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Volume 07 - Chapter 1-3

“Kyou?” Rine-chan asks me while we’re heading north, following Ken’s instructions. “Do you like Kenta?”

This question surprises me, as Rine-chan used to assume that I love him. It also addresses another matter I’ve wanted to tell Ken for two weeks but never had the courage to. Because admitting it would make it way too awkward... “I like him a bit... Don’t tell him.” This is the current state. “Also, I don’t like him in a romantic way.” This is the part I’m not even sure of anymore.

“What do you dislike about him?”

Two months before, I would have said ‘Everything’, before that I would have even meant it 100%. Now things are a bit muddy... “He has the worst personality.”

“What exactly makes a bad personality?”

...OK, this is getting a bit annoying, but seeing how Rine-chan is earnestly asking about my opinion... ah, we’re actually alone with each other for the first time since entering the swamps. Maybe she wanted to talk about it for a while... “*Sigh* First, he’s selfish.” For some reason, Rine-chan seems hurt by these words. Well, she’s also selfish often enough, like a child throwing a tantrum... no, she’s trying to grow up. Does it have to be this way? Wasn’t she fine before? What is Ken just thinking!? “He rarely listens to the advice of others.”

“He listens to Ara.”

“Both of them are alike in some sense, so it’s more listening to his own suggestions from another person. However, the moment I try to talk some sense into him, he shuts off and acts like he knows better.”

“Doesn’t he often listen to you and adapt his plans because of it?”

... don’t come with me with facts! I know that it became better and better, but it’s easier to pretend that it hasn’t. “Also, he feels happiness in the misfortune of others.” I may also like it from time to time, but for Ken that’s most likely the only real joy he feels. “He also looks down on others, is easily irritated, and the worst.”

“Then what do you like about him?”

This is an even worse question! I mean, I don’t even know the answer. The curse that we’re all subjected to has a side-effect, it changes my feelings towards Ken. How much of my ‘like’ is even coming from myself? The effect was subtle, or maybe I was just subconsciously resisting it, but now that I know of it, it’s so obvious. Rine-chan is also a victim of it, perhaps this is the time to tell her... no, she’s already overwhelmed by all the other stuff...

Let’s think about how to answer her... “He’s dependable.” It’s most likely only because of the curse and its negative effects if we’re separated, but he didn’t leave me behind in any situation, no matter how dire. He always worked something out, often for the better. Though his worst ‘something’ was also the worst possible outcome, which practically killed my friendship with Teru-chan, Masahiko-kun, and the others. “He’s also capable.” While his social skills are horrible, the moment we joined forces, he was always ahead in everything else. Level, combat-experience, survival skills, he really is someone who specialized in fighting alone. “Also... I think he’s a tad better personality-wise than before.” Maybe I’m just seeing some sides of him I didn’t see before. Like how responsible Ken is when he finally decides to take care of something, how mentally resilient he is, how he may forfeit a fight because it doesn’t matter in the big picture...

Still, that pain... when I acquired [Empathy], I accidentally used it on Ken, right after he was released from the spell of Lvo’tjos. I was curious, seeing how he became so... vulnerable. It hurt so much it rent my heart. Despite that, he looked only a bit flustered, but no sign of the pain he felt. Maybe it’s a difference between boys and girls... maybe he just got used to the pain? A thought I find terrifying.

He won’t tell me, so I also won’t ask. I already know that Ken keeps a personal distance from everyone else, even to Arako, who is his only friend. Still, it makes me think that something happened to him, something so awful that it still hurts.

It may also be because of the defective spell of Lvo’tjos. Everything points to that it didn’t work as intended, causing some disturbance in the spirit, which is linked to the emotions as well. This connection between spirit and feelings is why I can use [Empathy] in the first place.

Aarrgh, it’s so much! This is frustrating beyond belief! Now, whenever I want to interact with Ken, I remember it, and I keep asking myself many questions, including if my concerns are genuine or just because the curse makes me so.

“Kyou?” Rine-chan cocks her head, not knowing how to interpret my silent anguish. “...Kyou, do you... I mean...” She takes a deep breath: “Do you believe it was wrong of me to leave Feuerberg?”

I immediately know that I’m the only person she can ask this question. It’s also a very tough one because when looking at myself, the answer is ‘yes’, while there is also Rine-chan’s feelings and needs to consider. “Why did you leave your home?”

“I... I used to think that I wanted to help Feuerberg, but now I... I have these ugly feelings.”

“Ugly feelings?”

“Yes... It’s like... I felt like... This is hard to express, I feel like suffocating. I really wanted to make my parents proud, but I’m not smart, so I used to think that I disappoint them all the time, but there is something different... or maybe I’m the one different? Because I’m the crown-princess? Or because I’m... well... maybe people around grew frustrated. Just like Ara with magic training.” Arako is currently teaching Rine-chan and me magic. At this point, I’ve unlocked the [Arcana]-ability, but lack any [Skills], while Rine-chan wants to choose the [Wizard]-class. However, no matter what kind of training method Arako thinks of, Rine-chan aces it in record time. The worst part may be that Rine-chan is still incapable of choosing [Wizard] despite that success rate.

“Arako’s pride just hurts a bit, and she has too much in the first place... in all the wrong places as well. I mean, she’s proud of how long she can avoid laundry, about how much of our rest time she sleeps, how fast she can create chaos in the camp...” I feel the urge to pinch her oversensitive ears right now because I’m usually the one who has to deal with her self-prized sloth.

“My siblings may have felt the same... Maybe the soldiers I sparred with didn’t hold back at all? At this point, I can’t even tell anymore...” Rine-chan is looking down.

I use [Empathy], and my heart begins to ache. It’s a pain I can at best describe as loneliness, though the one I know feels different. However, mine is by being left behind, while hers is about being surrounded by people without connecting with them. I can’t help but tear up as I feel this estrangement from everyone else around Rine-chan.

Of course, my tears cause Rine-chan to feel guilty, the guilt stings in my heart as well. I cut the [Empathy] before we start an emotional loop. After around two seconds, all of the feelings from before are just a memory. I only need to remind myself that they weren’t my feelings. It becomes easier with experience, at the beginning of my training, I felt down for hours after using this spell on Rine-chan, as many of these feelings were already blooming back then. If Ken would just know how she really feels...

Nonetheless, I stop walking and draw her in an embrace, though the girl is taller than me, that’s why it’s a bit clumsy. “Rine-chan. It’s alright.”

“...*sniff*” Finally she bursts in a flood of tears. She answers my embrace by almost suffocating me. Without any word, she clings to me like a child to her mother.

I want to sigh, but I have a sense of delicacy, so I just pet her hair and let her cry a bit. I may know her feelings, but I don’t know what kind of inner conflict she’s going through. I hope that she’ll be able to solve it.

Ken said to let her figure it out by herself, and a part of me agrees, yet another part wants to help her, tell her that she can just go back to how she was before, not thinking about anything at all. Yet here am I, saying nothing while she starts to rethink every step she took up to this point.

I also did this several times. What would have happened if I hadn’t decided to take a solely supporting role when I was still in a party with my friends? What would have happened if I didn’t agree to help Ken with his curse? What would have happened if I just returned to my friends after the disaster with the spider-monkey boss instead of being too ashamed to see them? What would have happened if I decided to just obey Ken instead of resisting whenever possible? What would have happened if I seized the opportunity and made Ken my boyfriend right after our kiss, manipulating him and his feelings to my absolute advantage?

At every step, each choice I made seemed right. Now in hindsight, I see several flaws in my decision-making. I guess it’s the same for everyone, including Rine-chan. Yes, that’s what I want to convey to her: “You’re here because of your decisions. Sometimes they might have been poor, but they were your own and you acted to your best knowledge. Learn from it and do it better next time.” The moment I say this, I feel somewhat instantly matured. This is strange, but I’m also still lacking here and there, even though I don’t like to admit it.

“Yes.” Her answer is a bit lifeless but still heartfelt. She slowly detaches from me and starts looking at me with her eyes that always look like they’re burning: “Let’s grow up together.”

“*sigh* It’s not like we have a choice. Here, take this.” I give Rine-chan my handkerchief to wipe her tears while taking out a waterskin from my backpack. I’m so glad that we found the water supplies of the bandits, as the boiled water we needed to drink in the swamps somehow tastes less... like water? However, it was necessary to survive in those cursed swamps.

Speaking of curses, I look at the ring on my left ring finger. The face of a lioness stares back, never-changing, never leaving my finger, not responding to words but reacting to our deeds. Mama Orana, the witch I met in the swamps, was capable of altering something, causing a minor shift, yet she couldn’t lift the curse altogether. I’m studying her books so that I’ll also be able to alter the curse, though I may need to take the [Witch]-class-up first, which... is still far away. I sure hope that I’ll be able to do it without the [Class-up]. Sadly, Mama Orana also put a new curse on me in the process, but as we try to find a way to break the supposedly strong curse of the ring, a witch’s curse she made on the fly shouldn’t be a problem. Curses grow stronger with preparation, according to her books. She had only some of my blood and maybe she could strengthen it a bit with a hair of mine, but for some reason, biological information is the weakest link to empower a curse. It’s better to have a favorite doll of the victim than having a whole arm. [Black Magic] is strange.

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Rine-chan has finished wiping her tears and gives me back my handkerchief. I put it back into my pocket in the vest and smile at her: “Let’s go.”

“Yes!” She has a bit of her vigor back.

My [Weather Forecast]-skill tells me that in eight hours there will be rain again, a heavy shower. I hope that we find shelter before then, as raindrops falling on tents are noisy and somehow find their way inside despite the number of preparations you do, even if you dig a trench around the tent. Evenings like that are usually bad-mooded and busy for all the wrong reasons.

I feel a small tingle just before a voice whispers into my ear, it’s Ken who used his [Whisper]-spell on me. “Soldiers from Ohlbrücken, they’ll take care.” Only a short message, but I believe it’s the nature of that spell. I look in the direction the [Spouse-Location] tells me, but I’m not sure whether the two dots are him and Arako or not. The distance and the darkened sky make it hard to tell.

“Ken just [Whisper]ed me. The bandits are taken care of, let’s wait for them.”

“Yes.”

I take a stool from the [Inventory] to sit on while Rine-chan gets her tailor’s kit, which also includes a blanket to sit on. She examines one of Ken’s shirts, there is a tear in the middle. She sighs once and gets some long cloth-like stripes from her kit, snips off a bit, wetting that piece, and starts rubbing it over the tear, connecting both sides of the shirts. This is an alfr cloth which is made out of leaves, it has some strange properties like that.

While she does her thing, I’ll read a bit in one of the books of magic. It’s written in bad handwriting with letters of this world, but I’m somewhat capable of reading it slowly but fluently. This is a long-winded explanation about how curses work in general, though I already know the gist. It’s about altering probability, causing misfortune, though I don’t really know how it works. A curse can even make other magical forces work differently, giving [Black Magic] a wide array of effects which are at the end rather detrimental and harmful. Yes, of course, they can cause damage, but it’s the damage of bad luck instead of being reduced to dust by elemental forces. It’s possible to use it to cause a spontaneous self-combustion, but that would be only possible if the caster has the best possible conditions or is powerful enough to level a mountain if he’d use all that talent in [Elemental Magic]...

“*Sigh*...” Why am I even bothering, the only class, which is capable of being upgraded to [Witch] seems to be [Herbalist], which is already a class-up. A second one will take a while, I need to be level 100, while I’m just barely 55. I like to say that I’m up to the task, that I’m halfway there, but to get this far, I needed about five months, while getting levels becomes more and more difficult. Yes, I got eight levels in the two weeks in the swamps, but this was against strong monsters I wouldn’t be even able to take on alone, and without Ken’s expertise of hunting monsters, we may all have died.

Why is he so capable anyways! I mean, yes, he was on his own for two months, this much is true... No, don’t think fondly about how cool he looks here and there, how he has these muscles that show power but also a certain tenderness! I need to cool down, this is just the ring telling me that I desire him.

Ken is still the same as before... well, actually, he has changed quite a bit, seeing how- No, another topic! I put the book back, I can’t get into it right now. Instead, I take my current creation out: A sock I’m knitting. I’m not good at this, but there are only few things you can do for entertainment and when your eyes hurt from too much reading or it’s too dark for it, as a campfire doesn’t create the best reading atmosphere, you don’t want to go through the tedious work of making medicine, and when you have no desire to talk either, you’ll face a problem. No smartphone for checking stuff on the net, no TV to mindlessly look at, therefore no DVD-recorder for re-watching your favorite shows, and drawing comes with other difficulties like how paper is too valuable for some bad drawing with coal-pens.

Knitting isn’t that fun, but it’s something you can do almost always and the socks will be practical when winter arrives. Also, counting stitches always helps to take your mind off everything else.

Knit, knit. Before coming into this world, I hadn’t an idea of how much you have to do to survive. Seeds have to grow, animals that give meat have to be hunted or raised, clothes have to be tailored, socks have to be knitted. In modern Japan, this is the concern of few who started to rely more and more on technical devices and scientific knowledge. While those things also exist in this world, they’re more primitive, I think. How much has to be done to raise from the medieval age to the modern era? The fantasy world has magic, but it also has monsters. There are people capable of impossible physical feats, but there are big differences between cultures and even several species. Gods like Muaotef are about... A shiver runs through my body, it happens every time I think of that draconic deity.

Knit, knit. Ah, I’ve miscounted, so time to drop some stitches... here we go. Am I happy with my current life? There are definitely some things that bother me, some things I’d like to fix like these stitches, but is this better than struggling in Esse because I can’t raise my level, taking a job as a [Cook] somewhere to make ends meet? Or return to the rest of the class, the non-combatants, with my tail between my legs, admitting that I can do nothing useful?

Knit, knit. Oh, this looks good. The knitting, not the prospect of achieving nothing at all. While it would have been safer, it would have also broken my pride, I may have lost something inside me. This way, I’m at least somewhat... OK, is it me, or is it the ring again!? I want to scream as now every time I try to be positive about the current situation, this shadow of doubt is lurking at the border of my thoughts!

Knit, kni- Ah! I messed up again! I’m about to throw my knitting away, but I control myself and put it on my lap instead, then I take some deep breaths while looking to the sky. All the stress is culminating right now, I need to do something to get rid of it. How about some music...

HA! HA!

Usually, I can cope with all of that, but after the swamps, I’m mentally tired. I need to do something different.

“Hey.” Now an unwelcome voice grinds in my ears. It’s Ken with Arako in tow, I look at him and for a moment I consider either punching or kissing him, though the last thought is only fleeting. We already kissed, it wasn’t that great and we never talk about it... maybe we should at some point, because this old, already put aside topic is fresh in my mind again.

With an irritated look, Ken turns away from me to Rine-chan, who puts her things back in her backpack. She returns his look and starts smiling slightly: “Kenta, Ara, welcome back.” It sounds like she really feels a bit better.

“Let’s go.” He just replies curtly. Then he grabs my hand for a daily WP, though it makes my heartbeat unwillingly stronger. Just why him? Ken isn’t my type at all. However, now I can’t help but think of his very well hidden good traits... strong, smart, reliable, responsible... it’s the same as before, but aren’t that actually really good traits? If he just would smile once, then maybe he would have at least a bit of handsomeness... He always looks like he has eaten something sour he doesn’t even like.

Nonetheless, I walk with him, hand in hand. It’s the one hour of the day, where we regularly have a conversation. “There will be heavy rain in eight hours.” He’s always interested in things like that, so it’s a good ice-breaker.

“Precious... if Ara-san and I are right, there is bound to be a trade route within a few hours. Let’s hope we’ll find it and shelter somewhere on it.” On all greater trade routes are inns and resting places so that caravans and traders can rest during their journey. “Remind me to ask about the Merchant’s League next time we have a chance.”

“The one Correo may be part of?”

“Exactly. If they put a bounty on us and have all that information, he’s likely part of the club. ...I wish I’d known back then that he was more than a greedy merchant...”

“What would have you done? Kill him?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Don’t know. Still...” Correo is responsible for three major incidents we faced: The battle of Aroahenn, being hunted by mercenaries, and the fight in Goldbrunn, which caused the Crusaders to find and chase Ken. While I don’t know how much he’s involved in the third one, the actions of his oni are his responsibility. No wonder that Ken is bitter, I would also take any chance to bite that man’s nose off.

“What would you do if you meet him again?”

“Kill him.”

“If you say that, be serious about it.” I’m good at reading Ken’s intentions by now, and I know that while he said it, he actually doesn’t know what to do. There is something else in his voice... “Are you alright?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Just a hunch.”

“...” He thinks for a moment and shrugs his shoulders again, dismissing my inquiry. “There is a flock.” He points at the sky, are these skylarks with feather crowns? They’re flying north as well, are they migrant birds like the ones from my world? Why north, though? Ken opens his mouth again: “Lead me while I try to find the trade route. [Share Senses]!”

“Thank you for waiting for my reply.” Nonetheless, I’m more mindful of where Ken is going.

“You’re welcome.” Asshole. “...” He’s obviously annoyed.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t make the animal turn its head, which is really stupid about that spell. It’s already bad enough as it is with the filter.”

“Then try without it, at least I’d have something to laugh at then.” It was amusing to see Ken rolling in pain on the ground when he first tried to use [Share Senses].

“No thank you.” The focus of his eyes returns. “Couldn’t find it. Doesn’t mean much, though.”

In front of us, Rine-chan seems to be a bit flustered about what Arako told her. Ken scratches his head. He most likely listened into it, his ears are too good. Yet I ask him: “Can’t you just stop with eavesdropping?”

“It’s not like I want to. I mean, who cares about what Rine did with her horse, or if keeping animals is a form of slavery or not?”

“That’s what they’re talking about?”

“Rine is losing the discussion.”

“Hasn’t she already lost when Arako started with it?”

“Practically.” Both of us know that Arako would only start such a conversation when she’s confident that she would end it. A prime example of how she ‘teases’ her friends.

“Back to my question, can’t you just stop? It’s their conversation.” That eavesdropping is annoying in general. I’d like to have some private talk even if Ken is around.

“I could, but first, Ara-san is also listening into our conversation, and in terms of pure hearing, she’s better than me, and I like to listen to my surroundings as well.”

“Why can’t you leave it to Arako for a change.”

His face is priceless, it’s like he can’t even begin to understand the concept of relying on others. While it’s funny, it’s also sad in a sense. “Why should I?”

“Because you should relax sometimes, take things easier.”

“Might work. Maybe for an hour, maybe for a day. Heck, it might work all the time. However, it’s not Ara-san’s job to keep me alive. It’s my responsibility.”

“You keep me alive as well.” He’s fought several monsters that threatened me.

“Because my life is also dependent on yours? At least most likely. Curse, forgot?” How could I? My constant reminder is the ring I can’t take off. When Ken and I are separated, the ring will make both of us suffer. So there is no telling what happens if one of us dies.

Yet it hurts a bit to have it said so bluntly into my face. “Yes, yes, you hate me, everything is old stuff.” I put some annoyance into it: “Anything else you’d like to comment?”

“Actually yes. What the fuck, Kyou-san!?”

“What are you talking about?”

“When I showed myself in front of the soldiers, they...” Ken seems to be troubled to find the right words: “...erm, they treated me like some kind of hero, I mean, the kind who actually helps people.”

“So, what does it have to do with me?”

“I noticed a change in how people treated me since Goldbrunn. Right the moment you’ve got the [Rumor Mill]- and [Glorification]-skills!”

“Ah, that.” In fact, I have subconsciously used these skills to spread some rumors, which would make people believe that the ‘Red Ranger’ is someone who helps people, though with... creative ways. I used the admiration of the people for rangers and the dissatisfaction with the Crusaders to spin a web of lies, including rumors of dark rangers, girls that transformed into monsters, and maybe some more.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t do it for him, I did it because Ken bears the title of the ‘Red Ranger’ whether I like it or not, and I won’t let anyone tarnish that name. Who would have thought that it reached Ohlbrücken’s people as well? In fact, I’m happy about it, as with the ‘Red Ranger’ being Ken, he needs the best publicity possible.

Now how to answer him? “You’re welcome.”

“...” Oh, another priceless expression. “Tell me what you told them!”

“No.”

I can see some of his thoughts, like how he wants to hit me, but he can’t as he still has his pride. Then he thinks about tricking me, but he knows that he can’t win against me in a war of words, Ken’s a loner, I’m a popular girl, we’re worlds apart in terms of social skills, so he usually loses our disputes. Then he ponders if he can annoy the heck out of me, but it would be just mutual pain. I won’t back down.

Just why is it so hard for him to just say ‘please’?