Hey all, it’s me your buddy and pal, generic MC!

And while the times are good I might as well give a report on my life.

I’m seven years old now, and I’m a developing boy that's growing up wonderfully~

I’ve gotten lean and tone like you wouldn’t believe going to boot camp every day is something I would’ve never done back on earth.

Besides that I’ve grasped the elementary incantations for the Suppression and the Revolution style, I’m slowly but surely working my way up the ladder!

That being said I’ve also learned many important lessons. *hick*

For example the importance of the warmth that another human being can provide that many hours of masturbating cannot.

Another is the importance of conveying your emotions to others, by doing so you can create bonds with others to cherish forever.

Oh a good one I learned from Leo is to never be daunted by any challenges and face them with as your own self without caring what other have to say.

Yeah that’s a good one.

Today I learned another important lesson.

Yes as I hang upside down from this tree I find that this is a very important lesson indeed. *hick*

Have you ever been held hanging upside-down by your ankles by an older cousin or the like, yeah it feels unpleasant; no one should ever have to experience this.

Oh yeah the lesson, here it is:

Don’t go around asking people if they are part of the illuminati, because they might actually be a part of it and start torturing you for information.

In the forest outside the city (so many memories of dead Kobolds) I hang upside down from a tree.

Off to the corner of my eye standing behind another tree.

Three figures: blonde brothers and a blonde girl, they’re about Leo’s age, are discussing the matter of my existence.

Seeing this I might as well plead like a slug.

“Hey guys!

I was just joking I wasn’t serious when I said that you guys were secret agents that sneaked into the town under the identity of orphans!

I was just drunk, I swear, just check the tree about 10 meters away from the training area, you’ll find a lot of booze there.”

I got their attention, that’s a start.

Oh they’re just giving me death stares.

Kurara started walking towards my location; she punched me in the face, and started screaming at me.

Thank god I’m actually drunk otherwise this would hurt a lot more.

“Who are you!

How do you know about us!”

*sniff* I don’t know anything, I swear I won’t get intoxicated in public again I swear, just let me go officer.

I’m just going to spill everything, I don’t care.

“I really don’t know anything!

I’m just a 20 something year old who got reborn into this world with all his memories!

I mean I watched a lot of things in the past, it’s just that your guys’ situation seemed kind of similar to baby geniuses, or something like that I don’t know, some web novel or another.

Other than that I’m just normal 7 year old boy, training his swordsmanship.

Well I guess I see golden lines whenever I fight, also I can make alcohol as long as I have some bread, I can also make pudding with the beer, but that’s everything!”

Kurara just looks even more confused, so she continues the interrogation, and keeps on socking me in the face and gut.

“What are you talking about, make some sense!

What do you know?!”

I’m sacred, I feel something warm crawl down from my groin, I peed myself ;_;

Aww its getting in my nose, it only a matter of time before I shit myself too.

Ok what else does she want?

Think, think!

I got it she just wants to know how!

“I swear the method I used to end up here is really simple!

In my old world we had something called computers they were boxes you could use to know anything.

You just had to use this thing called go_gle on it when you asked it questions. *hick*

So I typed in “how to reincarnate in to a fantasy world” and bam I found like 1,000,000 links!

So I just lookies for the first guide I could find, and then there was this thing call wiki answers.

And it was titled how to reincarnate into a fantasy world in 7 steps (with pictures), I don’t know what happened after that I was really drunk, but somehow I ended up here.

Then I was born, and my parents left my ass and I ended up here, I really don’t know anything adfjaogagakl

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

BLUGHGHLHGLHLHGLHGHGL”

Fuck I vomited all over Kurara this isn’t going to end well for me.

Well as the saying goes:

When in doubt,

Go shit yourself.

And I did just that, I’m marking this territory as mine bitch!!!

…

I remember that first time I touched myself, I was also 7 like I am right now, mom, dad where ever you are right now, I know that should have asked you how to do it right

…

Holy crap what the hell happened, this is the last time I drink with Varvara first thing in the morning on our only day off every other week.

Did I get mugged walking out of the bar?

Oh wait I’m an orphan right now

So… what was going on again?

Today (or was it yesterday?) was everyone’s day off from training and quests.

Because of that Varvara and I went drinking first thing in the morning, I explained all the stuff I knew about Calvin and Hobbes recreating scenes and shit.

She told me a story a couple that went into a dungeon to find their lost companion only to find that their companion was fucking the dungeon lord, and they just had to watch the whole thing since the room can’t be exited once entered and because of a sound vision barrier they just sat there for like three days listening to them fuck.

I don’t really get her sense of humor; she must have been a real asshole in her last life, that’s what I think.

Let’s see, after that I stumbled back to the shack to looking for Yefim to cast some detox magic on me.

Then I saw the group of three Yefim, Yegor, and Kurara talking about something, I greeted them, broke a joke about them looking like some secret undercover agents or something then…

???

???

???

I can’t remember anything after that.

Anyway, looks like I’m back in the shack, my body is sore but it looks like someone used healing magic on me.

After leaving the shack I take in the dawn over the horizon, the first light of the day is nice isn’t it?

Guess it’s the day after the break then.

Looking around I saw Yefim a bit in the distance, he looks pretty tired.

“Morning, hey Yefim do you know what happened to me yesterday, I don’t remember anything.”

He looks at me, and starts thinking about something then he replies with a serious look.

“You were climbing a tall tree you see that one over there?”

He pointed to a really tall tree like 15 meters high, holy shit did really do that?

“Then you fell, and got hurt pretty bad, Kurara and I happened to be in the area and we healed you and put you back in the shack.”

Huh, I guess that’s what happened yesterday, I don’t think I was that drunk was I?

Oh well I guess being 7 years old has something to do with that.

“Oh, well thanks for healing me and stuff.”

Yefim breathes a sigh of relief and smiles at me saying yeah.

…

Oh yeah that’s what happened, now I remember.

I got the shit beaten out, literally, of me and I vomited all over Kurara.

I guess I should clear things up.

“Hey Yefim, I really don’t know anything about you identities or anything, I was just joking around, didn’t expect it to be real or anything.

Well I don’t care and I won’t ask, I won’t get in your way either, so can we just be square?

Also sorry for vomiting on Kurara.”

Yefim looks at me with a bit of a sad face and says.

“Alright, since your only 7 it’s not like you can do anything anyway, but make sure you never tell anyone else, we’ll keep our eye on you, got it?”

I stood to attention, preformed a salute, and answered

“Sir yes sir!”

Yefim smiled and left me to my own devices.

Now that I think about it, even though they were part of the magic department of Elf bro and Blonde sis they w’re really fast too.

Damn magic and speed, they’re probably like super assassin too or something, how cool.

I wanna be OP too ;w;