My stomach was revolting, my very being was shaking from the consequences of what we've just done.

I could not even begin to fathom the horror that Rybrus just inflicted upon the three people stuck inside there.

When the pleas for help finally ended and everything had gone quiet, I collapsed near one of the walls. I didn't even know what to think, or what to feel - I was exhausted - utterly and ultimately tired from listening to their wailing. Everything in my brain was on fritz and I didn't know what to do.

Rybrus didn't seem to share my problems, as he carefully opened the door and after confirming it's safe rushed inside. A moment later he returned - carrying with him a large rectangular thing I've never seen before. It looked almost like a stone tablet with writing etched upon it, yet was clearly made out of precious gemstone. Though, frankly, it didn't really matter to me. I wanted to leave, to run away, to not have to think about what we've done anymore.

Rybrus took a single look at me and his determined expression softened - he must have picked up on my mind's brokenness. "Cmon, there's not anything left to be done here."

I merely nodded at him, unable to find the energy needed to even speak. My legs felt sluggish as I picked myself up to follow behind him.

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I was lost inside my own mind throughout most of our walk through the outpost - but I still noticed things. I saw the crossbow bolts embedded in people - both guards and bystanders. I saw the dead left behind, both of the bandits and the townsfolk.

'They won't be able to hurt anyone else' I repeated to myself in my mind, seeking to confirm to myself that we've done the correct thing. I still heard the echo of their screams bouncing around my mind, and couldn't help but shiver.

I shook my head and searched around me, desperately looking for something - anything - to take my mind off this trail of thoughts. The road away from town and towards Rybrus's was muddy and disgusting, above us, the clouds gathered as if to make everything even worse than before by adding rain to the mix and making everything as shitty as possible. At least it will quench whatever fire we might have began. Or the bandits did, there was a pillar of smoke after all.

We soon reached the wagon, and I limply sat down on the back of it, unable to even think clearly anymore. Rybrus bid his horse to start moving again and guided it to walk towards a nearby patch of trees to shield it and us both from the rain.

A little while later he rushed around as set up a large piece of rough fabric above the wagon to create a dry spot for all three of us before finally sitting down next to me. He didn't say anything, instead he reached his arm around me and pulled me in for a hug.

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"Let it out, it's not healthy to hold it in." His words, filled with kindness and understanding, finally broke the wall in me that was doing just that and shattered it like glass hit by a hammer.

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It ended up raining all the way through the day and even night. In all honesty, I didn't really mind. The beat of raindrops against our shelter helped me stay grounded - It was comforting.

I don't even know when I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion, but I know I woke up significantly later than usual to prepared breakfast. Of course it was nothing extravagant - merely a sandwich with coffee - but I appreciated that Rybrus made it none the less.

As I bit into it however, he spoke up. "What do you fight for Malin?" I looked over at him and then at the soggy grassy earth around us as I contemplated what to say.

"Vengeance, probably." I wasn't even sure myself to be honest, it was just another of the things yesterday managed to shake my convictions about. "Also use my full name!" I raised an accusatory finger at him with a small smirk and got a chuckle in return.

"Yeah, yeah." He raised his hands in defeat. "What I mean to ask is - do you think you can still fight for it? For vengeance?"

"No... I don't think so. I don't want to... do that to people just to satisfy my own emotions..." I felt the sorrow I felt in the aftermath return again. At least the coffee was nice.

"What were the exact words..." Rybrus mused, before snapping his fingers and then attempting to mimic Thomas's voice. He was not good at it. "This vile monstrosity has poisoned a companion of mine and she is yet to recover. It's name is Self-Doubt, and only you can defeat it."

This situation really does look like all that time Thomas spend with me and helping me get put back together doesn't it. I didn't know how to reply, but Rybrus didn't wait and rattled on anyway - so a reply wasn't even necessary. "The way I see things, you never fought for vengeance. You just thought you did." I glared daggers at him. "Instead, you always wanted to make things better for people. You want everyone to get along, and get hurt when they can't. That's a good enough reason to fight - to protect the innocent from the cruel, to defend the helpless from the creatures that stalk the night."

He then paused as he considered things and then added. "Lamplight in the dark." The words echoed with the unnatural power of the visitor and I winced slightly, but luckily the thing did not shift it's attention my way this time around. "Light in the darkness that people can look to for hope. Be strong for others."

I considered his words and couldn't really find anything wrong with them outside of this purpose being... too grand. But... Thomas's words... Self doubt is something I struggle with and not having purpose and being lost is like a poison to me if the month I spent trapped in Larton is anything to go by.

The slowly building up sorrow in me shifted into determination. I simply have to be able to keep moving forward, for both the people in my past, and the people in the future. For all those who helped me before me giving up would be disrespect, like I've squandered all of their efforts. And for those in the future? Well, someone has to be the one to show up and help.

My head slowly bopped down and up in a nod and Rybrus gave me a smile. "That's the spirit, now come on, we've wasted enough time 'round here. Help me pack up!"

I couldn't help but be annoyed. "Is that why you wanted to cheer me up?!" This insufferable man! He's even laughing about it now! "Well screw you then, I'm gonna pack it so well you'll never be able to match it!" I couldn't help but smile at the whole thing too.