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Live, Suffer and Hope
7 - Her questions, my answers

7 - Her questions, my answers

Malinka soon stirs, likely woken up by the smell of the first proper food in at least two weeks. Hunter rations are nutritious and last for a long time, but they aren’t exactly tasty. She looks around the bed confusedly for a second before frantically starting to search around the room. She only calms down when she notices I’m still here.

“I was worried you left like-” Her voice sounded terrified, but I cut her off. "Told you I wouldn’t. We can talk about it if you’d like, but first you should eat.” Her stomach growls involuntarily at the mention of food and I pass her a plate with a chuckle.

The food tastes about as well as one could ask for, considering the limited ingredients, and we’re both soon done. Though now silence fills the room. I feel like ever since we entered the town Malinka has been a bit more distant than before. At first I thought it was because of the plan I came up with, but maybe it’s something more.

“Hey… Malinka?” I decide it’s better to broach the subject now over letting it fester. She focuses on me. “Yeah?” “Is something bothering you?” Her brows furrow in the way that shows she’s thinking really hard about something. A short moment later she comes to her conclusion. “Yeah. I don’t like that you’re just dragging me along here. I feel like I’m not w-.. like I’m just a burden that only complicates things.”

“So what. Even if you were, and I’m not saying you are, I don’t mind. Sometimes everyone needs a little help. I’m sure you’ll help someone like this in the future too.” I frown at my own answer. It feels inadequate. “But if you feel like you can manage, I’d appreciate your help dealing with the rest of our work here.” I nod, satisfied with this answer and focus on her face to see if she’s satisfied with it too.

Her brown hair is quite messy due to lack of proper care these past few weeks, but it doesn’t take away at all from the small smile I promptly receive. Likely because of the second part of my answer, it recognized that I’ve sidelined her for the entire time in town. Then her expression grows complicated again. “Why did you introduce me as Malinka of the Hunt? We never talked about that-” She waves her hand in the air for a moment, searching for a word. “-second part. And what’s with people acting weird whenever you mention you’re a hunter? I know you’re hiding something from me…”

Those last few words are ridden with a multitude of subtones, out of which I manage to pick out anxiety, a little bit of anger and... Guilt? Her eyes focus on the floor as she refuses to look at me. At least she opened up about it. Likely because I didn’t dismiss her more easily understood worry from before.

I stay silent for a moment, trying to come up with a gentle way of putting things. Fen would likely be able to come up with something, but I’m not good at dealing with people and my mind fails me. Finally I let out a defeated sigh. “Are you sure you want to know? It’s stupid, complicated and frankly shouldn’t matter to anyone. “

I see her head raise up from observing the floor and stare me directly in the eyes with determination. “Yes. Reality doesn’t like simplicity. And I don’t like lies and liars.” She throws my own words from the day before right back at me and I can’t help but smile a bit at the irony of having my lecture turned back on me so swiftly.

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“Very well.” I stand up and start pacing across the room. I was always better at thinking when on the move. “The main difference between the Hunters and everyone else in the Lands Inside is that we’re primarily rescued Torments.” I increase my pace as I speak. “Torments are a supernatural phenomena, meaning we don’t completely understand why and how they occur, but there’s always something causing them. Most of the time the cause is some sort of event that caused the land itself to-" My mind struggles for a second to come up with an appropriate term. " -twist, or you could say warp. It's kind of like a recording of an event that never happened and it forces the world to obey it’s own rules. Rarely however, the cause behind a torment is… well… a person.” I motion to both of us as I speak.

“In those cases, our rules dictate we must attempt to save the person from whatever caused their power to go so far out of control. When we succeed, we’ve got a rescue on our hands. However sometimes those things that haunted us catch up.” I feel my tone turn bitter and cold towards the end as anger rises inside me, but, I find it too difficult to stop at this moment. “Usually when some fucking idiot decides it’s a good idea to try to murder the fresh rescue or their rescuers in the name of ‘self defense’” I hiss the last few words out in frustration at the thought and bite my thumb before continuing with my explanation.

“And that’s where you get the vicious cycle. Because those people don’t see us as equal, rather as some form of walking disaster they attack us. Because they attack us, some of those attacked snap and go crazy again. And because some of us snapped, we are all branded as a danger to everyone that should be attacked.” I feel the rage that I kept on a tight leash for so, so long boiling over inside me.

The room darkens around me with every word I spit out. “And it’s not even like everyone who goes crazy hurts people. Most just opt to-...” I interrupt my tantrum and take a short gasping breath, before deciding that that part is best left unsaid and amend my sentence. “-to wander off somewhere into the wilderness and are never heard from again.”

I feel the droplet of blood on my finger slowly travel down my skin. The sensation alongside my previous moment of lucidity are enough to make me stop and take in my surroundings. It's all drained of color, and seemingly drowning in darkness despite the sun’s best efforts to reach inside through the little window. On the bed, Malinka’s eyes are wide. She’s clearly scared and worried, but she hasn’t broken eye contact with me during any of that.

I can only imagine how I look like right now, when I am so close to snapping due to all of the pent up stress I haven’t had time to fully process just yet. Probably not much better than she did when Fen and I found her inside the storm. I hear the sound of claws scratching at the inside of my mind, the unfeeling touch unpleasant and cold. Then I see it - my light in the dark, a smile of support from the only other person in the room and I know what must be done. I focus on my breathing. “One, Two, Three” I count out loud, like some sort of mantra, as color and light starts returning to our room.