I don't know how long I've been lying on the ground, but I don't think it matters. Half of my face is caked with mud and I don't really care. My eyes burn from crying so long and I can't find it in me to be bothered by it. There's one thing I have to do. I have to see her again.
I slowly get on my knees and crawl forward, to where... where my mind tells me what I saw happened. It doesn't feel real. My body doesn't feel real. The way my fingers sink into the ugly brown mud on the ground doesn't feel real. The way raindrops drop on the back of my head doesn't feel real either. I don't even know when it started raining, but it did. And none of it feels real, as if there was a haze between me and reality. It's all so.. distant.
Eventually I find the strength to stand up and start walking like a person again. I realize the air is cold and damp, but I don't know what to do with this information. My focus is on the ground in front of me and I take it one step at a time. Something in my mind starts counting the steps in a nonsensical way - one, two, three and repeat. I don't get it, but I walk forward anyway. I hear voices around me, they're louder than the rain, but I cannot understand them. I know they speak my language, I know I should, but my mind refuses.
So I move and stumble forward instead. My foot catches on something that I didn't see and my body slams into the ground. I feel the pain. The pain feels real. I look at what caused me to trip - a stone. The main street is paved with stones instead of dirt. I feel something warm and wet coming from my forehead but it doesn't feel real so I don't worry about it. Instead, I struggle to get back on my legs and move forward. I have to see her. I have to. So I walk, even if nothing feels real, and I don't understand. I feel I have to see her, so I do. I'm not even completely sure who the she I have to see is, but I walk anyway. 'One, Two, Three' counts my mind. I let it do its thing.
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I don't know how long it took me to get where I am. I'm standing in front of her. She's missing her right arm, and there's a sword jammed inside her head. The rain falling from the sky above me washed away most of the blood on her face and I reach forward to touch her. She's cold. So, so cold. I notice I'm crying but I can't figure out why. The voices around me grow louder and eventually someone touches my shoulder. My body flinches in response to the touch, but there's no pain. I expected pain from the touch. I don't know who touched me, but I can't look away from her. Whoever the person is, they're holding onto me. I think they're helping me? I don't know.
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My knees go numb, and I feel something bubbling deep inside me. A moment later, I hear a scream. It's raw and filled with pain. The screaming is so loud, and whoever the person is they keep screaming. Why are they screaming, did someone hurt them? Is that how people act when they're hurt? I can't find the answer, but I think my thoughts are on the right track, so I figure I should scream too.
I drag my attention to my lungs and mouth before I finally realize where the scream came from. I'm the one screaming. I think that makes sense. The hand that was on my shoulder moves and a moment later my perspective shifts. I'm pulled up into the air by someone and hugged. And I keep on screaming until my voice goes hoarse and eventually gives out. I feint from exhaustion soon after.
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When I next come to, I'm in a bed. A familiar one, one that I've slept in before. The room is also familiar to me but despite realizing that I should feel comfort and warmth here, despite recognizing these walls with a painting of a blue lake surrounded by the trees and green grass of the central lands, despite the blue sky and the sun above that, despite all of that... All I feel is emptiness.
My head suddenly snaps as I see something move from the corner of my eye - a hand reaching out to me. A familiar hand that comforted me, and ruffled my hair and... tears drop from my eyes. There's nobody there. Just a ghost - a shadow as my mind helpfully supplies - of a memory. I pull the blankets over me tighter and quietly, hoping nobody will hear me, let my feelings out.
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I hear hushed voices outside the room. I recognize one of them - Stein. They're talking about me, thinking I don't hear them because they're whispering. But my ears had time to adapt to the silence and I pick up on their conversation anyway. "... Two days. She's barely eaten anything." Stein says and someone else replies. "Is she stable?". I only hear Stein's grunt in affirmation to the question before the wooden floor lets me know they walked out of earshot.
Two days? It couldn't have been that long ago, could it?