The following is an excerpt from the TI/preheroes forum on Thinkitch

G0bluefins83: Hey is this a Justice Backers room? You guys have a lot of the same tags.

SacredQueen: Sort of. I’m one of the mods. My name’s Becky :). We’re preheroes so a lot of us are really inspired by the Justice Backers.

G0bluefins83: What’s a prehero? I don’t mean to be ignorant but I’ve never heard of them.

Tara-iffic: It meens we dont have our powers yet dummy.

SacredQueen: Be nice Tara or I have to time you out again.

G0bluefins83: Wait… you guys have super powers? Like real ones? Is this a role play thing?

SleeplessKnight: Nah it’s no game. We were born with SPs like Archive or Impala but we haven’t grown into them yet.

G0bluefins83: ????? O_O So you can’t do anything? You just sound like regular people.

SacredQueen: It’s difficult to explain. It’s a deeply personal certainty that you’re not normal. It’s just a part of your identity. You can feel your powers before you can use them. Some of us can actually use them already but they’re not at full strength.

G0bluefins83: ………. What are all your powers?

Tara-iffic: I have mine alredy, which is rely rare cuz I’m only 14. Their going to get a LOT stronger. I’m a musical empath. When I hear my fave songs I can feel exactly what the musician felt when they wrote the song. I feel Kurt’s pain whenever I listen to Nirvana. Thats when its the worst. When they get stronger Ill be able to sing the songs myself and make everybody feel it 2.

G0bluefins83: That sounds kind of dumb. How do you prove that to anybody?

SacredQueen: We don’t ask for proof here. It’s part of the rules that you just trust somebody about their powers. We want to encourage people to share because it’s all very personal. I can’t prove my powers because I don’t have them yet, but I definitely feel them. I’m going to have the ability to absorb the energy of people’s faith. It won’t matter what faith; it could be God, Buddha, the human spirit, or their favorite sports team (like the bluefins :)). If people near me believe anything strongly and are feeling righteous, I will become super strong and generate a heavenly blinding light. Who else is in here for a roll call?

SleeplessKnight: I don’t sleep. Ever. I stay up and roam around fighting people’s nightmares so they can rest better.

Keystone: Hi Bluefins, I’m Keystone. I’m PP (pre-powered) but eventually I’ll be able to spot the weakest point on any structure and collapse them with a single strike. Even skyscrapers.

Noodler: I’m PP too. I live near the Mississippi river and I can sense this giant catfish who lives at the bottom. When I’m ready he’s going to let me ride him and breathe underwater and control all the other catfish. I’m going to be the river’s protector.

OldDominion: (PP) I’ll be able to teleport anywhere in Virginia.

XcandylintX: PP and I don’t even know what my sps are yet.

ShadyReaper: I make ppl dead. X_X

SacredQueen: Don’t mind Reaper, English isn’t his first language.

ShadyReaper: Sry

KudzuKate: U guys didn’t tell him the most important thing!!! Theirs 2 types of phs! Pp are pre-powers and have them when their born. LPs are lichen-powered and that means the lichen is gonna come touch them at some point and give them powers.

G0bluefins83: You mean that thing that gave Pawn and Transplant their powers?

WitchHazel: Kudzukate and I are spores! That means the lichen talks to us telpathicly and we tell ppl if the lichen has chosen them to join. He only picks people with pure hearts and a lot of spirit.

OldDominion: Lichen doesn’t have a sex.

KudzuKate: BUT HE HAS A GENDER YOU BUTTHOLE (This user has been timed-out for ten minutes)

SacredQueen: Aaaand that’s another time-out for Kate.

WitchHazel: Kate gets excited XD. I can’t wait until the lichen comes to give us our powers. We got so many ppl for him I bet its gonna be sooooooooooon! Hes gonna make it so I can shoot these plant-seed firecracker things.

G0bluefins83: Okay then. I guess I shouldn’t really be here. You guys have fun.

SacredQueen: You can stay if you want. We let everybody talk. You can even get involved since we need a lot of online sidekicks. You’ve probably read about how much the Unfridgable Girl helps the Justice Backers.

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

SleeplessKnight: … I think he left. At least he didn’t call us liars.

ShadyReaper: He seem nice.

WitchHazel: I didnt sense anything so the lichen doesnt care about that guy. Did we tell u guys were goin camping this weekend? Were gonna wait up all night for him. He told us to bring ppl but only BRAVE ppl. Does anyone want t come?

Tarra-iffic: I have youth group this Saturday T_T.

SacredQueen: I think most of us are going to be working on the fundraiser for the Backers. Once we get together about 10k anyone who wants to can attach an application or an audition. That ought to get some of us noticed.

Noodler: I’m poor this month. Not enough moneys for my laundry even.

Supermustache64: Is this for the Justice Backers? Do any of you know Impala, cuz I really really want to talk to her.

WitchHazel: NO GET OUT (This user has been timed-out for ten minutes)

Archive Diary #13

(transcribed from video log)

This is Archive diary entry number thirteen. Hello again everyone. While I don’t usually have much to report, something specific did get under my skin today. Perhaps you can give me some insight into it. I don’t understand the motivations involved much myself, but Alpha Dog insists it is key to our fundraising efforts.

All of this merchandising irks me. When I stepped out into the kitchen this morning I was met by a wall of boxes blocking the refrigerator. Golden Boy was behind them, having climbed the organized pile of trash to get to the stove.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got breakfast taken care of,” he said as he slid a plate of fruit and pancakes across the top box towards me. I thanked him and took a seat at the table with a few of the other Backers. We ate quietly. I’m sure you remember that my eyes allow me to avoid asking questions most of the time. I could see inside the boxes and identify their contents: T-shirts, keychains, statuettes, coasters, DVDs, and sweatpants with our logo across the bottom. I considered complaining then but one glance revealed each Backer’s generally sour mood.

Our defeat at the hands of Woman’s Touch has been casting a shadow over us for days. It has been doing that for exactly four days. I imagine we would have recovered by now if not for the fact that Pawn has not returned. Alpha Dog gave Monkey Girl a long glass capsule to keep his arm in until the rest of him returns, but it has not stirred the entire time. Though we’ve only been a team for a short while, I consider Monkey Girl a friend and it pains me to see her torture herself over his remains. She thinks it is her fault. She understands that his power prevents him dying, but her emotions will not listen to her logic. They claw at her mind. The others have not had to watch her figuratively bleed as I have. I keep my observations private mostly and only share them with my love.

Wallflower was being just adorable enough to keep me focused on petty irritations rather than the villains that threatened our mission. She was seated in my lap while I ate my pancakes; nobody else at the table had the slightest idea. She waited until all eyes were staring off in some random direction before sneaking a strawberry or piece of banana for herself. Seeing as my journal entries cover hers as well, she wants me to tell all of you that she is doing well.

When I finally inquired about the boxes pushing us out of the kitchen, Impala told me it was only a temporary inconvenience until Alpha Dog arranged to have the merchandise shipped out. I normally address my grievances to Impala when I can; I feel she takes our individual concerns a touch more seriously than Alpha Dog. Sometimes it’s difficult to look at him and see something other than a mid-life crisis. If you add up all his dogs they would probably weigh the same as the one red sports car that satisfies most men his age.

I suggested that we might be taken more seriously if our hall of justice didn’t have a gift shop attached. Impala indicated she was in agreement but that she could not deny the effect the merchandise had on our donations. That is why I am turning to you now. It is only fair that you answer some of my questions now that I have answered so many of yours.

Why will you only open your wallets for these cheap trinkets? Surely you must understand their complete lack of value. They are plastic, resin, and cheap fabric. They’re produced in garage-sized factories by interns and underpaid laborers loyal to our cause. Their time could be put to better use. Perhaps you, our backers, could start a petition to get Alpha Dog to remove the merchandise. He will listen to you if you make yourselves heard. I won’t pretend my opinion isn’t partially affected by the hours we have to spend each week signing statuettes of ourselves and handing them off to be bubble-wrapped. Regardless, it’s a waste of time and resources.

Those toys will not bring you closer to us. An accurate toy of my dear Wallflower couldn’t even be seen. An accurate Pawn would dissolve and fly away from you after you opened it. Owning a toy does not make you our friend. You are the driving financial force behind this team, but you can improve just as we can. What do you say? Will you try and bring some more dignity to the Justice Backers?

A quick unrelated note: I have finally convinced Alpha Dog to change the default capitalization of the word ‘redacted’ in all our transcriptions to something less likely to make our readers’ eyes bleed. You are welcome.

I will close this entry here. Please keep your questions succinct and polite. Remember that I do not answer overly personal questions about myself, Wallflower, or our relationship.

Loseweightonraw: How are you going to defeat Woman’s Touch and Act-of-Goddess? If there’s a hurricane she can put it wherever she wants! I heard on the news that they identified her and she’s like crazy or something. She was seeing that Moyne guy and he was giving her pills for like years.

We will combine our powers and intellects as a team to overcome whatever threat they create. I want to remind all of you that being ‘crazy’ is not the same thing as being evil. If Act-of-Goddess has a serious mental health issue (I did sense instability) we will take that into account and do our best to help her too. It wasn’t too long ago that Wallflower was under similar scrutiny. It nearly snapped the stem of her spirit in half.

GoldXmonkey4eva: I heard a rumor that Alpha Dog was on the sex offender list ten years ago and that he just learned a bunch of computer stuff so he could hack into government files and get rid of it. Is that true?

I may not see eye to eye with Eben on certain aspects of the project, but I can assure you that he is not and has never been a sex offender. The electric signals of people like that are very distinct. It rarely takes focus to identify them. They are characterized by auras of either guilt or self-satisfaction. I’m sure you can imagine how difficult it is for me to sit and do nothing when I am in a public space like a restaurant and I see one of these men enjoying a nice meal with their wife and children. I would not tolerate being under the leadership of such a person for even a single second.

Mittromney: Can you read the dogs’ minds?

As far as my talent can be called mind reading, yes I can. What I intuit from the electrical signals I see is rarely on a one to one ratio. Exact data is easier to deduce from machines than organisms. Eben’s hounds are a pleasure to observe. Their thoughts are so like the real thing that I am now using them as a template to help me make better guesses as to the thoughts of actual canines.

Swagglerock69: LOL! im back bitch. it doesnt matter how many times u guys ban me cuz i got the supreme hax. i told u i no ppl! im always gunna b here bcuz u cant stop me. does you’re invisi-bitch gf hide from evry1 cuz shes scared of dick? u 2 better stay away from me cuz i could rely make u afraid of it. if u ban me again evry1 on Thinkitch is gonna get over here and rain shit on u guys like god’s diarrhea. i no wuts coming 4 u. its gonna be epic! you’re goin 2 lose all the $ u stole from us.

I apologize about the intrusion everyone. I’ll look into a more permanent antibiotic for this bacterium. It really is incredible that out of so many words ‘diarrhea’ is one of the only ones he can spell.