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Live, Suffer and Hope
23 - Standing Still

23 - Standing Still

We both ate in silence. I didn't want to talk with him and as for him - I had no idea why he wasn't talking. What was the point of arranging this entire charade if not to pester me with more ways to make me hurt? I didn't know, but I was glad that he wasn't bothering me. And while I despised the arrangement as a whole, I had to admit that, well -

The food was delicious. It wasn't anything complicated - pancakes with a syrup. But after not eating anything for a whole day? I enjoyed it.

So there we were, two people, having a dinner in a quiet room while the sun set beyond the window. If not for all the tension in the air, I'm sure it would almost look like a date. Alas, no such thing was happening. Instead, when the food was finished he leaned down and picked something up from under the table - whatever it was, it was long and heavy, and wrapped up in the most boring looking brown cloth I could imagine.

"Here." He said as he pushed it across the table towards me. I was suspicious but also curious as to the nature of whatever this was and carefully accepted it. The bundle's weight was familiar to me as I held it - and soon it was revealed why. My weapons.

I felt my hands start to tremble as my brain finally processed the reality of what I was holding. "You're coming with me. We're gonna track down and end the life of a creature that has been causing troubles for the locals. A hunt." I felt my eyes go wide at his words and panic erupted inside me.

"Are you insane?!" I screeched almost instantly.

"No."

"What if I panic and you die because of my mistake?!"

"Then I'd have underestimated you."

"What if I refuse to come!?"

"Then you'll need to find a job. Your stay here is getting expensive."

"What if I betray you and leave you to die?!"

"Then I'll forgive you."

I glared at him - each of his responses was calm - accepting - as if we were talking something completely mundane and simple.

"We're leaving right now. I'll wait outside." I felt my throat tighten in anxiety and fear as he spoke those words. A few breaths later he has left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Now that there was no longer a reason to keep myself in check, the panic inside me bubbled over the top and I broke down.

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Half an hour later I dragged myself out of the door only to find him waiting there, illuminated by the light of a lantern in his right hand. He spared me only a glance to make sure I wasn't hurt before nodding. "Good. Let's move." I'm sure my face was a mess, but I was glad he didn't comment on it. Each step lead me further away from the little dark room I've grown so accustomed to - and frankly I've felt a bit overwhelmed by everything around me. The quiet murmur of people inside their houses leaking into the street through opened windows, the scent of wind as it blew by me, the neighing of horses as they too had their dinner at stables nearby - it was all right here.

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In front of me, was the guy who single handedly gave me a mental crisis not even an hour ago, leading me to who-knows-where to risk my life for who-knows-what reward. 'It always comes down to money, doesn't it?' My brain pauses as I realize one of his previous reasons. 'My stay at the infirmary was getting too expensive he said...'

I felt myself shrink into my travelling clothes as I realized that I've spent the past month living off of Thomas's generosity. And all I've offered him in return was hate. There was only one logical conclusion to this realization.

'I'm such a piece of shit.'

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He finally stopped roughly a kilometer out from Larton's walls and then he turned around to face me.

"The creature we're hunting is exceedingly dangerous." He started and stared me dead in the eyes. "And as you are right now, you would die with no chance of victory. It is a vicious beast, known for destroying even most legendary of warriors. An insidious killer who's claws are lined with venom so potent most never recover after even a single scratch." I felt anxiety build up within as he spoke. What kind of monster would warrant such warning after the Torments his group and I faced together? Just what is he wanting to face with just the two of us?

"There is another problem. I can only deflect against the creature, and only for a short period of time. You will have to fight it more or less on your own." The anxiety was starting to turn into a full blown panic at this point. "But, that is all for the future. For now, I will train you until you are ready to face it."

"What... what is this creature?" I asked and failed to keep the nerves out of my voice.

"I will tell you in a moment. First, your weapons. Unsheathe them." He pointed towards me. I felt my palms sweat. Somehow this little act of preparing for battle felt just as hard as dodging the meat-flail of the mother-torment. My hand rested on the handle of my longsword - and it was quaking.

'The least I can do after... after he's been taking care of me for a month is try.' My mind thought, and I agreed with it. "One... Two... Three..." I counted seconds out loud while focusing on breathing - in, then hold it, out, then hold again. Just like mom taught me.

I pulled the weapon out of it's scabbard - somehow the motion made my mind spin - and I held it in front of me. A few moment later I had a dagger in my off hand too.

"Good, now, a practice swing. Show me." He instructed - he wasn't loud nor agressive. I hated it because of how much this tone has exposed my wounds before, but... I kinda liked his voice too.

"Good, next, an attack is coming at you like this." He managed to find a stick somewhere and prepared to swing it towards me. "Parry it." My body moved on it's own and the strike was met with the dagger and pushed aside.

"I don't think a clawed beast would use a sword." I complained as he continued to push me through this training regime.

"This one does. Block an overhead swing." I managed to find a bit of joy in the exercise - it reminded me of all the time I had spend practicing with David.

"What's the creature anyway?" I asked as I dealt with the next pretend-attack he sent my way.

"It's a personal request from me." For the first time in my life I saw him hesitate, as if he had to choose his words carefully. "This vile monstrosity has poisoned a companion of mine over a month ago, and she is yet to recover. Every day when I asked about her well being I was told that she was suffering greatly, but there was nothing that could be done."

He dodged my gaze, and stared off somewhere to the side. "I couldn't stand by and watch anymore, so I'm calling in a favor from the only one who can help me put it down and cure my companion. Even if you are not a hunter yet, you have the potential to be one, and there is no one better when it comes to defeating supernatural foes than one of your kind."

Finally, he looked back at me - he didn't look stoic or strong. He was... exhausted, afraid and worried, and the light provided by the lantern he held only made those shadows on his face that much harsher.

"It's name is Self-Doubt, and only you can defeat it."