, Loki has seen it right to bless you with an Animal Companion, the first animal you share eyesight with will become your immortally bound companion!]
[Loki’s Boon (Furry Lover) - You have bonded an animal to your side.]
A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
What the hell!? He couldn't have warned me first! I could have bonded something badass like a wolf! Loki loves wolves, doesn’t he?! Half his kids are wolves! Or a Raven, I could have bonded with one of Odin's ravens! Not to mention lions, tigers, and bears. Oh my! Or fantasy creatures, Norse mythology was chock full of beasts! Trolls, dragons, demons! Maybe not animals, but I could have tested it out first?! Hell, a war badger or giant dragon tortoise would be awesome too! Maybe a koi-hating bobcat? But instead, I get a little pest?!
[Congratulations! You have chosen a name for your companion!]
[Pest - Ferret]
Strength Unknown
Agility Unknown
Constitution Unknown
Wits Unknown
Recollection Unknown
Charisma Unknown
Luck Unknown
Titles: Unknown
Perks: Unknown
Skills: Unknown
Trust: Unbreakable Contract
Well, that wasn’t very informative. The trust line must be the result of the boon. I muttered. This is simply grand. As I sat alongside the stream, definitely not pouting, a rustle from the brush above, quickly filled by falling scree and debris grabbed my attention. Pest had suicide-dived off the edge of the bank sliding down it like a penguin across the ice. The ferret didn't miss a beat as it screeched to a halt and did his odd run-up over to me. It paused a few feet away and stared at me, unmoving, again.
‘More tasties?!’ It demanded at me without twitching a muscle.
“You stole the last one!” I yelled at it. It continued to stare at me, before bursting into movement, making a beeline straight for my rucksack, before it had a chance to burrow in, I grabbed it and held it at arm's length. It went limp, not struggling or fighting back, but staring at me. It hung like a heavy tube sock from my grip. Weird little creature.
“Bleh, you stink!” I announced as I was overcome with the smell emanating off of him. He didn’t appreciate that and started to squirm in my grip. His little muscles pulsed like a snake to slither him up and out of my grip.
‘No stink! Musk!’ He spouted at me with indignation. I had to grab him with two hands, and sadly I think I was losing. I tossed him into the stream. It wasn’t deep, or swift, so he had no trouble swimming out, his little front legs doing all the work as he paddled out. He instantly shook. He tossed himself on the rock and mosses growing along the shore.
‘No!’ he squawked. ‘Need musk!’ He scooted his little bottom on the ground, ‘No wet butthole!’
Well, that did it for me. He was already acting like a lunatic, but then screaming about his problems as he dragged his little wet ass around and frantically groomed himself was too much. I started laughing. I was down on the ground laughing uproariously and the little bastard came over and tried to use me as his personal towel. Fending him off was even funnier and I kept laughing. It was a long time before I calmed, wiping tears from my eyes, as he sat on my lap in the sun finishing his grooming. He reminded me a little bit about some kitties I left at home with my family just then. Just a little. He still stank, just a little less. And it wasn’t bad, I guess, just a little musky.
I looked into the sky, the sun was on its downward trend. It seemed a good time to start looking for somewhere to hide for the night. I started eating the dried berries I had stolen from the cannibal, I was wary of eating too many in the case that it gave me the runs. Nobody wants me to describe that.
Now that the Pest had eaten my noy-granola it was berries, jerky, and some unknown ‘herbs’. And the jerky was going quick. I snacked on it semi-regularly while I walked. Oops. That's what happens when you get bored on a hike, I guess. Rations are not rationed. As I was arranging my gear and strapping my sandals to my rucksack, Pest sniffed and investigated every inch of everything I touched. Inquisitive little fellow. I turned around for a moment, and before I knew it, he was diving back into my rucksack.
“Hey! I told you I ran out of tasties!” I grumbled as I started to open it back up to fish him out. He was really fast at burrowing into it.
‘No!’ He squawked indignantly, ‘Tired, nest!’ I saw him inside, he had curled up in the mess that was my belongings. I guess he had decided my bag was his nest. Did that make me his RV? I shrugged and closed him in.
“Suit yourself,” I told him and put on the rucksack. I had already moved what remained of my rations to my hip back, so there wasn’t much he could get into in there or anything anyway.
I followed the stream for about an hour, keeping my eyes out for any form of shelter I might like. Honestly, I didn’t really know what I was looking for. I knew I could sleep in a tree if the limbs lined up okay. Or maybe a cave if it wasn’t home to some form of critter. I had visions of bears and cougars taking offense to such an action, and I didn’t want to realize those visions. I suppose if I was paying more attention to what I was doing, rather than to what I was worried about, the next bit wouldn’t have happened. But it did.
The little ravine that the stream traveled down was a mellow affair, and the water didn’t seem to ever get deeper than my hips. Maybe this tower floor was shallow, and it could only carve down to the bedrock so far? But the water had to travel somewhere, so I kept walking downstream. The funny thing about traveling along a stream that cuts down to solid stone, if you have never had the pleasure, is that the stone isn’t uniform in any way. Lots of holes, divots, and little shelves, and when the sun gets low and the shadows long, these defects can be hard to see. So, when you are walking along the rocks, sometimes trudging through the water, you can trip quite easily. And when there are only more rocks to catch you fall. If you are extremely unlucky.
[You have taken Critical Blunt Damage.]
[You are knocked unconscious.]
[You are drowning.]
[You have fallen.]
My vision was nothing but the ugly Blue Screen. These notifications were scrawled across it.
I tripped, smashed my head, and drowned in about 3 inches of water. My first death in this new afterlife. You know, for a fellow who had a Golden Ticket, I didn’t feel so lucky. I muttered about all the unlucky shit that had happened to me. Constantly tripping and hurting myself, getting attacked by the only other person I had run into, and accidentally wasting an over powered perk on a ferret. Report, I mentally shouted.
[Would you like to report an issue?]
[Misuse of this feature could result in administrative actions.]
Luck and Golden Ticket are bugged and don’t work! I informed it and sent off my complaint. It left me in the void of blue hell. I don’t know if my vision was blocked by this blue box or if I was just a mind in the void at the moment. I didn’t feel anything or feel like I had a body at the moment. I just existed in the blue. No indication of time or space was around me. I could go mad here. God, I hate that color. My wife would lecture me that hate was a strong word. But I was pretty confident in my word choice. This color was evil. More evil than ketchup. Only lunatics would choose it as their thematic flavor color. I wondered for a while if Trickster God and God of Madness were the same things. He definitely liked to drive people mad. After an indecipherable amount of time, the blue was split with more text.
[Commiserations! You failed to survive! Welcome to a new day in the afterlife. As with all Norse afterlives, you tried to spend all day fighting, pillaging, and plundering. Some lived, and you died. But your lost life is returned, to pillage and plunder again until the Ragnarok decides to come and create the cycle again.]
I was alive. And things were so colorful! The only blue is the deep dark blue of a predawn sky. I looked around trying to get my bearings. I was not where I died, I had spawned somewhere different, somewhere random.